Match Reports For Week 27 Saturday 8thMarch Season 2002 - 2003

Mens 1st XI

With a much depleted squad Staines travelled to Tulse Hill looking to put last weeks loss behind them. Tulse Hill started the game in determined fashion as they needed the points to make themselves safe from relegation and Staines were soon on the back foot due to some lethargic play. Chances for the blue army were rare in the first half and on a difficult pitch the blues struggled to get control of the game. Halfway through the first half Tulse Hill took the lead from a short corner which was poorly defended and this should have provoked a response from Staines but still the blues could not fashion any chances despite some strong running in midfield by Stuart Hall. The half ended 1 - 0 to Tulse Hill. A half time chat from Captain John Stannard stirred Staines into a bit of life until the side had to be re-organised due to a hand injury to Duncan Foster, Robbie Watson stepping into a defensive role and Foster moving up front. Staines still managed to create a few chances in the remaining 25 minutes as the game continued in a very scrappy fashion. A number of short corner chances were not taken, with the usual fluent routines not working and it fell to Mashood to break the Tulse Hill defence. A strong James Chapman run and some good midfield play left Mashood free at the far post and he tapped in to equalize. The game continued in a similar vein until the end with neither side creating many clear cut chances and the draw was probably a fair result.

This was another disappointing performance by Staines who will be looking to improve with two games this coming weekend at home to Old Kingstonians on saturday and away to Gore Court on Sunday.

Mens 2nd XI

A very important game this week for Staines. Only two points behind 2nd place Epsom, and playing the current leaders Woking means a win would take Staines a step closer to promotion.

The day started well with our recent South African signing not turning up due to a lack of communication between him and the Captain, so it was only the bare 11. Also, Barry walked in late, I say walked, I mean staggered, I say staggered, I mean he crawled in on his hands and knees crying that he was going to be sick after a night on the town the previous evening. Rumours of him chundering before the game are as yet, unconfirmed. After a warm up led by resident fitness expert Gary Kemish, Staines cheered on the 5’s to a victory and received a inspirational team talk by Captain Andy Oliver.

The game started very well for Staines with pressure being put on Woking, trapping them in their D. Good work from the midfield, of Chris Hine, Anton and Gary Kemish, who this week moved up from defence to provide an excellent
performance, made sure that the pressure was sustained. This continued for 15 minutes where Anton won a short corner. The corner was stopped and slipped to Andy who beautifully crashed the ball home giving the keeper no
chance. True to form, Staines let the standard slip, and for 10 minutes, let Woking get a hold back on the game. Woking pushed forward on the break and despite the best efforts or Gerry and Harvey, Woking managed to score, taking it 1-1. Staines were shocked back into form and again charged forward. Good work and persistence from Jon Dodwell up front, and Jason at left-back started to force errors from Woking leading to a green card for one Woking
player, and plenty of chances for Staines. The half finished one-one butwith things looking good for Staines.

The second half began well for Staines, but Woking determined to fight back put the pressure on. A few scary moments arose mostly from Staines 16 yard hits, as they failed to get the ball out, and even once having to make
Harvey in goal, kick the ball clear after a bungled 16. Staines started to dominate the game with the main Woking playmaker in centre midfield being snubbed out by Chris Hine in midfield, and thanks to the efforts of Jason, Gerry, Clive, and Andy, the Woking attack was kept well at bay. More pressure from Staines gave another corner form Anton,
which, after the initial shot from Jon, and a scrabble in the D, Matt Truman roofed the ball from 3 yards to put Staines 2-1 up.

This pressure from Staines lasted to the end with excellent performances in the last few minutes from Matt Truman and Gary Kemish who ran to the end.

Man of the Match: 1 vote each for Matty and Anton, 2 for Jason, 3 for Gary, and 4 for this weeks winner Chris, for his complete control of the midfield.

Dick of the Day: A landslide victory this week for Barry, largely due to a culmination of his lorry crash and poor performance last week, and the state he arrived in for today’s game even though he played surprisingly well.

Mens 3rd XI

Here we go yet again. Another bloody long journey down the A3 to the south coast. The Third Battalion seems to have spent most of this season going backwards and forwards to various venues along the Channel coast and we are a bit bored with it. Excellent maps were again provided by Mr Safety but this did stop the Housewives Favourite from getting lost (again). If he is ever reincarnated as a homing pigeon his new life will be very short! Uncle Fester returned having recovered from his rusty knob and Mik came home again after being promoted from the 2's.

