Match Reports For Week 13 Saturday 24th November Season 2001 - 2002

Mens 1st XI

Staines 6 Gore Court 3

After the disappointing draw against Ashford last week, it was imperative that the Blues returned to their winning ways if they were to stand any chance of remaining in contention for the league title. Historically Gore Court have always been one of the stronger sides in our league, and we all knew a good performance would be required to secure a win, and with Stouka returning from injury the 1st X1 were back to full strength to take on this challenge.

The game itself was very much a roller coaster affair. Staines started the brighter of the two sides, and were quick to open up a two goal advantage, once again Matt Truman found himself on the end of a Sid Hughes crash ball to open the scoring, and Larry added the second from a well worked short corner routine. Larry has taken quite a lot of abuse so far this season for his lack of goals, but with two goals in two games the old adage seems to be coming true that form is temporary and class is permanent. Then came the time for the Blues to let Gore Court back into the game. A cracking pass from Liam straight to their centre forward opened up the Blues defence. Fortunately, Stouka was on the goal line to make a crucial save, unfortunately for Mark, it appeared that old age had finally taken its toll and by the time his brain had relayed all essential information to clear the ball, a Gore Court attacker had knocked the ball off the end of his stick and into the goal. Now the race was on for information to be passed back to the arms to stop the hitting process, unfortunately for the fence behind the goal the message did not arrive in time to prevent minor structural damage. Fortunately, it was not long before the Blues had regained their two-goal advantage, after a fantastic strike from Matt Truman that took us into half time 3 - 1 up.

The second half was a mixed affair, and on more than one occasion Gore Court must have thought they were back in with a chance off taking some points from the fixture. However, as soon as the carrot was dangled, it was cruelly snatched back as Staines continually replied in the best way possible - with a goal!! Matt Truman completed his Hat-trick, and for the second time this season was left wondering how success seems to come so easily on the pitch and yet can be so hard to find off it. Poo Mar was once again presented with a flick to take us further into the lead, and unlike previous weeks St Johns ambulance were not required to prevent him from chocking. Chopper Watson rounded up proceedings with one of his signature goals, that saw him refuse an early shot into an open net, standard panic as he miscontrolled the ball, used the wrong side of his stick to bring it back into the right position before hitting a shot that required wind assistance to reach the back board. All in all a good performance that resulted in a convincing 6 - 3 win.

Man of the Match - Matt Truman.
Dick of the Day - Mark Hampton.

Mens 2nd XI

Staines 2 Banbury 5

This week's game was against Banbury, the league leaders. Both Staines and Banbury started well, with Staines gaining a short corner in the first five minutes. Unfortunately a less than optimal push out by Mik Quinlan allowed Banbury to break away, gain a short corner and score. Staines kept fighting back but were unable to pass effectively and all too often found a Banbury stick. This resulted in a second goal by Banbury. Several short corners by Staines went unconverted. Banbury once again gained a short corner and managed to convert. However, Staines did not give up and just before half time Andrew Oliver caught the Banbury keeper off his line and flicked the ball over the keeper's head from the edge of the D to give Staines a comeback goal.

Staines started the second half just as determined as before, however, Banbury managed to slot a fourth goal away. Thankfully, Roger Greenway quickly followed with a second goal for Staines. As the second half progressed, several chances by Staines were perilously close to conversion but did not succeed. This included a goal by Lee Atkinson that was disallowed by the Banbury umpire in favour of a short corner. Ultimately the Staines players got more and more frustrated which did not help the quality of their game. Several minutes before full time Banbury converted another goal to give them five.

All round not a good performance by the Staines boys, but the season is not over and we will have to win every game we play for the rest of the season to keep the pressure on Banbury.

MOM: Lloyd Mallinder
DOD: Dave Hurd

Mik Quinlan

Mens 3rd XI

Staines 3 v City of Oxford 4.
What can be said that has not already bean. The imperious Staines 3rd Battalion march onwards collecting battle honours faster than a mangy dog catches fleas. The crowd roared their approval, they drooled with delight as yet another visiting team fell victim to the mighty bastions of the 3rd eleven. Today was the greatest slaughter the Stadium of Light has ever seen. Even the spectacular show put on at the Coliseum by Emperor Augustus in 26 AD when 148 Christians, three lions, fourteen wolves, 22 gladiators and a Wildebeest all bit the arena dust, pale into insignificance when compared to today.

