Match Reports For Week 14 Saturday 7th December Season 2002 - 2003

Mens 1st XI

The short trip to Hampton eventually led to a succesful away day for the blue army. The first half started with Staines on top, applying a great deal of pressure to the O.K's goal, looking to crush what is a fairly weak side early in the game. However a combination of good goal keeping and some woeful finishing meant that staines could not find the lead. O.K's came back into the game after Staines' good start and the game settled down to be very frustrating for both teams. A scrappy midfield battle ensued wtih a good performance from the reinstated Liam Greene and it was his goal line clearance that inspired Staines to take the lead. As has been so often the case this season, Staines won a short corner through good work by the midfield and the ball was slotted into the goal by captain John Stannard. The expected avalanche of goals did not follow but staines added to their lead when Neil Toulson tapped in at the far post after a sweeping move through Matt Truman, James Chapman and Robbie Watson led to a simple finish.

After the half time break O.K's came out looking the stronger team and dominated the Staines side with poor decision making and lack of concentration letting the home side grab a goal back from a deflected cross. This should have spurred Staines on and despite some driving runs down the right flank by Adam Servais, which led to number of chances for the Staines forwards,no more goals were scored. So the game peetered out into another three points for the blue army.

This weekend sees Staines' last competitive hockey of 2002. They take on London Wayfarer's in the league at home on saturday and on sunday they play Teddington in the Middlesex cup also at home.

Mens 2nd XI

Staines were looking for some Christmas cheer after a disappointing loss to league leaders Woking last week.

Pre- match preparations did not bode well as former captain Clive Bolton was still in a cab racing through East London when the game started. A mixture of international matches delayed his plane but as it happened Staines were not in need of his talents. The Blues began at a tremendous pace creating some exceptional hockey. This was soon rewarded with a goal from predator James Hall who snuck into the near post area to jab home the first after 3 minutes. Staines continued in the same manner and Herne Bay couldn't get to grips with the fluid movement and excellent support play (especially from Hall and Anton) that the home team were creating. With the visitors playing an unusual formation of four static at the back , a loose midfield of four and a couple of high strikers it allowed the Blues to force their advantage and Johnny Dodwell nutmegged the goalie with a well crafted move and finish. The half ended 2-0 and Bolton managed to turn up to be waterboy during the interval. The home team started a little slowly and Herne Bay became more involved in the game with some good pressure on the home goal. However good work from Greenway, Kemish, Jason and Woods kept the attacks at bay although Oliver did employ unusual tactics which included launching a ball into the water feature in a neighbouring garden centre - can't score from there !!!. Jet Lag and GB commitments must have taken their toll as Bolton flicked wide from close range after more excellent play from Hall. Staines got back into the game and Anton swept in from an acute angle after a short corner breakdown. Herne got a consolation goal after some good midfield play left a two-on-one with the Blues goalie. The home team grabbed all three points to go up to third in the table to put pressure on Woking and Epsom.

DOD: Clive "oops" Bolton
MOM: James "LionHeart" Hall

this is sort of accurate - ahem

Mens 3rd XI

No-one was looking forward to the long trek to Canterbury, particularly in the cold and drizzle. And particularly a slightly shop soiled Rob Godfrey, the Housewives Favourite was suffering a monumental hangover from the night before which he blamed on playing with the girls at his works Christmas bash. Further suffering was caused because Mart the Tart had just had his car windows tinted and would not let the Chundermeister open them for some fresh air. Alpesh Chewbacca Patel was recalled this week, he spent most of the journey down, curled up on my parcel shelf fast asleep. When we arrived Chewy decided he needed a further catnap so went off and curled up on top of the Club house TV set. A large Sheep trailer was parked on the grass outside of the Canterbury Clubhouse. Porno Hudson immediately went off to investigate, soon came back - no sheep - remaining sexually frustrated. In the meantime Rob was pebble-dashing the toilets. The pre-match warm up nearly developed into a cross country run all the way back to Littlebourne - the Tart got a bit over enthusiastic. Then Dunners gave us our brief for the day - go out there with determination, beat the crap out of them, eat all their food and then go home.

