Match Reports For Week 21 Saturday 25th January Season 2002 - 2003

Mens 1st XI

After last week's debacle against Whit's, Staines were looking to improve in this game against bottom of the table O.Cranleighan's and they did this in some style! Staines started strongly with Geraint "Sid" Hughes coming close to opening the scoring in the first 5 minutes, when his shot was deflected on to the post. This stirred the Staines side and after 10 mins Hughes hit a copycat strike into the corner for the first goal. This settled Staines down and it was not long before they scored again, this time from James "Larry" Chapman at a short corner. Again, Staines didn't relax and more shots rained in on the O.C's goalkeeper. These resulted in goals for Mike Farmer, from a short corner rebound, Chapman again from a short corner and a clinical finish from Neil Toulson.

The second half started with Staines again dominating the game as they had done throughout the first half, playing some superb passing hockey. They further increased their lead with a great finish from Stuart Hall and then Chapman scored his hattrick with a penalty stroke. Staines kept pushing, looking for further goals and O.C's managed to pinch two goals on the break as a bit of sloppiness crept into Staines' play. These goals spurred Staines on and soon after Matthew Truman got on to the score sheet with a rasping shot from the top of the 'D'. The final goal was scored by Hall with another good strike after excellent work by the forwards.

This was a good result for the blue army with some excellent hockey all round and they will be looking to take this form into the next game away to Gore Court on Saturday.

Mens 2nd XI

A disappointing loss for the Blue Army this week, who went 3-1 down to a superior Brighton team. After arriving at the ground, thanks to some detailed maps from Clive, a long trek over a building site was needed until the pitch finally came into view. A quick warm-up led by Gary and Richard and Staines were ready to go.

The first half was end-to-end, with Brighton having most of the play, but the defence held firm and Staines created a few of their own chances with Richard Beeson coming close to a goal. Brighton scored first after a short corner but Staines came fighting back and were definitely on top at the end of the first half.

The second half began with some quality moves from Staines which ended in a shot for none other than Clive Bolton, (he missed), but Staines were having all the play. Brighton then went and scored a break away goal, one-twoing it around Rob, who was stepping in this week for Big Harv. He did you proud Harvey. Staines replied with more positive play, but still failed to find the goal. It eventually came when a good build up finished with Anton moving the ball across the 25, through Chris, to Jason, who slipped it to Olli who smashed home Staines’ first. With ten minutes to go, Staines carried on fighting but the ball was lost too often from careless passing, and too long balls. Barry did his best to put Staines back in it, sacrificing his elbows by diving full length into the keeper to nick the ball, only to hit the post. But with just five minutes left, Brighton broke away again, which left only Olli on the goal line to save the day. Unfortunately he deflected the shot into the net and Staines were 3-1 down, which was the final score.

Disappointing after coming so close to knocking Epsom off 2nd position in the league, but they will have to wait.
Man of the Match: Gary Kemish, good work from the ginger one, one of the few players who was solid all game.

Dick of the Day: Andy O. A difficult one this week as we all could have done much better, but when in doubt, vote for the Captain.

Mens 3rd XI

This Open Premier Division top of the Table clash had top billing at the Stade de Illuminaire. Surbiton brought their three strong gang of Cheerleaders and we brought Father Ted McDunners dragged off his sick bed to prowl the touchline as the Hockey equivalent of Sir Alex Ferguson. Due to severe staff shortages within the Club we had to loan Pid to the 4's so we only had a basic eleven players to field. With a couple of groins and a hamstring already twanging loudly before the start it was touch and go whether all eleven would last the full 70 minutes.

The game opened at a furious pace, but Surbiton's undoubted quality and good team play was blunted by Staines determination and matched by the Blue boys team ethic. In fact first blood went to Staines when sponging student Lees-Low managed to fell a Surbiton player in a particularly decisive tackle. Surbition managed to create a few scoring chances from open play but the Defensive Bastions were on form managing to get the block in. Jim Digby, standing in for the Housewives Favourite, was well tested and athletically made several key saves. Second blood went to Staines also, this time a free hit on their 25 line was taken by Adrian 'Lurch' Barnwell. A mighty thwack saw the ball strike a Surbition player in the chest, he went down like a sack of King Edwards, understandably. For a moment it looked like Staines would actually score first when Mik found himself in the clear running one on one with the keeper. He calmly selected a 3 wood to drive the ball home but caught a massive divot and missed the ball completely. Surbiton were having no luck from short corners which they managed to regularly gain. Again the Blue defence was more than a match, Mr Safety was out too fast for them, Stroller Hurd, Lurch Barnwell and Pace O'Brien closed down everything else. Unfortunately there was one short corner too many when the ball deflected nicely to the Surbition forward lurking at the back post, his sweep shot was almost blocked by our keeper but the deflection and spin took the ball away from Deano's stick on the line, to trickle into the net. 1-0 down at half time.