It was a slaughter. Even the tough thick skinned members of the crowd were pleading for mercy towards the end. But did the 3's yield - did they b#gg#r ! They say you should not kick your opponent when he is down, pah! we like to march up and down their chest whilst regularly thwacking them in the slats for good measure. So another win and another at 13-0. Arthur thought it was only 12 but after due consideration and a stock check in accordance to ISO9000 it was definitely 13. Arthur lost count when we got to 9 in the first half and he ran out of fingers. This was all without Captain Collapse, Sid having to drop out with a strained back, well he is all loved up with his Doris at the moment. Chubby Shanks still won't let go of that jammy dodger, so his hand remains stuck in the biscuit barrel for another week ! And no Chewy this week either, Alpesh being dropped to the 2's.

I will not begin to try to recount how and why each goal was scored. Several were due to short corner routines, again Rowley, Rengger and O'Brien were entirely professional and clinical in the execution. Our youngest player, at a boyish 18, Sponging Student Lovett again performed well, running around like a teenager with Jonathan King on the chase. Unfortunately he didn't get on the score sheet but created plenty. The wily old fox Dunners was imperious in central midfield, whilst Forrest Kercher and Forrest Gumps Dad Woolyatt, left scorch marks all over the wings (as well as CoO defenders underpants !). This week we were joined by Twang Duffield, Mrs Duffield allowing him out for a run round. She kept a close watch on him making sure he didn't strain anything she might need later on !

Pid was on form, arriving early but thinking he was late (twat), but as usual once the whistle blew he was all over their centre forward like a bad rash. The rest of the Staines defence was solid as a rock, despite efforts by Zambia Man. On more than one occasion Rod managed to pick out their main forward with a superb pass, which was more than anyone else did. Plumber Nelhams acquitted himself well tearing about like a headless chicken. After one entirely embarrassing and pathetic reverse sweep at goal that caused their right back to piss himself laughing, Andy did score later with a brilliant thrash into the roof. The majority of the game was all out attack but Action Man Reed was called in on a few occasions to sweep up when Mr Zambia got over generous, but otherwise didn't get a £10 worth - at least Colin didn't whine about it like the scouser last week !

Mart the Tart scored a grand total of 5 today, worked hard, ran for 70 minutes, sweated buckets, got only one vote for Hero - Mart was slightly miffed. Twang Duffield, Bobblehat and Forrest scored a brace a piece. Pace O'Brien again got a notch with another blaster from a short corner. Despite a goodly number of short corners giving Mr Safety ample lurking opportunity at the left post, pickings were slim, and he had to console himself with unselfishly laying on the last goal in the dying minutes of the game for Dave Wobblenob, after a brilliant run down the right.

Hero: Difficult one this week due to a general good team performance, but for his effort and good play, despite his inability to pass backwards, James Lovett was the clear winner.

Big Girls Wotsit: Sid got a mention for not being there. Pid just for being Pid. But by a clear majority Rod got the award. He made perhaps only two mentionable errors, probably less than most other team mates, but where he was playing it was most noticeable, sticking out like a blind roof tilers thumb.


Vince Rowley

Mens 4th XI

OMT 3rd XI v Staines 4th XI

Well what a day for the unexpected eh! Firstly having arrived with plenty of time to warm-up we were treated to that truly marvellous sight of the game before us just starting, only about 40 mins late. At least we had the treat of watching the fantastic movement of the OMT and Newbury 2nd XI's. As Keith and Edward totted up the number of green. yellow and red cards they would have doled out it was OMT's who crushed Newbury ... to move into 2nd place. Impossible as it may seem to those gathered this was indeed Newbury's FIRST defeat of the season - check out the MBBO website if you don't believe me !!!

The second amazing fact was that the 4th XI actually fielded exactly the same twlve players as last week! The first half was an evenly contested affair, with Staines gaining more and more control as the game progressed. A few short corners were won and tossed gently away on the breeze ... no matter both the slip left and right were working ... gaps were appearing in the home defence .. soon we would be in the lead.After about 25 mins we won another short ... aslip right .. Mike pushed it goalwards, Martin swept the ball against the goalie's helmet which was strangely lying on the ground barely six inches from stick and ball (with his head still in it I might add) ... the ball bounced off to Phil who smashed it home. Unbelievably as we ran back to the circle the umpires gathered together like the witches of Macbeth, and after an evil cackling a 16 was awarded to the home side. Apparently neither forward movement of the ball constituted a strike on goal. So inevitably the half-time score was 0-0 ... five games in a row now.

