Match Reports For Saturday 13th March Season 2003 - 2004

Mens 1st XI

Mens 2nd XI

Oxford Hawks at home with three games left to play. Stuey Hall was reinstated back to the ones and replaced by Fumar who couldn't play in the afternoon due to other commitments so he honourably stepped up to the mighty PTOTY.

Big Harv was back in goal with a clean smock. Fu was on sweeper duties assisted by Clive at right back with Scouse and Sponging Student to complete the back quartet. Douglas was promoted to centre half with Dr Hine and Sniffer Watson at right half accompanied by Liam Greene at left half. Up front was the usual trio of Tanker Dodwell, Pathfinder Quinlan and the ever-balding monk Barry.

Staines took the game to Hawks from the start pressing and pressing, moving the ball round the back and down the right flank with only Fu in our own half shipping the ball around the pitch. We moved deep into their half meaning that if they were to break it would have to be as a counter attack. One of their players fell injured and they went down to ten which allowed everyone to keep moving up the pitch as one unit. With all the lack of space this caused it was important to keep the ball moving. Sniffer Watson and Tanker Dodwell kept probing for an opening. Dr Hine did well to keep robbing the ball back off Hawks and Barry took his player high up the pitch ready to chase for ball being fired at him. We were unable to capitalise on our many efforts allowing Hawks some sixteen hits and thus allowed to be released from their pressure.

It was only a matter of time until Staines put the first goal into the back of their net after just ten minutes. Some fine play down the right flank culminated in Tanker Dodwell putting the first one home. A bit of a calamity involving the substitution between Mik, Scouse and Robbie meant we let one in as Hawks had a free player over. Jonny got himself a yellow card for an innocuous challenge on their sweeper. Dougie debated it with the umpire but only gained himself a green card for doing so. Staines second goal came courtesy of a short corner. Fu shaped up to hit it but flicked in a daisy cutter dribbler that even he was amazed by. However a goal is a goal and we will take them by any means so it was a grateful contribution. Two one up and wanting more Hawks broke down the left flank beat Fumar, turned scouse and shot across goal past Harvey. Dohh!

Third goal to us came from another short corner. Fumar smacked the ball towards the far post for Dr Hine to help cross the line. Big Harv saved a penalty flick. Their guy stepped up to roof it but made a grave error of judgment. Harv is a big fella and that is not the place to put it as he promptly found out. With a window clean, traffic light like squeegee moment Harv's shake and vac approach saved the ball incoming above head height. Nice! Hawks third goal came when Dougie's man broke free, dribbled past a couple of players and booted one into the back of the net. Harv was raging, gloves were off and stick was thrown across the astro with expletives free flowing. Staines gained a penalty flick when the nottcutts sniper felled Tanker Dodwell. Sniffer Watson stepped up to roof it but the keeper stretched his right foot out and just stopped it shy of the line, with the ball right on the end of his toes. Hawks then nicked a fourth goal from free play. Four three down with just minutes to go. Staines having been ahead all match were now losing. Liam Greene placed a splendid tackle in and won the ball. Unfortunately the umpire disagreed and sent Liam on his marching orders with a yellow card. Fumar issued instructions and everyone pushed up leaving only one defender in our half when we attacked their goal. Countless silly tackles from Oxford led to Staines being awarded short corners but we were unable to capitalise on them.

With some frenetic activity Staines moved the ball high up each flank probing for the equaliser until on the right hand side of the D the ball fell to Sniffer Watson who made up for his penalty flick save by roofing the ball into the back of the net.

Four all with two minutes to go, nothing silly and we kept the point. Some disappointment was evident as we needed all three points to make sure of our status what with Woking winning against Old Georgians. Some may argue that we lost three points, others that we gained a point. I take the view that we gained a point as it could be that close at the end of the season. Two games left and it's all hands to the deck. Fast, methodical hockey and if we keep our heads our status is in our hands.

