Match Reports For Week 23 Saturday 8th February Season 2002 - 2003

Mens 1st XI

Staines were determined to keep up their winning ways against Maidenhead this week and continue to turn around the second half of their season. Staines wanted to take revenge against a team who had beaten them earlier this season and applied the pressure from the start. The blue army took control of the game and soon went 1 - 0 up with a clinical finish from Matt Truman after great work by Adam Hart and Stuart Hall. Pressure from Maidenhead resulted in a penalty stroke but this was missed. However, soon after Maidenhead did get the ball in the net from a short corner. After half time Staines began to dominate the game again and it wasn't long before they regained the lead from a James Chapman strike from a short corner. Staines continued to keep their composure, even after losing Mark Hampton to a harsh yellow card and the second half belonged to Staines. They sealed the winner when, Man of the Match, Neil Toulson bagged the 3rd goal for Staines after some great flowing hockey and a wonderful defence splitting pass from Robbie Watson. This was a great performance by Staines who are 5th in the league and who are looking forward to taking on league leaders Holcome this Saturday.

Mens 2nd XI

After an enforced lay off Staines travelled down to Maidstone for a tricky away tie to the strong Kentish side. The game started well for the visitors and they created some good earlier chances through maintained possession and slick passing. The first goal of the game was created from the back with keeper Woods playing it out to Oliver who passed unto Bolton on the right hand side. Using his pace he danced around the two defenders and played it to the centre forward Quinlan who returned the favour and passed back to Bolton to rocket into the Maidstone net. That was about as good as it got for the Blues and the home team hit back squeezing the play and forcing a number of errors which they capitalised on. Two well worked short corners later saw Staines 2-1 behind before Greenway poached on the line to make the game level.

Into the second half the home team once again pounced on some sloppy defending to gain the advantage. Thomas then got a great debut goal shooting off the wrong foot across the keeper with power to make the scores level. Maidstone came back to grab a deserved lead only for Quinlan to pounce at short range to make it level again. A break away goal for the Kentish team saw them ahead and despite some late pressure held on to a deserved 5 -4 victory. Staines reflected that they hadn't put enough of their chances away and that Maidstone had played well.

DOD: Roger "Moaning Grandad" Greenway
MOM: Berry "Keep Going" Thomas

Mens 3rd XI

Nice to be at home at our Stadium of Light, again we managed to secure top billing in the 1430 slot as befits the most exciting team in Open League Hockey. Our visitors Wanderers, had claimed a lack of resources resulting in Staines generously agreeing to supply both Umpires. However they still managed to field 13 players ! On the other hand it would appear that Staines have more Umpires at this moment than players available on a Saturday. This left the 3rd Battalion under strength with no prospect of reinforcements.

The game started well enough for the Blue Army and some well controlled hockey and incisive attacks were exhibited. Wanderers occasionally managed to break out but Staines defence was comfortable. In fact the back line this week was the famous Championship winning configuration of Pid, Pace, Safety and a welcome return to sweeper - Uncle Fester. Father Ted McDunners marauded at Centre Half and things were looking good. Things got even better when an early short was blasted in by Deano, the rebound was pounced on by Mr Safety whose flick was deflected net bound towards the top corner. At the last second a Wanderers stick hooked the ball away conceding the P-Flick. Chubby Jezza gambolled forward hopping from one foot to the other as if he was bursting for a pee "Me, me, please me, Oh let me !" So we let him and he scored proficiently. A few more attacks with a couple of good runs from Chewy Patel and a couple of near misses by Mart the Tart and then Staines seemed to fade slightly, allowing Wanderers to become more active. Late in the half Wanderers sustained pressure culminated in a looping lob towards our goal. The Housewives Favourite positioned himself to receive, drawing his stocky frame up to its full height he stretched and padded the ball down - only for an onrushing forward to crash through a defenders tackle, past Robbie's pads and force the ball over the line. FECKING ....... ARSE. 1-1 at Half time.

