Week 13

Match Reports For Week 13 Sat. 25th Nov. Season 2000 - 2001

Mens 1st XI

No report submitted.

Mens 2nd XI

Staines 4 Gerrards Cross 2

As luck would have it, about the only time that it did not rain on Saturday was during our match! For that and a good victory after two successive defeats, we are grateful.

Our starting line-up was strengthened with the talents of Shane Abdul and we went into the match with confidence against a team positioned one place above us in the league (with a game in hand).

Captain Clive’s last instructions before the start were that as we had the push back, he wanted us to keep possession until we scored! It was approximately 30 seconds later, when Clive himself passed the ball directly to the opposition centre forward allowing the first chance of the game, which thankfully was well saved by Ian Gooks. We did, however, then conceded an early goal after some sloppy defending.

Staines fought back and drew level as Andy Oliver scored after combining with Mikael Quinlan with a well worked free hit and we went in for half time at 1-1.

There had been a mid-week conspiracy in the ranks and prior to the push back, the long standing short-corner specialist squad of Andy Oliver, Roger Greenway, James Hall & James Gilchrist were summarily dismissed and replaced by a new team in the shape of Captain Clive, Andy Nelhams & others. Numerous efforts by the newly installed team came to nought then our Captain made an inspired decision, which was to change the course of the match. He re-instated the previous short corner team who promptly scored from their first attempt, via James Hall. Their second short corner resulted in another goal, this time from Andy Oliver and the third attempt saw Andy Oliver completing his hatrick.

Gerrards Cross got one back late on but it did not detract from an excellent performance which we now need to build on.

Andrew Oliver

Mens 3rd XI

Staines Men’s 3’s - Match Report 25 November 2000. V. Chichester 3.

Oh Dear. Oh dear O dear O dear ! A 4-2 loss was not what we wanted after traipsing all the way down there in the pouring rain. What a performance – or in this case NOT. We did however have 12 players which probably worked against us, as we are not used to that luxury, and we’re too thick, when rotating, to play in more than one position. We were grateful for the loan of the old warhorse Simon Tyrell who had a good game sweeping. Also Nathan Miles, after being finally convinced that he really would enjoy a day at the seaside rather than watch the rugby in a nice warm pub, did his best to help our cause with some strong running down the right.

Perhaps the miserable journey down sapped our strength because during the first half the team looked half a yard short of pace against a youthful and very quick Chichester, whose Umpire was probably the Headmaster for half their squad. We were 2-0 down at the break, their first goal nicely created after a developing Staines attack broke down in the midfield. Our defence was caught napping for their second, when Uncle Fester (rightly) allowed an advantage after an offence in the D – not our usual Bastion like form. Our Captain/Coach/Umpire observed that we needed to wake up and get more snap and aggression into our play – he was just audible above the sound of snoring and weak farts.

The second half seemed better in spells (we all endeavoured to get a grip), although we always seemed to struggle to contain Chichester’s regular blisteringly quick attacking breaks. Frustration was mounting with our inability to get back on terms. Eventually we won a deserved P-flick which was expertly tucked away by Martin Rengger – now we had a real chance of getting something out of this game.

Not 2 minutes later while pressing forward for the equaliser, Chichester gained possession and sprinted at us like a gang of Cheetahs ! Our defence was suddenly outnumbered and turned inside out (it was not pretty, it took several minutes to get the granny knot out of Gizz’s legs) and they scored. Just to prove it was not a fluke they did the same trick a few minutes later. 4-1 down, tempers were short, thunderclouds were gathering and the Umpire’s trigger fingers twitched towards their yellow cards.

Lloyd who went on to win Hero of the Day award was nearly decapitated when a Chichester player hit the ball at him whilst he was helpless on the floor – a ruck was narrowly avoided as the guilty party grovelled an apology. Shortly after frustration got the better of our Right Back, venting his spleen at our mild mannered Left Back, who despite the difficulty of shouting coherently with a mouth guard in place – managed to ‘offer him outside’ in riposte. Being effectively outside already may have slightly confused the issue, but everyone twigged the meaning. Gizz started pushing Rob Godfrey forward in case it all kicked off, as he was padded up. Fortunately the handbags at 30 yards were soon forgotten as almost immediately a short corner had to be defended and the protagonists quickly kissed and made up.

