Week 25

Match Reports For Week 25 Sat. 17th Feb. Season 2000 - 2001

Mens 1st XI

Staines 6 Gillingham Anchorians 4

As mentioned last week our objectives for this fixture were two-fold.

* Win by a massive margin, thus relegating Anchs and ensuring one less long away journey next season.
* Steal back our fifty training balls Liam and Rob left at their ground before Christmas.

Unfortunately, we were only partially successful in achieving our aims, no extra balls were retrieved and we only just scraped a victory after some untidy hockey.

The opening minutes of the game were as exciting as ever, and saw Staines revert back to their old style of play by gifting the opposition a goal early on. The pace had to be picked up and as Staines began to take control, the opportunities started to appear. By half time, the scoreline had somewhat changed as Staines had taken a 3-1 lead. Goals from Watson (2), one of which was particularly good for a man of such limited ability and Stuart (1) had put us in a strong position. However, the scoreline could have been greater if not some squandered opportunities. Stuart decided against taking advantage of an open goal and instead decided to make a bit of an arse of himself, by firstly giving the ball back to the opposition, and then getting in the way of Larry's shot, injuring himself in the process. Larry was not too disappointed that he had nearly maimed the captain, there had been a dust up at training on Thursday and there was still some tension in the air. Apparently I have a screw loose, but I am sure you will all agree, it is better to have one screw loose that have all your screws done up far too tightly, hey skip!!

Anyway onto the second half. As normal despite having good intentions of coming out blazing, the blues once again appeared to have taken on too much water at half time, and Anchorians began to force there way back into the game. Things went from bad to worse for Staines when Sid went over on his ankle and was unable to take any further part in the game. Many times have we seen Sid go over in a match and as a result it proves difficult to ever judge the severity of an injury, however, despite attempts to stick his ankle bag together with gaffer tape, there was to be no return for the ginger wizard. Goals from Liam, JD and PipSqueak ensured victory, but on reflection we had made hard work of what should have been an easy game, conceding too many goals and not killing off the opposition when we had the chance. All attention is now focussed towards Herne Bay and the local Derby with Ashford next week for what will prove to be one of the biggest games of the season.

Mens 2nd XI

No report submitted.

Mens 3rd XI

Staines Men’s 3’s - Match Report 17 February 2001. V. Brighton & Hove.

Only six games left to play and we need to win at least 3 of those six to have a realistic chance of staying up. Today’s game against the B&H team that is propping up the Division was expected to yield one of those important wins.

Staines were well prepared and highly motivated. It was also the last game that Fat Boy Taylor would play prior to his transfer to the West Midlands. After protracted negotiations, transfer terms were arranged and Worcester agreed to take him off our hands for £1.50 and a Mars Bar.

The game got underway at a scintillating pace ! Even Sid occasionally broke into a steady canter now and again. Although B&H showed some fighting spirit their penetration was easily blunted by the Masonic bastions of the Staines defence. After a few Staines half chances, a brilliant attacking move developed down our right culminating in a well timed pass to Uncle Fester poised to strike at the top of our D. And strike he did, cleanly, without taking out the teeth of the two nearest defenders for a change, the ball creamed into the net to cries of WAZZZZZAGGHHHH !!

The rest of the half was really one way traffic with a whole variety of chances going begging. The best of which was a spectacular reverse flick by Mart the Tart which was fended away via the goalkeepers face guard and the goalpost.

The second half saw a more determined B&H team who against the run of play managed to force a short corner. This they executed well to level the score at 1-1. This was the only time our goal was really threatened and the only time Rob Godfrey was required to bend his back – to retrieve the ball from the net. The rest of the game Staines virtually laid siege to the B&H goal. Twang Duffield was like a hyperactive Duracell Bunny, Lloyd was a ginger blur of activity, Fat Boy and Danny Penny took turns to career into the D with all the grace of wonky supermarket trolley’s, Uncle Fester flailed away at goal and grew ever more purple as each shot went wide. End result, a total inability to hit the net and a 1-1 draw. We still need 3 wins and now only five games to do it in.

Hero of the Day – A very spread vote reflected the valiant efforts put in, Lloyd getting the nod.

