Match Reports For Week 6 Saturday 12th October Season 2002 - 2003

Mens 1st XI

After last weeks disappointing result against Spencer the Men's 1st X1 needed a win to kick-start their league campaign back into gear. The first home game of the season and the Blues were confident of victory against an Old Whitgiftians side that they convincingly beat twice last season.

In the huddle before the game, we used a new visualising technique to focus our minds. With our eyes shut, we attempted to reach inner peace and tranquillity, a struggle when the majority of the team had not washed their kit from the previous week. Regardless, we persevered and managed to calm some nerves before the opening whistle.

Whitgiftians started the game the strongest, applying early pressure to the Staines defence. Strong tackling by the back four kept the Whitgiftian attackers at bay and it was not long before the game began to swing in the home sides favour. Soon the Blues were to take the lead through a Stuart Hall tap in from a short corner and the scoreline was doubled soon after with a successful penalty flick from Larry. The Blues were cruising, and by half time it appeared there was only going to be one side winning this fixture.

After some light refreshment, Staines went straight back to business. John Stannard converted from a short corner to extend the lead to three. Not renowned for being great second half performers, the Blues were soon to let Whitgiftians back into the game 3-1. Frustration then got the better of Larry, and the resultant temper tantrum saw him take a five-minute breather for his sins. Dodwell, you would have been proud!? Despite being a man down the Blues once again extended their lead through a fantastic finish from Matt Truman, a moment of genius from the wizard, who up until that moment had appeared to have misplaced his wand 4-1.

Then Déjà vu, from quality to crap in the space of two minutes and suddenly the Swans, now with their wings clipped, were on the back foot and conceding goals. 4-1 to 4-3 in the space of five minutes and the game was once again anybodies. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife as both players and supporters began to feel the tension. Fortunately, in part to some good goalkeeping from Neil, the Blues managed to hold on to their lead and secure the three points. Apparently, it was a good game to watch, may be Sky sports should have been there? But our ability to play poorly at a moments notice is not encouraging for when we come to face some of the better sides in our league.

Mens 2nd XI

The game started off quite evenly with both teams having short bursts for about the first 10 minutes. John Dodwell then received the ball with his back to goal andwith an awesome turn he was able to slot the ball home. 1 - 0
Staines then let their guard down as Winchester got an equaliser followed by another goal to put them into the lead. 1 - 2. Some strong defensive work from Jerry Gardien and some brilliant saves from Harvey kept Staines in contention. Tempers started to flair and the home crowd made themselves heard but this only boosted Staines's game. Staines then won a short corner and a drag flick from Atkinson dinked the inside of the far post to level the scores - but again Winchester managed to put another one away to get back their lead. A free hit was then awarded to Staines just outside the D, Skipper Andrew Oliver struck the ball towards Mr Dodwell who got enough of a touch to rocket the ball into the net past the bewildered keeper. 3 - 3 From this point Staines seemed like a different side, having found their stride and firing on all cylinders. Neil received the ball in the oppositions half, effortlessly walked the ball around a few defenders before laying it off to Green who brought the ball into the D and flicked at goal, the keeper padded down the ball and Lee slotted it home from the back post.

Next up, Shane tackled to get the ball just over the half way line. He then drove past a few players before laying the ball off the Liam Green who beat a few couple more and managed to lay the ball to Atkinson who swept it across the goal to Neil who dived full stretch to poke the ball in.

This rounded up a good win for Staines 2nd X who are currently sitting with an unbeaten record in second place behind Woking.

D.O.D John 'the mouth' Dodwell

M.O.M Jerry 'solid' Gardien

Mens 3rd XI

Staines 3 vs. Chichester U18's

We had our platform to build on and you can't win a prize unless you buy a ticket to the raffle said our skipper, Sgt Major Dunners. The pre-match briefing was brief and to the point. It was interesting to note the differing pre-match preparation styles of the two teams. Chichester arrived in good time had a long team warm up running round the field, lots of team huddles interspersed with star jumps and stretches, followed by hockey exercises. Staines nonchalantly lounged around watching the 1's make life difficult for themselves, Dean watered the trees, Porno and Sponging Student arrived late, then a leisurely jog dodging the goose shit and back to the pitch just in time to get on for some warm up hockey exercises. In line with two years ago, it is clear that Chichester field a young third team, particular when compared to the gnarled senile old knackerbags we have in our stable. Certainly a case of young Colts versus old Cart Horses and Pit Ponies. Still you can't beat experience, as it was to prove.