You may recall that Ashford 3's were our recent opponents. Just in case anyone was away on another planet let me remind you of the 6-1 thrashing that the Blue Army inflicted upon them. Six goals were scored in what was an awe inspiring display, The Tart and Mark Landon got a brace a piece with Porno and Chubby Jezza getting one each. After 70 minutes of battle the Staines colours flew over the ruins of what was once fortress Ashford. This was a superb team performance from which all the Men's 3's should be given due credit and bought numerous drinks by fellow Staines Club members in recognition of such a fine result. Alec Cumming also deserves credit for being a fine 12th man.

Anyway, this week we scored two goals, both from short corners. The first was beautifully set up, with Pace O'Brien feeding Mr Safety in the famous lurking Leopard position, from where he majestically swept home. The second was an excellently timed blaster, drilled home by Pace himself leaving their keeper with soiled underwear.

Besides this, Rob let in a couple of soft goals and Uncle Fester gave away two P-flicks. The Notcutts sniper couldn't make the trip so theatrical collapses were at a minimum, although Captain Ted McDunners went arse over tit a couple of times.

Hero: McDunners, Scouse Forrester and Mr Safety gained equal votes, but for neutralising (or is it neutering) their #14 forward thug Mr Safety got the nod.
BGB: Chubby Jezza (although perhaps not quite as Chubby as Porno Hudson who looks to have been avoiding salads just lately!) and Uncle Fester got mentions, but Rob Godfrey was the clear winner, or loser, depending on your perspective. He is now off to the Chiropractor to sort out his sore back.

Oh yes, I almost forgot - we lost 8-2.

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

With the games running 15 mins late this week we had the bonus of watching the second half of the 4th XI's game against Bracknell. In typical fashion they provided rich entertainment with almost non-stop goalmouth action at both ends, and eventually ran out 4-3 winners due to a glorious hatrick from that shy lad Phil Laszlo, and a defiant display by late replacement keeper Alex Sherman.

Duly inspired we took the field knowing that all we needed was victory to guarantee promotion in our first league season. It soon became apparent that the opposition were bolstered by a couple of stripy-socked players who obviously didn't play for them every week, and that we would have to work hard to get the required result. A frenetic start to the game saw the ball going from end to end but without any quality balls being played once the 25's were reached. Then a lovely ball to Martin .. who only half-controlled the ball ... and then recovered brilliantly (well I would say that wouldn't I) to push through an inch perfect one-handed pass at full stretch to the raging Shrek .. who dutifully found the far corner for 1-0. Surely now we were going up !

A lot of pressure ensued but with old Refresher-Socks dominating the top of the circle we were held at bay rather too comfortably. A couple of slips at the back looked like we might even let them back in to the game, but on each occasion Frank was there to snuff out the danger. Going forward we were the opposite to last week, and were almost too eager to play the early ball rather than be caught in possession. Then after 20 minutes of frustration we started to get the ball moving again and Shrek was released into his favourite inside left channel, and his infamous reverse stick flick-lob just missed the top corner with the goalkeeper flapping like David Seaman. Shortly after a short corner was struck home by reliable old Keith Hine to make it 2-0. Then Ronaldinho Wareham lobbed the prone keeper from the back post to make it 3-0, and just before half-time Neil's squirmy shot spun in under the keeper's dive a the near po! st to make it 4-0.

Half-time: That wasn't great was it. We reckoned that Refresher-Socks, being by far their best player, was going to be moved higher into midfield/attack to try and get them back into the game - so we detailed Simon and Frank to see where he played and to mark him so tightly he would squeak.

The second half started and our assessment was spot on, as was our passing and movement. With their best player now isolated in midfield and attack we used the full width and depth of the pitch to move the ball around. Keith delivered some screaming cross-field balls to Sohail on the right that wouldn't have looked out of place in the 1st XI. Without the domination at the top of the circle they had in the first half we inevitably forced a lot of short corners, three of which were dispatched in that old 4th XI ploy to Gordon on the back post. Keith netted one from open play at the top of the circle. Dieg04 picked the ball up on the 25, and with great movement off the ball inside the "D" pulling the defenders away, cut to the right and struck home into the bottom corner unchallenged. Martin swept home from close range after a lovely break and cutback by Ronaldinho to make it double figures. Keith duly completed his hatrick by converting his customary p-flick, and the scoring was rounded off by Ronaldinho's second at the back post to make it 12-1.