No man of the match or dick of the day this week. The only other notable mention was that Robbie was on suicide watch for 30 minutes after the match. In addition observing the Vansittart play for the veterans you would have thought he was the same age as the rest of the team. The dodgy tracksuit and lack of teeth and hair must have done it. Onwards and upwards Staines.

Mens 3rd XI

The 3rd Battalion mounted up for yet another visit to the South coast - this time the sleepy haven of Havant. We were to discover a number of things on this trip, like Bracknell ladies wear tartan hockey skirts - different yet bizarre and not really short enough. Also Sohail drives almost as slowly as Kingsley. This week our Skipper tried a different tactic from which to elicit a rare win. In the past we have tried youth, we have tried an almost geriatric level of experience, we have experimented with five wingers, we have tried men in the hole, out of the hole and staring down the hole. So far to little effect. This week we went for weight. In order to counteract the anorexic Royston and the whippet like Chewy Patel, the M3's retained Tanker Lazlo and Big Bouncy Jim; supplementing them with Big Ben Horan and Dave Farmer. Dave is 6 foot 3 and a half so almost makes Lurch Barnwell look normal.

Mr Safety cocked up the tossing of the coin ceremony by winning again and choosing to have the ball. A wise choice as that was the only time we were to have it during the first 10 minutes of the half. Well, besides Roy who touched it twice fishing it out of the back of our net. Basically we were ambushed by the Havant bandits who slotted two extremely well taken goals that short of chopping the attacker in half with a felling axe could not have been stopped. The next 10 minutes were only marginally better as Staines struggled to get used to the bounce of the pitch and lift their game. Most of it was spent in our half and eventually another Havant attack resulted in a shot lashed at warp speed towards the top corner. Roy brilliantly saved only for the ball to drop nicely for a Havant player to sweep in the loose ball. For the rest of the half Staines battled to keep the goal tally down. As the half wore on the Blues looked more assured and had got the measure of the pitch and even managed to enter their D on a few rare occasions. Our juggernaught like approach had some merit but unfortunately what advantage we had in mass was outweighed by the lack of overall pace. 3-0 down at half time is not a good day out to the seaside.

The second half was much better for Staines and we started to give their defence some serious work to do with Tanker, Big Ben and Bouncy Jim doing their best to squash the opposition. But Havant sat on their comfortable cushion, absorbed the pressure and then rampaged up the pitch to have a pot shot. Resolute defending was required and Plumber Nelhams and Mr Safety provided that. Alpesh did well sweeping except for a short spell when he consecutively managed to find their centre forward with every free 16 hit. In the end Mr Safety stood behind him to sweep up the shrapnel. Dave did well on his debut linking well with Rodders and trying to get attacks going down the right. We actually won a couple of short corners, the second of which was nicely flicked into the net by Bouncy Jim to reduce the deficit to 1-3. A short while later Havant won themselves a P-flick as a result of some desperate defending. Roy did well, his leap in the wrong direction completely foxed the taker into slinging it high over the bar. The blues battered their way through the rest of the half but could not add to the score line. The result being a 3-1 loss to the extremely improved Havant side.

Hero: Nelhams, Lazlo and Rowley were the chief candidates. However the Plumber went home early which cost him a default and as Phil's teas last week were excellent he rightly wore the shirt - stretching it over his man-breasts - it was a tight fit but he was determined to wear it.

Doddery Old Gimmer: A scatter of votes with no real pattern this week. But by a narrow margin and despite scoring, Bouncy Jim gained the horrible pink bri-nylon gown. His efforts were valiant, but he had spent much of the game beaching himself on the Astro flapping away with his stick. Greenpeace were called in but advised that when a creature of this size repeatedly runs itself ashore there is little that can be done to save it.

Driving Miss Daisy Award: Sohail and Plumber Nelhams left to go home straight from the game. They rode on Sohails huge exhaust which was powered by a little tiny car. In fact the exhaust pipe is so huge, it has a family of Badgers living in it. Anyway, the rest of the team went back to the Havant Club for some very nice teas (the best on the South coast) and the usual post match admin. Much later on the way home, who do we see bimbling along the A3 at Guildford? He set off first missed out on teas and got home last. Sohail and Kingsley will have to have a race-off to see who wins this years Driving Miss Daisy cup.

