Match Reports For Saturday 13th November Season 2004 - 2005

Mens 1st XI

Staines faced a trip down to the south coast on Saturday looking forward to taking on second placed Brighton.
With points desperately needed after a couple of poor results recently, Staines started very brightly. Brighton were put under pressure all over the park and it was not long before Staines took the lead. A well earned penalty corner was smashed home by John Stannard for a well deserved goal. With Brighton reeling from conceding early in the game, Staines pressed home their advantage with some forceful, yet controlled, hockey completely knocking the stuffing out of Brighton in the early stages. This was typified by Liam Greene who scored Staines' second, forcing the ball over the line under pressure from the Brighton goalie and last defender after hard work by Mark Hampton. With Staines still on a high from their two goal lead Brighton's dangerous forwards began to press the Staines defence and put them under pressure with their running off the ball and ability to finish. From their first two penalty corners Brighton pulled the game back onto level terms by converting both. Staines heads did not drop and they carried on with their pressing game putting the Brighton defence under pressure with Andy Evans and Neil Toulson both working hard up front. Unfortunately, despite the pressure, good work from the Brighton centre forward allowed them to take the lead when he was allowed too much space and he clinically fired home. Staines were unfazed by this and kept working, moving the ball around probing well through runs by Alistair Geddes and Stuart Hall. On the stroke of half time Staines won a penalty corner and from it James Chapman scored with a well taken flick to equalise.

With Staines a bit disappointed to only be on level terms at half time, they again came out fighting for the second half. With the game opening up a bit more, there were more goals for both sides and chances went begging at both ends. It was the Brighton centre forward who again proved a thorn in the Staines defence smashing home past Andy Green in the Staines goal, leaving him with no chance. Staines pushed on again and were rewarded when Liam Greene again popped up in the opposition circle to equalise. His cross shot somehow finding it's way through a crowd of players to the corner of the goal. The game swung back and forth with both teams surrendering posession far too easily and with about ten minutes to go Brighton took the lead again from a penalty corner. With only five minutes left and at 5-4 down Staines were desperate for a goal and brought on their new South African signing Jeremy de Nooijer who produced a moment of magic in the circle to win a penalty stroke. With the pressure well and truly on, skipper James Chapman fired the ball in for a deserved equaliser. In a fitting end to an exciting game both Brighton and Staines had chances in the dying moments to snatch victory, but neither could get the ball over the line and the game ended 5-5.

This weekend Staines take on Barnes in the league and then on sunday take on EHL side East Grinstead in the fourth Round of the HA Cup.

Mens 2nd XI

Following last week's debacle against Mid Sussex, goals were promised and delivered as Trojans made the long journey up to Staines for a top versus mid-table clash. Despite the power failure on Tuesday night and disappointing turnout on Thursday, Staines were determined to prove to themselves after last week, and Skipper Watson & Coach Duncan made their feelings very clear on what they expected from the team this week.

But in what is becoming a worrying habit, Staines fell behind early as Trojans started brightly to slot the ball behind a dozing defence and under the onrushing Keeper Roy. 0-1 with a just a few minutes on the clock was not what Coach Duncan ordered, but with last week's fiasco ringing in our ears, Staines pushed forward with pace and determination, and within 10 minutes had restored the balance then overtaken the visitors with 3 goals in as many short corners.

If it ain't broke don't fix it, so with that Lee stepped up to the plate to carry on from where he left off last week and slot home three fantastic drag flicks (well 2 great ones and 1 poofy wafty one) in 3 consecutive corners. Lee thought Xmas had come early when their lump of a keeper was fully 3 feet away from his first flick, and so on advice from Tim stuck the next one bottom left for 2-1 and top left for 3-1. Three assists for Tim then.

Staines had now woken up and pushed relentlessly towards the Trojan goal. New recruit Matt Truman was commanding in midfield, with Watson and Griggs providing outlets and support to JD and Lee on the wings. The forwards and midfield were having a field-day and would have gone further up in the first half had Skipper Watson not missed two chances on the goal line Kanu-stylie (West Brom .v. M'bro last night). There were a good few attempts to better this for DOD votes later in the game, but even Coach Duncan's poor maths couldn't top that one. I'll explain in a bit.

So it was down to Coach Duncan's text book to conjure up the 4th and this will have pleased him immensely. Having worked on 'dishing' the ball out of defence on Thursday, Jerry, Shane and Bolton toyed with the Trojan attack before releasing Watson on the left, who fed Truman in the middle, before releasing Griggs on the right with acres of space and three attackers ahead of him. A fired ball into the oppo's D saw golden-balls Lee deflect the ball home for 4-1 and a very smug looking Coach applauding from the sideline.

So smug in fact that Coach Duncan decided that we only needed 10 players to compete for the second half, and took off 3 players at half time whilst replacing them with only 2. Possibly the best move of the match came from stalwart Bolton, who on realising the mistake, instead of informing the coach preferred simply to walk off grinning, thereby ensuring a more even DOD contest later in the bar. Coach Duncan removed his gloves and socks, counted to 11, and finally realised his mistake before sending Bolton back into the fray. Trying to blame Bolton only made it worse and his protests fell on deaf ears.

