Match Reports For Saturday 17th January Season 2003 - 2004

Mens 1st XI

After a long mid season break Staines managed to get off to a winning start to the second half of their league campaign. It was not though the easiest of games. Tulse Hill had narrowly beaten the blues in the first game of the season and Staines were looking to avenge that defeat. However, the game did not go according to plan.

The first half started with Tulse Hill being slightly more eager to win the ball in the tackle and generally looking sharper around the field. It was not long before they took the lead through a penalty corner strike that squeezed past the home defence. Not long after they increased their lead when a Tulse Hill forward was allowed too much time to get off a reverse stick strike which beat Hallsworth in the Staines goal. At this Staines appeared to be shaken from their slumbers and managed to get back into the game with the ball being moved around more comfortably and the home side beginning to place the visitors under a bit more pressure. When Neil Toulson picked up the ball down the right wing, the pressure finally told, with his blistering run ending with a scrappy save from the Tulse Hill 'keeper and the rebound fell kindly for Mark Hampton, who slotted the ball into the net.

This should have been the beginning of the Staines fightback but unfortunately Tulse Hill got away from their markers again and slipped in another before half time. At 3-1 down at half time the blue army went into their huddle to compose themselves for the second half and after a few points were made by coach Sibia, Staines returned for the second half raring to go.

The start of the second half was not much different to the first, but with about twenty minutes to go Staines began to impose themselves on the game much more and had the majority of posession and this time they managed to
convert this pressure into goals. Firstly, Matt Truman deflected the ball in after good work by Stuart Hall and Tim Griggs and then Staines managed a succesion of penalty corners as some rather desparate defending led to some poor tackling. After the 'keeper made a great save from James Chapman another corner was won and converted with a superb strike by John Stannard for the equaliser. With this Tulse Hill heads dropped and Staines completely dominated the last ten minutes of the game scoring again through another John Stannard penalty corner and another deflection by Matt Truman on the final whistle.

Although Staines were not overly happy with the way they played, it was a good fightback and they will be looking to improve in the next game away at Old Whitgiftian's.

Mens 2nd XI

Mens 3rd XI

First game of the second leg of this season opened with a home game at the Stade de Illuminaire. The frost lay deep and crisp and even under the shadow of the Notcutts snipers' lair. First casualty of the day was the no show of the 3rd Battalions veteran sweeper Sanatogen Man Murphy, perhaps the sniper bagged him before he could arrive at the pitch. If so, this indicates a worrying change in the snipers strategy. Fortunately Mik Pathfinder Quinlan was talked into showing up, even though he was on emergency standby and could be called away to work at any time.

The first half duly started after Mr Safety consistently lost the toss for the 11th time this season, which this week was a bad omen. The first 10 minutes was reasonable as both sides settled into their respective patterns of play, with the game slightly compressed into the sunny side of the pitch in order to avoid bambi on ice embarrassment on the shady wing. There followed 20 minutes of virtual shite from Staines as Winchester slotted three well taken strikes to close the half 3-0 in the lead. It could have been worse as several Winchester shorts were well blocked by the defence and Roy continued his good form to clear his goal line.

A firm, direct to the point, team talk was delivered at half time, liberally sprinkled with the words - shite, rubbish, crap, sluggish, pathetic, f###ing shite. What was demanded was - work rate, concentration, accuracy, pride, respect. A strategic realignment, bringing Mik deeper to help close up the midfield was also initiated.

