Match Reports For Week 4 Saturday 29th September Season 2002 - 2003
Mens 1st XI
Mens 2nd XI
Mens 3rd XI
Woking 3 v Staines 3
Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends............and welcome back
to some of your old favourites - Uncle Fester, Pace O'Brien, Mr Safety, Mart
the Tart, Pid, Porno King, Sponging Student, Forrest Kercher and a new Captain
- Sgt Major Dunners. Back in goal after a season out having surgery, looking
lean and mean (well leanish) is the housewives favourite Rob Godfrey.
This was the last friendly before the real business in the Southern Open Premier
B starts next week. Woking actually play in the Premier A so this was expected
to be a good test of the standards we will need to achieve. Indeed the opening
10 minutes had the 3rd Battalion fighting a rear guard action under great pressure
from a well organised Woking. Fortunately we absorbed this early pummelling
and gradually started to gain ground, creating a couple of good chances, one
of which Mark from Manchester creamed in the general direction of the corner
flag - oops!
The first half battle continued pretty evenly matched, Sgt Major Dunners rallying
his troops with spirited cries of FECK..ARF ! The Staines attacks forced several
short corners with the third one bearing fruit just before half time. Rowley,
Rengger, O'Brien executed the customer slick set-up from which Pace spanked
in an unstoppable cannonball, leaving bits of broken stick and bloodied Woking
bodies in its wake. Dean is very proud of his new stick - it is bright yellow
with lovely orange flames embossed along the shaft.
Dunners briefed the team at half time, we had the 1-0 advantage so now had to
protect that and look to get another goal or two to keep it company. Woking
attacked with renewed vigour in the second half but again Staines responded
and again Mancunian Mark nearly decapitated the corner flag with a goal attempt.
Defensively we had been riding our luck somewhat as several defenders were credited
with last moment clearances and the superb Robbie G trying to impress the local
housewives with his heroics kept us in the game. Too many short corners were
given away but fortunately the Staines Bastions could not be breached in this
manner. After a protracted period of Woking pressure a poorly cleared attempt
fell to a Woking player to take an opportunist shot which deflected off Uncle
Festers knee and past the helpless keeper for the equaliser.
The conflict raged on, neither side giving an inch and barely a half chance
being created at either end. Forrest bravely tried to unpick the deadlock by
trying to run through their rapidly advancing goalkeeper. When Forrest landed
(bringing back new pictures of the moons of Mars) Mart asked him "How many
fingers am I holding up ?", "Half past twelve" replied Forrest.
He went off for a rest wafting at the little blue birds circling his head. Shortly
after the game was concluded with a 1-1 draw, a good performance by Staines
against a very strong opposing team on their home ground.
Hero of the Match: An excellent performance that saved the day on several occasions,
the housewives favourite had an impressive return. We will forgive him for being
late for the Club meeting, turning up with Sid looking like 'Hinge & Bracket'.
Big Girls Blouse: A few votes went to Mancky Mark for damaging corner flags
and Forrest was mentioned for his comedy launch into orbit. But a clear and
present majority went to Uncle Fester who despite some hard work in defence,
a number of lumberjack style stick tackles and free hits plumbed at Woking forwards
didn't go unnoticed.
Mention in Despatches: Action Man Reed has worryingly taken to wearing Gay-Boy
leather trousers, lets hope the only thing getting between his thighs is a motorbike.
Mens 4th XI
The opposition took the game to Staines right from the off and in the Amazonian conditions the Staines team were finding it hard to breath let alone run and play hockey. Woking's pacy forwards took the initiative and pushed forward. Due to the heat exhaustion the writer was personally feeling he has no idea what came first the chicken or the egg, a Staines or a Woking goal. But at half time I am sure it was 1-1, the Staines goal having been set up by Alex with the nimble Martin tapping it in.
In the second half Staines started to gain the initiative, all of the Summer
hockey and fitness work paying off. Wave after wave of attacks were delivered
but without the luck of the ball. The Woking keeper was having one of those
games wherever he fell over it seemed we hit the ball. Then with less than ten
minutes to Staines collapsed, due to the heat exhaustion the Staines defenders
started to mark each other and left the Woking forwards unmarked. The result
was two goals to Woking. With only seconds to go Staines were awarded a short
corner and with Keith on the edge of the D, having just managed to get up after
being shot twice by the Garden Centre Sniper, the sniper also managed to get
Martin and someone else. The quick push out by JD and the lightning shot of
Keith pulled a goal back for Staines but all too late so a 3-2 loss for the
mighty Staines 4th XI, better luck next week.
Mens 5th XI
Mens Centurions
Ladies 1st XI
Ladies 2nd XI
After last week's 9 - 0 victory over Teddington, the Ladies 2nd XI were keen to keep the winning streak up in preparation for their first league game next week. Staines put the pressure on their opposition straight away and went 1 up very soon with a goal from Alison Schmoberg. By the end of the first half, Staines continued pressure saw a goal from Helen White. Staines were unlucky in the second half to concede a goal but then took opportunity to score from 2 short corners, put away neatly by Caroline Barnes and Juliet Porter.
Ladies 3rd XI
Ladies 4th XI