Buoyed by Coach Duncan's mistake, Staines took to the field in confident mood. Too confident as it turned out as yet again Staines let in a soft goal at the start of the half. No matter, normal service was resumed shortly after. Your narrator was off the field at the time, accompanied by JD, so the tale of what happened next is described from distance. But it LOOKED like Bolton went on a rampaging run up the right wing, stuffed their left back with a reverse dribble, before fizzing the ball across the D for Lee to deflect home a superb 5th for him and Staines. Stunned silence. 5-2.

JD then got in on the act as for the first time Lee didn't score from a short corner. Tim ballsed up the stop, but it fell nicely to JD who rifled home for 6-2. He followed that up shortly after with his second as he found some space inside the D and, from a very acute angle, fired home for 7-2. Staines were rampant.

Trust an Australian to spoil the party. On his farewell appearance for the Blue Army, Skippy then goes fearlessly into another crunching tackle with a Trojan forward, who kindly follows through with his stick and crunches Skippy's hand, thereby ruining his day and our good mood. It takes a lot for Skippy to get angry, but you could tell he was hurt. Nurse Humpreyses was quickly on the scene but even he went pale on seeing the damage. Skin was flapping, bone was showing and blood was everywhere. Last I saw he was being whisked off to hospital. Sad end to a great start to the season for our Antipodean friend. I don't know if he made it back to the party in one piece that evening, but we all wish him well back in the Motherland.

There was still time for one more goal, and Dutch boy Jerry took it upon himself to finish them off in style before heading back to the clubhouse with weird orange Dutch liqueur in hand as Staines celebrated the victory with the 1st Annual Dutchathon.

So 8-2 it finished and both Coach & Skipper were pleased with the way Staines reacted to last week. MOM and DOD were no brainers. Lee won a landslide after his fine 5 goals, as well as a few DOD votes for clear double-jug avoidance. DOD was closer, as we recalled Coach Duncan's inability to count to 11, but Robbie claimed it by a nose for his double-Kanu misses in the first half. Honourable mentions go to: Shane. Finished fasting this week and played a blinder. Welcome back. Truman. Superb in midfield but is threatening to quit. Don't do it fella. JD. Saved Tim from a beating from an eleven year old. Brave. And finally Skippy. Took one for the team on his final game and will be missed. G'luck mate.

Epsom away next week. Full of South African's apparently so expect Anton to be picked to help translate the insults.

Mens 3rd XI

An away trip to Milton Keynes with a start time of 3:30pm. I was looking forward to this one, and I had to drive! However cold the weather was, the waterbased pitch was an excellent surface to play on. P came for the trip and to umpire. Scouse came for the trip to be Bill Shankly.
Andy was keeps, Alpo sweeper, the Keamish pair and Big Beno formed the fortress defence. In the midfield we had Brendan, Sponging Student and Andre while up front the gazelle features of Dan, South African Will and chubby Jezza from whom we could bounce the ball back from/off.
Milton Keynes started strong for the first ten minutes or so but Staines gained composure with Alpo distributing across the park and going on some mazy runs. Big Ben screaming for the ball booted it the length of the pitch towards Dan upfront. Chubby Jezza was being marked tightly and was struggling to get the ball so we moved the ball across the park and very rarely up the middle. This soon began paying dividends as we gained countless free hits inside their half. A quick break from Milton Keynes saw them score, going 1 nil up.
We rode the pressure then started breaking forward. Short corners followed and we started to put the goals in. Andre went for a run with the ball in their half, beat a few players and spanked the ball under the keeper. 1 all.
In the second half Staines really woke up and stepped up a gear. The best play came by moving the ball wide and high up the wings fully utilising all the space. Their number 52 lost the plot and couldn't remember how to tackle or keep his head so he went off for an early finish. In the meantime Chubby Jezza started to make up for last week's histrionics scoring a hatrick. Via some flapping on the ground he scored two goals in free play one via the famous 'wobble' and also had one disallowed. His third goal came from a short corner routine. Up to now Sponging tudent had injected the ball, chubby jezza had stopped it and big Ben had tonked it goalbound. They swapped positions and Jezza got his hatrick. A goal within 4 seconds from the ball being injected. South African Will (the other bloke doing the cooking with Liam, and not a Swedish chef) got the last goal with some good perserverance to force the ball into the back of the net. A 5-1 win and our best performance of the season with some excellent and intelligent play starting with good distribution from the back, all the way forward and up the park. Next week, Marlow at home. We'll be queuing up for this one. A good result could put us up to fourth as we have a game in hand against Ashf*rd.

MOM last week's zero to this week's hero. Chubby teacher Jezza for his hatrick and for staying on his feet more.

DOD Very difficult when you all have a good game. But it goes to Pid as during the match when he retrieved the ball for a sideline hit, he accidentally threw it over the fence and out of the park.

