Match Reports For Week 27 Sat. 3rd Mar. Season 2000 - 2001

Mens 1st XI

Staines 1 Epsom 1

After the disappointment against Ashford the weekend before, and the departure of our squeaky voiced hero back to Pakistan, the game against Epsom was always going to be a tough one. However, in a season that has seen a massive reliance on one person and perhaps some complacency by others not to perform to their best as a result, it was nice to have the original eleven back on the pitch who started the season. Taking the game as a whole, the improvement since last September was there for all to see.. Perhaps for the first time since Christmas, Staines put together a true team performance, often showing the grit and determination associated with the Staines of old, and certainly sent out a message that we were not, and never have been a one man side.

A new face was in the side this week. Jon Duffield, ginger and Irish, possible relation to Liam, had taken an express elevator up from the 3rd X1 to fit in at centre half for the ones. With great distribution skills and an ability to last a whole game without moaning or feigning an injury, it proved a refreshing change from the fragile match stick who usually roams the centre of the field.

Once again Epsom had managed to ship half of South Africa over to play in their side, and their fiery nature caused many a confrontation throughout the game. If anything all they do is moan, and as ambassadors to their country this could have potential impact on future tourist numbers. One fat bloke up front was particularly malicious, and I have the bruises to prove it. With a potential sponsor 'Ginsters' and the recent outbreak of foot and mouth reducing the amount of pies produced, I am sure he will be showing the effects of heffer burger and pie deprivation by the time he gets to read this report.

I suppose its about time I spoke about the game. Staines opened the scoring, once again Watson tapping in some lame arse goal from the far post. It was not long before Epsom drew level and at half time the game was delicately poised. It was end to end stuff in the second half that saw both sides miss opportunities, which is most unlike our forwards, and the game remained 1 -1 until the final whistle.

Epsom chances of challenging for the league were dashed, and Duncan was quick to run up to the opposition dug out at the end of the match and tell them all this, in particular his opposite man, who Duncan has developed a particular rapport with over the years. A great result and which could have attributed later that evening to the carnage witnessed at the race night, it all got a little silly!!!

Mens 2nd XI

No report submitted.

Mens 3rd XI

Staines Men’s 3’s - Match Report 3 March 2001. Versus: Chichester.

There are two chances of the battling Staines 3’s being able to avoid relegation, a/ slim chance, b/ fat chance. So today’s game was approached with our normal play to win whatever the odds attitude, but we now don’t really have anything left to lose. We had the luxury of two subs today, Simon Schutte and Nathan Miles making a comeback as part of his rehabilitation after injury. Spookily Chichester was the very team he got injured playing, when we borrowed him earlier in the season – we didn’t tell him when we asked him to play again.

The game started brightly for Staines and we looked a confident outfit. Chichester had a fit and technically proficient young side and suddenly with barely 10 minutes gone they scored. A poor clearance out of defence fell to their ginger half back who sped past Deano so fast it looked like Dean had selected reverse gear by mistake. A quick interchange of passes and the ginger bloke had the ball in our D and thrashed it past the Housewives Favourite (Rob).

This seemed to act on Staines like a cattle prod up the jacksie. For the next ten minutes we dominated and played some good hockey resulting in several shooting opportunities and a couple of short corners. Eventually a shot by Martin Rengger from a most acute angle buried itself in the goal for the equaliser. Soon after, Chichesters very talented ginger half back had to retire from the game after having his legs sawn off at the knees. Porno King Hudson was in the vicinity at the time.

In the second half Staines continued to have periods of clear domination but we were less consistent than Chichester who took advantage of the periods when we clung to the ball too long or our passing game broke down. The Staines defence throughout were the mighty bastions they have become renowned for. A harder, more determined, single minded, scabbier bunch of individuals you couldn’t wish to find. Rob Godfrey was inspired today, thwarting several Chichester attempts by collapsing near the ball and thrashing around like a large Bluebottle Fly stranded on its back. Any Chichester short corners were superbly defended, even the one given when Deano stuck his hand up looking like he was hailing a cab – “Ooooooooooo Arthur No ! Titter ye not !”

Eventually Staines scored a fantastic goal from open play, a good defensive clearance led to a fine interchange of passes between Richard and Alpesh. Alpesh delivered an exquisite cross into the D where Mart the Tart coolly finished for his second goal. Chichester stepped up a gear in riposte but to no avail as the defence absorbed everything, Chichesters two main forwards were marked out of the game by Gizz and our Left Back. So it was cheers to Staines 3’s first win (2-1) of 2001 and tears for the boys from Chichester.

The Awards, my recollection is somewhat hazy due to alcoholic intake at Race Night, but I believe they went something like this:-

Hero of the Day – A close vote between Mart the Tart and the Housewives Favourite, with Rob gaining the honours.

Donkey’s Botty – Some strange voting this week, despite some strong defensive work and demonstrating his scintillating pace, Deano gathered a majority vote “OOOOHH Arthur you CANT be SERIOUS !”.

Vince Rowley.

