Match Reports For Saturday 4th October Season 2003 - 2004

Mens 1st XI

Staines mens 1st XI dominated this game and did everything except win! The defence and midfield exerted control over Tulse Hill for the entire first half with some great team play, especially up the flanks with Adam Hart and Mike Farmer both having strong games. It was however, Tulse Hill who opened the scoring with some sloppy defending at a penalty corner allowing them to go one up against the run of play. Staines took this in their stride and some surging runs down the left by James Chapman and Mark Hampton opened up the Tulse Hill defence, but with no end result. Finally after a great press by the Staines forwards, Barry Thomas, James Hall and Hampton, Chapman pounced on a loose ball, drove to the top of the circle and struck the ball fiercely past the Tulse Hill 'keeper. From the restart Staines continued to press and a great run by Thomas almost unlocked the opposition defence with his shot going narrowly wide. The first half ended 1-1.

After the half time break, Staines continued to dominate the game but found the going difficult against a determind Tulse Hill defence, who mustered the occasional break into Staines territory. It was from one of these breaks that they converted another penalty corner to regain the lead. Almost immediately Mike Farmer's shot took a deflection and beat the Tulse Hill 'keeper to equalise for Staines. Again, Staines drove forward looking for a winner but it was Tulse Hill who stunned Staines with two quickfire goals. Another penalty corner, and a tap in after a defensive error gifted Tulse Hill possesion. With five minutes left Staines regrouped and took the game to Tulse Hill with Ben Brooks winning a penalty corner which was converted by Chapman for his second goal and Staines' third.

The last couple of minutes were frantically played out with Staines striving for an equaliser, but it wasn't to be.
Although annoyed by the result, it was a good performance by Staines and they will be looking to further improve this saturday, with the first home game of the season against Old Whitgiftian's.

Mens 2nd XI

Staines 2nd XI started strongly in the game which may have caught the decent Lewes side off guard. However, the home side's rhythm was soon broken when they let in a soft short corner after 10 minutes and the 2nd soon after the ball was gifted the Lewes centre forward. Staines started to lose their composure, Lewes presses the home side back into their own half and managed to make it 0-3 by half time.

The second half saw Staines re-group and seemed to adapt to the pace the new league. The team started to settle into a pattern of play and at time looked the most likely to score Lee Atkinson denied by a goal line clearance and Kitt narrowly missing the far post. Lewes nearly scored again when the Lewes centre forward only had to tap the ball 1 inch over the line, only to be thwarted by Clive Bolton who too full advantage of his over confidence and cleared the ball first. Lewes frustration boiled over into an outburst directed at the umpire when Robbie Watson and Harvey Woods prevented them from scoring again, the ensuing yellow card was immediately turned into a red card when the umpire was subjected to further abuse.

The Staines side may have had the better of the chances of the 2nd half but it was Lewes who managed to get their 4th when the ball somehow sneaked in at the near post.

Staines are all looking forward to their tough start in the new league with Canterbury away next week.

Mens 3rd XI

First league game of the season was a nice little run down the M3 to Winchester. We scraped together 11 players and set off, Zulu Warrior Crowe roaring off in a hail of stones in his hairdressers car. The ginggers almost got lost due to Garrrry's in ability to read a map, thus incurring an early berk of the day vote. This is a brand new line up for the 3's and we unveiled a shiny new goalkeeper. There was some confusion regarding his name - Roy...Ray... or the GK, were all used. Yet another new addition to the squad was Big Jim Tobin. Porno Hudson was unable to make the trip as he now exceeds the weight limit on some of the M3 bridges. Also Phil Lazlo could not join us due to a badly strained mandible.

A good omen was that Mr Safety won the toss and elected to have the push. A good start by the Blue Crew saw a couple of early forays into the Winchester D followed by a spell of home side advantage which tested the mettle of the Mark 2 Defensive Bastions. Staines were not found wanting with Lurch Barnwell providing excellent sweeping, supplemented by the safest left back in the South and some exemplary work from Kingsley at Centre Back (sod off Pid we don't need you anymore!). A rather quick and worryingly competent couple of Winchester forwards did manage to test our keeper. A Winchester short corner was also robustly defended, followed in the next minute by Staines winning one of our own. A good shot from Rodders rebounded towards Big Jim who was unable to react. This heralded a period of sustained pressure from Staines, soon gaining another short. Another strong shot from Rod was deflected to Mr Safety - he swept - it was saved on the line- but only cleared as far as Dan the Man, who very coolly lifted the ball over the prostrated keeper for his first goal for the 3's !