The second half started and Staines looked to be staging a come back camping out in the Winchester 25 area. Unfortunately a swift break against the run of play saw Winchester neatly thread the ball back into our D where their forward was able to drill the ball unchallenged past Roy. If anything that hardened Staines resolve to make amends. Repeated Staines attacks created numerous chances, most went begging, but we started getting some on target and were regularly winning short corners. Unfortunately we scored no goals from shorts again, although had several good on target attempts, including a glaring miss from 2 feet by Sohail. In fact today Sohail carried into battle not a beautifully crafted composite stick - but a battered old Banjo. Then deep into the half Roddy the Racer emerged from deep midfield with the ball, greased past a couple of Winchester defenders like they were rabbits caught in his headlight beams. (Digressing, it turns out that Rodders has recently proven his downhill skiing prowess, 75.86 km/h, and is now in contention to represent England at the next Special Olympics ! Apparently he has an impressive tuck position, at least that's what I thought the girls were saying.) Back to the game and Rodders delivered an exquisite ball on a silver salver with a clean tea towel draped over his arm to Bouncy Jim. Jim thrashed it into the net to regain some team respect, then ran around, leaping up at people trying to lick their faces, barking joyfully. That was the high point of the half. Staines had plenty more attacks creating good goal chances but lacked the killer finish. Truly a game of two halves, the poor first half left us far too much to do to recover, resulting in a 4-1 defeat.

Hero: Mr Safety got full marks for his defending and delivery of the half time bollocking. Bouncy Jim was noticed for his hard work and a good goal. But Danny Penny won the award this week, at least for being the man who covered most yardage.

Played like an Olde Knackerbag: Murph was mentioned for the no show - he has stored up votes for future use there. Lurch had a mare in the first half but redeemed himself in the second. But - because he couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo this week - Sohail won by a good margin.

Mens 4th XI

The 4's match this week was crucial in terms of maintaining our challenge for promotion. Away at Windsor who were one slot lower than us in the table and equal on points.

Having drawn at home against Windsor earlier in the season we knew that this was likely to be a tough fixture although after our 5-0 beating of the 3rd XI last week we were hardly low on confidence.

Windsor started the match strongly as anticipated and there was some good end-to-end play from both teams. The first goal came as a result of a short corner. The Windsor keeper swore that the ball was outside the D when struck by Martin Rengger and lifted up his boot to let it in to the back of the net. Goal given - 1-0. Staines

More end-to-end play followed and Windsor managed to win a short corner. They played a short ball and the hit across the D towards the penalty spot ricocheted off Steve Nash's foot, past an unbalanced Alex Sherman in goal and into the back of the Staines net. Surely not a goal as it was hit from outside the D, but nevertheless goal given - 1-1

A second Staines goal followed before the end of the first half, with a sweetly played ball from Martin Rengger to Jeremy Rayne on the penalty spot and all that was required was a touch under the keeper.

The rest of the first half was a bit scrappy with several cards for stick tackles. Rich Hudson managed to net himself a yellow card for copying one of Windsor's green card tackles - Alec who was umpiring later apologised and even paid his fine!

And not to forget Jez's dive 5 minutes after the whistle had been blown for a Windsor offence, where he bent over to pick up the ball and whacked his own melon on the end of someone's stick. So this week Jez is sniping himself!

The second half of the match was stronger for Staines, with the third goal coming from Steve Rengger, a gentle touch that just bobbled into the corner. Windsor fought back and almost immediately brought the game to 3-2 with a well struck goal into the bottom corner.

Staines youth and fitness began to show as Windsor slowed and 3 more Staines goals came before the end of the match. The first was a nicely swept in short corner from Jez and he scored his third shortly after with a well struck shot from the top of the D.

Staines had a lot of space in the second half, especially Richard Hudson on the right who frequently found himself in space at the top of the D but was unable to get the ball anywhere near the target. A sixth goal came before the match finished, with a well worked move starting with Simon Schutte at the back, before a pass to Rich Hudson on the right and then Martin Rengger fed the ball to the top of the D where none other than Simon Schutte was waiting having run the entire length of the pitch. A fantastic strike saw the ball in the back of the net having come off the inside of the upright - the keeper had no chance!

So a great performance for the whole team, with a well deserved victory that sees us in a good position after Christmas to fight for promotion.