Despite the Umpire with the most hair arriving at increasingly bizarre decisions, Staines managed to score a consolation goal when Porno King Hudson delivered an exocet of a ball into the D which Martin deflected into the net off a defenders foot. The game took on an even more surreal form when Andy T was sent off (by the Shiny headed Umpire) for tossing his stick in a fit of pique and then Lunch Box Lloyd was sent off for quietly offering some constructive criticism to the hairy Umpire. So we played the last 5 minutes with 9 men and defended this period admirably.

Hero was Lloyd despite the card. Donkeys Arse for the geographically incorrect threat to take someone ‘outside’ was our Left Back, which I thought was a particularly harsh decision.

Vince Rowley.

Mens 4th XI

Staines v Mill Hill

Result: Drew 1-1

Two successive wins had turned our eyes up the league table rather than looking at what the teams below us were doing. Riding high in 3rd place were Mill Hill after two wins of their own - an in fact they were unbeaten since a 2-3 reverse at Banbury early in the season. Their recent run has been based on a solid defence as two 1-0 wins against difficult opposition proved.

The first half was appalling - or as quoted by the Mill Hill umpire - a turgid game ! The first real concerted pressure came from Staines when we forced a flurry of short corners which ended when Keith's strike just skimmed the right post as it was dipping below the height of the backboard. For most of the half Staines held the upper hand but with a few changes in formation from last week the fluency and patience of that performance were increasingly replaced by frantic play. Then the Mill Hill centre forward seemed to be transfixed by the ladies on the pitch next door - like a lovesick teenager he gazed on as the ball went passed him. Then the sudden realisation that he was having a epilectic fit. After a 15 min delay as he was wrapped up warm - lucky sod - the game restarted but with everyone's concentration broken nothing else happened to half-time.

We started the second half little better than the first and still seem to be more affected by the medical drama than the opposition. Indeed it was Mill Hill who started to believe that despite their numerical disadvantage that they could get more than just a draw from the game. And so it proved a few minutes later when some sloppy play allowed a Mill Hill player to rampage down the left winger and then with little support we managed to gift away a short corner. Despite a brave save from Pete the ball lay dangerously close to him on the ground and as he desparately tried to get away from the ball to avoid the flick a Mill Hill stick jabbed forward and got just enough on the ball to trickle it under the keeper and over the line.

We now launched wave after wave of attacks but could not break down a well-marshalle rearguard action. And then another mistake, another short corner - but this time a brilliant save from Pete kept us in the game. Time and again we almost scored ... Gordon shaving the post after good work from Mike ... Ada just flashing a cross-shot passed the far post, and Sohail only inches from touching in another. Then Inspector Gadget forced home a loose ball after a scramble in the Mill Hill D. 1-1.

Credit to Mill Hill for the brilliant way in which they held up play in the midfield and ran down the clock - but we could still have snatched all three points as Gordon dropped deep to pick up the ball and charge at the defence like a mad bull chasing a ripe cow ... but all to no avail.

In true Kevin Keegan style we had "too much possession" ... " the wrong kind of possession" ... "too many players in the D but not enough in the right place" ... and so on. All in all though we have now gone seven consecutive halves of hockey without losing any of them - which after losing seven out of the first nine earlier in the season shows how much our resilience has improved. And, there were some encouraging signs that the training ground practice was coming through in our play - and hopefully we can translate that into more goals in the two tough away games before Xmas.

Martin Jackson

Mens 5th XI

No report submitted.

Mens Centurions

No report submitted.

Ladies 1st XI

Staines Ladies 1^st X1 2 Southgate 1

The team top of the Middlesex Premier League were the opponents for Staines Ladies this Saturday. Staines fought hard during the first half and were 2-0 up by half time with goals from Lou Delaney, her first for the club and Jo Strudley. Goalkeeper Maggie Owen had a fantastic game and kept Staines in the game with some magnificent saves. After conceding a goal shortly after half time Staines battled hard and were determined not to let their lead slip. A hard fought game lead to an excellent result.