The rest of the half was a fairly even battle with a couple of good efforts from both sides coming to nought. Although Sohail almost got on the score sheet with a neat little touch at the post - unlucky. The second half started briskly and Roy had some early leaping about duties to do keeping the ball out of our net. As with the first half the Blues worked hard and at times put together some really good passing hockey. Despite some determined attacking by Winchester, Staines doggedly kept them out. Eventually Dan was hacked down whilst on the point of scoring after a strong run on goal. Big Jim stepped up to take the resulting P-flick and lashed it into the top corner. Another new name in the 3's scoring annals. Normally a set back like this would be a kick in the goolies for most teams, but to their credit Winchester battled back. In a 10 minute spell they managed to score from a superb shot off the back of a lightening break, and then won a short corner which they managed to convert. For many teams this would be the time to panic, but we did not come 70 miles to go home with nowt. The Blue Army settled and steadily regained some ascendancy. Eventually after some hard work by the midfield, a long cross through the D was touched into the goal by Rod demonstrating all the old bushman's poaching skills.

A deserved first victory of the campaign, at 3-2. Just eight more wins should ensure we stay up! So it was back to their place to eat all their food and make all their beer glasses dirty (they have a deficit of glasses - we bought an 8 pint jug but the barmaid would only give us three glasses. work that one out !)

Hero of the Day: Both the ginggers played very well, Kingsley tacked well and worked hard at CB, Garrry was a hard working maestro at CH. But for keeping us in the game with a number of impressive saves and salmon like leaps Roy edged it.

Big Girls Blouse: A difficult decision because the team commitment and application was not found wanting. Rod got a vote for being old and smelling faintly of cabbages and wee. Alpo got a vote for one notable cat nap. Kingsley got several votes for driving like an old woman (he even got overtaken by a bus on the M3!). But for going home early and letting his hairdresser take the piss, Crespo Tyrrell has this weeks dubious honour.

Mens 4th XI

Staines 3 - Windsor 3

After our good show last week versus the finest that Woking had to offer (OK, it was their 3rd finest, and we lost, but we played well OK?) we stepped up thinking that taking on Windsor would be somewhat easier. From the first whistle, they came flying in, like wave upon wave of Jerry Bombers in the summer of 1940 and before we knew it, our valiant Staines men's 4's were all sobbing quietly to the tune of 2 quick Windsor goals. Where they came from, I have no idea, they just happened.
A swift boot up the arse was what we needed and as we had just got two of them, we started to play more like a team, moving the ball around nicely. The freshly demoted Private Dunners proving invaluable and new boy Steve Nash giving a very good account of himself at right back.
So, 2 nil down with only 10 minutes gone and the half gathers speed with some nice moves resulting in a free hit outside the oppos D. Porno Hudson smacked the ball in towards the baying crowd of Staines and Windsor players and the simian featured Mart the Tart redirected it nicely into the corner of the goal giving the keeper no chance. We piled on the pressure now which resulted in a few short corners. Chubby Jezza stepped up to push, but seemed to have swapped his stick for a Vileda supermop and was pushing short corners out like the ball was a retiring pit pony being forced into the sunlight for the first time in 20 years. Still, a bit of practice and by 2005, we should be up to speed. He did make amends on one of his more successful pushes, as the Tart stopped, Deano, pushed back to Jezza who majestically and very Rowley-like, swept it into the back of the net. 2-2 at half time and it seems the Staines machine is on a roll.

The second half saw some tough battling, with Windsor getting snuffed out every time they approached our D, Alex, Laz, Dunners and Steve working well together with Midfield and sometimes our forward line pitching in, but something wasn't quite right. Something was missing.
You know when sometimes you turn the telly off to go to bed and you can hear this high pitched noise. It becomes almost unbearable so you go in search of it's source and check to see if the radiators are squealing, you turn the TV on and off again and examine the Stereo to ensure that it hasn't been left on a low volume. Your mind starts to think it could be something sinister, like the faint squeakings of a baby bird that's fallen down the chimney, or the muffled screams of an untalked about relative that you have forgotten you have had living in your attic since 1978. Well let me put your mind at rest, this sound is called silence.
And the exact same noise seemed to be coming from Mr Laszlo. It wont last I tell you, it never does.
Anyway, back to the game and Staines and Windsor had become locked together, each team not getting very far. The Blues having difficulty in clearing the ball past the half way line, but we broke and it gave the Notcutts sniper some much needed target practice, clipping Jeremy a couple of times, one which, quite rightly so resulted in our brave little soldier being awarded a P-Flick. Coolly Jez stepped up and whilst the rest of the team huddled together to formulate some cunning winning plan. OK, so we couldn't come up with a plan, but Jezza did come up with a goal and at last we had our snouts in front. The last 10 minutes were whizzing by in a blur when a Windsor short corner was awarded. Apparently that man Jezza waddled back into our 25, fouled someone and said he was sorry which Kitty Hine, our umpire, got confused with some verbal abuse from the ceaseless voices in his head and promptly gave the short corner.
We lined up, they shot, I flailed about on the floor and Dunners lifted his stick and leg and let the ball in, looking all cocky and said to the umpire, "It wasn't stopped"...... Ahem....... Enuff said.

The game petered out and I think that 3-3 draw was probably a fair result, but as we are Staines boys and fair is for girls, we retired to the club house a little grumpy.
It wasn't that bad a game as we had our moments. I suppose you could say that it's the start of our unbeaten league run. Well shall see.

Special mentions go to Mr Dean O'Brien, who had trouble telling time these days.
And The porno king Hudson who will sadly not be able to play hockey next week because he is proudly representing his country at the World Conker championships.
More details can be found at http://www.tom-and-ann.demon.co.uk/patch/conker.htm. Honestly, he doesn't even know what a conker is and it wouldn't surprise me if he rocks up with an acorn on a stick.

MOM. Steve Nash for a fine debut

DOD. Dunners for lapsing into last years rules . Next week, he will be protesting off-sides no doubt.

Mens 5th XI

After last season 's successful year, Staines 5's were hoping to continue with their unbeaten run, which went back to the first week of last season. They started against a very young Sunbury team which caused some difficulties for Staines' defence early on in the first half.

Staines who were fielding a completely changed squad after last seasons success had an unsettled start. This saw Sunbury having a well placed goal disallowed due to a deliberate Sunbury foot outside the D. Finally Staines settled down and took the lead with a cool finish by South African International Brendon Pieck . 1-0 Staines and that’s his first goal for Staines in how many years at Staines.

1-0 Halftime

With an influential half time team talk from the two captainsStaines came back out after the break ready to go.

Neil scored the second goal, being in the right place at the right time.

2-0 nil Staines.

The Sunbury side kept up their attack on a some what unsettled Staines team but could not get on the score sheet. With Sunbury camped in the Staines half there was the chance for a quick break. The ball rocketed out from a quality strike from Frank, Diego picked it up on the halfway line, showed the skill that he lacked last season and went around one player and then another. His run continued, can any one stop him? Out came the keeper and he calmly slipped the ball left to John Wareham (Ronaldinho) who calmly slotted it home .

3-0 staines.

Sunbury continued their attacks but yet again they had forgotten there defensive duties and let Diego run free again. Running on the left hand side he approached the "D" in style and when the keeper came out he calmly played the ball across the face of the goal for Neil to score his second.

4 - 0 to Staines . We start as we mean to go on !?!

Man of the Match = Diego well played , set up 2 goal great goals.

Dick of the Day = Phil with only two votes short of a landslide victory

Mens 6th XI

Our version

So after last season which saw our first ever 5th XI league game this year got under way with the first ever 6th XI league game. The purpose of the 6th XI is to help the colts in their transition from junior into senior hockey. So watch out for these names in the years to come ...

Dave Foster, Jack Nowicki, Ian Steer, Philip Marrillat, Salman Arshad and Kishan Patel

To take some of the burden off these youngsters the team was completed with experienced league players and two player coaches. As this is the start of the season and we were fielding an extra team it was a pretty close squeak to get out a full squad for each team. This meant that we had to send for an emergency left winger, thanks Jonathan, who had to dash back from umpiring in Teddington. Matty wasn't on shift this week and managed to borrow the latest in zimmer technology from the hospital. The new Kevlar coated turbo assisted Zimmer Excalibur was the perfect fit for Keith and giving him the mobility of a 50 year ex-goalie. Chuck in Martin and Gordon and the team kind of resembled the old Saturday fun side from four years ago.

The game started fairly brightly with both sides eager to attack. The opposition only had 11 and no umpire so they had to start with just the 10 players but they were obviously a team who had played together a bit. We came under a bit of pressure from their fast breaks from midfield and seemed incapable of clearing the ball from our D without having a couple of goes first. No surprise then when the oppo took the lead from a break down the inside right channel, Dave took himself out of the game by going down allowing the ball to be crossed into the middle where one of their young colts pushed the ball home - unmarked !

