One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I think

I'll

go and see my Doctor!" His friend immediately replied, "Don't do that.

There's a new computer at Boots that can diagnose anything quicker and

cheaper than your doctor. All you do is put in a sample of your wee and the

computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do." Pete,

figuring that he had nothing to lose, filled a jar with his wee, went to Boots where

he found the computer and deposited his sample and the computer started

making a few noises and some lights started to flash. After a brief pause,

out popped a small piece of paper which read:

YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW, SOAK YOUR ARM IN WATER THREE

TIMES A DAY FOR AN HOUR.

AVOID HEAVY WORK. YOUR ELBOW WILL GET BETTER IN TWO WEEKS.

That evening while thinking about how amazing this new technology was and

how it could change the world of medicine forever, he began to wonder if

the computer could be fooled. He decided to try. He mixed together some tap

water, engine oil from his car, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples

from his wife and daughter, and, at the last minute, masturbated into the

concoction. He went back to Boots, deposited the sample and paid his money.

After the noises and lights, out popped a piece of paper which read:

YOUR TAP WATER IS HARD, GET A SOFTENER. THE VALVES ON

YOUR ENGINE ARE F**KED, GET IT TO A GARAGE. YOUR DOG HAS

WORMS, GET HIM TO A VET. YOUR DAUGHTER IS HOOKED ON

COCAINE, GET HER TO REHAB. YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH

TWINS, THEY ARE NOT YOURS, GET A LAWYER. AND IF YOU

DON'T STOP W**KING, YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.