After a polite roasting from the Skipper the second half started very well again for the Blue Boys. Within 25 seconds of the restart, a Mart the Tart goal bound shot was blocked by a Wanderers flailing stick using the wrong side (they were determined to keep the ball out whatever the penalty) and the Fat Bloke in the Pink awarded a P-Flick. Again Jezza waddled forward in a frisson of excitement and again he neatly put the ball away to restore the lead. But Wanderers were determined and continued to press forward not allowing Staines to settle. The Blue Army were beginning to show signs of battle fatigue and the catalogue of injuries were taking their toll. Action Man Reed went down with severe cramp, Tart and Pid were driving on through their injury pains, and Alpesh was found curled up under a tree having a nap. Although defensively Staines looked safe, we just could not seem to develop enough deep penetration. Staines conceded an increasing number of short corners, several due the large flippers on the end of Deano's legs, and although all were well defended the odds are always that one will eventually work. This was the case when a half cleared ball went back to a Wanderers player, his shot was fended off by Rob in spinning bluebottle mode, but the ball dropped kindly for the following attacker and despite a flailing Uncle Fester the ball found our net. With great determination Staines fought to regain the lead forcing several short corners and then Evenfatterbellygutbucket tried his best by awarding us another P-Flick for an outrageous and desperate tackle. Jezza was on for his hat-trick but couldn't make it three in a row as the ball whipped just wide of the upright. More pressure exerted by Staines in the final minutes just could not force the breakthrough, the closest was a short corner shot from Pace O'Brien that scorched a hole in the keepers jersey but was an inch short of bursting from under him and into the net. Wanderers defended the draw with tenacity so 2-2 was the verdict.

Hero: He was 'soiled' at the back and did not look like he had been away, a good performance from Uncle Fester.
Big Girls Blouse: Sponging Student got a mention for looking a bit tired at times. The Housewives Favourite was lucky not to win a landslide vote as he had 'lost' the Hero shirt - but this had been overlooked (votes are in the bank though!) But for having even bigger flippers than Sid, at least today, Deano was the clear winner.
Mention in Despatches: Pid deserves acknowledgement for slaving over a hot stove to cook our lovely teas, only for the opposition not bothering to wait. Poor chap was almost in tears - still the Fat Mouse in the kitchen is even fatter now, along with all his mates.

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

This is what we've been waiting for ... three tough games in three weeks ... a run that will shape the destiny of the promotion places and the eventual League Champions. After the debacle of Diego's navigating skills last time we played near Croydon, Sohail issued instructions for us to arrive at Croydon on the Friday night and set up base camp just in case anyone got lost.

First-up in the run-in were Croydon MO's - a tough test - especially at home on their unique experimental pitch. Also given the current injury and availability problems we were missing Shrek, L'il Phil, Deepak, Diego, and Captain No Chips, so this was not going to be easy. Fortunately the game times allowed Keith to coach the 1st XI to success before coming over, and also Richard Smith unavailable to play in goal for the 4th Xi was able to play on pitch for us. Ronaldinho Wareham kept his position after his wonder goal at Purley. This left new boy Jim to make his debut after just the 2 hours of limbering up on Tuesday night.

As we warmed up we wanted to take a close look at their General-purpose Revolutionary Active Sporting Surface (G.R.A.S.S) pitch. A scientific examination revealed thousands of individual micro-filaments of an unfamilar green substance embedded in what the manual called a Self-adhesive Organic Intergation Layer (or S.O.I.L.). Initial feelings were rather mixed, this is going to be rather different than the "real" turf layed on tarmac that we are used to ! In particular we noticed the effects of the recent extreme weather. Firstly, the repeated soaking and drying had left the pitch shrunken like a cheap pair of polyester knickers left in the tumble dryer too long. I mean Sean could almost stand on the half-way line and with his rather long reach touch the 25 yard lines at each end. Secondly the recent frost had penetrated so deep into the S.O.I.L. that the surface had become loosened in places and gloopy in others. This meant that the surface was rather pitted and scarred, and had as many undulations as a teenager's face with a bad case of acne. Still it was better than the infamous slime-based astro at Milton Keynes.

