Match Reports For Week 29 Satuday 16th March Season 2001 - 2002

Mens 1st XI

Mens 2nd XI

Staines 5 West Hampstead 1

The Blue Army were on the march again against a very physical and aggressive West Hampstead. Staines took the initiative with a well worked short corner allowing Adam Servais to put Staines in front.

Staines kept up the pressure which led to Adam scoring a second
from close range. Rich Beeson decided it was time to do something and with a blistering turn of pace from inside Staines' half, he galloped down the left wing avoiding the WH axes to end up in the opposition
D earning a penalty flick for the side. Andy Oliver calmly converted the flick to put Staines 3 - 0 up at half time.

The second half started with more erratic tackling from WH with one of their chief axemen being asked to take a rest. This was when they
managed to sneak a goal back.

Staines replied almost immediately with a well earned short corner of which Andy Oliver drilled home to get his second.

With WH back to eleven men their chief axe man thought that Lee Atkinson looked far too dangerous and decided to broadside him. Again he was asked to take a rest.

>From a quickly taken free hit on the oppo's twenty five yard line
Adam Servais drove into their D confidently and struck a solid shot
which deflected off a defenders stick into the goal to CLAIM his hat-trick.

A great win for the boys, not very pretty but 3 points in the bag. Staines need 1 point from their final game next week at Gerrards Cross to secure the league title.

MOM Adam 'hat-trick' Servais
DOD Roger 'oh what a dummy' Greenway

P.S. James Hall's suspected broken nose wasn't broken just severe
bruising. He's an actor you know !

Mens 3rd XI

West Hampstead 3's vs. Staines 3's.
The League Season finished on a slightly sour note for the 3's. What should have been a game worthy of two quality teams in this division resulted in a very damp squib. It appears that WH were unable to confirm a pitch until the final week of the season and then had the cheek to ask us to play at 4.00 pm in the rather manky region of Brent Cross. Even more controversial they later asked if the fixture could be cancelled altogether. The upshot being that we went and we got very wet waiting for WH to organise their squad of 15 players (including 'guest stars'). It was now well past 4.00 with the light fading due to the heavy clouds, and with no sign of the lights coming on, or an even rarer sighting, a caretaker with a brain and the means to flick a switch. Bearing in mind the circumstances, it was duly demanded that Staines be awarded a walkover. So we won with not a shot fired in anger - hurrah !

We did actually play a much shortened friendly game whilst enough light remained, but motivation was lacking and with all the pre-match pratting about the spark had gone. We actually lost the friendly 3-0 - enough said.

High points otherwise were:-

The experiments to see how many hockey players could cuddle up to out Team Bitch under the one umbrella. The answer is eight and Mr Godfrey felt very warm indeed. A new player joined our team today - Zebediah Zaccariah Abraham Nelhams, certified plumber to the Amish community. He brought new meaning and expression to the facial hair fashion. He does not work on Sunday's but is always willing to help out in a Barn raising.

Sgt Major Dunners saw the Nelhams facial hair and became momentarily struck down with Tourettes Syndrome - "What the feck is that, You call that a fecking beard ?...etc, etc..." At half time WH kindly gave us a bottle of Port as they were celebrating the end of season. It was appreciated by all, except our Amish Plumber because he is not allowed to partake of the Devils brew.

Another high point was when Uncle Fester in acres of space, diddled about with the ball for so long, Alpesh started to drop off to sleep, a WH forward eventually had to take it off Sid to get the game going again, unfortunately the ball went into our net as well. Followed by more colostomy bags being chucked at Sid from the direction of the V8 Bathchair.

Our Keeper, Kitty Hine, saved Captain Blunders blushes shortly after by brilliantly saving a P-flick. Kitty threw himself headlong out of his chair, his pneumatic 'srimech' arm lashed out and blocked the goal bound ball.

Pace O'Brien showed Zulu Crowe how to deal with the big coloured WH forward.

The Amish Plumber got into a bit of a tiff with one of the WH players. A bit of barging, puffing out of chests and then Andy said "I say boy, you sure got a pretty mouth" and the WH player legged it double quick !

Everton won 2-1.

Another brilliant Race Night.

So another season ends and so do regular Match Reports, hopefully all your favourite characters will return in September.

Cheers,

Vince Rowley (Mr Safety)

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Ladies 2nd XI

Ladies 3rd XI

NPL Lensbury v. Staines
1- 1
What a game - everyone was jolly nervous beforehand, perhaps it was the intense map reading skills of Lou, who almost didn't get half the team there!! Or perhaps it was the thought of a hot date on Saturday night that got the butterflies going (eh?!! Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, mentioning no names!!) We made it to hear stories of drunken coaches calling members of the team to say they wouldn't make it today - at 1.30am. Hardly anyone had slept properly - full of nerves I expect!! Half the team (well, Smithy and Pauline) were injured which I am sure pleased Kate in her nightmare that is sorting out the ladies 3rd XI. Good luck next year Burkey - I'm sure you will cope!! And many, many thanks to Kate for all her hard work this year!!

The game - Frustration pushed aside, NPL scored an early goal (3rd minute) from a short corner despite Smithy's work getting it off the line!! This kind of attack doesn't fluster the Blues though - oh no!! From a long corner struck by Smithy (who despite having done her ankle in again in yet another drinking injury managed to be all over the pitch) Kerry was able to slot one past their 'keeper in the fifth minute. Despite the perseverance of Staines, the ball seemed unable to find the backboard. Just a touch to the side of the post maybe a few hundred times!!! Despite hard work from the attack which consisted of Kerry, Leigh, Ingrid, Lou and Jo (although not all at the same time!!) the score stayed at 1-1.

In the second half, NPL seemed to have struck a second wind in that they were able to have a few fresh (1st XI?) legs play for them but thanks to excellent defending by Nicky, Pauline, Wendy, Jo and Lou, managed to keep them from scoring - not forgetting some ace saves that Sharon pulled off!! The hard working midfield of Skids, Pix and Jeanette were somehow unable to convert, or work as well on the break. We have yet to see if we are to go up next season… come on the Blues!!

Man of the Match: Jo Smith

Ladies 4th XI