Man of the match went to Simon Schutte for the great goal and for the work rate - running the entire match.
Dick of the Day went to Rich Hudson for 3 reasons - getting the yellow card, leaving the team for 3 weeks to go somewhere sunny and last but definitely not least swiping reverse stick at the ball at the top of the D and missing the goal when Jez was on strong side waiting for the pass.

Mens 5th XI

Road Runners barmy army marched on, leaving behind Flash, Michael Cane, Major Charles Ingrum and of course the one and only Ronald Dino. This time Aldershot and Farnham provided the challenge. The previous encounter earlier on the season had seen Staines sweep a 12-0 win, but this would be a tough act to follow.

The apprentice, without the master, prepared his troops. In stepped the ever dependable big bad Phil (the Jolly Green Giant) and newcomer Bill (Kill-Bill). Bone Collector Brendon repaired his knees and little Phil (Diamond Geezer), laid off the rophinal to make a sober start.

Road Runner gave his final words before attack "lads forget the last game, this won't be easily, this is a different team". Brave Heart then reinforced Road Runners speech, which is probably the only time Brave Heart didn't say "Oh S**T".

The game got off with Aldershot and Farnham pushing Staines back. Staines responded with swift sweeping counter attacking moves, catching the Aldershot and Farnham in the cold. Road Runner, The Mad Mexican, Kill Bill, the Jolly Green Giant and Hobo all linked well to create opportunities. Eventually the Staines slick hockey paid off, and The Jolly Green Giant converted a goalmouth scramble to take Staines into the lead 0-1.

Staines struck again soon afterwards, once again Road Runner, the Mad Mexican, Kill Bill, the Jolly Green Giant and Hobo all linked to create goal mouth mayhem and The Jolly Green Giant slammed home his second to make it 0-2 to Staines.

After the second goal Staines went into individual mode again (take them all on). The slick passing of the first 10 minutes went astray. Staines kept possession but did not penetrate enough, due to being to greedy and sloppy with the passing. Brave Heart Oh S**t battle cry got more frequent as Aldershot and Farnham grew with confidence.

Despite the step down in gear, Staines had a good chance, when Hobo collected a pass in midfield and laid it off to the Jolly Green Giant. Hobo ran clear with only the Keeper to beat, but unfortunately the Giants pass was wayward and missed Hobo to hit the corner flag.

The first half finished and the score remained a close 0-2 to Staines. Road Runner and Brave Heart assembled the troops and tried to get the passing moves going again.

The second half started like the first half ended. Staines were on the back foot and the turbo engine was not working. Brave Heart Oh S**t battle cry was now in full swing and the game was reaching boiling point. Bone Collector and Samurai worked hard to keep the defence solid, but unfortunately the not all of the Oh S**T defence was solid and a leak looked certain.

Boiling point inevitably came when Aldershot and Farnham, worked their way just out side the Staines 'D' the shot came, Brave Heart Shouted to Bob the Builder leave it. Bob followed the command as the ball came through a host of players and banged into the net, (Boom, Boom, Boom) the ball went as it shattered through the goal and the Staines team. Could Bob the builder fix it no he couldn't. The Referee blew for a goal and Brave Heart huffed and puffed and eventually said Oh S**t. Bob the Builders response was slightly more original and I think the phrase rhymes with Oh Clucking Bell (Frank). Road Runner appealed to the referee as to why the goal was given and Staines looked Shocked, as no one saw any contact in the 'D'. Whether it was, or was not a goal, the goal stood and the score remained 1-2.

This was a wake up call forStaines and for the next 10 minutes Staines were pegged back into their own half. Staines started to switch the turbo's back on again, with a cracking ball from defence to the Jolly green Giant, which left the Jolly Green Giant with only the keeper to beat, but the Jolly Green Giant Peter Panned the opportunity falling over the keeper and squandering the chance. Eventually the Jolly Green Giant got another chance and smashed the ball into the net to give Staines a 1-3 lead.

