Match Reports For Saturday 2nd October Season 2004 - 2005

Mens 1st XI

Staines men's first eleven finally got underway in their league campaign after a promising pre-season in which they had beaten sides from higher leagues. A tough first game was expected against Chichester, who had just been relegated from the league above, and so it proved to be. The first twenty minutes saw Staines forced onto the back foot by some great play by the Chichester forwards and sloppy defending leading to posession being given away far too easily. The pressure on the blues defence was great but thanks to some last ditch tackling and some superb goalkeeping by new boy Andy Green, Staines kept them out. As the half wore on, Staines managed to get a bit of a foothold in the game and managed to mount a few forays forward themselves. A couple of penalty corners were won but they were not converted and the sides found themselves still locked together at 0-0 at the half time break.

The second half continued in a similar vein to the first but Staines managed to hold onto the balll slightly better and had a bit more posession. This led to a few more attacks and a couple of chances were created for Matt Truman and Andy Evans up front, but they were thwarted by some good defence and goalkeeping by Chichester. With the game drawing to a close and a draw looking like the final result, Staines introduced the experienced Mike Farmer to the fray up front. His abilty to hold onto the ball and put the other forwards in to space was crucial as he found space on the right to cross for Truman in the middle. He was bundled out of the way, but the ball fell invitingly for Andy Evans who poked his shot at goal and it deflected off a defenders foot - Penalty to Staines! With only two minutes left on the clock, up stepped skipper James Chapman and he buried the ball into the corner for Staines to take the lead. The final couple of minutes were played out with Staines gaining control of the ball and keeping Chichester penned back into their own half until the final whistle was blown.

Although not playing to their full potential, a hard fought game resulted in three points for the blue army. In what is expected to be quite an open league this season these points away from home will prove very valuable.

v TULSE HILL AND DULWICH (HA Cup 2nd Round.)

After saturdays tough game Staines faced Tulse Hill and Dulwich in the national cup and ran out 5-4 winners. At half time Staines were 3-1 up thanks to penalty corners from James Chapman and Mike Farmer and possibly an early contender for goal of the season by Adam Hart??!!! With the game looking comfortably won, Staines managed to nearly throw it away by letting TH and D back into it with an awful spell of hockey for them to take a 4-3 lead. With concentration restored Staines fought back and a penalty corner by Matt Truman and a deflected goal by another new boy, Alistair Geddes, led to Staines taking the game and a possible "David v. Goliath" tie in the next round!!

Mens 2nd XI

Mens 3rd XI

Mens 4th XI

Well, here it is, a new season is upon us once more. The 4’s, after cunningly gaining promotion last season have risen to the heady heights of the 3rd division in the South Open MBBO league and this will be the setting for the new adventures of the all new, all singing, all dancing Men’s 4th Eleven (Who bear a striking resemblance to the Men’s 3rd eleven of a couple of seasons ago.)

Our first game, was at home and our worthy opponents were High Wycombe. We took the red-eye slot on Saturday morning and even though the game was to start practically in the middle of the night, we all assembled on time. Colin “Confessions of..” Reed was on umpiring duties today and got the game underway in a fine, if not somewhat orthodox style, by the blowing of a whistle. Tense, was a good word to describe the first few minutes, Nervous was another good word. Both sides were sizing each other up, that was clear to see and a lot of activity in the middle, where we had left Monsieur’s Hudson and Rengger, meant that nobody had any significant goal attempts until the Chubby one started the blue goal machine with a couple of revolutions on the starting handle. As it chugged into life, Chubby Jezza made a crucial interception of a Wycombe 16 yard hit, he then pranced into the D, waltzed past a hapless defender, and with a twinkling of his toes, pirouetted past the keeper and slotted home Staines’ first goal of the season. OK, I may have embroidered the description of Jeremy’s’ goal, but I thought that the way I put it was better than using words like “Big”, “Arse” and “Wobble”…..

Back to the game and we re-started and started menacing High Wycombe into mistakes. Mistakes were by no means the sole domain of our opposition as we managed to make more than a few ourselves in the shape of pinpoint accurate passing from Sidney to the H.W. left wing, centre poke AND right wing. These tiny errors were more than made up for when he allowed the rest of the team to join his own personal game by passing to Blue shirts, enabling us to clear our lines successfully and even break forward on the attack. A spell of Blue uncertainty was ended when Deano converted a short into the bottom right corner of the goal. It seemed that the Wycombe defenders had been temporarily replaced by a new cross-breed of tortoise/slug type creatures, for they positively inched their way towards Dean as he had time to, not only pick a corner, but to pick new curtains for the lounge, a new car from the “Mundane Family Saloon” section of the Thames Valley Trader and Michael Jackson’s next nose, but he also had time to pick some of the inhabitants of Hudson’s back hair, which made a tasty mid-half snack for him.