Oh yes, and old Refresher Socks did score a cracking goal from the top of the circle when the score was 9-0 to give the spirited opposition something from the game, which was fully deserved given all the effort they had to put in both on the pitch, and off the pitch (just to raise a team). Unfortunately for them they played well enough to make us click into gear in the 2nd half, and on another day would have come out with a better score by playing worse.

Full time : Won 12-1

Man of the Match: Gordon and Frank tied again this week, and Gordon got the nod for his four goals and many assists, and the lack of any spleen-venting.

Dick of the Day: Could it have been Sohail again? Yes, it could. How does he find so many fantastic ways to get DoD votes? This week he got them for the infamous Windmill-Air shot, for having a crinkly white shirt - and an even crinklier blue one underneath, for not knowing where he's playing (right back or right half ?). Captaincy is such a great rewarding job isn't it !

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

No match for the ladies 1st XI on Saturday, which meant they were able to save themselves for the semi-final of the Middlesex Cup against Sunbury on Sunday.

A stunning golden goal from Anna Truman booked Staines a place in the final of the Middlesex Cup and a chance to defend their crown against rivals Harrow. It was a gritty, determined performance, with Staines twice coming back from a goal behind - the first goal was touched in by Sue O'Connell from a short corner strike by Ruth Hine and the second coming in the dying minutes of normal time was slotted home by Chrissie Lind after some good build up play down the right hand side. Sunbury, two leagues above Staines in Division 1 of the South League, battled hard but were continually put under pressure by Staines. There were some silky skills on display and these, combined with 100% effort and commitment, provided Staines with a deserved place in the final on Sunday 30th March.

Ladies 2nd XI

This was the last league game in Division 1 for Staines, in what has been a hugely successful first season in this league. Staines started the game in 2nd place and although only 1 team gets promoted, they were determined to finish as high as possible in the table. Staines started the game well and were unlucky not to go ahead, but the Southgate keeper was on form and managed to clear the goal line at the last minute on a couple of occasions. Southgate then recovered from Staines new game tactic of not having keys to the clubhouse and not allowing the visiting side to relieve themselves, and began put the pressure on the Staines defence and took the lead from a cracking shot from a Southgate forward.

A teamtalk at half time, saw Staines pick themselves up and it wasn't long into 2nd half when a short corner was awarded and the well deserved equalizer was scored by Jo Ive after getting on the end of a shot from Sarah Chandler. Unfortunately, Staines couldn't find the back of the goal again and the final score resulted in 1 - 1 draw. This leaves them in 3rd place in their final league position, which is a fantastic result and thanks has to go to John Stannard, who gave up his Wednesday nights to give the 2's focus and direction to do so well in their first season in Division 1. This will no doubt spur Staines 2's to go on and win the league and promotion into the Premier Divison during 2004!

Ladies 3rd XI

This was going to be an interesting match as Sunbury went up top of Division 3 and Staines the runners up last season. Within 10 minutes Staines had scored 3 goals, 2 from Kerry Burke and one from Vice Captain Jeanette Tucker. Sunbury fought back but at half time the result still stood at 3 nil. In the second half Sunbury continued to keep the pressure on, and despite numerous short corners Staines could not find the goal. With 10 minutes to go Staines found a new lease of life and scored a further 3 goals, 2 again from Kerry and one from Bhav.

Ladies 4th XI

In keeping with the various upsets the 4th's have had to endure with various matches being cancelled, numbers of players varying on either the home team or the visiting team, the Staines 4th's headed off to NPL with a total of 8 players and our dedicated extra, Alison joined us immediately after her game for the 3's!

So we marched onto the pitch(yes, that's right a grass field) with a total of 9 players and watched the opposition dribbling in). We started later than expected and wondered how we would fair, firstly on (a) the bumpy grass pitch, (b) 9 players vs 11), (c) what looked like a very experienced team.

Well we soon settled into our positions and somehow managed work exceptionally well as a team and found the gaps. Lots of team talking and calling which was very encouraging.

We definitely dominated the game and the score does not reflect the number of attempts we had on goal. They had a brilliant goalie, however, one of our attempts managed to slip by and whack the back of the box, giving us a 1-0 win. Goal scored by Ingrid but loads of team work leading up to that.

Excellent play by all. Let's do it again this week.