Staines made there presence felt in the first few minutes as Porno and Dunners blooded several of the Chichester players. It was not long before the early attacking breaks resulted in Staines winning a couple of short corners. The second of which was executed in emphatic style, the keeper got a stick to Pornos shot but couldn't stop the ball bursting his net. Chichester worked hard to get back on terms but Staines soaked up the pressure. Our back four bastions of Safety, Scouse, Pace and Stroller Hurd made sure the Housewives favourite had nothing to do. Occasionally from under his helmet we would hear Godrfeys plaintive muffled cries "I'm bored, give me something to do..... please". As the half wore on it was clear our midfield was killing the opposition - literally, as Porno left another spotty adolescent squirming on the floor. 1-0 up at half time was a fair reflection of the application that was required to overcome a skilful and fit Chichester outfit.

The second half was more eventful, firstly notable for Chichester's early 'chuck the kitchen sink' at them approach in an attempt to force an early goal. Well they managed to force Stroller Hurd to plumb a 16 yard free hit straight to their centre forward. Fortunately the young chap was too pleasantly surprised to do much damage. Again the team absorbed the early onslaught and with Porno trampling over several more squished teenagers, Mikhail Quinlan bobbed and weaved into their D and eventually flicked the ball over the keeper for our second. There followed a period of clear domination by Staines, another goal came courtesy of a Mart the Tart shot that squirreled its way to the far post where Roger Greenway was menacingly lurking like an eggy fart in a lift. Rog' punted the ball home from the impressive range of four inches !

To be fair Chichester gave Rob a lot more to do in this half, several dangerous moments were averted by his good keeping. Still more action - Stroller Hurds amazing defensive clearance that flew high, over into Notcutts Garden Centre, taking out a green house and a young woman who only came in to buy a Clematis ! Then Chichester won a P-flick when Scouse and Rob G tried to entertain with their version of a Keystone Kops comedy routine (Rob knelt behind a Chichester player whilst Scouse shoved him over). Score now 3-1, and Chichester managed to contrive getting one of their players sent off on a yellow, lots of shouting and confusion and that was just the umpires - it all got too emotional for the poor chap. Staines were unable to capitalise on the short term numerical advantage as Chichester seemed determined to limit any further damage. The half ended with a Staines short corner, time had already expired, so after a good set up and an accurate shot rebounding off the keepers pads, Mr Safety kicked the ball over the back line to save any further punishment and stop Porno getting arrested for manslaughter. So a 3-1 win extends yet again the unbeaten run. Mart the Tart arranged post match teas - Pie and Beans for Staines, Farleys Rusks for Chichester.

Hero: In the Blue corner, winning by two falls and a submission, its.......Sugar Ray........HUDSON !!!

Horrible Blouse thing: Sponging Student and Mart the Tart drew equal votes but on a show of hands Mart got the honours. This was merely for allegedly missing an open goal, I did not see the incident, apparently it may have been open momentarily but then closed very quickly.............hmmmm.

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

Staines 5th XI v Purley Walcountians 6th XI

After last weeks unlucky one goal reverse it was time for the 5th XI to put some points on the board in their first ever league campaign. The omens were looking good in that the visitors didn't have too good an away record last season, in fact they travelled about as well a trifle being carried on the handlebars of a bicycle being ridden at top speed over cobblestones. By the middle of the week we were looking at two more 4th XI players coming down so a home win was looking on the cards. Then by Thursday they were back in the 4th XI ah well even this season some things don't change.

On the morning of the game we awoke to the joyous patter of rain falling, which of course meant that our astro would be much slicker and that would suit our passing style. By the time of the game the sun was shining and a stiff breeze was blowing and immediately we powered forward. Some simple hockey through the midfileld and some good running by the forwards saw us build up pressure but with no final cutting edge. After 10 mins Gordon was introduced and shortly after the pressure told and a flick was awarded. Keith Hine sauntered forward from his own half and up to the spot. WHOOOSSSSHHHHHH! 1-0 Staines. Congratulations to Keith for scoring the 5th XI's first ever league goal.

Sean, Martin and Sohail were starting to link up now, and with Jonathan holding out wide left, and Phil making probing runs down the right flank the Purley defence was being stretched like Bridget Jones's knickers. Then TWANNNNGGGG went their collective elastic as they started committing the types of misdemeanours that Edward the Cerise like to eat for breakfast, so a flurry of short corners. THWACKKKK ... 2-0 Keith's smashed the last one home through the keepers legs. KERRRRANNNNG ... ZAPPPPP .... POWWWW ... actually none of this has anything to do with the game It is just that the report was starting to read a bit like a Batman episode.

