Match Reports For Week 11 Sat. 11th Nov. Season 2000 - 2001
Mens 1st XI
Staines 0 Gillingham Anchorians 1
We do like making life difficult!! Same old story, all the possession, all the opportunities, but a total lack of ability to score. Nine weeks into the season and phrases like we were unlucky, we should have won etc are being uttered far too often after each match. Despite a great opening 15 minutes, all seemed to get a bit frantic once we had given Anchorians the compulsory one goal head start that we give most opposition. Despite relentless pressure we were unable to capitalise on some golden opportunities and pull back their one goal advantage.
Robbie ‘good work rate, no skill1’ Watson, missed an open goal whilst also making a few vital goal line clearances for the opposition. Larry and Liam gave the ball away more times than they care to remember. Adam seemed more concerned about the strong wind blowing him into the nearby River Medway and Duncan clearly had not showered again. Combine all of this with bad weather and crap teas and it was safe to say we had not had the most enjoyable of afternoons. All in all we have no one to blame but ourselves. Our season so far seems to be taking the course of last years, let’s hope with same end result, but at the moment we need to start turning possession into goals, preferably starting with Herne Bay next Saturday!!!
Mens 2nd XI
Staines 2 Henley 5
The called-up men in the shape of Phil Lazlo, Dave Woolatt and Paul Dunne (in place of injured Mark Leaslow) put in sterling performances. However, in addition to the dented moral, the team suffered badly from the lack of shape and familiarity of the normal side.
The overall performance saw a comedy of errors in defence and missed opportunities up front. Only three of our 20 or so short corners were properly pushed out and stopped. Also, James Gilchrist, our previously heroic stroke-taker, twice failed miserably from the spot, both efforts barely reaching the keeper. The first missed stroke at 1-0 down followed by another miss at 2-0 down meant that any sort of fight-back was unfortunately delayed until the last 10 minutes when, at 5-0 down, two Staines consolation goals were scored.
After a well-struck short corner from Andy Oliver was stopped on the goal-line by a defender’s foot, our third penalty stroke was awarded. James Gilchrist was seen running very quickly in the opposite direction from the penalty spot so Mikael Quinalin took responsibility and skilfully slotted home via the inside of the Keeper’s left pad. Mikael then added to his tally with a scorching effort from the edge of the D into the bottom corner of the goal.
Man of the Match was Paul Dunne and Dick of the Day….James Gilchrist.
Andrew Oliver
Mens 3rd XI
Staines Men’s 3’s - Match Report 11 November 2000. V. Brighton & Hove 3.
This week saw the Third Battalion embark on their winter tour to the south coast. Porno King Hudson returned to the team this week and also making a guest appearance was the mighty African warrior Rod Crowe, deciding to slum it with the 3’s as we were staying overnight in Hove. On the trip down we nearly lost Dave Lacey driving his BMW shagmobile when he carved up a white van diving for the Little Chef entrance on the A23. Sid was the only one who ordered the Fat Git Breakfast for those on a full fat diet - he claimed he needed it to build up his injured hamstring.
We arrived at the pitch, it was an interesting venue, perched on an exposed hilltop overlooking Brighton. Through the driving rain showers and 60 mph gales we could make out the stormy sea shore. Cold, bleak and miserable were words that sprang to mind and our New Zealand friend was not impressed with the beach either. Danny Penny contrived to arrive late, he came galloping over a nearby hill top trailing bits of kit, just making the push back with seconds to spare.
First half we elected to play facing into the storm. Staines just couldn’t string it together, the conditions being a big factor. Also of grave concern was the condition of Rod Crowes undergarments - he looked like he was wearing a support bra (well he did play like a big girls blouse at times !). B&H managed to score a goal from a short corner and that was about the only time our goal was threatened. With the wind behind them B&H endeavoured to take full advantage. It was noted that Deano has caught a nasty dose of Docitis, resulting during the game to taking the ball into the nearest corner and trying to hide it.
In the second half we started to play more like a team and steadily took control of the game. We were remained confident of getting a good result. B&H basically tried to shut up shop as they suffered with the rain in their faces. We left it late to get on the score sheet. First we teased the opposition with some outrageous missed attempts courtesy of the Pink One and Chewy. Then with 15 minutes left on the clock we decided to put them to the sword. Martin Rengger scored first from an acute angle after the ball was fed along the back line by Andy T and Alpesh. The second arrived soon after when Rowley intercepted the ball to feed Martin in the D , who coolly turned, trampled the defender into the ground and lifted the ball over their prostrate keeper. A final coup de grace was delivered when Alpesh put an excellent defence splitting pass through to Andy who gleefully bundled it over the line. Truly a game of two halves we were crap in the first and good in the second - result a 3-1 win. Mart the Tart, acting Captain, was voted Hero.
After match celebrations continued first at the B&H club shack and later in Hove. Half a yard of ale drinking was the sport of the night. Alpesh, voted Donkeys Arse, managed the feat and coughed up a fur ball. Rob Godfey’s attempt started dismally with some spillage, but he completed the refill save for a small wet belch into a handy bucket. We were joined in the evening by Sir JD who entered fully into the spirit of things including some young filly from Shorham (allegedly). Not withstanding a severe hamstring injury this did not present an obstacle to Uncle Fester in getting his leg over (also allegedly). So the real result was Staines 5 B&H 1. Can anyone explain why Rodney was found locked in a wardrobe making farmyard animal noises ?
Vince Rowley.