Staines were by no means out of trouble and still looked dicey in defence. Eventually Hobo broke the Aldershot and Farnham hearts and pressure, collecting the ball deep in the Staines half, skinning the midfield player and then defender, eventually blasting the ball home from the top 'D' to make it 1-4. All were shocked Assassin shouted Road Runner, "he hit that one" Samurai said to Brave Heart.

The Staines engine was now back in full throttle and attack after attack was mounted on Aldershot and Farnham. Once again Road Runner, The Mad Mexican, Kill Bill, the Jolly Green Giant and Hobo all linked well and Diamond Geezer showed his clubbing moves in midfield. The pressure eventually told and the Jolly Green Giant collected his hat trick banging in his third and Staines 5th for a 1-5 win.

After the game Staines tucked in to a well deserved batch of quarter sarnnies and a pint, While Diamond Geezer, showed off his new clubbing gear for that delight full place the (Exchange). The Staines camp then decided who was responsible for the conceded goal. Brave Heart was deemed responsible by Bob the Builder for telling Bob to leave it, so guess what Brave Heart Oh S**t it's you.

To summarise the game was not as easy as Staines thought and a times Staines were their own worst enemy. Staines must get out off this mid-match lull, as when they play as a team they are unstoppable. The plus point is the 100% 2004 record remains in tact, along with the league challenge.

The next game is against the old enemy Woking. Old Woking boys Hobo and Road Runner will be keen to strike them off the hit list again. In the last game Staines won a Roller Coaster match 5-3 and this will, if anything, be tougher. Remember the last time Woking nicked our balls but not our points. This time Staines must take the lot prepare for (Sum Of All Fears).

Final Score: Staines 5 Aldershot and Farnham 1
Scorers: The Jolly Green Giant 3, The Mad Mexican 1 and Hobo 1
Man of the Match: Kill Bill, was narrowly beaten by The Jolly Green Giant for hat trick
Dick of the Day: No Contest Oh S**t Brave Heart, for the opposition goal

Mens 6th XI

Another struggle this week to get a team out, but unbelievably a late flurry of availability saw us get 12 players ( the last confirmation coming an hour before the meet time !!!) but no umpire. Fortunately Martin had e-mailed our lack of white stick men in advance and the very kind home club provided two fine umpires sharing a guide dog. [ Actually - joking aside - the umpiring was extremely fair, competent and friendly - in fact for most of the game they let the game flow so well you almost forgot they were there]. We would like to offer our sincerest thanks to Winchmore Hill & Enfield for their kind offer.

This week we fielded six colts and six adults - well can you really call Ben an adult ? - especially with that hair !!!! - so that makes it 7-5 in favour of the colts. This gave us the great luxury of being able to rotate the colts so they could try out different positions and also recover from any hard work they might have put in - possibly !

For this game we welcomed back Salman for his 1st game since before Ramadan and mock GCSE's took him away (all A's and B's I hear). So being short of match practice and training we put him in a nice easy position - centre midfield alongside Martin in our now familiar gung-ho 3-4-3 formation. We started very well with Kishan and Matthew linking up well down the right, Ada being the big pivot on the left side and Salman running through from midfield. Gordon as usual was doing his one handed dribbles - causing mild panic in their defensive ranks. However, with only a few games of experience to support Martin and Jack in midfield the home side managed to find their centre forward with embarrassing ease from their own 25. Why wasn't Ben marking the lad - he only appeared to be about 12 - and then we realised he couldn't see through the large mop of candyfloss on his head. Then after tracking down the little whipper-snapper he soon discovered that the little blighter had some pretty good skills. In fact he was using the space to great effect and with the home side supporting quickly we were pushed back on the defensive for a while and had to defend with some grit. Martin dropped back to help out - whilst Bob tackled for all his worth and little Jack snuffed out the danger from the right wing. For a little period we couldn't get out of our half but the introduction of Dougie saw a quickening of the tempo up front. Using his pace and fine stick skills he repeatedly got us into promising positions but despite the Gaelic chuntering of Gordon McSporran in the centre he never did pass the ball accurately - preferring instead to dribble round in ever decreading circles before eventually feebly releasing the ball into a defender's path. Even the Petchmeister winced - well he was in the open at the back stick !

