Week 12

Match Reports For Week 12 Sat. 18th Nov. Season 2000 - 2001

Mens 1st XI

Staines 6 Herne Bay 1

A lot has happened since the disappointment of losing to Anchorians last week and our emphatic victory against Herne Bay this week. Training on Thursday had both its good and bad point. Some how, 50 of our training balls had gone missing, apparently left in the depths of Kent as a result of a communication breakdown between two former employees of Tesco’s, tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber. On a happier note, a new player was recruited into the 1^ST X1, a rather useful individual going by the name of Mashood. Standing at eight foot tall, and with thighs the size of tree trunks, big things are expected of this man in the run up to Christmas.

However, the victory on Saturday cannot be attributed to one man (although he has got a few good moves), but to a solid team performance, that slowly choked the fight out of the opposition. Despite gifting them a one goal advantage, and squandering numerous opportunities in front of goal we managed to finish the first half 1-1. However, it was evident that we were the stronger side and everyone was confident that the scoreline would eventually reflect our dominance. Stouka was unbeatable at the back, the midfield a.k.a ‘the engine room’ were firing on all cylinders, and JD fresh from his experiences in Brighton looked desperate to add to his seasons goal tally up front. Mashood only ended up bagging three. Larry chested down a deflection off the keeper before calmly scissors kicking the ball into the roof of the net (they all count you B******S). Liam scored before being yellow carded again; his butt cheeks now a permanent feature in the sand behind most goals at grounds around the country. Finally, JD slipped in a cheeky one at the end, after 60 minutes of peppering the advertising boards on either side of the goal.

All in all, everyone was pleased with the way we played and although we face the two top of the table sides over the next couple of weeks, confidence is high that more points are available for the taking.

Staines 9 St. Ives 0.

The team from Cambridge were very much an unknown quantity, so it was important that we did not underestimate their ability. However, controlling alcohol intake after only our second league win of the season proved difficult, and Duncan is rumoured to have declared his love to a number of members of the team throughout the course of the evening. By Sunday morning everyone had recovered and it was business as usual. Within five minutes of starting the match, it was soon evident, that their much younger side were never going to prevent us progressing to the next round of the HA Trophy. From the first whistle Staines dominated proceedings and it was not long before the scoring began with a short corner strike from Larry. This seemed to open the floodgates for everyone else – Mashood (3) JD (1) Sid (1) Nathan (1) Big Nose (1) and Robbie (1). The scoreline was once again encouraging, but did little to keep the crowd enthused as the diabolical weather conditions dampened spirits. Thanks must go to all those who supported. The draw for the next round of the trophy is taking us to sunny Coventry; whether Liam and Rob decide to donate our new training balls is dependent on who has the brain cell that day.

Mens 2nd XI

Banbury 3 Staines 1

A good pre-match preparation contributed to our producing excellent hockey in the first half. However, the domination which saw keeper, Rob Godfrey hardly having a kick, and Banbury rarely entering our half, unfortunately did not produce a goal for Staines. With 5 minutes to half time, were reduced to 10 men after James Gilchrist had to retire with a badly bruised finger. The misfortune was exacerbated when Banbury then promptly scored from their first short corner after Rodney Crowe had uncharacteristically hesitated in defence.

In the second half with their one-man advantage, it was now Banbury who started to take control. However, it was Staines who this time scored against the run of play. Debutant, "Ed" who showed excellent promise, was well placed to deflect into the goal after an incisive pass into the D from Clive Bolton.

Slack marking allowed Banbury to quickly regain the lead and they added a last-minute short corner goal to make our long journey home a miserable one.

Andy Oliver picked up the Dick-of-the-Day award after failing to convert any of our numerous short corners (undisputed) and also apparently not varying the routine enough (disputed!). Meanwhile, Captain Clive produced another solid performance in defence to take Man-of-the-Match.

Andrew Oliver

Mens 3rd XI

Staines Men’s 3’s - Match Report 18 November 2000. V. Canterbury 5.

After getting back to winning ways last week along with the moral boosting, liver knackering night in Hove, Staines 3’s looked forward to getting some more points today against the young Canterbury 5’s. We even had the fortune that Canterbury only had 10 men, and it wasn’t raining for a change.

After a thorough pre-match warm up, the game got underway and Staines immediately made attacking impressions. Unfortunately so did Canterbury with several young, good hockey players who were like greased whippets. Within minutes they had stretched our defence further than Rob Godfrey’s knicker elastic and scored, the ball being in the net before guest keeper Colin Reed, who was still in a salmon like leap, had hit the ground. Pah ! we thought, we can cope with this timely wake up call and soon we started to exploit the space due to our extra man. Within 5 minutes we equalised when guest left half James Hall, who incidentally claimed he has never played for a finer bunch of upstanding Bastions ever, fed a class ball to Andy Taylor to finish well at the far post.

Not long after, Staines won a P-flick for a shot stopped by a defenders foot, this was neatly put away by Martin Rengger. Then shortly before half time, with the ball pinging around in their D, it eventually fell again to Martin to reverse it in at the post.

Although 3-1 up we had to be on our guard as Canterbury were ferociously rapid on the break and remained a constant threat. Our defence, average age of 42 and ¾, managed to cope and also safely thwarted all their short corner attempts. In contrast Staines short corners routines, courtesy of the specialist set ups from Rowley, Rengger, O’Brien were devastating, scoring 3 times from 5 attempts. Twang Duffield brilliantly blasted one in from the top of the D after a poor clearance from the keeper. Mart the Tart completed his hat-trick with a cunning slip and trip manoeuvre and finally the old sniper himself, Deano, blasted in an unstoppable effort. Sometime during this excitement Canterbury managed to score a consolation goal, when finally one of their lightening breaks caught the defence too far up field and the old codgers couldn’t wheeze their way back quite fast enough. Final score 6-2 in our favour.