Now we hit a purple patch and the midfield and attack were clicking like clackers on Clacton beach at the 1970 Klik-a-Klak Convention. First some fine link up play saw not-so-little Phil burst down the right flank, drive to the byline, look up, see Martin on the penalty spot, delayed for a second to draw the keeper, passed it to Martin perfectly - who swept it home to make it 3-0. Minutes later and Martin burst through into the D after more good work from Gordon, and once again Phil made eye contact and called for the ball, Martin duly obliged and Phil dinked it perfectly over the keeper ... 4-0. Soon after another attack saw panic spread through the Purley defenders .. only to see Jonathan pounce and pass the ball expertly into the bottom corner .. 5-0.

PEEEEEPPPPPP!! Ah the half-time whistle.

No oranges at half-time? Of course the 5th XI now play in a league so no friendly bags of citrus fruit. Hence we had to make do with some Orange & Pineapple juice from Tescos to accompany Frank's observation that the midfield were playing too high and not chasing back. A bit harsh given that the visitors hadn't mustered a single shot on goal - but hang on a minute he does have a point though given that last week they hadn't had a shot on target in the 1st half and we went on to lose.

The second half started brightly with some fine attacking play from Sohail and Chris down the right but unfortunately the finish was not quite there. Gordon fired a couple wide, Martin deflected a couple wide, and Sean had a couple of efforts kicked away by the keeper. Credit where its due however and the visitors did play much more as a team in the second half and we never regained the momentum of the 1st half, but we did keep Frank happier by looking a lot more solid defensively. Towards the end however the visitors visibly tired from their improved work and the cracks started to appear. First Gordon deflected a Keith exocet just over the bar and onto the roof of the net with the keeper beaten. Then Phil cut in from the left beat a couple of players and laid a great ball through to Martin who hit it wide. Then Sohail laid a ball into the D only to stopped by the most blatant back stick I've seen. Another flick. Keith shows no fear and flicks home for 6-0 and his hatrick. Still time for Sean to open his account for Staines with a sweet strike from just inside the D ... 7-0.

Man of the Match: Frank from Phil on the casting vote of Lucky.
Dick of the Day: Keith hatrick hero for a comical fall and then moments later running up and taking the oppositions' free hit as we were all backing off and then earning a 10yd walk back.

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Unfortunately the excellent start to the season came to an abrupt halt on Saturday when Staines were beaten 3-0 away to Harrow. Harrow are unbeaten so far this season and have yet to concede a goal and they proved to be tough opposition. The game was most definitely a game of two halves - Staines completely dominated the first half but failed to capitalise on their domination with a goal. Despite much attacking play and plenty of short corners the goals alluded them. Unfortunately Harrow came out very strongly immediately after half time and scored early on after being awarded a flick after the ball was saved off the line with the help of a foot. Staines, unused to being behind, found themselves on the back foot and soon lost their shape and passing game and found themselves chasing the game for 30 minutes. Harrow scored two more goals in the second half and appeared to gain momentum from Staines' desperation.

Lessons will be learnt from this performance and the team remains confident of reversing the score line when they play Harrow at home in February.

Ladies 2nd XI

Staines 1 - West Hampstead 2

We knew from the start that we had a tough game ahead of us on Saturday. West Hampstead were relegated last season from the Premiership, but we were determined as ever, especially after last week's performance to win the game. We applied the pressure on West Hampstead from the off and created a lot of opportunities. Jo Ive was unlucky when she hit the bar in the first 5 minutes, but soon we took the lead after Fish drove the ball down the right wing and crossed a powerful ball across the D for Julia, showing once again her commitment to the team, threw herself on the floor to score. Staines had most of the possession in the first half and were then awarded a penalty flick after Juliet's stick got ruthlessly pulled out of her hands. Christina bravely stepped up to take the flick, but all credit to the keeper who apart from telling our coach, Mr. Stanndard to rudely go away did well to save Christina's flick.

The second half began well and again were unlucky not to increase their lead with shots from Whitey and Juliet but then a big black cloud loomed over and seemed to effect us. Suddenly, West Hampstead got a new lease of life and took advantage of it and soon levelled the scores. It was a tough battle between the two sides, but unfortunately West Hampstead took the points by scoring a second goal 5 minutes from the end. This was hard to take seeing as we hadn't lost a league game since February 2001!!! No more league games now until November 2nd, when we intend not to loose again for another 18months at least.

Man of the match: Caroline Barnes

Ladies 3rd XI

Ladies 4th XI