Match Reports For Week 19 Saturday 11th January Season 2002 - 2003
Mens 1st XI
Mens 2nd XI
Mens 3rd XI
In the deep mid winter when the wind it blew so cruel, there an old man came
in sight playing with his.......colostomy bag. It was Keith Hine dropping a
tennis ball in it, to stop it freezing up. However, first proper Third Battalion
game of the year and we travelled away to Crawley. Fortunately the pitch was
playable and a nice game was on the cards to knock off the cobwebs and get rid
of some of the Christmas induced lardiness. Father Ted McDunners delivered the
team brief - I quote: "I don't give a shit about the result, its the attitude
that matters".
The first half got under way and the Blue army settled down nicely and gained
an early short corner. Up stepped the specialist team (Rowley, Rengger, O'Brien
- need I remind you?) and the first shot was blocked away by the keeper only
to fall into the clutches of Dave Hurd. Dave controlled the ball and slapped
it home. Although Staines clearly dominated the next period, creating several
good chances - we managed to avoid converting them. Then about mid way through
the half Mart the Tart got clear at the top of the D and spanked a shot into
the bottom corner. Crawley not having read the script, decided to reply by breaking
quickly down their left wing. Pace O'Brien was nowhere to be seen as he was
still pretending to be a forward, as the Crawley number 14 stormed towards our
D. The housewives favourite emerged from under his tartan rug and manoeuvred
his muscular frame in the relevant direction. But to no avail - the No. 14 shot,
Rob G collapsed (not fast enough though) and the ball went into our net. The
goals dried up for a time as the Crawley keeper pulled off some heroic saves
and almost got cut in two by a pile-driving shot from the Tart. Staines renewed
our general dominance and sure enough a goal was bagged just before half time.
Chubby Jezza did some tricky work along the back line, leaving their defender
with his legs in a granny knot and cut the ball back for Mik Quinlan to neatly
sweep home for a 3-1 advantage.
The second half started very well for the Blue boys (shirts that is, nothing
to do with the cold, although Sponging Student thought his willie had snapped
off with frost bite!) scoring a brace of goals within minutes of the start.
First Lees-Low, nursing his frozen todger, picked out the Tart who planted the
ball in the net. Quickly followed by Chubby Jezza cantering past the Crawley
left back, along the back line, to guide a finely placed shot in off the keeper.
Crawley appeared to start fading at this point, other than the occasional flurry
they struggled to get out of their half. Soon Tart secured his hat-trick, but
not before a truly dreadful miss from short range. Was it a divot or a stray
worm cast - we will never know, but donkey calls echoed round the pitch. For
the hat-trick goal Pid sent Martin on his way by intercepting a loose ball and
lobbing it forward, a neatly topped shot saw the ball dribble into the goal
an inch inside the post. The short corner routines were looking good today and
to prove it Mr Safety, from his traditional lurking position, swept the ball
home decisively - with a measured amount of quiet celebration. Chubby Jezza
was back in the action again - another short corner "let me do a flick"
he said, "please, please please" he said. "Oh all right"
we said. Never was there a more feeble drag flick ever seen ! "Can I try
again" he said. "No ! Feck off !" Father McDunners said.
A little later Jezza got creamed by a defender and we won a P-flick. This boy
is as keen as mustard. Jezza steps up - he flicked, the keeper dives......and
saves it! Never mind he made amends by getting a goal, almost like his first,
by thrashing the ball at the keeper and getting a deflection into the net. Crawley
then had their best moment when a quick break actually got them into our D,
somehow a shot was executed and deflected towards the top of our goal. With
Robbie already committed doing a Bluebottle impression on the floor, it was
left to the Skipper to fend the ball away for a long corner. In the dying minutes,
Chubby managed to avoid the Crawley defence (again) and delivered a tempting
pass to Mart the Tart sweeping home for his forth goal. A rather pleasant 9-1
victory to Staines. We went back to their Clubhouse, ate all their food and
plundered their bar.
Hero: Eight candidates received votes. But it was a tie between Sponging Student
and Chubby Jezza - with the second round vote awarding Marc the honours.
Big Girls Blouse: Only three candidates put forward this time. But for missing
a P-flick and the most feeble drag flick attempt ever there could only be one
outcome - Chubby Jezza Raines.
Mens 4th XI
Mens 5th XI
Mens Centurions
Ladies 1st XI
Ladies 2nd XI
Ladies 3rd XI
Ladies 4th XI