Mens 4th XI

Mill Hill 4th XI v Staines 4th XI
Date : 3-Mar-2001
Venue : Middx University - Greyhound Hill
Result : Won 2-1

Heroes : Gordon - another 2 goals this week!
Zeros : Mill Hill for the pitch. And later Big Chief Yellow Belly finally lost for the first time - news filtering through on the web shows that his team secured their 4th consecutive victory so it should have been an easy stroll at Saturday's Race Night. But no oh no, the silly nag didn't win and your captain lost a bundle of dosh !!!

After last week's stunning thrashing of Milton Keynes we were on the road for our last away game looking to upset 3rd placed Mill Hill. Unfortunately one look at the pitch and our excitement subsided. Although the weather and pitch surface were perfectly OK for hockey both umpires ruled that lines scratched in the sand by a players boot, and a few more made with a Boots No7 Flaming Red lipstick did not constituent satisfactory markings for a league game. We await a ruling from the League as to whether Mill Hill are in breach of the rules - and whether or not the game will need to be replayed.

The game started pretty evenly with both sides showing some promise going forwards but with both defences holding firm. It took a while for us to settle into our play as we had to make four changes from last week - with Simon, Ben, Keith and Danny unavailable. Then Staines were reduced to ten men as yours truly managed to spend two minutes wide on the right - but was standing 5 yards off the pitch (well there were no sidelines - these were marked out by a few plastic discs at 20yd intervals). Against the run of play it was Mill Hill who stole the lead when our defenders paid for the crime of diving in at the ball like an Olympic high-boarder and letting the centre forward sprint forward at Alex. He seemed to fluff it but the ball bounced over Alex's foot and as he was about to knock it home he was molested by Frank - penalty flick. A fine flick high into the net - and yet again we go a goal down in a game.

One thing about the 4th XI is that we do work hard and play as a team and we NEVER give in. So we stormed forward and the pressure told as Mill Hill resorted to giving away a few short corners. With the new Matty and Mike partnership taking a while to click the first few went begging. Then the keeper just managed to deflect a Matty piledriver past the post. With the new Martin linking up well on his debut at left half it looked only a matter of time before we would equalise - but Mill Hill held firm until half-time.

Big Chief Cerise Belly then intervened and his half-time coaching session re-enforced what we knew already - we were much better than the oppo and we were going to win.

The second half saw us rampage forward in an almost totally one sided assault on the Mill Hill goal. As the Mill Hill midfield slowed the gaps appeared for Mike, both Martins and Gordon up front. We pushed Chris wider and higher and soon he was roasting his fullback time and time again - so much so that it was almost cruel. Then with new Martin tiring (well he hasn't played for over a year) he switched with Aiden who snuffed out any runs from their right winger and freed Martin down the left wing. Several speedy attacks almost brought goals and just when it the frustration might have crept in we got a short corner. Matty wound up for a big one and was blatantly stick chopped but still managed to get the ball to Gordon on the post who swept home for a goal. No, the umpire had blown for another short corner - but then saw the unfairness of the situation and awarded a penalty flick. Although Gordon putit a bit close to the keeper for comfort the power was enough for the ball to spin off his pad and into the goal 1-1.

Staines tore into the home side looking for a winner. Chris took time out to impersonate Ben and his 5-a-side scramble net antics, first putting his stick into the net and then getting his foot caught in it as well. Then he dribbled his way past five bemused defenders to win another short corner. Attacks were coming from all angles now and old Martin (yes that's me !!) went for glory when a simple pass to Gordon may have been a little more productive. A much better strike from old Martin brought a good save from the keeper. Then moments later as the ball rolled across the D near the post a Mill Hill defender seemed to fall into a trance and kept shadowing the ball towards the back line (a foolish mistake), all his team mates were shouting at him to get rid of it but he must have either been dizzy from trying to stop Chris dribbling past him all the time, or suffering from shell shock as we pounded their goal. Whatever it was it didn't take Gordon long to see the chance to make up a few yards and hook his stick around the ball and push it into the goal. 2-1 up.

Although Mill Hill managed a few brief flurries and a couple of short corners - this was not going to be their day - and we easily repelled them.

So next week we will have Simon and Keith back, and maybe Danny as well. Watch out Boyne Hill, we've now beaten the 3rd and 4th placed teams in successive games, so 5th place may not be good enough. And then in two weeks - another home game against 2nd placed High Wycombe - currently unbeaten away from home (Won 7, Drawn 2)

Martin Jackson

Mens 5th XI

No report submitted.

Mens Centurions

No report submitted.

Ladies 1st XI

No report submitted.

Ladies 2nd XI

Staines 0 - Ashford 2

The only thing to say here is "gutted". A draw would have been enough for Staines to be promoted, but alas it wasn't to be our day!

Ladies 3rd XI

Ladies 3XI 0 V Ashford Ladies III 3

Well after losing to them in a friendly before Xmas 10 nil, we hoped it could not get worse. Unfortunately due to 4 regular players being unavailable or injured the team was not as strong as usual and Ashford took the lead in the first 10 minutes. Staines fought back but despite numerous short corners we still could not score and by half time we were down 2 nil after conceding a P flick. The second half was again not in Staines favour and the dis-advantage of not having a sub now showed on the tiring Staines side, along with the lack of training together as a team. Sharon did save a further flick that was awarded against us but the final score ended 3 nil. It is our final league game next week but we believe we remain safe in mid table.

Ladies 4th XI

No report submitted.