Match Reports For Week 23 Saturday 2nd February Season 2001 - 2002

Mens 1st XI

Staines 7 - Old Whitgiftians 1

The Swans, in regained form moved into 6 point of the title this weekend with a 7-1 win over a battling Old Whitgiftians side. The blustery conditions and extremely early start would not suit either side. However, in the early opening exchanges it was Staines that took the lead when Robbie Watson slipped it wide of the committed keeper for Matt Trueman to slot his first of what turned out to be a lucrative afternoon for Staines leading marksman. His second came on the 10 minutes mark with a superbly taken strike from Stuart Hall's cross. Staines then started to relax and Whits earned themselves a penalty stroke to make it only 2-1 at half time. Staines started the second half with renewed spirit and Trueman's hat-trick didn't take too long when he pounced onto a Mike Farmer short corner effort, his fourth came minutes later spinning on a loose ball to strike home. The frustration in the Whits side was evident and were soon reduced to 10 after a desperate tackle on Liam Green who have kept his man and Whits playmaker in his pocket all game. Staines with the advantage, Trueman soon got his 5th. Jon Dodwell and Neil Toulson were not to be out done with an expertly taken tap in each. This weekend Staines play hosts to Old Kingstonians in the league on Saturday at 11:30 and North Notts in the last 16 of the HA Trophy on Sunday (2pm).

Mens 2nd XI

Staines 2nd Eleven vs Sunbury 2nd Eleven

With Staines and Banbury tied for first place, every encounter was going to be crucial. Being a local derby also added spice to the occasion and on a dew clad morning the blue and yellow armies met on the field of Faulkners. Through initial thrust and parry, the forces remained equal with knights Greenway, Atkinson and Beeson proving worthy at the head of the attack. First blood nearly fell to the Blues after 10 mins when Beeson had a golden chance in the middle of the D unfortunately the chance fell by the wayside and the resulting wind from the attempted strike knocked a couple of Sunbury players flying. Eventually the better equipped Staines gained ground, and the first prize of the day fell their way as the stealth of Greenway snuck into the goal area and buried from 2 yards. Rumors have it that this technique was refined sneaking into maidens bedrooms. After half time mead and pheasant the battle remained in the balance with both groups not fighting with grace and descending into a royal scrap. Through sheer determination, and a few too many pies, the Sunbury war horse broke through Staines and secured a treasure to make honors even. Three turning points could have turned the game to either team. The first was the hack and slash of serf Servais on a prince of the Sunbury, if the first didn't cut to the bone then the second was the coup-de-grais. With Servais sent to the mucking out tent Sunbury pushed on but to no avail and during this period the ungoverned blade of Captain Bolton came on for Staines and its ability was left to the gods. They were smiling for the Blue banner this afternoon and Sunbury did not press their advantage. With the sands of time drawing to a close the final butchery was left to Old Elder Oliver and his staff of unlistening. After teaching the youngsters the ways of flick-yore the "master" ?? was in clear sight of goal with the Sunbury gate defender lying on the ground. If you look closely there is a new star in the sky tonight - it is known as the "Golden Miss". Apprentice Harvey saved gentleman's blushes with stout defense and from his bravery both groups trudged off the field with honors even. However with the band of Banbury flailing in the pursuit of Mill Hill, the House of the Swan flies highest on the scrolls of MBBO.

Mens 3rd XI

Sunbury 3's vs. Staines 3's
A cloud hung over this game with the sad passing of the great Arthur Morris. In addition to his long and faithful service to Staines H.C. he will be remembered also for his telepathic umpiring par excellence. "Your not having that goal - it didn't feel right." We all hope he has a nice comfy cloud to ride on and can have a laugh at our antics on Saturday's. A minutes silence in his honour was held before the game. Uncle Fester, as our Umpire today, conducted the proceedings with great respect.

Right, now down to business, so on to thrashing the living daylights out of this Sunbury lot. Battle lines were drawn, the blue army dispersed its fast cavalry to the flanks, its skirmishers across the middle and its stoic line regiments of foot across the back. Initial probing began, each side looking for weaknesses to exploit, but the Staines line held firm. Sunbury looked pretty solid in the middle but looked vulnerable to cavalry infiltration along the wings, leading to several short corners being conceded. The second one of the game delivered a deserved advantage. Rowley, Rengger and O'Brien delivered a nice slip to Dave Bobblehat on our left, totally open he cannoned his shot into the goal. Sunbury did not capitulate in fact they counter-attacked with vigour. Even though they had a player sent off for a short rest for being rude to Uncle Fester, they forced several short corners themselves. Eventually they converted one which whistled past the 'Olde Fella's' boot when he couldn't release the wheel brake on his Bath Chair quick enough. The rest of the half merged into a bludgeoning struggle with neither side gaining a clear advantage.

Sgt Major Dunners delivered the fecking team talk at half time. New battle orders issued, we fixed bayonets and charged. After the opening exchange of musketry, Staines developed a flanking manoeuvre, carving through their lines, allowing Mart the Tart to neatly tee up a shooting opportunity which Bobblehat gratefully slotted home. Staines continued to get into the Sunbury rear to pillage their baggage train, winning several more short corners. Thankfully we converted another, this time when an uncharacteristic miss-hit by Dave W slithered to the right post for Forrest Kercher to flick in (3-1 up, lovely !).