Mens 4th XI
Staines 4th XI v Hayes 3rd XI
Result: Won 4-2
Heroes: Adrian Petch for an all-round match winning performance, and Nick Kemp on a promising return after two years mud-crawling Zeros : None this week
Another bright sunny day at Cranford was only intterrupted by a 40 mph wind and slanting rain arrowing down the length of the pitch - OK so I lied about the sun. Last weekend's results didn't bode well with Hayes mauling the table topping Boyne Hill (who had a 100% record scoring 19 and conceding 3 in 5 matches) by 5-1, whilst we were undone by Banbury in a brave 0-1 rearguard action.
However we were quietly confident of our game plan to combat the style of play we knew Hayes would play, and had strengthened the midfield by bringing Mr Blobby out of goal into centre half. We also gambled (and won) by playing Nick Kemp in his first start for over two years - for those that remember one of his last games would have been the infamous Under-18's "Battle of Cheam".
We won the toss and in accordance with our game plan decided to play into the wind and rain in the first half when we had fresh legs. Hayes started brightly and exploited the gaps produced as Gordon familiarised himself with the middle of the pitch and Ben tried to adjust to playing left midfield. With the wind at their backs Hayes broke forward quickly - mostly down the right wing from which they scored the opener after about 15 mins. A powerful early cross from the right wing was met by an absolute belter from just inside the circle by their unmarked left winger who just managed to squeeze it past Pete's despairing dive.
We now had to pull our fingers out. We responded well to work the ball into unmarked players in front of the keeper, but twice we were thwarted as our forwards failed to force it home. Then as Hayes broke forward from defence Martin terriered the ball away from the Hayes player, slipped a simple ball to Nick (now getting more into the game as his confidence grew), who pushed it to Gordon, who in turn spotted a diagonal run fron Adrian ... the rest was sublime as he danced across the twenty-five, into the circle, leaving three or four defenders in his wake ... and then calmly flipped the ball past the keeper. 1-1.
The tempo of the game increased to match that of the wind - and this suited us as we knew that with our work rate it would be hard for Hayes to push us back . And so it proved as Gordon did his rampaging one handed breaks down the inside left channel - it even looked as though he was gliding past defenders on roller skates at times. With Martin tackling the proverbial out of their left half and centre forward as he searched for some possession this freed up Nick, and Mike to push forward at every opportunity. Soon it was 2-1 as Gordon swept home after a tremendous inter-passing move down the left wing. Then 3-1 as Adrian swept home another - this time from brilliant work down the right wing between Chris and Nick. We should really have closed the game out but from a mishit shot at a short corner Keith managed to miss the ball and kick it of the line. Although Pete got a glove on the flick he could only push it into the roof of the net. 3-2.
Now it was game on and Hayes suddenly found the energy to charge forward in search of a point. Our defence kept their calm, the midfield kept grafting to preserve their hard woon efforts, and then from hit on the 25 Aidan scored a trademark deflection, 4-2 and the game was safe.
This was a vital win and lifted us over Hayes into a more secure mid-table position. With four of the next five games away from home against the top four sides in the division a confidence boosting performance was just the tonic we needed. Hopefully the next few weeks will see less changes from week to week, however it already looks like at least three for next week's trip to the only unbeaten side Milton Keynes.
Martin Jackson
Mens 5th XI
No report submitted.
Mens Centurions
No report submitted.
Ladies 1st XI
No report submitted.
Ladies 2nd XI
Eastcote 2 - Staines 5
We were all geared up for this match, knowing that it was going to be tough! Amazingly there was also a distinct lack of hangovers in the team, so it must have been a serious match for us all. We had to make a couple of changes, due to Miss Chandler going up to the 1's and a couple of injuries, but we soon got started and we dominated the match until they caught us on a break and scored. However, we kept our heads and Linda fresh up from the 3's sneaked one in at the left post. It wasn't long before we were 2-1 up, when Burkie sprinted down from the back line to hit a spectacular ball from a rebound off a short corner. It must have been the 3 shredded wheat she'd had for breakfast that morning, because 10 minutes later she flicked another ball over the keeper to make it 3-1!! After half time, the game continued to flow really well and everyone passed the ball round to create plenty of chances. Linda, then went on to score 2 more goals, with Eastcote getting a consolation goal near the end of the match. All in all a well deserved win, to keep us hopefully at the top of the table!! Naturally, we had to award Burkie player of the match. Anya given a 2 week reprieve was awarded mare of the match.
Ladies 3rd XI
No report submitted.
Ladies 4th XI
Thames Valley 0 - Staines IV (and Thames Valley!) 1
(11th November 2000 at East Hampstead School, Bracknell)
We had a bad start to the game 4 players! we felt like we were on to a loser. Fortunately Thames Valley supplied the deficit and both sides went on the pitch with 8 players apiece. Most of the players that played for us had just played a game, so with that and the weather we decided to wimp out and played just 20 minutes each way!
The game was very evenly matched, friendly, and extremely energetic, with Bhav (where does all her energy come form?!) and Ingrid playing up front, mid and back, Clare as Centre Forward, and Carla defending our goal, playing right, left and centre back!
By half time there had been near missed opportunities for both sides to score, with defenders on both sides doing a fantastic job fending off numerous short and long corners and clearing the ball out to the forwards. Carla had to ditch her glasses during the break though because she couldn’t see anything through the rain on them, and we started the second half still at 0-0.
Some excellent passing and play from both sides in a second half that seemed even better than the first, culminating in our goal 5 minutes from the end by Freddie (one of Thames Valley’s) off Clare’s cross.
The game ended 1-0 to Staines (and friends!) and players of the match were awarded to all four of Staines players for turning up!! Thanks to Thames Valley for a great game, and to Tina, Gill (goal), Freddie and Gemma for playing for us.
Clare Waterfield