The game restarted and High Wycombe decided to make their presence felt at our end, which they did with a good spell of pressure. Saves had to be made and we almost saw them off with some clever defending, but a short corner was scored when a Wycombe forward lifted the ball over my fallen frame and into the net for a good goal. Not to be disheartened, Staines battled back and was rewarded when the Umpire played good advantage from a shot that hit a H.W. foot in their own D as it fell nicely to Adrian “Barney” Barnwell to slap in from all of 2 yards.

Half time we were at 3-1 and we all remained strangely calm, we needed more accuracy, better timing and some luck. It didn’t look like Wycombe had anything too great to worry ourselves with in attack, but as we all know, things can change and go horribly, horribly wrong. Fortunately, today was not theirs it was ours. So there!

The second half began and it looked like we had niggled our opponents into submission, sure they hit the post and had a few short corners, but in an excellent display from our back line, we put to bed any more rumours that goals could be scored against us, at least for today. Alex and Dean were at their best as left and right back, Alex only managing to kick the ball twice in the whole game. Gloria and Gnasher supporting well at the back and up front too with long periods of frantic sprinting up and down the pitch. Gnasher at one point looked clear to score, but his effort was saved well and his next attempt of the rebound went wide. Gloria had his chest puffed out and his muscles flexed for the entire match because his bird and family were on the sidelines gazing lovingly on. Sid’s passing settled down with only one more suicidal interruption to an otherwise very safe half. Two more blue goals were stuffed into the net in the second half, the first was from a Tart shot that hit the keeper in the chest and dropped to the waiting Andre, who tidied up nicely to make it 4-1. The fifth and last goal was a Tart goal that Dean supplied, which saw Mr Rengger use all the strength in his wrists as he ran at the keeper and before he knew where he was, our Monkey had managed to cut the ball back, past the goalie and into the corner of the goal. My, what strong wrists you have. I wonder how you got those……

More goals should have been recorded on the sheet, but seeing as the Hockey Association requires the ball to cross the line between the posts for it to count as a goal, we fell short. The names Andre, Monkey and Chubby spring to mind, coupled with the words “open” and “goal.” At least 4 times all the hard work of beating defenders and keeper was completed with only the seemingly simple task of tapping balls into the empty net, saw the ball scooting off the back line for a 16 yard hit. To be fair though, the Wycombe keeper had an absolute stormer making many a vital save, so we could have been top of the league pile had it not been for his efforts.

Still, can’t moan when we scored 5 as it could have easily been 8 or 9, but seeing as it’s the first league game, it bodes well for the rest of the season.

MOM: For a fine game with minimal footwork, Alex gets the nod.

DOD: With a couple of burningly painful open goal misses, the Tart takes the biscuit from Andre, also for his open goal faux pas.

Next week, Witney near Oxford.

Rumour has it that Witney Hockey Club’s tablecloths are made from asbestos, so Mr Hudson will need his welding equipment if he wants to burn little holes in things next week.

Mens 5th XI

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Saturday

13 ways to beat Windsor

1. Have bet with boss on how many goals will be scored.

2. Have a coach called Shay.

3. Let Captain Katie Kate lose the toss again.

4. Place most mature member of team (Bambi) in Centre Forward position and allow her to cause havoc and rack up 6 goals

5. Allow left wing to flourish, score a virginal hat-trick and be awarded Snatch of the Match.

6. Add some more maturity in the shape of Aunty Audrey who will score 2 goals. Only 2????

7. Make way for Kelly who will slot one home.

8. Watch Sue and Suzi battle it out for Doris of the Day.

9. Shout at (Sm)ellie so much that she runs round like a headless chicken. (Do you have a chicken outfit in that box of yours??)

10. Allow Twinkle Toes to have a well earned rest and pay full match fees.

11. Tell the super squad to be more aggressive and act like Buffy.

12. Listen to Strudders squeal as she gets a league goal and seal Windsor's fate.

13. Join 'The Chandler and Mellie Workout' on a Wednesday night..this fitness malarkey made us gazelles amongst Windsor wildebeest

or

Staines Ladies 1st XI are clear at the top of South Division Two after two league games this weekend. Saturday saw them face bottom of the league Windsor and the score of 13-0 to Staines showed the difference between the quality of the teams. Ros Suter claimed 6 goals, player of the match Claire Woods got her first hat-trick, Ruth Hine got 2 with Kerry Maskery and Jo Strudley getting 1 each.

Sunday

We set off to Paddington Rec expecting our toughest challenge to date. On arrival at the astro, we soon realised why our opposition had chosen to wear their red away strip as the pitch was covered in algae which quickly wrecked our beautiful white kit. The action packed match did prove to be more of a fight than previous ones and we had to show our true grit & determination. Captain Katie Kate was called over for a ticking off by the umpire, but she was soon upstaged when Ruth got first a green and then a yellow card. H&W must have been feeling sorry for us being down to 10, for not long after they were also reduced by one for continual hacking away at Ros as she took on their entire defence alone.

In a good, all round team performance we scored four times and conceded none, although Mags did try her hardest to help them retrieve some dignity when attempting a pass to our defence. We had three penalty strokes awarded to us, two of which we converted, and we scored twice in open play. Anna scored on her return from the States and Ruth scored the teams 5th hatrick in 8 days. Roll on the next social when the team will be consuming the resulting jugs.

Despite her goals, Ruth narrowly lost to Jo for Snatch of the Match who gave a solid & commanding performance at the back. Ruth instead walked away with the Doris of the Day accolade to her credit for her sin binning offence.

or

Sunday saw Staines face tough opposition, Hampstead and Westminster. They had to be careful not to let the previous game lead to complacency, so Staines rose to the challenge and worked as a tight unit, with an outstanding performance from player of the match Jo Strudley. With Staines 1-0 up at half time thanks to Ruth Hine they needed to seal the win in the second half. Ruth Hine secured a hat-trick by converting 2 penalty strokes and Anna Truman sealed the win, 4-0 to Staines.
With 4 hat-tricks in two games Staines look forward to playing Oxford Hawks on Saturday who are currently placed third in the league.

Ladies 2nd XI

Week two of our campaign to 'Win the League', and already the match reporter has 'writer's block'- no travelling this week. Baldie however was so delighted with her tour of the South of England last week, that she bought a bottle of wine as a special 'Thank you' to Juliette.

Coach Duncan made us pay for our mistakes last Saturday, by working us really hard at training (Is that why he's known as Grinder on tour? - no maybe not). We needed shooting practice, and the first attempt left us wanting. It's amazing what the threat of 10mins fitness at the end of the session can do for a girl's aim. 30 out of 40 shots on target, even Coach Duncan was impressed.

This week it was West Hampstead at home, one look at the opposition suggested it might be a tough game. We assembled at the allotted time, and waited and waited for Coach Duncan. He arrived somewhat out of breath, he's two timing us already with the Mens 2s. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (in this case 13 of them), Duncan's running the gauntlet on this one!!

Team talk, tactics and blackboard session over, we were ready to go. As a team we needed to show everyone we were so much better than last week's result. Be more aggressive, and stop being so nice. We had to raise our game.

From the outset we worked hard as a team. The passes were coming together and we had confidence in each other. This week we reverted to our natural diamond formation, and it seemed to work. We got the ball into the D, and earnt the short corners, but again the goals wouldn't come. The WH keeper was good, and deflected everything we sent her way. As always the mid-field of Hels W, Suki, Lou and Hels F worked really hard to get the ball up to the forwards. The game was becoming ever more aggressive. Eryl almost had fisticuffs with a WH player, whilst Kate modelled a new eye make-up colour courtesy of a ball to the head. It was end to end stuff (well that's what it felt like), WH kept up the pressure on the Staines goal, but Abi had an outstanding game as keeper.

The half time whistle went, and this week there was relief but no trepidation. Coach Duncan arrived in the goal, he was pleased but we could do better and we had to win.

The 2nd half beckoned and WH pushed us all the way, but we kept our cool and remembered what we had been told. Finally one of our many short corners hit the target with a fantastic strike from Eryl. Our forwards, Ju, Baldie, Lizzy and Kate hassled the WH defence constantly, but their keeper was always in the way (how rude is that?). The WH forwards retaliated by pressurising the defence of Ali, Yvonne, Abi, and Eryl, but they were cool about it all.

Remember we were told to be more aggressive, well Helen 'Unleash the Beast' White took that to the limit. She's a very scary woman when pushed to extremes, she was taking no prisoners. Yvonne selflessly saved a WH strike on goal with her head, and allowing only a few minutes to gather herself, continued with the game as if nothing had happened. She's tough our Yvonne (she's not called Chopper for nothing).

The final 10mins were quite frankly exhausting for everyone, but we wanted to win this big time. After last week's disappointment, and the Ladies's 1s having won 13-0, we simply couldn't let this chance slip through our grasp. Whatever WH threw at us, we kept them out. Final score 1-0 Staines, huge relief all round. Coach Duncan was pleased (was that a tear in his eye ???). Never has one man had so many women at his disposal on a weekly basis, and all of them eager to please !!!!!

Thanks to everyone who supported us, we really appreciated it. Man of the match this week was Eryl. It was a real team effort, but special mention must go to Abi who made some amazing saves-thanks Abi.

Next week it's Eastcote away. Now where's that map ??

Ladies 3rd XI

Staines did their usual dynamic warm-up but unfortunately couldn't quite transfer this to the game! We started slowly conceding two goals in the first half. We needed to regroup get our shape back and play our own game but didn't quite manage to get it together.

In an action packed and incident filled second half (one WH&E accidentally being taken out by her own player, Claire Jennings receiving a thwack on the jaw from defending a short corner & Kath exceeding her defensive skills in the dying minutes of the game) WH&E increased their lead which incited Staines revival with goals from Vikkie and Linda (although there is a question mark over the goal scorers as Tracy and Julie have also claimed the goals??!!).

Anyway onward and upward - next week we are up for a WIN!

Ladies 4th XI

First league game of the season, aiming for promotion this year so all tucked up in bed early the night before and not a drop of alcohol consumed. Right enough talk about the opposition.

In true Staines style most of us were nursing a few delicate heads after celebrations the night before. Congratulations to Emma and Ben on their marriage and have a great honeymoon!

Everyone actually arrived on time and ready to start promptly but the astro wasn't available, always something or someone (yes I am happy to take the stick!) stopping us starting on time. Team talk from Ali R and the usual subtle glances at the opposition practicing for some last minute insight to their tactics ….

Match got underway and after a bit of a scrappy start we found our rhythm and were able to begin building our attack but Chiswick were a strong side and often kept beating us to the ball. Even Tanya's approach of trying to reach the ball by not holding on to your stick didn't seem to work but did result in being the first 4s player this season to get a green card!

Our passing also left a lot to be desired, needing to be much stronger and accurate, because we often kept losing possession. Excellent defending from Penny on the left and Caroline on the right kept us in the game. Kerry and Helen tried to break through the Chiswick defence with strong runs up the wings passing to Ali R and Elly to make the cross. Often no one on the end of them but we can't be good at everything! Brilliant runs through the middle by Tanya and Michelle continued our attack but the Chiswick players were too good at being first to the ball and so just before half time we lost possession and Chiswick broke through our defence and scored the first goal, 0-1.

Kept our heads up until half time with Ali F really piling on the pressure up front with superb shots on goal but could not seem to get past the Chiswick goalie who made some fantastic saves .. grhhhh!

Right on the final whistle of half time Chiswick awarded a short corner but they did not seem to realise the whole team could come and join in the attack. Our defence gave telling glances to the umpire please don't tell them!! Excellent save by Karen and good defending kept the ball away from the goal and so made to half time with the need for a comeback in the forefront of our minds…..

At the beginning of the second half Chiswick carried on their strong attack but our defence managed to continue to close them down effectively. Sadly Caroline's excellent defending resulted in a heavy blow to the knee but well done to Carole for coming on to play even though not feeling 100%.

We were really driving for the equaliser and it wasn't long in coming. Fantastic strike by our captain Ali R from a short corner had the goal backboard ringing in our goal celebrations! Chiswick were now on the back foot and we were all over them.

Good passing in midfield by Helen and Kerry resulted in an excellent cross from Elly really piled on the pressure. A great shot on goal by Ali F was rebounded to result in Michelle driving the ball over the line!! We were in front for the first time in the match…..

2-1 up with 10 minutes to go, the pressure was on, could we hold on to the lead?!? An attacking break down the centre from Chiswick put heavy pressure on our defence and resulted in a short corner. The forwards ran back to the half way line praying the defence would clear the ball. The first shot was wonderfully blocked by Penny but was unlucky to then hit a foot … penalty stroke!! No need to panic as we have Karen in goal and sure enough the stroke was saved!!! Everyone let out a great sigh of relief .. Go Karen!

The last 10 minutes can only be describe as panicking, panicking, panicking……. Think we can all see the hit and hope strategy has some serious disadvantages! Final whistle blown and great elation at the excellent success of our league opener …. Next week Teddington .. Bring it on!!

Man of the Match - Karen (our fantastic penalty stroke saver!)
DOD - Tanya (need any superglue for that stick or maybe we should ask Vik if a South African thing?!)