We reacted positively and with Philip and Salman starting to adjust to the pace of senior league hockey we established some forward momentum. Keith was now free to push up into the centre of the pitch. Jonathan and Gordon started to link up menacingly down the right and a flurry of chances came our way until finally Keith buried a trademark short corner into the bottom corner. 1-1 and relief.

Keith found Martin lurking at the back post as Gordon dragged the defenders across the goal but his flick shot cleared the sliding keeper and went narrowly wide of the far post. Then disaster struck as we gave away possession whilst attacking and failed to transition back into defence quick enough and the opposition restored the lead with a well taken goal. Rats 1-2. It wasn't long however before some midfield battling won us possession and Gordon drove into the circle and scored with a powerful cross-shot to level things at 2-2.

Half-Time: Very encouraging display for the first ever league game. Thanks to Dave who made a couple of very good saves we were still level. A few tactical changes were made, and with Edward offering to umpire the vistors were returned to a full 11 so more work still required.

Our changes worked very well for the first ten minutes with Jonathan picking up loads of ball wide on the left, and giving Gordon lots of through balls to run onto. Kishan got into a couple of good positions and thrashed a shot into the side netting. Then Gordon broke through and put us into the lead for the 1st time in the game, only for the visitors to pull a goal back. 3-3.

The visitors midfield had run themselves ragged by now, and alarming amounts of space were opening up for Salman and Kishan who were now charging forward encouraged by some vociferous support from the sidelines - thanks lads. The pressure was all one way now and eventually we forced a couple of shorts - the second one coming off the defenders foot on the line - Edward obviously had been practising his signals over the summer and leapt immediately into a majestic p-flick pose. Keith duly disposed his 98.6 mph flick into the top corner. 4-3.

There was still time for Martin to set up Kish a yard or two out at the back post unfortunately the angle was tight and his push shot drifted wide of the far post. Then some great positioning at a 16-yard hit saw the home defence caught in two minds and Gordon nipped onto a poorly weighted ball, drove up to and beat the keeper easily and pushed the ball home 5-3.

Full time : Wion 5-3 ... and more importantly the 6th XI's first ever points.

Scorers : Gordon 3, Keith 2

Tiger Award : Salman - for excellent work-rate and positioning
Donkey Award : Keith - narrowly, for getting caught in possesion too often, and also not being a colt !

Their version

First league game and spirits were high. We started the game well and with a purpose and five minutes in, took the lead through a Kris Prentice goal.

Minutes later, Staines drew level from a short corner, We had to step our game and Robin Marlborough managed another fine strike and we had retaken the lead. Staines hit back with two more shot corners

After the break, Jake made a superb run and his shot into the D was slapped past the keeper by Marlborough to bring us level at 3-3.

After a good period of even play, a dubious umpiring decision (one of many) awarded Staines a penalty flick. 4-3 down, spirits dropped and tired legs began to show. It was summed up by an unusual back pass which was taken round our keeper to give Staines a flattering 5-3 scoreline.

Editors note, how can a big foor on the line be 'a dubious umpiring decision'?

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

A slightly different level of opposition to last week's game, Staines ladies travelled this time to Enfield for their clash with a team that was likely to be the their title contenders for league promotion, Southgate. Memories of last years classic encounter which saw Staines win 5-4 in perhaps the best match of the season, the opposition were certainly psyched up and intimidating on their home turf - a rueful Ruth Hine commented that they looked 'pretty young and slim' (notably important skills for field hockey players, yes?). Fortunately, the game saw the return of young, slim and pretty skilful Anna Truman who enjoyed some fantastic play on the forward line, queries of her level of fitness soon vanquished after an untiring performance. Yet, for the first 20 minutes it was an uphill struggle for Staines as the home side took full advantage of their familiarity with the waterbased pitch. High attacking pressure (and low pressure weather) upon the Staines defence saw Southgate win the first penalty corner, and far exceeding the visitor's attempts on goal.

