Match Reports For Week 9 Saturday 27th October Season 2001 - 2002

Mens 1st XI

Mens 2nd XI

Staines 2 Sunbury 1
Lying second in the league just one position above Staines, the local derby with Sunbury was to prove to be as hard fought as ever. An inspired team talk from captain Clive-oh saw Staines dominate the first 10 minutes, swarming over the green boyz. Soon a well worked short corner was earned. The shorty was taken, stopped by Greenway, passed through Oliver to Atkins who miss hit the ball in a devious and altogether successful attempt to pass the ball to Oliver. This gave our now usurped captain a chance to show his stuff as he moved the ball to the left and reverse flicked it into the side netting. Unfortunately, after this goal the Staines boys let the pressure off a little. This allowed Sunbury to win one back. This lifted the Staines game once more. Numerous short corners were won, but not converted. Sunbury came close to scoring on several occasions, but goalie Gordon Scott pulled off some blinding saves. As Staines maintained the pressure a free hit was won just outside the D. This was a chance for the trademark Oliver-Quinlan tactic. Oliver took the free hit which was immediately passed straight back by Quinlan to set Oliver up for a big swing at goal with no defender to block the shot. The ball screamed into the goal splintering the back board. This saw the end of the first half with Staines 2 goals up to Sunbury's 1. The second half was even tighter. Both teams getting
short corners but failing to convert. Goalkeeper Gordon again pulled off some
amazing match-saving saves during this half. Several shots on goal by both teams did not result in a goal when, as the final whistle blew, Sunbury won a short corner. The shorty was taken, blocked superbly by Nelhams (one of many good short corner defensive blocks throughout the game) but Staines conceded another short corner. The second attempt by Sunbury saw them attempt the straight shot on goal which was once again blocked by Nelhams and deflected out of play to see in the closing of the game.

A well worked game which we did not deserve to lose. Let's keep the performance up and leave this league behind.

MOM: Gordon Scott
DOD: Clive "Back in the driving seat" Bolton

Mik Quinlan

Mens 3rd XI

Staines 3's v Sunbury 3.

He of the horrible pink jersey decided to bottle out of umpiring this game in favour of a gentile trot round with the Ladies 1's - on balance a good decision, leaving poor 'Card Flasher' Howell to administer this dismal encounter. How dare we inflict this sort of performance on the viewing public at the Stadium of Light.

We welcomed back this week for an exclusive appearance, the one and only Gizz Jizzard who was going to act as 12th man. Like a well prepared race horse he paced the side line awaiting his turn, nostrils flaring, stamping his hooves. The first 10 minutes started reasonably well for Staines, although mistakes were evident the game was going our way, although faint snoring could be heard from the region of left half. Eventually the pressure exerted won us a short corner, 'Chubby' Shanks taking over the role of injector. A well executed routine was neatly finished off at the back post for a goal by Em - obviously been watching how Mr Safety poaches them !

So a good start, which than seemed to degenerate. So many Staines passes were so soft you could have sold them as marshmallows. Too many free hits were plumbed straight at their centre forward. What on earth is that snoring noise well up on the left side ? Sooner or later Sunbury were going to capitalise and of course they picked up a poorly directed free hit and charged our D. Here a chop, there a flail and the Staines defence were breached, don't worry Keith has got it covered - he lurched forward to collect the ball only for Gizz in a blur of snot, steam and bits of stick to try to bravely clear -only to deflect it to Sunbury's pleasantly surprised striker to put it away. Hard luck mate.

Staines continued to make hard work of it, every time we strung some passes together or made a good break, somehow we would cock it up and give the ball back to Sunbury - who really must have thought Christmas had come early. Fortunately Keith was on form in goal and despite his arthritic hip kept us in the hunt. But not even he could stop the P-flick that Sunbury skilfully whizzed into the top corner. This was as a result of a Sunbury short corner not being fully cleared, the ball returned to our D, where a snap shot was chested away by Big Stu, ('It was going wide honest' he said - Stu is not renowned for his sense of direction). So we are now 1-2 down with about 10 minutes left and what the bloody hell is that snoring on the left !

Staines doggedly pressed forward for an equaliser, if anything under the pressure to save the game, we started to look more like a team of hockey players rather than a gang of escapees from the 'Home for the Terminally Un-coordinated'. Stu gets a Mention in Dispatches for the most girly throw of a ball. When retrieving the ball to return it up the field for a free hit, he decided to throw it. Somehow with a certain amount of limp wristed wussyness he managed to throw the ball not only behind himself but out onto the grass ! ALPESH - STOP BLOODY SNORING !!!!!!

A number of short corners were won by Staines but unfortunately several were wasted. Eventually 'Chubby' popped up on the back post to convert a good one from an accurate delivery by 'Chairman of Selection' O'Brien, for our equaliser and Em's second goal. What a relief, someone wake Chewy up and tell him we haven't lost.

Hero - Keith Hine narrowly beat Em for the award, for his solid keeping. Poor chap was overcome with emotion and had to empty his incontinence pants early, then he kept forgetting were he had left his beer glass. It must be the Oldtimers disease - so we wheeled him out to the Astro tucked up with a rug round his knees and a nice mug of Ovaltine.