Father McDunners brought over the DRINK! and delivered a rousing team talk with the occasional FECK thrown in for general emphasis. The second half started and Staines looked like we were in the business of getting this game back. Until rather against the run of play at the time, Surbition were awarded a P-flick. Only the umpire knows why it was awarded, even Surbition seemed somewhat surprised yet grateful. However, they scored to give them a 2 goal margin. Staines took that set back on the chin and stepped up a gear, shovelling on more coal, the Blue juggernaught battered its way forward. Now Surbition appeared to be largely on the back foot, they continued to make dangerous forays into our half. Chubby Jezza went down a couple of times - the Notcutts sniper being busy again ! Several of the Surbition forwards also appeared to fall victim to the 'sniper'. One who looked like Robert Pires (of the Arsenal) hit the deck with a particularly theatrical squeal. Pace O'Brien stood over him "Get up you pussy!" was the call of the day. The half wore on with Staines still looking to break open the Surbition defence. In the last 10 minutes the Blue Army got a chance. Perhaps fatigue was setting in but the Surbiton squad were making more errors and their work rate was clearly dropping below that of Staines. A poorly taken 16 was intercepted by Mart the Tart he wobbled past one defender, his groin twanging like a badly tuned guitar, advanced into the D and was allowed to thrash the ball home past their exposed keeper. The crowd went wild, all five of them ! Still Staines pressed forward Scouse Forrester was now blowing out his arse with the effort but kept going. The new sponging Student James Ashton continued to impress on his debut and with occasional runs forward by Lurch and Stroller to press home attacks, Surbiton were struggling to stay in the game. With only a couple of minutes remaining another poorly taken Surbition 16 led to confusion in their ranks as Chubby Jezza intercepted the ball, dribbled into their D unchallenged and poked it past the stranded keeper. Surbition were dismayed, Staines were very pleased, the Umpires discussed and the goal rightly remained. A very hard fought contest resulted in a 2-2 draw which on reflection is a fair result.

Hero: Both Mart the Tart and Stroller Hurd were deserved candidates. Dave edging the second round vote on sympathy, as he is leaving us to go to Bristol.
Fat Birds Knickers: Because he is leaving us to go to Bristol Dave Hurd got no sympathy and got the vote !
Mention in Despatches: Umpire Anya for managing a difficult and fast paced game, sticking to her principles and decisions.
Mention in Despatches: McDunners Junior - quote "They play better without you Dad !" (no pocket money this week for Kieran then?)

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

After the game your interpid match reporter went with the family and some friends to watch a local pantomime. It felt like a case of Deja-vu. It all started at 11:00am when we arrived at the club. 4th XI players swooped down from the trees trying to capture anyone they could for a trip to Leighton Buzzard, for those of you who don't know where that is ... Richard, Diego ???, its somewhere near Milton Keynes. The 4th XI crept up on L'il Phil ... "watch out there's a 4th XI kidnapper behind you ..." , "oh no there isn't" ... "oh yes there is" ... and in a flash he was gone, whisked away in a blaze of gravel.

We quickly organised our cars, handed out the maps (AND note ... DIRECTIONS !!!!) to the drivers and set off for the amiable trundle down the M25. Time check 11:20am. As we cruised along Gordon asked where the other were and I said "We've just gone past Richard and Diego, so that means that they are just behind us", and at 12:10 we arrived despite missing the required turn 1st time around. Simon and Matty were going direct and arrived ... but no sign of the missing Richard/Diego group. A call ... they had seen a sign for the "Purley-to-Timbuktu Rally" and had entered the 1st stage which took them pass Sutton United Football Club, across the Purley Way and then a few miles further east ... away from the ground!! With the umpires giving us the 2 minute warning at 13:10 the lost warriors arrived and casually changed into there shoes .... la di da ... dick of the day votes were being apportioned early this week!

This week we were missing Keith (relegated to coaching the 1st XI), Gordon (knackered knee), Sohail (dodgy ankle), Deepak (working) and obviously Phil (stolen by the 4th XI). Scoring goals looked like it was going to be difficult, as only Martin had scored more than 2 goals this season from those that were left. Once the game started it didn't take long for us to start creating space. Neil made some good runs into acres of space. Their captain kept shouting "Watch out he's behind you !!" ... "Oh no he isn't ... " "Oh yes he is ... " ... but unfortunately no early passes were made and the midfield kept running into defenders and losing the ball. Martin and Richard combined on the right wing but left the ball behind for Purley to counterattack. Fortunately the danger was snuffed out, and then Martin chasing back tripped his own feet and twisted his ankle badly. More hobbling. Die!go was working hard in midfield (not a misprint !!!) with Simon and the ball was won back and moved forward to Martin to Sean, who cut diagonally into the 25 ... drove on, drew the keeper off his line and slipped it beautifully into the path of Roly ... who swept it home for his 3rd of the season .. taking the pressure off Martin to score.