The game started and it soon becomes apparent that our strikers are suffering from temporary deafness, as they fail to hear the constant voluminous shouting from Keith for someone to get high and stay high. Alas this meant that the area between the two 25's was rather congested, rather like the Purley Way just down the road. This played straight into the hands of the home side who were regularly first into the tackle and were quick to release the ball. Fortunately Jim on his debut showed a good deal of ability, and most impressively a lot of composure. With the early storm weathered we started to make progress by using the early ball down the wings. Simon, Sean and Martin were making a lot of runs from midfield and the pressure started to build on the home defence. We started to win some hits inside the 25 and a few long corners. Unfortunately due to a lack of self-belief we wasted all of them by lifting the ball off the ground. The groans of disappointment were almost drowning out Keith's shouts of "Get high!!".

On Tuesday at training Gordon was coaching us on the importance of doing what you do with conviction. If you make a mistake then make sure it's not one out of sloppiness or laziness as these are not only more likely to lead to a goal against you, but also drain confidence faster. Of course not everyone was at training on Tuesday so that might explain the lazy one-handed attempts to take the ball, some puny attempts to tackle, attempted dribbles through defenders, and worst of all turning backs to the ball in case it was lifted.

It was still 0-0 however and Neil came on for Ronaldinho on the right wing and his first major contribution was to nutmeg his marker, beat the covering defender and flash a shot inches wide of the far post. A few minutes later he skinned his man again and the keeper had to be alert to block the resultant shot, with a weak follow-up shot being easily saved on the line by a covering defender.

Eventually we had a hit within the 25 that wasn't lifted and Roly did a lovely back stick deflection that went across the face of goal and wide of the far post. This was much better. Richard Smith found a plot of land in the centre circle and firmly planted his Dick of the Day claim by letting an opponent walk past him from 25 yds away and then when shouted at by his colleagues to mark him just shrugged his shoulders and let him go.

Half-time : 0-0
Keith was not happy. Which bit of "Get high ... stay high" don't you understand ... and I don't think he was referring to the local "Legalise Cannabis" campaign posters. Keep it simple. Work hard ... do you want to win the league or not ... if you do you have to put the effort in.

Playing with the slope into our D at the start of the 2nd half Croydon came at us with everything. It looked like they had applied a bit of basic Chess opening theory which is get control of the centre of the board before you attack. This is what they did as there seemed to be three home players scurrying around the centre circle winning balls cleared from our defence, yards ahead of any forward tackling back. Maybe all three had gone high to get away from Keith's mantric chantings. Then the sucker punch, Croydon exchanged pawns in the centre which released the power of their Bishop on the right side of the board. A defence splitting diagonal pass smashed into the home lines capturing a piece and putting us in ... Check ... Andy moved but not quick enough and the man at the back post stole in to push home 0-1 ... yes 0-1 ... not a scoreline we wanted to see. Forget winning the league title ... defeat could bring Thames Valley back into the promotion race.

Croydon then cleverly attacked down the left and another rapier centre beat everyone and fell to their youngster at the far post. Fortunately he dallied for the second you don't have in league hockey and Jim and Andy managed to scrape it away. Boy was that close!

The one thing we needed now was character. Sohail was shouting encouragement from the sidelines despite his ankle swelling in pain as his adrenalin-enriched blood rushed round his body. At last we took a foothold and Sean and Simon started winning the 50-50 and then the 40-60 tackles. Martin made a couple of diagonal cuts from the centre and passed early balls to Neil at the top of the D. Unfortunately Neil doesn't have the 10ft pick-up zone on his reverse side that we are used to with Gordon but there again who does. (If Gordon's coaching keeps going the way it is we all will by the end of the year).

Another ball in finds Roly in space but he can't get enough control to get a shot away. We were picking up the game now as our fitness started to dominate the game and we pushed them back and eventually won a short corner. Keith delivered the cannonball through the keeper and home 1-1. Big sighs of relief all round.

Still a quarter of the game to go so any result is now possible. Croydon are still looking dangerous on the break and win a couple of shorties of their own. It's end-to-end. Keith shells a 16-yd hit down the middle. Although its raised slightly off the ground there is nobody in the channel of the ball. Roly was a changed man, having removed his tea cosy from his head he now looked like a different player, and he sprinted towards the ball, stopped and let the ball come past his body and onto his strong stick. (Just like that practice we did most Tuesday's before Xmas - boy does that make the coach happy!). The move left two eager defenders in his wake and he looked up and fired a precise ball to Ronaldinho who made the finish look simple as he ghosted in from right wing. 2-1 up. Keith almost smiled - the penny had dropped, we now had a player high enough.