Donkey’s ARSE – Several candidates were proposed, Andy T coz he is leaving, Porno King Hudson for blowing his own trumpet, Gizz for arriving somewhat under the influence – but the winner for his pace, ability to close mark, and accurate shooting, was Uncle Fester.

Vince Rowley.

Mens 4th XI

Hayes 3rd XI v Staines 4th XI

Venue : Evelyn School Sand Dunes
Date : 17th Feb 2001
Result : Draw 1-1
Scorers : Gordon Scott

Heroes : Everyone - fantastic team performance.

Zeros : MK's - well somebody has to be ... and Mike for not making the most of a stick on the head - where did his theatrical skills go when he needed them most.

On the way to the ground we received a call from Adrian who had been at the hospital for 12 hours waiting for the wee one to drop. Some wag said "The baby's been holding on to its mommy just its dad with a hockey ball" ... only for the riposte "... we'll have to get Ada induced to pass ..." and so on. [ I can only confirm that the baby has arrived but as yet the colour, size, sex, and ugly factor remain unknown ].

After Henley's amazing trouncing of High Wycombe last week all the mid-table teams were looking anxiously over their shoulder knowing that any slip-ups now could cost them their place in Div 2. We new this was a crunch game with Hayes having the 2nd best home record in the league - and sitting only one point and one place below us.

The game opened with Staines on the attack and forcing some early short corners. Unfortunately Gordon had forgotten to bring his shovel attachment for his stick - which was a pre-requisite for getting any purchase on the slow sandy surface. After a couple of scares where Gordon almost got onto a couple of howitzers across the D it was Hayes who started to dominate - always getting first to the 50:50 balls. However with some very good marking at the back supplemented by the midfield tracking back the only opportunities that Hayes could create were from short corners, which were easily repelled.

Ben was making some searing breaks down the left and was also working back well as was shown when he tackled back inside our 25 ( good stuff from the left winger eh! ), shimmied past an oncoming midfielder, and released Gordon with a glorious defence splitting pass into the Hayes half. Approaching half time it was Staines who were starting to re-assert themselves and a fantastic break from their own D saw the Hayes midfield maestro inexplicably toss his stick at the ball as it passed him 10 yards away - he missed and we sped up to the D only to be thwarted by a Hayes foot. Then Big Chief Cerise Belly annointed him with the custard coloured card from an impressive distance. Unfortunately the half-time whistle came too early for us to exploit the man advantage.

The second half was a much more end-to-end game but still the defensive shackles were kept tight at both ends. With both midfields showing good work-rates clear cut chances were rare indeed. Then out of the blue we let a Hayes attacker spin at the top of the circle and run across the face of the goal unchallenged - he slipped the ball through and the forward hit a rising drive that was going a yard wide only for another player to deflect it inside the post. After 50 mins we were 0-1 after their 1st shot at goal !!! With the season on the line and Hayes now going all out for a killer second we had to remain composed. Well almost - we did have a fit of giggles when Ben gave yet another fantastic demonstration of how not to use a 5-a-side football net as a scramble net - but fortunately unlike in training the other week he didn't knock the crossbar off onto his fingers!! Then Mike got a stick in the head but amazingly blew a wonderful opportunity of winning the 4th Team oscars by staying on his feet and barely uttering a word !!

Then Hayes attacked again but Martin half-won the ball, battled with Hayes left half for the loose ball and released Chris on the right wing. A quick one-two and Chris made ground into the 25 only to cross the ball behind everyone as they rushed forward - all except Simon that is, who was first to react from inside the centre circle and picked up the ball drove into the 25 and slipped a beauty into the inside left channel were Gordon took one touch to control it ... and rifled a reverse stick flick into the far side-netting of the goal. Wild arm-pumping followed. 1-1. Now it was Staines who went for the winner with a fierce cross from Ben deflected just inside the post by Martin but the keeper just got a boot to it - and a few more short corners almost brought a winner. One more chance fell the way of Hayes but after a great turn inside the D the centre-forward hit a shot just a few inches wide of the far post.

And more good news from North London - the Henley wheels fell off in big style as they were crushed 7-2 by Champions elect West Hampstead. One more win and we're safe - let's hope it comes against those friendly. modest chaps from concrete cow country ...