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

A Fine Collection of Weekend Quotes
Dedicated to Staines Ladies 1st XI


".....and then her husband arrived home!"
"The Springboks are so going to beat Ireland"
"Are any of you vegetarian?"
"Polish is the way to go"
"Thanks for slowing me down. I would have met earlier if I knew"
"Where are the Attfield sisters?"
"I'm stuck on the M25, there's been a crash"
"Bugger, didn't mean to lose the ball. The sun was in my eyes"
"Are we playing lacrosse?"
"I'm still in Tunbridge Wells"
"Beautiful passing between Kerry and Sue, open goal, Kerry slotting it in and then there was Ros!!"
"I'm back on the M25. Is it half time yet?"
"The umpires were s**t"
"I'm now in East Grinstead"
"25 years at Basingstoke and I consider it to be my home club"
"I've given up and I'm at Staines"
"And Snatch of the Match is Mellie"
"Doris of the Day with 5 votes is Mags"
"Chin up girls, at least we drew"
"COME ON IRELAND!!!"
"Ronan O'Gara is my hero"
"Low lie the Fields of Athenry"
"Stuart, Stuart! Come here, it's really important.....drink that!"
"Come and look at Anton. I would"
"Ellie, Ellie come over here....no, no, look who you're talking to, stay there!"
"I'm going home because I'm in a world of trouble"
"Turn on the video and see what tape is in it"
"Anton, are you in trouble with your mother-in-law already?"
"Duncan, don't turn up in your flipflops tomorrow"
"It was that guy last night in the orange shirt"
"My favourite is an alsation"
"Anyone seen my beaver?"
"I've got a 100% record with you ladies"
"Are there only 5 of us meeting here?"
"My phone is dead"
"I'm loving angels instead"
"I've learnt so much about my brother that I didn't want to know"
"Captain Kate, you're striking the ball"
"Are you mad?"
"Great dive Struds but it was going wide love"
"We've only got 9 on the pitch now"
"And I got the whole Southgate crowd to BOO me"
"If anything can be said it's that you had a great game Mags"
"Sorry Duncan. It's now 50% record"
"There's free wine this Friday"
"Back to our winning ways next week"
"I've decided we don't do water-base"
"Night night"

Ladies 2nd XI

Ladies 3rd XI

Due to the rugby we arrived very early to avoid the traffic and then found that the games were running 15 minutes late. So we hot footed over to Teddington studios for a hot beverage and a quick natter in their rather nice cafe. A nice little find we thought.

The game started exceptionally well capitalising on their 10 man situation. We quickly got some shots into goal resulting in short corners being awarded. Kate O'Kane struck home a cracking goal from the top of the D putting us in the lead within minutes. We dominated the first half releasing and distributing the ball quickly up the pitch. If that was not viable it was back to Kerry/Wendy and distributed away cleanly to undefended Ingrid or Tracy. See we did listen to you Kerry! Their eleventh lady joined the NPL team and with their side strengthened they applied more pressure. However Louise Clarke had a cracking game silkily intercepting their passes and moving the ball with great precision back to midfield. Unfortunately NPL managed to score a goal to end the first half 1 all.

At half time it was necessary to change to white tops as the very bright sunshine was making it difficult to see our players. Jeanette's previous request to always have your white shirt with you was fortuitous except for Jeanette who forgot hers - nuff said!!!!

Right, into the second half and again pressure applied with many attacking runs coming from Kate O'Kane and Lizzy Hamilton. Both very unfortunate not to converge their attempts into goals. NPL seemed to be a different side
to the one that started the game (!) and kept the defence busy. A battle for goal by NPL sustained a penalty flick with Staines protests that it was not a deliberate kick but the flick stood. NPL lined up and Chantell read the players intentions and stopped the ball but an unlucky rebound on her pad flicked the ball back into goal. Leaving the score 2-1 to NPL however this result in no way reflected the game which was truly 80 per cent Staines possession.

Ladies 4th XI

After last week's great victory we were all in high spirits and looking forward to a tough challenge ahead against Ashford. They are above us in the league but we knew we could win and our organised warm up is enough to intimidate any opposition!

Off to a great start piling on the pressure immediately. Tanya and Michelle continuing their infamous one touch passing in the midfield and ensuring Kerry received some vital balls in the D to try and convert onto the scoreboard. Ashford's goalie was on top form and a solid defence managed to keep the scoresheet clean despite constant pressure from Ellie and Vik on the rebound.

Ashford tried to counter our attack with a few breaks down the centre but they were quickly closed down by Heather and Caroline putting in some very accurate tackles.

Midway through the first half, a through ball from Helen on the right found Vikkie. Vik made a strong run up the wing and a good cross into the D. The ball seemed to go from left to right but never quite crossing the line or being cleared by the opposition's defence. Then the ball was in Ellie's possession and a fantastic flick had the ball sailing over the goalie into the left corner netting..GOAL ..1-0!!!! The umpire was so impressed by Ellie's goal she did not seem to have blown the whistle for the goal. Maybe an eye test would help for next week?!

After half time we slightly seemed to have lost our formation. The defence continued piling on the pressure with Penny and Caroline making solid tackles. