Match Reports For Week 7 Sat. 14th Oct. Season 2000 - 2001
Mens 1st XI
Staines 4 v Winchester 4.
48 Hours, 16 pints of larger and a chinese later, I still can not quite work out how we did not win on Saturday. Or how anyone could explain the opening three minutes which saw Staines 1st eleven all try and commit mass HARI KARI.
You could say this is all a little dramatic, but I kid you not, two nil down in two minutes and Mike Farmer trying to eat the centre forwards hockey stick was a beggining to a game that I think we would all rather forget. Mike trudged of minus some skin and a fair amount of blood and on came stickman Servais. But then someone turned the lights on and reality dawned, we were playing hockey and obviously had been held in a three dimensional time warp which the wicked phantom of Winchester had created and duly taken an unfair advantage.
Staines clicked up a few Shimanos and Hall and Hughes were off. Like a bear around honey they kept probing, digging a little deeper at Winchesters now fortified stronghold of a D. Amazingly Pretty Boy snuck in at the near post and bullied the ball across the goal line to pull a goal back. Winchester replied immediately - Douglas was caught napping and a short corned was hit wide, and to the boys credit Rob B, (Windsor's answer to the famous Shagwell Forest crew) nuff respect - diverted the ball into the back of his own net. Staines bounced back -AGAIN- when Watson latched on to a Captain Carnage cross and (please belive me, this is true) roofed the ball into the back of the Winchester net.
Half time and the effects of the time warp were now totally gone, Staines were rampant. Chapman was foraging forward, Servais was bounding around like Peter Pan, (yes he does where tights) and JD deserves a commendation for being a pleasure to play with. Staines was fairly ajudged a penalty when Larry was bushwacked, and Liam Iron Nerve Greene stepped up. His Irish charm and gypsy freckles were enough to wrong foot -(sorry timewarped again, got a little dizzy then) the ejit missed the goal and the ball barely reached the end line. But enough said the Gypsy Kind did score moments later with a bullit strike 3-3 and Staines could smell fear in the oppostion shorts region. Piling forward Staines pulled in front when Hall lashed home. 4 - 3 up, surely Staines could hold on, yet no, someone flicked that bloody switch again and Winchester time travelled into the Staines D and rammed home a late short corner under the prostrate Burrows whos mind was more on car bonnets and the queens public reaction to the potentially damaging National outcry of last weekends events.
What do you mean it was Beartrice. !!!!!!
Staines 0 v Old Georgians 1
Staines entertained the Old Boys on Sunday in the HA Cup and could be quite pleased with the way they played against this expensive oufit. With a team filled with National League experienced players the Old Boys played some pretty hockey, but blood and guts and some good old bare knuckled fist fighting saw Staines push the OG's close. Staines without Stukka and stick-man fought hard with the experience of Crowe and Bolton on the bench Staines new they had the depth and experience to rely on. OG's earnt a penalty in the first half, but Bobbit Burrows saved well and Staines soldered on. The game was a bruising encounter, Greeny took a rest, after the Italian OG' red head was felled by a VICOUS blow which knocked him down for a count of ten. Nassem beware.
And pretty boy axed his man whilst chasing back trying to tackle his man and getting a green for his efforts. Douglas ended up with a green for mentioning to his oppostite number that it was good to come out of the closet and Robbie Lomu was ajudged to have man handled his opponent and too saw green. Not a bad decision from 60 yards away.
OG's scored and Staines tried to reply, JD went close and as legs started to tire the next round of the cup looked more distant. Staines lost 1-0 but heads could be held high, knowing that in two weeks time a league encounter looms and a chance to revenge themselves.
Man Of The Match Larry Champan
Dick Of The Day Liam Greene
Mens 2nd XI
Staines 2nd XI 3-1 West Hampstead
Glorious playing conditions and a beautiful pitch at Osterly provided a stark contrast to the years of playing on the horrible rock hard ostrich skin at Feltham. Thank you to the organisers of the Osterly booking and roll on the Staines "own" astro effort.
On to the outstanding performance of the Men’s second eleven despite the desertion by their leader who succumbed to the temptation of potential glory in a first team appearance.
Vice-Captain, Clive Bolton, cleverly drafted in the enduring pace and enthusiasm of Mr. Dave Woolyhat. We were able to keep a familiar defence and midfield but had a rather makeshift front three in the shape of Phil Lazlo, Mikael Quinlin and Dave Woolyhat. However, it was these front three who stood out, running West Hampstead ragged and producing the goal of the match after Woolyhat made a tremendous run then crossed for Lazlo to reverse stick into the net.
That was at the end of the first half and was our third goal. We had been one goal down after being on the receiving end of sustained West Hampstead pressure for the first 15 minutes. The equaliser came from a penalty stroke. Andy Oliver had somehow NOT been awarded a stroke after being horribly tackled in the D. However, justice was swift as the resultant short corner produced another scything tackle and the very brilliant Umpire, Edward Scott, this time pointed to the spot.
