Match Reports For Week 5 Saturday 29th September Season 2001 - 2002
Mens 1st XI
Staines 3 Lions 1
Determined not to start the season in the usual diabolical manner, a schedule of activities had been put in place to ensure everybody was prepared for the 2001/2002 season. Promises from Robbie of an all expenses paid summer training camp in Spain never came to fruition so we all had to settle for a series of pre-season friendly's and fitness sessions opposite the Anglers Retreat in Staines.
Everybody was ready for the first match of the season. Sid ensured us all that his extra gym work should reduce his game to injury ratio. Fu, after finishing work in Ireland is no longer the drinking and smoking force of old and is consequently not at the brunt of any fat jokes, and Captain Stuart has managed to secure sponsorship from Marlboro's cancer research program for another year.
As with all matches we have with Lions it was always going to be a tough opening fixture. Staines had the majority of the ball throughout the course of the game but Lions always looked dangerous on the counter attack and if not for some great defensive work from Liam and Rob, the scoreline may have been somewhat different. Staines had built a one-goal lead by half time, after a deflected shot from JD left the goalkeeper stranded.
Expectedly, Lions started the second half on the attack, and within five minutes had been awarded a penalty stroke for a mistimed tackle that was duly converted. This could have proved to be a real turning point in the match but Staines showed real character and were soon leading again after some great interchange between the forwards and the midfield led to an easy tap in for the Ginger Prince at the far post. As the match progressed, Staines' superior fitness began to pay dividend and the Blues laid siege to the Lions goal. Although many opportunities were squandered, one more goal was added from a Sid Hughes short corner strike that finally put the game out of contention.
Mens 2nd XI
2nd XI Match Report: vs Lions, 29/9/01 Result: Staines 7 Lions 1 After a 3-2 win over Chiswick last week and with a good chance of promotion this year, the Blue Army felt poised to start the league as they meant to go on. This week was Lions. Never an easy game, but the Staines boys were ready. From the first whistle Staines put Lions under pressure. After the first 10 minutes centre forward Mik made a reverse stick pass on the top of the D towards the P-spot where the ever sharp John Duffield securely buried the ball in the bottom left corner of the Lions goal. 1-0 to Staines. But it doesn't end there. Soon afterwards, new entrant Rich made a dashing run down the right wing and around the back of the defence, passing the ball to Lee who slotted home the second goal. Five minutes before half time, Mik and Johnny D did a lovely one-two with the ball falling to Lee who slotted home his second taking the Legion Bleu to 3-0 up at half time. A spiriting team talk followed, and two minutes later we were back on the park. It didn't take long before Lee made a silky run ro und two Lions defenders to make a reverse stick pass to Mik who jinked the ball through the goalkeeper's legs for the fourth. The fifth goal came when Mik stole the ball from one of the defenders and played with the Lions defence for a while before flicking the ball to the left of the keeper. The sixth goal came soon after. Lee had a shot on goal which rebounded off the goalkeeper and fell onto the Lions back line from which impossible angle Rich made a reverse stick hit at the goaly. Thanks to the phenomenal amount of side spin put on the ball and the laws of physics not applying for the next 3 seconds, Rich managed to curl the ball more than is possible on a snooker table to glide the ball into the Lions goal. Somehow at this point, Lions made a cursory attempt to get back into the game by scoring a goal in a fashion that Beckham himself would have been proud. Staines' last goal was rounded off by Mik who once again stole the ball from one of the Lions defenders to slot it into the onion bag for numbe r seven, and to complete Mik's hat trick.
Overall it was an excellent performance by the team that must be maintained if we are to secure promotion this year.
Man of the Match was Mik, with Dick of the Day following tradition and being awarded to Andy Nelhams. A special mention must go to Andy here. Refusing to drink the beer during the ceremonial drink off between the MOM and the DOD, Andy preferred instead to pour three quarters of a pint of lager into his trainers and then put his trainers on, ensuring his nomination for Dick of the Day for every subsequent 2nd XI match whether he is playing or not. What a waste of beer.
Mik Quinlan
Mens 3rd XI
Staines 3's v Eastcote 4
After a long summer of intense preparation, playing two games a week against hardcore opposition courtesy of Herr Gruppenfurher Chewy Patel, the battle hardened veteran Third Battalion travelled to Brunel University to clash swords with Eastcote. Stu Kemish arrived late due to a problem with his hair stylist (poof !) and Chewy was still suffering a stiff finger due to his sock inflicted injury (jessy!). The pitch was noted for its enormous amount of sand. Rob Godfrey was looking forward to an ice cream and a donkey ride at half time. Although the donkeys were not relishing the thought of getting between the thighs of the Housewives Favourite!
The game started brightly for Staines with some strong attacking moves backed up by a safe defence, not missing Captain Collapse and Gizz Jizzard being absent due to a holiday commitment. Very soon we won our first short corner. The disciplined team of Rowley, Rengger, O'Brien reliably created the opportunity for Mart the Tart to convert, after a nice little touch from Em Shanks put him into space. Barely 5 minutes later another short corner resulted in our second goal, this time Martin Kercher latched onto a rebound to score.
Martin K had a superb game running up and down the left wing like Forrest Gump on acid. It was due to his nippy performance that carved the opening in the Eastcote defence to set up Mart the Tart for the third goal. So 3-0 at half time, the team talk delivered by Chewy concluded that we should get another 3 in the second half.