Mens 4th XI

My God! What happened to Staines Men's 4th Eleven? Lining up, we looked a real strong team with Danny Valentine Penny filling in, Lee-Roy was drafted too and Hudson, complete with his bitch, Gnasher was back, we looked pretty good and lined up with 11 players and a substitute. We knew that South Bucks have been on a roll of late and that things are getting very tight at the top of the division, we had climbed above Henley by two points and with only S. Bucks at 4th place, Bracknell in last place and Henley left to play, we had a good chance of promotion. All we had to do was keep winning, or at least not lose. South Bucks have one less game to play than us and they have to face the league leaders, so the future looks bright, the future looks blue.

And then we started.

From the off we looked disorganised. It wasn't a good time for several of our key players to have an off day. Rich couldn't stop anything today and was virtually excluded from the second half again, Tart couldn't get his shots in the net despite having a drawing of the goal taped to his stick, Gnasher was having trouble staying on his feet and adjusting to playing on the left, Jezza too couldn't keep on his feet, being knocked over many times. Sidney looked like a man who had forgotten something important, he was strangely distant and you could almost see the lack of concentration on his face as questions like "Did I leave the gas on?" "Did I lock the car?" and "Did I leave my jazz mags spread out in a semi-circle on the bedroom floor again?" went through his mind. To be quite fair, South Bucks are a very good side and swarmed all over us in numbers. Midfield fell apart completely, marking, tackling and chasing back all taking second place to confusion and despair. When we did get the ball, we gave it away cheaply and the times we did manage to pass to each other, usually a South Bucks player was smack bang in the middle of the passer and passee (if there is such a word) to easily scoop the ball up and run at us. Poor old Colin was getting turned inside out every time by their centre poke and Deano thought that Right Back meant Right Wing, leaving the forlorn sweeper Sidney to mark the player Dean had left behind. Some brighter moves meant that we got the ball and moved it up the pitch, only for the oppo nick it off us, run through the empty midfield and spartan defence and on towards our goal. About 7 times South Bucks went one-on-one with me, which netted them a healthy 3 goals. On some of the other goals my usual tactic of flipping about on the floor like an epileptic flounder didn't work that well. Ho hum.

Within 5 minutes of the first whistle, we had conceded a penalty when the brave Gloria tried to stop a flicked shot on the line with his arm. He did a better job than me though as I was watching the shenanigans from the floor. A place I would come to know well... The South Bucks centre forward stepped up and promptly scored to give us something to chase, so away we went. Or back we came. Goals 2 + 3 were nicely Tee-ed up for South Bucks by the usually solid Colin who seemed to have been bought by South Bucks and was assisting their score line. Colin wasn't his usual self, although he did make some vital tackles, Sid was in the wrong place at the wrong time for most of the game, Gnasher was roasted by the SB right winger. In Gnashers defence though, he was playing in an unfamiliar position and the right winger did utter "Meep Meep" as he went past each time. Piles of dynamite laden birdseed, rocket skates, large elastic bands and even dressing up as a sexy female right winger and wiggling in front of him all failed miserably to stop this bloke, who seemed intent to leave scorch marks up and down our lovely astro. Jeremy has been working on his falling over routine and has decided to add the screaming, wailing, orchestra-falling-down-the-stairs noises again. It did look like the Notcutts sniper had traded rifle for mortar as Jezza flew up in the air several times wailing pitifully as he went. Their umpire wasn't impressed and started to give the decisions against him for diving. Only when he fell over without the sounds, did the free hits go our way. Strange that.....

Right, so half time and we thought that if they can score 3 goals in the first half, then we could get the same in the second half. Hmmm. Alex, who was waiting patiently to come on busied himself with the contents of his hip-flask and so at least was warm as the second half began.