Sunbury did not fold and we could not take a breather. In a rather heated atmosphere both umpires regularly had conversations with various players. Blood, snot and splinters lay thick, both teams failing to convert more short corner chances. The Sunbury attack could not penetrate our Bastions in open play, conversely our cavalry were opening up regular gaps in their battle lines, then deep in the half Dave Bobblehat went on the rampage. Like the charge of the Scots Grey's at Waterloo he galloped right down the barrel of their guns, dismissing the cannonballs, shrapnel and stick tackles with reckless aplomb. He emerged through the smoke of battle in the Sunbury D to thrash home the ball for his hat-trick. We were 4-1 up and still Sunbury would not surrender their colours. In riposte they managed to quickly gain a short corner. This, in similar fashion from their previous success, they managed to rifle into the bottom corner past Keith's size twelve's. Quickly we analysed the problem, with his arthritic hips Keith was having difficulty lowering himself to the prone blocking position. Fortunately our team bitch (Rob G) was on hand with his spanners, we quickly jury-rigged a 'Stanner' Stair Lift with extra fast gearing. This solved the problem a treat, enabling two later Sunbury shorts to be defended. The half petered out with Sunbury's desperate attacks being aggressively repulsed, 'Pid' collected a green card coz their umpire took a dislike to him. Staines continued to forge attacks but without further success, eventually forcing Sunbury to concede the field to our 4-2 victory.

As is the custom we went back to their Club House, used up all their hot water and ate all their food. We didn't see many of their players, have we upset them ? The Blue Army Third Battalion continue their campaign at home next week with at least a 10 point advantage. Edward - better get a bigger trophy cabinet !

Hero: There can be only one ! Dave Woolyatt.
Big Girls Blouse: He avoided it last week by fox like cunning (which was remembered). So the "Feck!, its gone past me boot again" award goes to cantankerous Keith.

Mens 4th XI

Staines 4th XI v Boyne Hill
Date: 2nd February 2002

Playing at 1pm this week gave us the opportunity to play in front of a much larger than normal crowd - both in stature and numbers ! Straight from the off we were at them like locusts in an orchard full of juicy fruit trees, and with barely a minute gone we should have taken the lead. The ball was worked to the top right of the circle and as the shot powered across goal towards the far post Martin ghosted in ... sliding on one knee, tossing sand bags overboard, and untangling his tendons to stretch out his stick. All to no avail as the stick was an inch short of contact, and the ball an inch wide of the post. As only one knee was discharging blood this was deemed only a half-hearted attempt to score and thus an early entry on the Dick of the Day voting register.

More scything attacks were slashing great big holes in the vistors' defence, and several short corners were won but the new fangled reverse stick stop and hit was not really working. Then after ten minutes Chris went on a lovely dribble, a one-two with martin and he struck a low shot from the top right of the circle, a little deflection off a defender and ball was home, 1-0.

More rampant attacks and more short corners, a quarter of the game gone and we should be three up already. But where is the fun in that you say, so we gifted the ball away in their half, failed to stop them advancing into our D and a short corner was awarded. This was duly resisted at the expense of a hit just outside the circle. This was shelled in but stopped by Sid cleanly, and then as he attempted to clear the ball it ricocheted into the path of a Boyne Hill striker who gleefully slipped it under Alex's body, 1-1.

Some good approach work down the right hand side led to several opportunities but the final touch was lacking. As the frustration grew we just seemed to get too eager to put the ball into the danger areas early, rather than using the time and space available behind the ball. Half time 1-1

The second half we came out with all the venom of a rubber snake .. and despite loads of possession we were still running with the ball too much .. and then getting caught and having to chase back. Mike was pulling out what hair he has left as time and time again he waited for the easy ball. Simon was in acres of space on the left, Martin was in acres of space on the right, Chris was running everywhere, but the ball was still going round and round on Gordon's Magic Roundabout (Note: this was taken directly from a voting slip). Also, Phil put a bid in by trying reverse sticks from everywhere - how come we spend two and half hours of training a week practising strong side hockey only to ponce about in the game on a Saturday? Then Sid decided to throw in his bid for a Dick of the Day vote as he shouldered arms at the top of the circle and pleaded for a free hit from the visiting umpire. Alex got excited maybe he would have to save a shot .. but no such luck as Simon had chased back and won the ball of the amazed Boyne Hill forward. The possibility of going 1-2 down seemed to wake everyone up, except Alex of course who now had time to roll out his sleeping bag and fluff up his pillow. With a quarter of the game to go the visitors were visibly tiring and could now barely get out of their half, and after a bit of composed attacking Gordon fired the ball to Phil Laszlo who brilliantly (he payed a fiver for this) lifted his leg in the air to create enough room to reverse flick the ball at the keeper ... who was so stunned at the sight of Phil's legs opening that he could only parry the ball into the goal.