Unfortunately Eastcote hadn't been reading the same script and immediately took advantage of a rather sluggish start by Staines. As a result of some dreadful marking the opposition darted passed the final line of defence and slipped one in the net. This gave them a confidence boost which for some time put a rather tired looking Staines on the back foot. Fortunately with the aid of some excellent keeping by Alex Sherman and the terrifying sight of Lazlo in his tight lycra shorts, Staines defence held. It wasn't until the last 10 minutes that Staines could claim to have regained control of the game. In the mean time we won a P-flick (Arthur did his best to help) and the Tart missed it, probably the ponciest flick ever attempted (Rob Godfrey was wetting himself on the side lines)! Jimmy G was having a torrid time marking this little lad with a nappy on his head, who kept tapping Jim's shins with his stick. Just to rub salt in the wounds the little lads mother kept barracking Jim every time he touched the ball. Apparently in the showers later, Jimmy G got his revenge, with the aid of some soap !
With about five minutes remaining, Dunners just had to go off the pitch for a short rest, the heat and the tremendous number of flies had got to him. In fact the flies were a bloody nuiscence, clouds of them followed players round the pitch making you look like that character out of the Peanuts cartoons. Although we did produce a number of good attacks in the second half we couldn't get on the score sheet again so the final score was a respectable, but under achieving in the circumstances, 3-1 win.
Replacing the Donkey's Arse award, this season we have the Big Girls Blouse award. The first winner for a league fixture, was Porno King Hudson, for an entirely tepid performance. He even voted for himself in an act of sad desperation. Pink does not suit him.
Hero of the Day was Martin 'Run Forrest Run' Kercher who turned in a strong hard working performance.
Vince Rowley.
Mens 4th XI
Date: 29th September 2001 Venue: Faulkners (The Field of Dreams) Opposition: Windsor 2nd XI Umpire : Edward Scott
Heros and Zeros : In a close run vote Mark Staunton (on his league debut), and Nick "Action Man" Kemp tied for man of the match. Special mention to Ada "Tiger" Petch.
Match Report:
At last the new season is here, and At last we are playing a League game on our own Astro.
The first quarter saw a bright start from a youthful and well-drilled Windsor side, and with the home side misfiring due to several enforced positional changes it was left to Simon to impress with his persistence in midfield. The defence held firm and Keith reverting back to goal after many years only had a couple of simple stops to make. Then with Kingsley (welcome back !) and Chris starting to link up, and Mike putting in a new Duracell the pattern of the game changed. The 50-50 balls in midfield were now being converted into Staines attacks, and Windsor looked like cracking but showed commendable resilience. Their confidence visibly grew as we spurned several gilt-edged chances from a flurry of short corners in the 2nd quarter. HT 0-0 The second half saw almost total Staines domination with the visitors squeezed back into their half. "Poor, old Millhouse" may sound like a play from the 30's, but in fact is an expression of our sympathy for Millhouse's eardrums, as the visitors backline seemed to constantly call his name no matter where the ball went. As the pressure built up the calls became even more desparate, "Midfield, where are you?", we all looked round, surely they couldn't have forgotten their saviour's name. With only a couple of minutes to go the inevitable happened - Windsor were awarded their first short corner of the game. They fluffed it with the pusher putting both feet on the pitch, and a quick 16 saw the ball to Simon who laid it perfectly to Ada clear with nobody within 30 yds of him. Now this hadn't been one of his better games, so we watched as he ambled towards the "D". The keeper came out and stood tall. Ada stopped, exchanged opinions with his caddie, and c! hose the lob wedge. With the deftness of a Tiger Woods pitch the ball sailed in a perfect parabolic curve high over the keeper ... and ... into the back of the net. Sublime. Sensational. All those who saw it will remember it for a long time to come. And it was no fluke ... as he'd done it to Gordon on Thursday night at training. The Windsor players slumped to the ground in despair, but they should hold their heads high as they were a much better team than we were at the same stage last season, and should do OK in this league.
Result: Won 1-0
Captain's Log - Stardate 20010930 An impressively solid performance from the goalkeeper upto the opposition 25. Should have scored a few more, but with several players adapting to new positions, and a couple unavailable, it was still a good hard-working win over a resilient Windsor side.
Mens 5th XI
Mens Centurions
SEVENOAKS 3 - STAINES CENTURIONS 1
Staines Vets suffered an unaccustomed defeat on Saturday but in a highly enjoyable and hard fought game. On and ageing, somewhat "holy" and very hard astro pitch both teams found it hard going on their older limbs!!
The 0 - 1 deficit at half time could easily have been the other way. With one actual goal - a far post "poach" by Roger Foster, a post, a couple of missed easy chances and some good saves by the Goalie in the second half we could have been closer but we were never quite good enough to win an excellent game of hockey.
Ladies 1st XI
Staines 7 Ashford 0
The first league game of the season started with a local derby between league winners and a newly promoted team. The experience and skill of the Staines side were clearly displayed in this outstanding win. The first short corner saw Ruth Hine flick the ball over the keepers head only to have the Ashford sweeper giving away a flick. Mel Attfield stepped up and slotted it home. The following 4 goals for Staines came from short corners care of Mel Attfield and Sue O'Connell. Goal number 6 came from an excellent individual display by Nicki Walsh who cracked a superb goal into the left corner. To finish the game Mel Attfield scored her 5th. A fantastic start to the season for Staines which bodes well for the rest of the games.
Ladies 2nd XI
Staines 1 Enfield 2
In the last friendly before the start of the league next week, Staines had a tough game against a side who won promotion from their league last year. It was a hard and fast match, in which all Staines players worked extremley hard in. Staines pulled the score level with a goal from Helen White, off a ball from Eryl. In the second half Staines had most of the possession and passed the ball around to create a lot of play and chances. Unfortunately, Enfield caught Staines on a break and scored another to win the match. Thanks to Sharon Marwick who played in goal without her kickers!!!
Ladies 3rd XI
Ladies 4th XI