We battoned down the hatches and put even more effort in to tackles now. No turning our backs on the ball anymore. The fear had gone ... there were no demons in the pitch after all, and we started to play some lovely hockey down both wings. Then another lovely ball into the 25 saw that man Ronaldinho running through again, and this time he remained composed and side-stepped the keeper to slot home for 3-1. Cool as a cucumber.

There was still enough time for Richard to wave his handbag a bit more and do a bit of moaning. "What do you have to do to get a foul around here. Get pushed to the floor?". Unfortunately he was wrong - as a few minutes later Neil setup Sean for a certain 4th goal, but he was flattened three yards out, advantage(?) was played and Neil faced with two defenders couldn't force the ball home. No flick and no card ... all we got was a long corner.

Full-Time : 3-1 Win. G.R.A.S.S. (Great Relief Amongst Staines Side).

Man of the match : A three way tie between Ronaldinho, Simon, and Jim went to a show of hands with debut boy Jim getting the nod. A fine performance.
Dick of the Day: Richard Smith ... if only he moved his legs and his right arm as much as his jaws and left arm during the game he might have avoided such a clear victory.

PS: The other results are in and they were shocks ... Addiscombe went to Thames Valley and beat them 3-2, and Woking could only draw 1-1 with Walton and Weybridge. On a day when we could have lost it just goes to prove that old adage that there are "no easy games". Two vital home matched to come in the next two weeks. Walton and Weybridge nextup ... unbeaten in 8 games since we beat them early in the season, and Woking still undefeated. It will not be easy. Everyone down to training if you can.

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Despite a 4-0 win, the ladies 1st XI were disappointed by their result against mid-table opponents Mill Hill. A number of umpiring decisions went against the team and in the knowledge that an abundant number of goals are needed in every game between now and the end of the season, it was frustrating for all the players to have a number of goals and attacking moves disallowed. Staines need to increase their goal difference if they stand a chance of winning the league and going to the play offs. However, on a positive note, it was a good, solid performance with goals coming from Sarah Hamilton, Mel Attfield and Anna Truman.

Ladies 2nd XI

After last week's surprise league defeat for the Staines Ladies 2's, we were determined to put the record straight and win this match. From the start Staines applied all the pressure and played some great hockey and were unlucky not to take the lead after Helen White's shot from a well worked short corner (thanks to Sid's coaching) was cleared off the line. However, it wasn't long before Jo Ive put the ball away to make it 1 - 0 to Staines. We were then awarded a flick and after unsuccessfully scoring from the past 2 opportunities, it was Sarah Chandler who bravely stepped up and confidently put the ball exactly where she wanted it, in the top right corner!! It started to look like Staines couldn't stop scoring after Ellie Ward skilfully passed to Juliet Porter at the top of the D who scored from a tight angle to make it 3 - 0. However, in the second half Staines lost concentration and the opposition took their opportunity and pulled a goal back. Staines got themselves back together and were unlucky not to increase their goal tally, but the final result remained 3 -1, to keep them in 3rd place in the league.

Ladies 3rd XI

The 3rd XI notched up another win in the league which keeps them at mid table, following their promotion last year. This was one of our best team performances and the result justified. Goals were scored by Kerry Burke, Bhav Patel and Julie Purbrick getting the other two.

Ladies 4th XI

Once again the opposition did not turn up to play the Ladies 4th X1 on Saturday, I believe this now makes 3 no shows at Staines and one trip to Reading! We need to encourage the development of the 4s as ultimately it effect all the teams. I spoke to Clare on Saturday and it we agreed it is vital that the 4's are entered into a league next year to avoid the constant disappointment and possible loss of players. On paper we have at least 4 goal keepers and maybe next season they will all be available every week!

The 4's are due to play Ashford at 1pm at the club on Saturday and I would ask you express to your teams the need for support.