Still the pressure was building and from one scramble inside the D the ball was kept alive by Salman coming out of the D and slipping it to Martin who passed to calling Gordon unmarked near the p-spot ... a second later and the ball whizzed high into the corner of the net 1-0 ... yes. We really started to flow now and one a shorty which flashed narrowly wide and another that the keeper kicked away. Then some flowing hockey as Dougie set off his afterburners in midfield resulted in Gordon slipping it to Martin on the backpost loop around - only for him to slap it straight into the keeper's muppet rather than flicking it high over his prone body ... rats !

Big Jack was working tirelessly up and down the left and linked well with Petchy. We won a few hits and long corners. Before one of these Martin gave Salman the signal to drop outside the D to the top of the 25 to create some space in the crowded D. A short pass from the long corner, a bit of interchange and Martin spanked the ball across to the waiting Salman who drove in and slipped the ball to Gordon at the backpost ... 2-0. A couple of notable incidents. Andy made a good low diving stick save to prevent the home side from getting back into it, and Ben did one of those back stick tackles that was so bad it looked good.

HT: 2-0

Keep up the good work, but we haven't tested the keeper enough. And keep an eye on the new guy in the grey shirt who looks like he can play a bit.

Grey shirt man did a few stick feints and a couple of good one-twos and it looked as though we were going to have to worker harder - especially as now we were playing up the slope and into the wind. Fortunately Bob took on the challenge and decided that Grey Shirt was not going to get passed and repeatedly got a stick in to stop him getting past. Another bit of quick play through the midfield released Gordon who drove to the top right of the circle ... waited for a second ... and then smashed the ball low into the opposite corner. 3-0.

This took the sting out of the home side, and their midfield tired, especially as now they had to turn and run back up hill and into the wind every time we won the ball in our own half. Some great hockey saw Kishan and Dougie ripping down the right wing, Jack and Ada down the left wing, and Gordon and Matthew down the middle, and Ben and Martin storming up from the back whenever they fancied. At the other end their best player (little Michael) was still causing problems and just missed with one effort and drove another great cross into the circle. Andy strangely left it with a forward just a yard behind him - but he was so surprised that it went away harmlessly.

Gordon peppered the keeper with flicks and shots from short corners, and Ada tried a couple of ineffective flicks on the slip which almost led to goals as Dougie followed in on the keeper. At the other end Ben did some great defensive work and Martin hit the ball out to the right midfield where Dougie picked it up and drove forward, the ball was switched back inside to Martin, and then out to Big Jack on the left who released Gordon down the wing - a trademark flat reverse stick cross was met by Martin at the near post with a deft flick over the keeper - but unfortunately wide of the far post.

FT: 3-0

Another fine win and great experience for the youngsters.

Tiger of the Day : Bob ... some votes for his defensive shackling of grey shirt, but the clincher because ... "he seems like a nice bloke".

Donkey of the Day : After a very close vote it was Matthew who finally won it on countback (he had no Tiger votes) from Ada and Dougie. The reason ... he kept falling over all the time - and for having ginger hair.

Next week we see a mighty table topping clash with Slough - 2pm at Feltham. Its going to be tough.

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Ladies 2nd XI

Staines were hoping to keep up their recent winning ways by beating Amersham 1's. This was always going to be a tough side against a side the league above us, but this didn't stop Staines determination and we took the game to them from the start. Staines had all of the possession but unfortunately couldn't find the back of the goal. Staines then found themselves caught short on a break, which Amersham took full advantage of and went 1 - 0 up.

Staines showed their spirit by keeping their heads high looking for an equalizer in the second half and again had all the possession of the game, but unfortunately the Amersham keeper was on superb form and made some great saves. The game ended with a short corner for Amersham, which they converted, leaving the final reult at 2 - 0.

Ladies 3rd XI

Ladies 4th XI