We went on a 10 minute rampage now pushing the home side further and further back, and won a couple of short corners. Matty clenched his buttocks and smashed the 1st shot goalwards but it was blocked. The second he clenched harder, a few monkey nut shells were seen falling from his shorts, and the ball whizzed into the fence wide of the goal. Martin had a quiet word at the next corner ... slip it right. Next corner ... Matty slip right to Martin who flicked it over the keeper who just got a hand to parry the ball. Martin reacted quickest and scooped the ball over him and into the corner for 2-0.

Half Time: 2-0. Good performance considering the changes in personnel, more than a few changes of personnel, and that only Woking had managed to score more than a single goal against them since October last year.

After the break the home side played a bit higher and marked much better than they had earlier. However Frank, Matty and Richard were holding firm at the back and there seemed no way back for Purley. Staines then went into a purple patch. The ball was swept from the back to left half, back inside, into the inside left channel and across to Martin storming up on the right side ... but he just couldn't beat the last man on the edge of the circle. We were now starting to pass the ball to Neil who continued to make some good looking runs off the ball, but unfortunately the pace on the ball was lacking and the defenders had time to step in and take the ball. The game was just starting to drift when we were awarded a hit about 35 yards out. Matty threw away his monkey nuts and got out the walnuts. He loaded them into his shorts and launched an almighty screamer towards the right of the circle. John Wareham ! dived for shelter from the nutty shrapnel and as luck would have it the ball hit his stick, and with the force almost knocking it from his hand the ball spun high into the sky. A few seconds seemed to pass, and then the ball came back into view ... it had floated over the keeper ... and it was ... heading for the goal ... no way ... yesssssss !!! Its in .. Ronaldinho eat your heart out ... Seaman is beaten .. get that hair cut you saddo ... 3-0 !!!!

The game now seemed to go off the boil .. but we still won some more short corners ... and Matty was now winding up for the even bigger one. The nuts now replaced with solid Titanium ballbearings ... but still the keeper blocked them ... mmm. One slip one goal ... ten shots no goals ... need we say more?

Then the panto spirit returned. The umpire awarded a short corner. Frank inquired. The umpires answered ... "It hit your foot" ... "Oh no it didn't" ... "I've given it so I can't change my mind" ... "Oh yes you can!" ... "Oh no I can't". The short corner was easily blocked but then Richard executed the non-clearance of the season, as his push to "safety" from the penalty spot just about managed to leave the circle, but unfortunately went straight to their forward, who took it on a few paces and smashed it through Dave's legs in goal. Rats there goes Frank's clean sheet. Although Purley tried to get back into the game they only generated a half-chance which was missed at the back post, and that was that.

PS: Many thanks to Gordon for a fine job of blowing the whistle.

Full Time : 3-1 Win

Man of the Match : John "Ronaldinho" Wareham took the honours
Dick of the Day : Diego - he reads a map about as well as he navigates his way to the goal !!!

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Ladies 2nd XI

On paper this was a tough game, and indeed it turned out to be. Even missing some of our usual key players, we took the game to H&E from the off and applied the pressure. The passing was the best we had played in a while and confident of the victory Staines went 1 - 0 thanks to a fantastic individual effort from Sarah Chandler who thundered the ball into the back of the net from the top of the D. Sarah Chandler then tried her luck again at the same move, but unfortunately it hit a Jo Ive's foot as it went in the goal. Staines at this point kept up the pressure and determined to increase their lead were awarded a penalty flick. Jo Ive bravely stood up to take it, but the keeper made the right move and saved it. In the second half, H&E came out determined and managed to equalize. Staines didn't give up and worked extremely hard to try and increase their lead, but H&E pulled the winner out of the bag to deny Staines. This is only the 2nd loss of the season in Staines league campaign and they remain 3rd in the league, ready to take on local rivals Ashford this Saturday.

Ladies 3rd XI

With the final team still being sorted out on Friday night it was good to see we had a squad of 12 on Saturday despite the early start. Staines took a while to settle but eventually we found the net with a well angled goal from Tracy Stanley. Unfortunately we let our guard down and Ashford scored a goal minutes before half time. After a positive team talk Staines came out with new vigour with 2 further goals from Jeanette Tucker and Bhav Patel, and we are sure the goal aggression came from our Wednesday night training session with our Coach Duncan Foster. Player of the match was Kathy Windsor Baynes who moved from her normal centre forward role to the back.

Ladies 4th XI