Martin was judged Hero from a very spread vote that reflected a good all round performance. You will never guess who got the Donkey’s Arse vote for a wild flailing strike at an open goal that worried a couple of grazing Starlings near the corner flag - so I had better tell you - it was the Pinkster, Andy T.

Next week we are away at Chichester - I wonder what Lloyd will bring in his lunch box ?

Vince Rowley.

Mens 4th XI

Milton Keynes v Staines

Result: Won 2-0

Heroes:

All 12 in the travelling party - and especially to Keith for blowing the whistle, to Alex for his man-of-the-match performance, to Frank for filling in at short notice, and to Dave for his patience as he sees the 5th team shorn of players late in the week once again !!

Zeros: The DoD voting read like a MK bus timeable, No 42, No 54, .... but in the end Chris H stole in to keep the trophy for Staines.

After a poor start to the season Staines are now charging up the MBBO Open Div 2. The season really began at half-time at West Hampstead when 0-5 down our team dug in to say enough is enough ... and what was almost our 5th XI held them to a single well-worked short corner in the second half. The same spirit was built on in our narrow 0-1 defeat at Banbury, and some sparkle added in last week's win over Hayes. So to MK on Saturday.

For many of us this was the first time we had set foot onto a "slime-based astro" (Edward - make sure we don't buy one of these !!!), and soon we were on the back foot (and our a***s) as the MK team played as though they had glue on their feet. I suspect that they hold their weekly training sessions at the nearby Snowdome - whilst the Great Britain Cross-Country skiing team train take advantage of the faster conditions provided by the hockey club.

Not surprisingly Staines had to make a couple of late tactical switches due to unavailabilty. The first saw Mr Blobby move from goal to the midfield with Inspector Gadget moving in between the sticks - newly adorned in a bright yellow Simon Mason discard - but a little bribery and corruption was required ). Matty and Chris G both seemed to start the game playing in the new position of "dual midfield-fullbacks" - which did leave the wing exposed. Fortunately with Frank sweeping and the midfield tracking back few clear cut chances were created, and when they did it was the sliding boot of Alex to the rescue.

Martin's pre-match "Sherlock Holmes" report on the MK team paid dividends as they came under pressure from several short corners in the middle of the first half, with the shot from the top of the "D" eagerly anticipated There was no doubt that MK were on top but Staines working hard kept them at arms's length - and the first signs of frustration we bubbling up in the home side. HT 0-0

Coming out for the 2nd half we knew that the ktichen sink was coming our way and we committed ourselves to be extra vigilant for the first 10-15 minutes after the break. MK started with much faster passing than the 1st half and looked as though they might take command - but then a break down the right, good advantage from the MK umpire after the ball struck an MK heel - and Matty smacked the ball home from the top of the D - now revelling in his self-defined "fullback-centre forward" role. What was he doing there, what was that about keeping it solid ... who cares he scored - its the start of "Total Hockey" ....

The next twenty minutes saw almost constant MK pressure, but no clear cut chances. Short corners came at the rate of one a minute. Nick charged out like a mad loony to block the direct shot; Frank blocked anything going left. Matty convinced us at half-time that he should relinquish the post and go for the slip right, and was proved right when he made several crucial interventions.

By now the muttering masses of MK had become an ill-tempered rabble - with one nutter pole-axing Mike who went down like he'd been shot in the back. Unfortunately being off the ball the incident was missed by the umpires - so he lived to fight again (almost literally). MK were playing some excellent technical hockey but somehow they just didn't know how to overcome the tenacity of the Staines defence. When a half-chance came it fell to Mad Max who missed by a couple yards then launched his stick into the ground - and had to jump back in surprise when it leapt upwards rather than glooping down into the slime. A green card was the dealt. Unsurprisingly he was substituted shortly after.

Staines were now becoming more dangerous on the break as MK threw more men forward, and Chris H was agonisingly close to putting another goal away - his stop start run earning him the DoD award. A few minutes later Martin slipped the ball to Ada in the center circle, who skipped around one defender, Martin looped round his left and with Gordon distracting everyone with shouts of "TOP D - TOP D !!!" Ada slipped it through to Martin - who took it on and lined up a pile driver. As his considerable weight landed his left leg shot forwards as though on a bar of soap - and from a Twister position managed to put his right foot on the red, his left foot on green, his right hand on yellow, and the ball on Aidan's stick who buried the ball into the corner ... 2-0.

MK's now resigned to their fate still played nice looking hockey but its like the golfing cliche - its not how, but how many ?

As an aside, there are several nominations being put forward for 4th XI drama performance of the year ... let's keep them coming and look for more opportunities in future games ....

Mike being shelled down by Keith at Banbury Mike being shot in the back at Milton Keynes Gordon's fresh air shot and dive to the ground against Hayes Mr Blobby's pink shirt ....

Martin Jackson

Mens 5th XI

No report submitted.

Mens Centurions

No report submitted.

Ladies 1st XI

Staines Ladies 1^st X1 4 Chiswick Poly 0

A great overall team performance meant Staines kept up their winning run on Saturday with an away league win against Chiswick Poly. With a fantastic start and sheer determination throughout the first half Staines took the lead with a goal from Nicky Walsh and were 2-0 up by half time with another goal from Right wing Jo Strudley. Staines kept the pressure on during the second half and extended their lead with 2 excellent strikes from Melanie Attfield from 2 well taken short corner routines, giving Staines the overall result of the 4-0 win.