Pid quickly made an impression on their centre forward, a sort of elbow shaped indentation and from then on regularly trampled the Canterbury chap into the Astro. The Staines Bastions soon settled into the familiar routine and with some excellent sweeping from Scouse Forrester provided a sound base to launch attacks. Likewise on the attack Staines made an early impression, again Mik was proving dangerous down the left. Alpo was wide awake on the right, tempted by some Whiskers Kitty Treats he pounded the wing and created some more confusion in the Canterbury back lines. On balance Staines could claim to have the upper hand, Opta Statistics showing we had 54% possession, 6 goal attempts and 2 shorts, to Canterbury's 3 attempts and 2 shorts. Big Rob, gurgling and quietly farting in his goal, was called into action and not found wanting. A dangerous goal mouth scramble required Rob to athletically throw himself at the floor and fend off a shot close to the post. The big man proved he can still operate on an empty stomach. It concluded as 0-0 at half time, with a slightly buoyant Skipper reasonably pleased at our team performance. We still had something to prove as we have been poor the last couple of weeks and have yet to win this game.

For the first 10 minutes or so the second half was more of the same although Staines could still claim to be taking the fight to the home side. The Staines midfield were a major factor today. Dunners stampeding up and down was imperious. Porno and Jeremy (Another Sponging Student) worked like trojans. Eventually much Staines pressure earned us a third short corner - Rowley, Rengger, O'Brien stepped forward again. A tasty slip right to Alpo who pounced to strike the ball home under the keeper. 1-0 to the boys in blue and lots of purring and fur shedding from Chewy. Canterbury fought back, and for a time Staines were on the back foot and also conceding short corners, but all snuffed out successfully. Then from a Canterbury short, Staines conjured a second goal. 'Formally Known As Safety' charged down the Canterbury stopper, before a shot could be fired a sprawling tackle slid the ball safely to our midfield. Dunners managed to release Jeremy to gallop into the opposition D and thrash the ball into the net. Canterbury still pressed forward at risk, because Staines regularly hit them on the break but we squandered a few good chances (you know who you are!). Unfortunately we succumbed to another short corner to give Canterbury a glimmer of hope. Their first shot was brilliantly blocked by 'Known Again as Safety' only for the ball to spin loose. Canterbury were fastest to react and Rob had no chance to stop a well placed second shot. But the Blue Army were not to be denied, Canterbury appeared to be fading and the Garry Kemish fitness classes are paying off for Staines. Porno won the ball with a typical sliding tackle and delivered a defence splitting pass to Mik. After a bit of twisty turny stuff Mik eventually decides to lift the ball into the net over the spread-eagled keeper. That was game over really, for the last 5 minutes or so Canterbury couldn't mount an effective attack and it was more likely that we would extend our lead. A very welcome 3-1 for Staines......Nice!

Hero: For some excellent defending, sweeping up and washing up - James Scouse Forrester.
Girls Blouse: I don't feel well..EEEEUUUURRRGGHHHH...UGH...UGH...AARRRRGGHHHHHUUUUGHH.....Thats better. Rob Godfrey.
Mention in Despatches: The Notcutts Sniper. He managed to find his way into the bushes at Canterbury and took out Jeremy. Jezza went down like a sack of spuds with a rather theatrical girly scream!.

Mens 4th XI

Well, quite a game this week. From the start it looked as if this would be a tough game as Eastcote held most of the ball on our 25 yard line and only good defending kept them from opening an account. However it was the Legion Bleu who scored first with the Old Faithful short corner routine of the huddle, once again catching the defence off guard and allowing the goal to be slipped in with ease. From then the pressure subsided slightly and we controlled most of the first half. However this did not stop Eastcote from still attacking from time to time, and it was on one of these such occasions, when a free hit was awarded just outside the D that Sid was given the chance to deflect it past myself (not for the want of trying) and into the bottom corner. So they had a goal as well.

Come the second half we were very much the dominant team and put mounted pressure on their half but could not score. They scored again at one point from a scrambled ball, but that only enraged us and sent the wrath of Phil to rain down on them. The result being a flurry of goals leaving Eastcote bamboozled in their tracks. So dominant were we in attack that dear old Dan in defence found time to practice some acrobatics on his own (with no one near him), in our own half and with everyone watching, on and off the pitch.

