Match Reports For Week 14 Sat. 2nd Dec. Season 2000 - 2001
Mens 1st XI
Staines 6 Oxted 2
Due to the postponement of our match last week a few of us took it upon ourselves
to embark on an undercover reconnaissance mission to Oxted to check out potential
threats and key targets for the following weeks game. Whether we remained unnoticed
is another matter, as a number of the alcohol-induced team could not help but
jeer, taunt and belch at every opportunity. If one thing Oxted can take away
from this weekends defeat it is, do not underestimate an opponent. Clearly already
thinking about the free Christmas hamper on its way from Harrods, they travelled
to Osterley with the intention of winning and winning convincingly, God knows
our results this season probably suggested this was achievable. How wrong could
they have been, within five minutes they had already conceded two goals, after
great finishing by both JD and Mashood. Calum Giles, who was by now well and
truly trapped in the pockets of the defence was trying to make a hasty return
to his usual position of left half where his over-inflated ego had more space
to roam, and he could attempt to have more control on the game. The team, clearly
shocked that we had not gifted the opposition a one-goal head start, let Oxted
back into the game by half time. As the teams took on water at 2-2, the game
was delicately poised. However, it was Staines who took control in the second
half, and after some great work by Beakerchop from a short corner, we were awarded
a Penalty Flick, which Mashood calmly slotted. Oxted were clearly rattled and
further goals form JD, Mashood and Sid (yes – that’s not a misprint) were enough
to kill off the match. Any threats on our goal in the second half were quickly
nullified by Fu Mar, who seemed to stop everything and anything that attempted
to circumnavigate his massive frame, and Robbie Burrows dismissed any shot propelled
in his direction with arrogance and ease. Oxted were clearly upset by the way
the match was unfolding and tempers were beginning to fray, and at one stage
they were down to nine men, four of which were already crying. It took a characteristic
mistake by Chopper Watson to lighten the atmosphere, as his face plant left
him with severe burns to his hands, knees, stomach and nipples. The final whistle
sealed a well-deserved victory, and appropriate celebrations began ASAP.
Mens 2nd XI
Sunbury 1 - Staines 2
Sunbury were rumoured to have specially strengthened their team for this local
derby but the Blue Army were ready for them.
While Roger Greenway was giving himself a reminder as to why his considerable
hockey talents have perhaps not reached greater heights – he was away celebrating
his wedding anniversary – the team welcomed back the services of Phil Lazlo
and another talented individual but with a similar Greenway ailment – Dave Woolyhat.
The team prepared well and a tight first half produced few chances and no goals
for either side. The team kept their solid shape into the second half and Captain
Clive who had been asked to get further forward in the second half, responded
early on in devastating fashion. On a free hit just inside the 25, Clive made
a penetrating late run and Andy Oliver found him with 2.54 cm perfect pass.
Clive’s lightening stick-work beat two defenders on the top of the D then the
keeper was left flapping helplessly as the searing shot hit the back of the
goal.
From there on Staines defended resolutely against numerous short corners but
with 5 minutes to go pushed forward and added to their lead. Phil Lazlo realising
that he was outside the D, took aim for the right hand post. He found his target
and our never-stop-running; Man-of-the-match Richard Hudson was on hand to sweep
in the rebound.
Shortly afterwards, Mr Lazlo’s less than polite conversation about the umpiring
was unfortunately overheard by the Sunbury Umpire. A further conversation between
the two resulted in Mr Lazlo being asked to take no further part in the game.Sunbury
capitalised by pulling one back but Staines held out for the last few minutes
for a deserved victory.
Next week we will need to be at our best as we face the league leaders, PHC
Chiswick.
Andrew Oliver
Mens 3rd XI
Staines Men’s 3’s - Match Report 2 December 2000. V. High Wycombe 3.
After last weeks poor effort, things began poorly this week. Our Umpire (Dr Brittle) was late to turn up which gave Uncle Fester excuse to start chuntering. Then Alpesh was late (again) after a gun running mission to Hounslow West – louder chuntering could now be heard from our skipper (better move away lads, he’s gonna blow !). And then just to put the tin hat on it, just five minutes before the push, up prances Gizz, his legs in full Michael Barrymore mode, and says "I musht apolojiss, I’ve only haj an hours shleep and ahm completely pished". Uncle Fester is by now purple and lava is dribbling from his ears ! Gizz fortunately notices and manages to stop giggling.
Then another cock-up during the warm-up, Ben stops a lifted shot at goal with his hand which swelled up like a boxing glove. So we had to start with 10 men whilst calamity Ben went off to get his hand fixed. We didn’t need this with having to field a weaker side then normal anyway, due to badly planned holidays and work arrangements. Dave Lacey tried to help our energy levels by feeding a few players with his patent power drink, I believe it was a mixture of orange juice, special brew and meths.
Despite all this pre match nonsense the game started brightly for Staines, although we were not expecting to get much change out of a very strong HW side. Lee Atkinson made a guest appearance (his first game since last spring), his boyish grin lighting up the left wing slot normally occupied by the grim faced Viking Berserker Andy T. After we had brushed off the dust and cobwebs, Lee pounded up and down the wing as fast as his little pink legs could go.
Despite a reasonable start we quickly came unstuck by two goals from well taken short corners and a further two from open play when the defence found itself again overwhelmed by extremely well executed attacks. Gizz rapidly sobered up and despite Sid’s best efforts, returning as sweeper, we were destined to be 0-4 down at half time. The score line was flattering to HW, as we were playing with 10 men and we also had our chances to score – but didn’t. Alpesh earning the Donkey’s Arse award for an outrageous act of generosity. He was presented with the ball five feet out from the back post with their goal keeper stranded. But did he shoot – did he bugger! He got out his thermos flask and poured a cup of tea, inviting several defenders to join him, then he remembered the ball at his feet – too late.