It seemed that after 15 minutes, we had stopped South Bucks and that they would score no more goals. We still were not playing well as a team and we had some runs at them that amounted to not a great deal. Our short corner routine was a little off this week, but we did manage to win a flick as the Chubby one got himself pole axed by the South Bucks keeper. Brushing the sand, skin and bone fragments from his knees, he got up, calmed himself and slotted the flick home. Turning point? Did someone say turning point? Nah, turning point my arse! More of the same but with custard please! Another 3 goals in 10 minutes they got and they made it look real easy, we finally stopped the flow of goals with 10 minutes to spare, but the damage had been done. Staines were sunk without trace. 6-1! A shame, but to be honest, a drubbing was long overdue as we have not been playing all that well this year. Flashes of brilliance that usually speckle our game were noticeable in their absence this week. Anyway, if we win the last two games, then it's no problem and we can pretend this never happened...

MOM: Nobody played well, but one player stood out. Not once did he kick the ball this week, not once did he give away a short corner and not once did he set foot on the pitch so Alex gets the shirt!

DOD: Votes were spread over Me, Sid, Rich, Colin and Jezza, but the Squealing Chubster managed to cross the line first, dipping heavily for the tape and going straight over in a cacophony of noise.

Next week, Bracknell at 4.30 at their home pitch. Bracknell are plumb bottom in our league, but they have had some really good results at home against the top teams so it's not going to be easy. The week after that, Henley face us in what could be the promotional decider. Then lager. Ah, how I've missed you. Come to Papa.....

Mens 5th XI

This match Starts and will end with domestics, Gordie the Gopher was not happy with the match report last week, so I will mention him this week twice at the bottom with regards to last weeks game (Every Little Helps).

Race night was apparently a blast, so much so, that Road Runner, Flash and Major Charles Ingrum decided to test how many people can fit, into a 2 seater Audi TT! The answer was three; the Major took the pilot seat while the other two battled over the remaining seat. Road Runner complained about his pillows and Flash replied those are not pillows!

Following the dumb deal against Guilford, Staines looked to back on track and move back up the league, were they had encountered snakes and ladders this season. Michael Cane kindly put on the yellow jersey again, to be judge and jury, (have we seen Concorde’s final flight?). Road Runner hatched a plan to get the team resurrected. Mr Flash, going places, holiday jet set, Luwellen or is it Sue Ellen? decided he would make his second consecutive appearance of 2004!. Returning to the ground were he played his first and last time in Goal, but the main event was not the game but the activities of Diamond Geezer and its ironic we were to play Hore-ly.

As most people know Diamond is a huge fan clubbing and Banana Rarmmer, or to put it more specifically, the exchange night club, re-named Cheekies and known to most people as the slaughter house. On Thursday young Diamond did not see it fit to go to training, but to experience more action. After showing his fake ID to the fake bouncer, Diamond decide to show the clubbers his Diamond dance. To Diamonds amazement Buffy the teenage slayer was watching and took a keen interest in Diamond and to Diamonds amazement offered Hotti Totti at 8.30pm. Diamond could not believe his luck and both Buffy and Diamond prepared to culd-de-sac, but all became apparent when Buffy produced the teenage slaughter price list or you may know it as the sex lottery, good job it was not cash and carry. Diamond saw the prices and asked for a student discount, but before Wilkos final shot was made and fortunately for Diamond, his mates dragged him away before he paid and displayed. (Diamond should remember when you fake ID to get into a club, so dose everyone else and yes you win dick of the day).

Back to game, the match got off to a sluggish start and Staines struggled to find their players. Staines were bunched in the middle of the pitch and lacked width. Samurai held the midfield while Kill-bill and Road Runner, forced the midfield attack runs. Hobo and Diamond Geezer were scrappy in attack, as Staines struggled to find space.