Half-time team talk over we pushed OMT's further and further back into their D. A series of shoves in the back, knee high swings with the stick, back sticks, feet in the circle ... you name it we were awarded a short corner for it. Edward was looking bemused as Matty played 10-pin bowling with the water bottles to the left of the post ... now what was the score .. a strike plus a spare ..damn it wrong game its still 0-0 and that must be 10 maybe 12 short corners gone. As you can guess OMT's had a quick break which was easily channelled away into the left back corner, and just as support was arriving on the wing the ball inexplicably went straight across the middle of the park to one of their players. He drove into the circle .. afine save by Keith .. but to no avail as the follow-up shot went in ... rats 0-1.

Back on the attack again, more short corner thingies ... some lovely slips still working ... but, a big but ... no powder in the keg ... no lead in the pencil .. at this rate we have as much chance of scoring as a Eunuch ( who's been beaten for years with an ugly stick ) in a Convent !!!

Surely one will go in eventually .. and alas it did as our midfield/defence gave the ball away once more and OMT made it 0-2 ... aaaaggggghhhhh!!!! The only thing left to say about our performance is left to Edward " Apart from gifting two goals away at the back, and missing twenty short corners, you played well in between".

Man of the Match : Chris won easily ... presumably because he didn't play in defence, and was the only person in the short corner not to screw up a chance .. as somehow he never got the ball.

Dick of the Day : After a well spread array of votes Nick waltzed off with the prize for arriving only 40 minutes late and bringing our bad luck mascot Gina yet again!

Captain's Log 20011124

What a load of total rubbish. Should have won easily but lost!! Let's just hope it was just one of those days. Next week the unbeaten league leaders .. only the highest scorers and the best defence ... about time they were beaten before they get too cocky ... Amersham and Chalfont watch out ... and make sure you put a water bottle or two inside the goals .. we can hit those!

Mens 5th XI

Staines 4 - Woking 1

Staines got back to winning ways with a comfortable victory over Woking. Woking took the early lead with a superbly struck shot from a short corner upsetting Staines a little bit. However, morale in the Staines side was high and brilliant all round team work setup Alex Sherman's equalizer. From then on, Staines were by far, the better side. In the second half, Staines ran rampant, with lovely ball control and 1-2's between skipper Sohail Arshad and Philip Whitington gave Staines the lead. By now Woking's hopes were being destroyed. A solo effort by John Wareham dribbling past 2 Woking players and sweetly slotting the ball under the keeper finished Woking off. Jonathan Scott made sure a few minutes later that it was truly Staines' day.

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Staines 7 - Polytechnic 0

Staines Ladies 1st XI all round team performance worked superbly to produce the white wash of Poly. The scoring was started by Sarah Chandler who touched in a cross by, player of the match, Louise Delaney. This was followed by Louise Delaney sweeping in number 2. The third goal was slotted home by Sue O'Connell, after a rebound from Poly's goal keeper. The fourth goal came from Louise Delaney again and the remaining goals were scored by Sarah Chandler, to complete her hattrick and Joanne Strudley. Staines play Hounslow and Ealing next Saturday.

Ladies 2nd XI

Staines 1 - Old Kingstonians 0

Sitting pretty at the top of the league, it was vital that we continued on winning ways and took this weeks game to Kingston. Our opposition were not to be underestimated though and we soon realised this when the game was tougher than expected. The first half was relatively even with Anya having to make a few decisive saves, Staines were also disallowed a goal when Claire Holloway struck the boal from a short corner. However, Staines fitness and determination came into their own in the second half and started to take control. Helen Fisher delivered some fantastic runs up the right wing and Helen Major was unlucky on a couple of occasions. Again, we were unlucky when Juliet scored a goal of a Helen Major ball that was also disallowed as Helen was fouled as she passed the ball and the umpire was a tad hasty blowing on her whistle. Staines didn't let off the pressure though and were rewarded a goal after Julia Ward scored a great goal off a ball from Juliet. Everyone then worked really hard and supported defence to hang onto our narrow but important win!!

Ladies 3rd XI

Ladies 4th XI