With vociferous vocal vibrations coming from the onlooking 3rd XI advanced coaching party we were awash with vigour and vim. Another short corner, this time following Uncle Keith's coaching instructions saw a Sid exocet deflect off a defender and then the keeper ... straight to Andy who pushed the ball crisply into the backboard, 3-1.

Minutes later and Chris dribbles through into the D and tucks another fine shot into the bottom corner. 4-1. Still 5 minutes to go and Chris fluffs two more golden chances ...mmmmmm ... hatrick avoidance .. maybe. Then Phil lifts a beauty of a pass into Chris's path ... it must be this time ... but no ...Colin's called the ankle high pass as dangerously lifted into the circle ... unlucky Chris. A quick mention for James on his debut who made a good impression at the back, and pushing forward, but we may need to do some work on his top of the circle shooting ... unless we can borrow Alex's helmet.

Final score : 4-1

Hero of the Day : No contest Chris walked it with 7 votes to his nearest challenger's one !!

Zero of the Day : Despite Phil's reverse-stickitis, Martin's open goal miss, and Sid's imitation of a pillar of salt, this week's winners were Gordon and his friends Brian the Snail, Ermintrude, Florence and Dillon.

Captain's Log 20020202

Boy did we make hard work of what should have been a much more comfortable win. Let's knuckle down to some serious work on our short corner routine, and on how to keep the ball alive by going backwards or sideways when necessary, we don't have to keep going forward ALL the time. It's a good sign however when you can win 4-1 without playing anywhere near your best. Next week a very tough trip to Milton Keynes at the ridiculous time of half-past midnight ... well almost, it's actually 4:30.

Mens 5th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Harrow I 0-1 Staines I

League leaders Staines continued their winning run with a hard-fought victory over Harrow. Staines capitalized on a succession of early short corners, with Mel Attfield slotting home from close range. Harrow rallied however, and fought hard to get an equaliser, coming close in the second half, but were denied by a superb close range save from Maggie Owens. Staines were unlucky to extend their lead in the latter stages of the game when a shot from a short corner struck the post.

Ladies 2nd XI

Staines 1 - Harrow 0

It was the grave yard shift for us on Saturday with a 4pm game in Harrow, and most of us were ready for an afternoon snooze, let alone a game of hockey. After the first battle was won in actually finding the place, Staines took their positions for a match that was to prove to be their most important and so far this season. Harrow are Staines main contenders for the league title and almost have as good a goal difference as us, well not that good but they'd only let 5 goals in. From the start, Staines applied pressure onto Harrow, winning a number of short corners quickly, but Staines were unable to convert these into a goal. It was about 20 minutes into the first half when Claire drove the ball down the pitch and passed to Helen W on the right, who drove the ball into the d and pulled it back to Juliet who buried the ball into the goal to see Staines take the lead. Harrow then came out all guns blazing in the 2nd half and both teams fought extremely hard for every ball. Staines took every hard challenge and were calm in the face of some adversity when warnings and cards were shown to Harrow players. Staines made a number of further opportunities, but the Harrow keeper made some great saves to deny Staines any further goals. Towards the end of the 2nd half Harrow made some breaks and basically scared the life out of the Staines team including our injured Captain who came to support us! With hearts in our mouths, Anya made some fantastic saves to ensure she keeps her clean sheet in this years league campaign. However, it was Staines day, and all the hard work and sheer determination saw them 1 win away from winning the league title. The Ladies 2nd XI have now won all of their 10 matches and with 4 games still left to play, Staines only need 1 more win to ensure they win the League! Such celebrations could potentially be this Saturday when we they take on 3rd place Winchmore Hill at home. All support will be appreciated.

Ladies 3rd XI

Staines 5 Harrow 2

Well you've heard about the hand of God goal, well this was the Foot of number 2 game!!

The Ladies 3rd XI are now lying 4th in the league but with the 2nd, 3rd and 4th position teams all on the same points we are let down on our lack of goals. Despite not still having a regular goalie we decide to sacrifice a defence player on the hope that the forwards could do their stuff. Wendy Valentine-Penny accepted the gauntlet to play in goal, and once she realised she could use her feet felt quiet at home!! We started off well and keep Harrow under pressure dominating their half, and after 20 mins Janet Bailey scored our first goal, and within minutes Jo Greg produced the 2nd, unfortunately Harrow then scored a dubious goal from outside the D but nothing could be done. Staines kept up the pressure and Janet scored a brilliant reverse stick smash to take us to 3 1 at half time.

The second half saw us even more determined and as Kerry Burke stormed up the wing she aimed on goal to take our tally to 4. Harrow were now feeling the pressure and as Staines relaxed for a few minutes they made a brake into our D, unfortunately for us one off their players decided to kick it into the goal rather than use her stick and despite our pleas she seemed happy to take the credit for the goal. Not to be disheartened Staines continued the pressure and Janet made her hattrick. Not bad for a player that was not selected until Friday!! The 4's had kept her talents hidden and who can blame them. Player of the match was Bhav who's enthusiasm and energy through out the game was a joy to watch, oh to be 16 again.

It was a good team effort and felt it is certainly one of the best we have played this season as a team.

Ladies 4th XI