Big Girls Blouse - Several candidates were proposed, including Captain Collapse for inexplicable generosity to the opposing strikers and 'He who throws like a girl' Kemish. But in the end it had to be the snoozemeister 'Chewy' Patel - he is just not a morning person !

Mens 4th XI

Boyne Hill v Staines 4th XI
Date : 27th October 2001

We knew that last week's win over table-topping Banbury would mean little if we didn't keep the momentum going against one of the better hockey playng teams in the league. Starting the game we had won both our home games - without conceding a goal - but had lost both away games 1-3. As usual several positional changes had been enforced on us with Danny yo-yoing backwards and forwards between us and the 3rd XI before eventually he went up. Mark was welcomed back after missing games because of a bad back, umpiring committments, and going to watch rugby. I think I feel an excuse of the year contest coming up! Andy and Alpesh went back up, and Joe was away on a graduate training scheme!

On the positive side Mike flew back from South Africa to land at 6:30 in the morning, but had to endure 8 hours of bog flushing behind his economy seat and so arrived a little drained.

The game started with some bright play from both teams but then slowly Staines began to demonstrate their mastery of the book "Defensive Incompetence Made Easy". Chapter 1 - how to leave the winger in 30 yds of space whilst you waltz about down the pitch was ably demonstrated by Matty "Orca" Scott. Chapter 2 - how to get in each other's way when clearing the ball, was perfectly demonstrated time and time again, Chapter 3 - how to hit 16's straight down the pitch onto on opponents strong side stick, - well this chapter is getting so well drilled now that it hardly seems worthy of a mention.

During this sloppy phase of play all that we conceded was a flurry of short corners, and a lot of worry and perspiration in covering our own defensive indiscipline. Our salvation was that Boyne Hill could only attack down the right wing and at times 18 players were condensed onto that side of the pitch, and as a result they had about as much space as the M25 in rush hour. Martin stayed in position out near the right touchline with only three pigeons and Jonathan (umpire) for company. Then halfway through the first half Kingsley slipped off and Phil loomed large out left. Shortly after he burst through slipped the ball to Chris who set up Ben. One touch , two touch, back went the leg up went the arm, a perfect "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" posture was taken, he uncoiled like a Cobra, the ball flew like a bullet past the keeper ... and past the post ... more like "Crouching Pussy Cat Hidden Snail". At least the play leading up to it had been the best of the game so far. Then the ball came across to the right hand side of the pitch !!!! Martin took the hit-in from 10 yds inside the Boyne Hill half and picked out Simon's loop round the back perfectly inside the D, but the chance was blocked away. HT 0-0

It was agreed by all that the 1st half was in Gordon's immortal word PANTS !!!! We must be better 2nd half. A few positional changes and off we went. Just like last week however we started with the all the zip of a snail on Mogadon, and kept getting caught in possession, giving the ball away, and being so quiet we might as well have been United fans at Old Trafford. 10 mins in and that all changed as Harvey pepped us up with some choice words of scouse encouragement. We started to play again and with the front men linking up with midfield we started to exert some pressure on the home goal. It wasn't long before one such attack led to the ball being released to the top left of the D for Kingsley to storm forward and hit a crisp strike just inside the far post ... 1-0 up.

In the last twenty minutes it was almost Staines v their 21 and 61 and we exerted an increasing control over the game, but still never really took a firm grip like last week. Several slick forward moves failed to produce the killer 2nd goal and several times Aqib (their 61) spun inside the D to fire speculative shots at goal. Having dealt with these with ease Harvey then had to work a little harder as he toe-poked away a powerful strike from their 21. There was one more memorable moment - when Matty "Linford" Scott shelled the ball through Simon - forcing him off the pitch - ah Keith your spirit lives on even when you're not playing !!

Result : Won 1-0

Heros: No clear winner this week as 5 players tied on 2 votes, so Kingsley get the nod because he also scored the only goal.
Zeros: Only one winner this week - Matty

Captain's Log : 20011027

Another fine result but a much less convincing performance. That's 3 clean sheets already this season - not bad compared to only 2 all last year !!!
All we need to get right now is scoring hatfuls of goals - and after last Thursday's pathetic performance in training you've got a lot of work to do Keith !!!

Mens 5th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Ladies 2nd XI

Ladies 3rd XI

Staines 5 Chiswick 0

This week our captain Kate was not available, but I would request those viscous rumours about why she was unable to play and her new love Mark be quashed! Anyway back to the game, our opposition arrived in dribs and drabs which meant we ended up starting late and only playing 30 mins each way. Staines went off to any early lead with a goal from Leigh Hill and then a second was poached by Jude Thorne on the line and by half time we were 3 nil up with Leigh getting her 2nd.

Once again we had 12 players which meant we had a chance to sub the ageing mid field, (not you Ali Schomberg!) and forward line through out the game. The second half saw further goals from Jude and Leigh and gallant attempts by Jeanette and Kerry, but the score remained 5 nil. I feel this will be an interesting rematch when we play them in the league later this month! Once again the player of the match was close, but Linda McCormack narrowly beat Ingrid Fear by one vote I'm sure the team are just trying to get rid of her.

This was the first game I have played at home and felt the support by the teams both playing both before and after encouraged our performance and would thank them for their support.

Ladies 4th XI