Once again, however, Staines managed to work the ball through the wings and win crucial penalty corners, finally scoring towards the end of the half through Chrissy Lind, picking up a loose ball the Southgate defence failed to clear. The break ended with Staines 1-0 up, but it didn't take long for the determined Southgate players to equalise. Just 10 minutes into the second half a single breakaway turned into a penalty corner awarded to the home side for an invisible offence (according to gobby Jo Strudley. One wonders whether she's actually trying to win Dick of the Day). The striker topped the ball and once again it appeared that GK Maggie and the Staines defence were deceived by the slow moving ball - was it that nasty case of boredom again? 1-1 the score.
Interest regained, Staines went full throttle, the much needed winning goal coming in the final moments when Man of the Match Baldy (Sarah Hamilton) slotted in a sneaky pass up the back line from Mel Attfield, followed by a victory dance and much heckling from the scorer. The visitor's dominated the rest of the game with constant shots on goal and were unlucky to score more despite the slick possession and passing through the midfield collaboration of Kerry, Sue, Mel and Nikki. Also unlucky to score was dear Ruth Hine, whose aerial effort on goal (that landed around the penalty spot...but got us another short corner!) did earn her the deserved prize of Dick of the Day.

The 'young and slim' ones don't stand a chance, Ruth.

Sunday’s Cup Game

Staines v Southgate

A mixed firsts and seconds Staines side took on a youthful and strong Southgate team in the HA cup on Sunday. Staines, carrying injuries and very tired legs following tough games on Saturday, found the first half of the match very challenging and failed to capitalise as a team. Southgate, however, as a result of a period of pressure, were awarded three penalty flicks in a matter of five minutes on account of a high flying stick and some interesting goalkeeping moves, as yet un-entered into the rule book! Nonetheless our greatly esteemed ‘Dick of the Day’ Anya Gray redeemed
herself with the fantastic blocks of two out of the three flicks and some great saves in the first half and throughout the rest of the game. Well……all bar one when in the first half Southgate’s second goal came from a short corner and somehow slipped in!
Staines in the second half came to life and produced prolonged periods of great passing moves and shots on target, which culminated in a goal from Anna Truman following a deflection from Lou Delaney’s short corner pass. However it wasn’t to affect the final result which was consolidated by a Southgate goal from open play, albeit a very controversial one thanks to some very un-sportsmanlike Southgate behaviour!

‘Man’ or ‘Men of the Match’
were voted to be Lou Delaney, Jo Ive, Anna Truman and Anya Gray. We, as a team, would like to wish Southgate all the best in the next round (hmm) but also offer our deepest sympathies – unlucky about the league ladies!!

Ladies 2nd XI

This was a match both of hard work and pride, as two teams in the local derby, Staines and Ashford battled it out on Saturday, their first league match of the season!

The result did not fully reflect the ability of the Staines side who had a plethora of missed opportunitites in the D. Several shots on an open goal missed the target and a couple of penalty corners were not converted!! (They looked good though!)

Our goal was scored in the first half. Accurate injection by Helen White followed by a strike from by Eryl Penney and deflected at the post by Louise Delaney!!!

The second half came with a few changes in the Ashford side and they managed to slip a goal in at the left post on a short corner.

A slightly disappointing start to the season as a win would have been the best result! However the team are very hopeful that this is the foundation to build upon throughout the season. Onwards and upwards!!

A great all round performance from all team members!!

Here's to an even more successful season!

Ladies 3rd XI

An early start to the day did not deter the 3rd XI ladies from holding NPL off 3-1 in the first league game of the season. There was some excellent hockey down both wings from Jeanette and Tracy on the left and Ali and Wendy on the right. This led to a repeat of last weeks cross D passes being swiped into the back of the net securing 2 goals in the first half from Tracy and Ali. An unfortunate bottom injury near the beginning meant that Ingrid was off for most of the game, although her delightful cheerleading was much appreciated.

The pace of the game slowed somewhat in the second half due to a slightly fitter opposition. NPL won a short corner, converting it into a goal and, shortly after, were awarded a penalty after some nifty footwork on the goal line by our athletic captain. No goal would be achieved after a fantastically static save by Abi.

The Staines spirit never faltered. Pauline, Kerry and Lou played well in defence working the ball up the field to Claire, Linda and Cath who then showed outstanding skills on the attack taking on the NPL defence with enthusiasm. Ali scored again with an amazing spin ball curving under the arm of the goalie.

In the closing minutes of the game, the excitement of a win got too much for some and our fearless leader found herself on the wrong side of a green card. Everyone agreed the game was a fantastic start to the season, a form which we intend to maintain throughout the year. Maximum points all the way!

MOM was Wendy.

Ladies 4th XI

Due to our cancelled league game we took on Windsor's third eleven. The match started well with Michelle scoring a swooping goal in the first half, we thought our luck had changed, alas it wasn't to be, as Windsor went on to a one goal victory (with the help of two of our players) oh well better luck next week girlies !