ELATION….REALISATION….THEN CRISIS! Captain Catastrophe, our stroke-taker was NOT there! Nervous glances between the players….an embarrassing delay…….then James Gilchrist trotted forward and calmly said, "I’ll take it". He promptly stuffed the ball into the corner of the net and we were level. James, our man of the match, scored again 5 minutes later after again volunteering for an unfamiliar duty of flicking into the roof of the net at the end of a well-worked short corner routine.
Andy "The slowest drinker on Earth" Nellands was harshly awarded "Dick of the Day" after an overall excellent team performance elevated us to 4th in the table with a game in hand.
Andrew Oliver
Mens 3rd XI
Staines Men’s 3’s - Match Report 14 October 2000. V. Holcombe 3.
We packed our inflatable dinghy’s and waterwings, and set off on the long journey to deepest flooded Kent. Fortunately there was no evidence of flooding at Holcombe H.C. excellent facility, so there was no danger of having to cling to Rob Godfrey in the event of a high tide. Staines 3’s also welcomed a new player - Lloyd, who according to Andy Taylor comes from St Albans (its a long story, you had to be there !).
For the first 10 minutes the game surged up and down the pitch, neither side gaining a shot on target nor looking likely to score. Doc started to limp.
The half wore on still neither side looking to have a clear advantage, although Staines had a couple of shots on target. Holcombe could only count on two short corners, both of which were efficiently snuffed out by our defence. Doc’s Achilles was now shredding like old knicker elastic and he had to propel himself along on two sticks for support.
Holcombes best chance came at the end of the first half when our normally rock solid, safe, reliable, dependable, cool under pressure left back had a minor brain storm - delivering a hospital ball towards Sid which the Holcombe attack gratefully picked up. Fortunately Sid managed to recover the situation, this and a number of other key interceptions led to him being awarded Hero of the Day. Doc was now leaking claret from a hand wound.
The second half again continued the war of attrition theme. Doc bravely played on trailing blood, snot and bits of his body, endeavouring to cause Holcombe as much of a problem as possible. Staines now looked most likely to score. Martin Rengger hit the post, and one of our three short corners did get the ball in the net, unfortunately ruled shot too high. Tempers were running a little short with Holcombes’s captain being particularly guilty of verbal abuse, especially to his own clubs umpire !
Late in the half with Holcombe finding Staines Bastions impenetrable, Mart the Tart received a yellow card from the Holcombe umpire for an innocuous use of the wrong side of the stick. During his 10 minute rest we came under concerted pressure from the opposition, but with a ‘they shall not pass’ attitude Staines turned back the attacking waves with infinitely more success than King Canute. Andy Taylor gloriously stopped a Holcombe attack by trapping the ball with his love spuds and subsequently dropping like a sack of King Edwards (fortunately no lasting damage, girls !). By now Doc was dragging around a life support machine and an IV drip to keep himself going to the end.
This 0-0 draw was not a good advert for flowing hockey, two equally matched teams just battled away in a stale mate. Our Midfield deserve special praise for the hard work and application they demonstrated, particularly Twang Duffield (Hardest job in the world that centre half lark….) . Doctor Brittle is now taking some well deserved R&R. Andy Taylor is wearing the Donkeys Arse shirt for the St Albans faux-pas.
Vince Rowley.
Mens 4th XI
Sat 14th October : Staines 4's v Henley 3's (Cranford Community School)
Won 6-1
Golden boys: Aidan Horner (2), Richard Hudson (2), Christopher Hine (1) and Adrian Petch (1) .... and Alex Sherman (1 penalty flick saved)
On paper this looked a close contest with both teams having lost their opening two league games, with Henley having the edge on goal difference a mere 1-7 opposed to our 0-9. However, several factors conspired to put the blue boys on top, first the opposition could only muster a mere ten players, secondly we were bolstered by the availability of several key players, and thirdly we practised our short corner routines for 20 minutes before the opposition arrived.
It became apparent almost immediately that the two teams were like the proverbial chalk and cheese - with Staines playing a passing and supporting game based on teamwork, and Henley relying on the blistering pace and inidividual skill of their forwards. After a few skirmishes it was Staines who took the initiative from their first short corner. A perfect short corner routine produced a rasping shot from Richard that the keeper blinked and missed - Staines had scored their first league goal of the season - the sun came out the birds sang ... and even we can be forgiven for redefining the meaning of the word perfect.
With our chests bursting with pride it was soon 2-0. Richard stormed through the midfield like Moses through the Red Sea, and slipped the ball into the D where the prolific Aidan Horner spanked it home ( a good effort coming in his first game of the season after a bad foot injury in the summer). It then almost went pear-shaped as Staines wobbled like a jelly, first letting the yellow Billy Whizz speed through the defence - was his number 50 his speed limit?? Then the inevitable happened - old speedy broke into the box only to have a chunk hewn from his cleft stick by ace axeman Dave Lacey - result Penalty Flick ... and a short pause while the yellow card quivered in the umpire's pocket - fortunately to remain there. It didn't matter as Alex impersonated a Michelin man on springs to deflect the shot wide with his knee pad.
This took the wind out of the Henley sails and they drifted towards oblivion as further goals were rattled in by Aidan, young Christopher Hine and captain Adrian Petch ( yes another goal from a perfect short corner routine !!!!!). Their only recompense a fine goal by one of their youngsters - aided and abetted by Matthew Scott's size nines roofing the ball in off the underside of the bar ... how did he do that? Half-time 5-1.
The second half saw Henley play a more cautious game - and the goals dried up - apart from a reverse stick special from Richard - and several missed chances. One in particular of note - as Aidan went for his hatrick from a tight angle, with the keeper in from of him, defenders closing, and five unmarked blue shirts queueing up to get their names on the scoresheet. Never mind that you hit the sideboard Aidan - better luck next time you .............. (each player involved can fill in their own expletives here).
Martin Jackson
Mens 5th XI
Sat 14th October: Hayes 4's v Staines 5's (@ Evelyn School)
Won 2-1
Golden boys : Martin Jackson (1), Keith Hine (1)
Just 10 minutes later your roving reporter arrived from the 4's game at Cranford. The 5's game had already started and Keith was still gettting dressed in the car park, and there were blue shirts all over the pitch in a 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 formation. Keith ran on to restore some calm at the back - and yours truly came on to settle down the midfield.
It wasn't long before our guest veteran Colin Reed was dribbling through the open space in midfield - in fact we could say he drooled through the midfield. From one of these incisive breaks 'little Phil' held the ball up stunningly well and Staines got a hit on the 25. Colin shelled the ball at the goal and Martin ghosted in like the Hollow Man to touch the ball over the line : 1-0 Staines.
Hayes relying on individual skill always threatened to score but could find no way past General Keith Hine and his trusty foot soldiers in defence. Even when the defences were breached our Under 14's goalkeeper Shaun Rolfe demonstrated a calm head and good feet on his debut, and a performance that gave him the 'man of the match' award.
The game remained in the balance and after an hour Hayes got back on level terms after indecision in the Staines D. The red mist then descended on the Staines defence as several decisions seemed to go against us, and none for us. The back four were chirping like canaries as Hayes got more short corners that you'd see at the Diddymen Grand Prix. Dave Craig decided it was time to stand behind the goal for five minutes - he is studying the engineering of link fences for sports grounds in his spare time and just couldn't resist a closer inspection of this fine example.
The blues recovered their composure and went for the winner. Vikash accelerated towards the goal like his new motor, Colin called himself on from the sideline, and Matthew Scott was overrun by a cross-field ball ... reminiscent of Harrison Ford being chased down by the big boulder ... except for the sizes were reveresed, and the looks too !??
The last minute and we have a short corner - then another. Keith stopped the ball, pushed it in, brushed aside the defender and his stick, and slammed the ball through the goalies legs ... 2-1.
The whistle goes.
Martin Jackson
Mens Centurions
No report submitted.
Ladies 1st XI
No report submitted.
Ladies 2nd XI
Mill Hill 0 Staines 15
We headed off to Mill Hill in expectation of facing a strong team. From the beginning we had the added benefit of having an extra half an hour team talk as the team already playing were late finishing. However, we soon got started with Sarah Chandler opening the scoring with a her usual power hit just inside the D after a couple of minutes. Within 10 minutes, Ali and Leigh increased the score line. By half time we were 8-0 up thanks to 2 more from Juliet and one more from Sarah C and Leigh. It really should have been 9, except our usually trusty flick taker, Miss Gray missed, leaving herself wide open for her usual "Mare" of the day award. Our team talk was to go for 18-0 and to see who hit their hat-trick first. Juliet reached the target first aided by her "new shoes" and Leigh was soon to follow. Juliet scored 1 more, Leigh 2 and Julia joined in later in the match with 2. &! ! nbsp;By rights one of Julia's goals should have been Burkie's after she headed up field to play CF. Mill Hill, to their credit kept going and Anya had to make a rather over zealous challenge which resulted in being carded, clearly wanting that "Mare" of the day award! It has to be said though, that she did save a flick to make up for it. Overall a very pleasing victory, it must have been that extra team talk or perhaps our sheer team spirit and hard work that brought us such a stonking victory!!!
Ladies 3rd XI
Staines 1 - Winchmorehill 5
Despite only having 10 players Staines went off to an early lead with a goal from Sarah Davies with a cross from Janet Bailey. Unfortunately 20 minutes into the first half we were down to 9 players due to injury and Winchmore Hill took full advantage and we were 1:3 down by half time.
In the second half we adopted a new and interesting line up and despite some of the remaining players still carrying injuries the team worked hard and were reasonable happy with the result, in view of the number of players. Sharon Marwick saved many a goal and was heard to say after the game "I did not see that much action last year!" She was also voted player of the match. Also a quick move by Nick Laszlo avoided what could have been another goal with only minutes to play.
Ladies 4th XI
No report submitted.