The result was 8-2 to us and a very enjoyable game for all! Let's try to maintain this for the last match of the year as we strive for success and the world domination we deserve.

Mens 5th XI

With no league match this weekend we had arranged a friendly against local opposition who no one could remember having played against before. In pre-season they had lost to Thames Valley by the same 1-0 scoreline as we did on the opening day, so a competitive encounter was expected.

Some weeks the pre-match warm-up routine is not that wholeheartedly undertaken, but with a Siberian drizzle drifting across the lights this week everyone was seen keenly jogging - and we almost got a couple of wags from the opposition to join us!

With a couple of players away this week's guest appearance came from Ben, back from his travels through Africa - boy he must have been felt the cold! Once the game started it was clear that this was not going to be as easy as some of the league matches we have played recently. After only a couple of minutes Ben was unsurprisingly caught cold as he stood to far off his man, then dived in to no avail the winger sprinted clear, crossed to the top of the circle where the centre forward expertly turned the ball home first time. 0-1 rats !!!

Shocked by being a goal down for once we responded well, and with Dave providing rousing vocal support from the sidelines we started to push the visitors onto the back foot. Diego skipped forward from midfield beating one man, two men, three men, four men ... aahh .. but then of course he ran over the goal line ... dolt !!! Then he was off again ... one man, two men, three men, ... oops lost it! Perhaps we need to dust off some of the old techniques we used to use on Ada in the 4's a couple of years ago ... for example, pretend to be the 4th defender and tackle him yourself, all join in a queue behind him and play follow the leader, ... and get that Ada of the day trophy made up again .. you know the one with a stick, ball and a nail.

By now we starting to exert some considerable pressure, and with Simon and Martin locking up the midfield Sohail and Phil were finding lots of space out wide. Without Roly or Keith playing this week the short corner routine took a few too many unrehearsed changes and wasn't performing so we remained a goal down. After the early goal Frank had made a personal mission to prevent the centre forward from adding to his tally, and stirling work by Dave and Ben (now warmed up) kept the visitors out. Dave also made a couple of timely, and composed, clearances from his circle when the back line was breached. Down the other end Martin was getting a lot of space free on the right and a couple of hard hit crosses just failed to connect with Gordon. Then a quick break from midfield saw the ball worked out to Phil on the right edge of the circle, Gordon took his man away from the centre of the goal and Phil's excellent cross was swept home by the rejuvinated Sohail. A few minutes later and Phil crossed from the right to Martin who's first time shot was toe-ended away from the corner of the goal.

The visitors raided forward again but the play was broken down again by good work by Richard and Simon and soon the ball was swept from our own half out to the left wing then to the middle, out to the right were Phil drove the ball across and Sohail swept home a carbon copy of the 1st goal, 2-1 ..that's more like it !

More attacking play down the right and this time it was Simon who shot from the top D ... but agonisingly just an inch wide of the back post.

Half-time : 2-1. Team talk - just not good enough. The sweeper's wasted (not literally), so let's push four in midfield and let's go MAN-TO-MAN at the back. Also let's ponder... 2 goals from 30 seconds of pass and move hockey ... no goals from all that dribbling ... mmmm.

The game if anything became even more fast and furious after the break with A&F throwing extra numbers forward to try and get back in the game. The pressure started to build and we gave away a couple of silly short corners. Encouraged by some of our mistakes they forced a few more. Fortunately their short corner routine looked more like a parody of a religious ritual ... to summarise the ball was swept out to someone who was kneeling down stick angled toward Mecca, or possibly the Xmas trees in Notcutts it was hard to tell. Everytime the ball dribbled away in exactly the same, rather pathetic manner, so obviously it had been pefected by hours of studious practice. Fortunately this kept our rather narrow lead intact. At the other end Sohail Gordon and Phil were keeping their defenders on alert, and only some good defending allied by a tendency to choose the non-passing option prevented us from extending our lead.