Horely stretched the Staines defence and Flash and Jack and Jill, just about held the fort commanded by Major Charles Ingrum. Eventually the Staines forced on opener after long periods of territorial play and Kill-Bill was on target again to make it 0-1. The game did not open up and Staines still lacked width, but held on to lead a scrappy first half one nil.

Half time came and Road Runner asked for width, less scrappy play and more space. Samurai was positioned to protect the defence, so the midfield could mount the attack, without being caught on the break. The plan worked and Staines found the width and the ball was crossed in for Diamond Geezer, who had enough time to, have a shower, get his ucky kit, lucky stick and lucky ring on and Oh yes shoot. Diamond set himself up well and ripped the net with venom for 2-0.

Diamond, still recovering from Thursday, found movement tough and went a-wall about Hobos service, this burst of rage confused Hobo and Kill-Bill. Thus Captain Road Runner Stepped in and asked Diamond to go a-wall later. Staines had went close on several occasions after this, but the finishing was not there, eventually the Major Charles Ingrum had, had enough and saw it fit for himself to have a crack at a shortie. Road Runner, shouted lunch one and the Major responded, by smashing the backboard to give Staines a 0-3 lead. Staines then went into their shell, and looked at six and sevens at times, braking on the occasional counter, but the defence, with Majors heavy machine gun, held and Staines took a 0-3 win.

After the came Michael Cane, asked for quick slick passing, as at times Staines dwelled on the ball with a lack of speed. (SLICK HOCKEY THIS WEEK BOYS AND REMMEMBER TO BLOW THE BLLODY DOORS OFF).

Final Score Horely 0 Staines 3
Scorers Kill-Bill, Diamond Geezer, Major Charles Ingrum
Man of Match Kill-Bill (for overall energy)
Dick of Day Diamond Geezer (For not spotting a Hore-ly, pay and display)

Last week votes for Guilford match
Man of Match Gordie the Gopher for fitness, coaching and goals
Dick of Day Gordie the Gopher for caring about crap hockey and the match report. (100 press-ups Gordie)

Mens 6th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Saturday

Win Your Way with HERBALIFE!

Do YOU want to look young and score, on and off the field? Do you want the Ruth Hine speed skills and the reaction time of Sarah Hamilton? Have you always dreamed of the endurance of Sue 'never-tiring' O'Connell and Nikki Walshy, or the gazelle-like legs of Sarah Chandler? Then HERBALIFE is for YOU!

Our distributors will meet with you for the best Health & Fitness advice, plus freeeeeee yuuuummmmy tasters of our supplement drinks! Yes, Staines hockey ladies can vouch their incredible results. Supplementing well before their game against Maidenhead, the team were up 2-0 in the first half after tremendous domination - goalscorer Chrissy Lind even commented enthusiasticlly 'I drank two cups of the thermojectic tea! My whole household loves it! It changed my life, Thank You! Its Magic!'. The other splendid goal came from the superb movements of Jo Ives weaving in and out of play in unbeatable fashion to deflect to Hamilton in front of goal- Did I forget to mention that the Formula 1 drinks also improve your skills? Its True!

So go ahead and challenge yourself. With Fitness & Sports you can count on the support you need to achieve your personal best.The final score was 2-2 but this is due to failure of completing the energy plan and having more of our amazing Herbalife products at half time.

Sunday Web Report

Staines Ladies Horoscope – Sunday 14th March

With the moon in the ‘amazing hockey’ area of the astrological mapping system, and the sun trapped behind the rain clouds and gale force winds this astrological prediction will begin by forecasting two conclusive facts. Firstly this Sunday the display of hockey is sure to be of an astrologically brilliant nature that even surpasses the fact that Mercury has moved most dramatically into the Staines sign of the Zodiac. Secondly everyone is going to get very wet.

Let me first, through my intensely powerful foresight, paint the scene for you. I see a large gathering of supporters - of the highest calibre - who are sure to coin a couple of phrases…perhaps something like….yes that immortal hockey phrase…’umpire you’re having a f*#!ing laugh’. I see a ‘Brookside’ inspired Northern coach who is highly likely to teach some of the Staines men some new phrases to use on their future opponents and umpires, that’s if any of them can understand his accent or detect any proper words intermingled with the expletives. I see a mass of black bin bags, you know the kind that is usually used for rubbish collection, and I see it being used as a special and highly appropriate enclosure for that dear Northern coach. And sprinting into this vision, with great speed and agility, I see an impeccable gathering of Staines sports women at the peak of their sporting careers. What a vision.

As preparations get underway I foresee a frighteningly good warm-up display of hockey wizardry (enough to scare the astrological faeces out of any opponent) and an inspirational team talk by a man, I say a man, I mean….what we in Zodiac circles refer to as…an astrological embodiment of hockey genius. As the whistle blows initiating the game, to my great astrological surprise, I sense that Venus will join Mercury in the Staines section of the Zodiac which will pose dire consequences for our Chester Friends. I believe the right term for this future hockey scenario is….one-sided.

As Staines proceed in giving a display of why exactly they are at the top of their earthly league and why they should in fact be playing in, not an international league but in an inter-planetary hockey confederacy, I sense that the newly promoted Chester will feel belittled…perhaps a bit like cosmic dust floating, without direction or purpose, in the Faulkners abyss. Staines will put immense astrological pressure on the Chester defence with their blinding runs and cosmic passes which will culminate in the award of a multiple number of penalty corners. At this point Staines’ most maturely amassed ‘star’ Ruth Hine will test the goalkeeper with her mind numbingly powerful hits and although her lob may literally fly to new celestial heights she will terrify the Chester Goalkeeper to the point of astrological collapse. The subsequent one on one combat between Ruth and her mortal foe will go Ruth’s way as Ruth’s psyching out tactics of ‘leaf removal’ reduce the Goalkeeper to a dithering wreck of physical matter. Staines will lead one nil as the half time whistle blows.

The second half will appear as if the Chester side received astrological advice. However the tips given to them will be by an inferior member of my trade and will be useless in preventing or altering my future predictions and the subsequent outcome. Chester will score but it will be a product of a disastrous umpiring decision that only serves to force a reply from the Staines side. This answer will firstly be initiated in the Staines’ defensive half as Staines’ celestial Goal Keeper Maggie ‘twinkle toes’ Owen will pull out another cracking save in a flick scenario. Thank goodness Ruth hadn’t leaked the secret of ‘leaf removal’ to the Chester flick taker…had she released her secret the great Mags might have had to open her eyes to save it. Maggie Owens, flanked by the combined defensive genius of Jo Strudely, Ruth Hine and Kate McClean, will prevent any future Chester attacks from proving crucial to the score line. The second reply to Chester’s goal will come from a cosmic team effort that will prove the worth and commitment of the youngest ‘star’ in the team. Chrissy Lind, with Celestial support, will dive to put her team ahead, and at a great sacrifice to her knee caps prove that Staines’ determination and dedication to the cause is limitless. As the pressure mounts with each passing minute the team will become concerned about the frailty of the loyal crowd. As the full moon’s power comes to its peak Jo Studely will…turn…. to the crowd and, in a show of concern and love, ask the touching question: ‘Are you OK Juliet?’ Staines will be penalised for showing this level of concern and I see a dressing gown, some orgasmic slippers, a pretty bag and a stunning wig that will adorn the form of our kind-hearted Jo in post-match celebrations.

The final whistle will lead to a group cheer from the Staines supporters and team alike and a few more expletives from the Chester coach. A cosmic feast of potato, sausages, beans and cheese will greet the losers and victors alike however for some it will taste that much sweeter.

It is at this point my vision becomes blurry but it is clear that a bright future awaits such pedigree sports women …. some dates….17th and 18th April appear important but my astrological vision has concluded and for further updates it is necessary to call my astrological hotline.

For more astrological brilliance please call – 07817800654. Calls cost £5 a minute but will last no longer than ten beautiful minutes. Please check with the bill payer before ringing.

Sunday Paper Report

On Sunday 14th March, Staines Ladies 1st XI hosted Chester in a EH Trophy Quarter Final. Chester, who play in the Northern Division 1, will be in the National League next season after winning their league yesterday.

Staines started strongly and forced Chester, who are equivalent of 2 leagues higher, to defend desperately for the opening 20 minutes. Sarah Hamilton should have opened the scoring after 10 minutes but unfortunately missed an open goal following a rebound off the Chester goalkeeper. Staines were awarded a series of short corners in this opening period and were unable to capitalise on them due to some excellent saves by the Chester goalkeeper. Four minutes later Staines missed an opportunity to go ahead when they were awarded a penalty stroke for a foot on the line. The subsequent flick just drifted past the post leaving the score at 0-0. Staines continued to attack their opponents and after 24 minutes won another penalty stroke for a horrible tackle on Chrissie Hind. Ruth Hine calmly slotted the ball home for a 1-0 lead.

Staines continued to dominate the first half and despite some good play from the whole team were unable to build on their deserved lead which should have been bigger than 1-0.

Chester started the second half strongly and equalised from a short corner 2 minutes into the half. Chester continued to put Staines under pressure and were awarded a penalty stroke after the ball hot Jo Strudleys foot on the line. A good stroke was saved by Maggie Owens.

This seemed to lift Staines and for the remaining 20 minutes they were back on the attack and forcing Chester to keep them out by any means. A Chester defender was sent off after 53 minutes for chopping Sue O'Connells legs away and from the subsequent penalty corner Chrissie Hind scored in a goalmouth scramble to put Staines 2-1 up.

Chester managed a couple of attacks in the remaining minutes whoch were ably dealt with by the back three of Kate McClean, Ruth Hine & Jo Strudley. With the Staines midfield still dominating the game it was Staines who looked more likely to score and despite some excellent play they were not able to put the ball in the net.

Staines calmly played out the last few minutes to assure their place in the semi-finals of this National competition on 4th April.

Next Saturday Staines play PHC Chiswick at home in the Middlesex League. Victory will assure them of the League title and a place at the play offs for a South League slot for next season.

Ladies 2nd XI

Ladies 3rd XI

Being the last game of the season both teams went in to the match with a ferocious thirst for victory. The game commenced at a hard fast pace which continued through to the final whistle.

During the first half Staines were dominant, taking the lead after a firm square ball from Kate on the right wing was received at the top of the D and converted into a goal by a swift strike from Tracy on the left.

Hard work by the defence and midfield once again pushed the ball into the oppositions half where sheer determination resulted in the second of Staines goals, putting them 2-0 ahead. This came about from an intense battle in the D leading to an on target hit by Linda which made it safely into the back of the goal (although the word 'poached' have been uttered by a few) through the assistance of Tracy.

A goal from Hayes followed shortly after, taking Staines into the second half 2-1 ahead.

In the second half Hayes came out strongly and the battle commenced. However, with a number of near misses by the front three and with excellent steadfast play by the midfield and defence, the final score remained 2-1.

This was an outstanding way to finish the season and if the same spirit and enthusiasm can continue into next season, Staines Ladies 3rd XI are sure to be successful.

MOM: Either due to sheer laziness or out of the remarkable respect we hold for each other the man of the match award this week went to the team as a whole!

Ladies 4th XI

Well what can i say due to some confusion with start times we were (for a change!!) all present an hour before the match , so we used the time for a gentle warm up and practice session. Unfortunately we were not that lucky, but a great effort from the girlies. Dina scored our first goal , it sped in like a rocket!!

Ashford played a very attacking game scoring three goals in the first half. Miss Haynes played well trying to see off a few angry players!! Caroline scored in the second half from a short corner, unfortunatley they came storming back with another goal.

Better luck next week!!
MOM Penny for her bravery (knocked on the nose in the d)
DOD Penny for recieving a card for using her foot as a goal !!