The second half, overall, went better. Ben re-joined and although couldn’t hold his stick properly at least made a nuisance of himself to HW. They scored their fifth goal shortly after the start when they appeared to charge at us en-masse at 90 mph. We pulled a goal back which I believe Alpesh finished – I was too far away to see. Then we scored from a rare short corner, which we executed well, Martin lifting the ball over the prostrated keeper.
A 2-5 loss, which should have been closer, if only we had started at full strength, if only…... Lloyd was voted the day’s hero for his hard work in midfield.
Mummy Gizz did our sandwiches (grateful thanks) as junior Gizz cannot be trusted with sharp instruments.
Vince Rowley.
Mens 4th XI
Boyne Hill V Staines Result : 0-0
Heros: Alex "Inspector Gadget" Sherman for another clean sheet, Gordon for his enthusiasm and running - even with two bloodied knees. Everyone for their committment - that's nine halves of hockey (or 315 mins) since we last lost one. In that time we have only conceded three goals and scored seven - and considering three of those games were against sides in the top three that marvellous.
Zeros: In a close fought contest Matty tied with the Boyne Hill No.6.
This season has been the worst I can remember for early season injuries so it was no surprise when Chris cried off in midweek after gashing a hole in his leg whilst doubling up for the fives last week. After some rumours that it was only a scratch - the matter has been referred to the 4th XI War Wounds Committee. With Ada away in Devon - although he was with us in spirit as he phoned up near the end of the game to see how we were doing - and Pete working, the side once again had to adapt to yet another playing system. Then on Friday night we acquired the services of the Mighty Andy Taylor - who has genorously moved aside to let youngsters through with his impending move to the Midlands in the New Year. If Andy, or anyone else thought they were in for an easy time against opposition who had lost their last few games then the opening quarter of an hour soon changed their minds. Boyne Hill played some lovely hockey through the midfield and came close to breaching our defences on a couple of occasions. Then their centre forward broke through but took the wrong option of trying to go through Keith, rather than round him, and collapsed in a heap like a Springbok rugby player at Twickenham. Another ambulance was called. Early in the season we had a run on penalty strokes in games, now its paramedics. All our best wishes go to Aqib - hope you make a speedy recovery. Slowly we managed to get some forward momentum and started to look occasionally dangerous. Matty looking for glory again was denied by a touch off Aidan's heel. Several short corners came and went without any serious threat to the home goal. Down the other end Alex perfected his angles as the home attackers either shot wide of him (and hence the goal), or were denied by his outstretched gadget arms and legs. Half-time 0-0 Matty playing in an orthodox left half role this week was doing well but was now tiring so we shuffled the midfield around at half-time to "take advantage of the home sides tiring legs" !!!! Nick also switched to centre back as Mike's calfs cramped up as night's neighbourly curry and lagers caught up with him. The plan wasn't working very well as wave after wave of home attacks rained down on us. However, with the midfield pinned back in defence, we showed admirable composure and discipline in keeping them out, and also denied them any pressure by denying then any easy short corners. With Sohail showing a good first touch, and Gordon increasingly buying time down the left wing we started to ease the pressure a little. Andy "let me back to the 3's its easier up there" was starting to struggle with his fitness - well centre half is a little hard when you are normally a forward! Credit to Boyne Hill as they were the fittest and probably the best playing side we have faced this season, but thankfully as they prised a couple of good openings their finishing was only as good as that on a cheap self-assembly kitchen unit. And even late on when they broke clear Alex extended his gadget legs to deflect a goal bound effort high in the air and just over the bar. It would have been harsh on Boyne Hill but with a couple of late attacks we could have stolen all three points - particularly when from a break down the right wing the ball agonisingly beat the keeper at the near post, rolled across the goal mouth and a despairing lunge at the back post just failed to connect. And once again from a late short corner they only just got the block on in time. All the best to Boyne Hill - great guys, great clubhouse, great finishing ... ( from our perspective of course !!). Next week the magic whiteboard, and the spirited 4th XI take battle in another easy game (!!??), away to the team in 2nd place - High Wycombe. Martin Jackson
Mens 5th XI
No report submitted.
Mens Centurions
No report submitted.
Ladies 1st XI
No report submitted.
Ladies 2nd XI
Staines 14 – Old Uxonian 1
This was the last league game before Christmas and we were looking for a win.Staines went into an early lead with a goal from Linda and this was quickly followed with further goals from Leigh and Helen.By half time we were 7 nil up. Old Uxonian came out fighting in the second half and scored from a Penalty Flick after Anya lay on the ball, this was one of the few times she touched it, the other memorable occasion was a lovely kick straight to the opposition when it was heading for the back line.No guesses who got mare of the match again this week.Staines then picked up the pressure and Burkie ventured over the half way line and made some great crosses into the D, which resulted in at least 3 further goals.The final talley was Skids 5, Leigh 5, and one a piece for Fish, Clare and Ellie. It was also great to have Chandler back in the side, which meant this week we were able to have substitutions. Also a big thanks to Juliet, who despite injury and a hangover still came to support us. Player of the match by a narrow half a vote was Linda. Oh yes and just a minor point the oppositions did only have 8.
Ladies 3rd XI
No report submitted.
Ladies 4th XI
No report submitted.