Then Diego charged back and was late and high with a stick tackle ... under the umpire's nose as well ... and given a few other dodgy looking tackles was sent to the sidelines for 5 minutes to freeze his assets off. No problem of course because this made the oppo attack us a little bit more fervently and possibly recklessly. This was soon proven when Martin and Deepak broke up an attack the ball was switched to Richard who laid it out wide to Phil ... who took it on and crossed to Gordon in the D. He still had plenty to do .. but with the ball running away from him across his body ... he simply flat-sticked it, one handed of course, past a rather bemused and despairing goalie for 3-1.

With the stuffing knocked out of them by conceding the goal with a man advantage we could easily have scored a couple more, but the final pass, well any pass inside the D, was missing. We scored a 4th after Dave produced a lovely lay-off a the top of the circle for Simon who managed to hit the keeper when he said he should of scored, but fortunately the defender on the line practically jumped on the ball to give away a flick. Simon bravely took it himself and buried it for 4-1.

We still had time for some woeful defensive clearances ... something that we need to work on for the New Year.

Man of the Match : Simon, Frank and Sohail all tied ... with the final decision falling Simon's way.
Dick of the Day : Sohail ... (oops not really - that's just been part of my template for the last few weeks) ... obviously it went to Mr Dribble himself Diego for excessive Ada impersonations, getting a yellow card and leaving early after the match without paying ... AGAIN !! A special mention for Sohail who played his "I've been crap the last few weeks because I've been fasting during daylight hours" excuse before the game ... and delivered a much improved performance to back it up.

Other scores: Thames Valley sneaked a 1-0 win at Croydon, and Woking were back on form with a 14-0 win away at Old Reigations. So all three of us have now opened up a gap to the rest of the league ... and it looks like one of us is going to take the title .. so its vitally important that we don't take any game lightly .. as one goal might make the difference between first and second place

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Staines 3 v Asford 0

The Ladies finished the first half of the season with a 3-0 victory over local rivals Ashford. It was always going to be a tough match with lots of local pride at stake and Staines knew that they would need to be confident with their own game and determined throughout. The first half saw a barrage of shots from the Staines attack and several short corners but a combination of excellent keeping, narrow misses and the post kept the score to 0-0 at half time. Ashford battled well and seemed determined to hold out for a draw. An attacking run from Kate Bramley out of right defence ended with the ball in the back of the net only for the umpire to blow for a penalty corner just as the ball crossed the line. This roused Staines and the deadlock was finally broken when Lou Delaney netted a goal from a superb cross from Mel Atfield. With a renewed confidence and vigor, the Staines attacks continued and before long, Ruth Hine deflected the ball into the top left hand corner to make it 2-0. An own goal from Ashford added to the tally in the final ten minutes. It was, as predicted, a difficult local derby and one that Staines were relieved to win. The team now looks forward to the second half of the season.

Ladies 2nd XI

It was a welcome relief on Saturday to play a friendly after weeks of very hard league games, however, Staines still put every effort into winning this game and took the game to Windsor from the start. The first half looked as if it would finish 0 - 0 after several opportunities didn't materialise, but some fantastic individual efforts from Sarah Chandler resulted in us finishing the half 2 - 0. Being the coldest it has been so far this season, it was a quick half time turnaround or perhaps we were just mega keen, but we soon got started again and Windsor also charged up scored a goal after a little hiccup from the Staines defence. The third Staines goal has to go down to the some of the best team play we've seen this season. The ball was cleared out of Staines defence by Pauline Williams to Juliet Porter, who swept the ball into midfield to Sarah Chandler, who in turn flicked the ball onto Helen White, who crossed to Eleanor Ward, for her to pull back for Helen Fisher to hit the ball home from the top of the D. Most amusing at this point is always the look on Helen's face, she always looks stunned that she's actually scored. This excellent show of team play, spurred Staines on with only 10 players, after Eleanor had to unfortunately go off injured. The fourth goal was roofed by Juliet Porter off a Helen Fisher cross and the game put well out of Windsor's reach when Helen White finished with style just before the final whistle.

Ladies 3rd XI

Ladies 4th XI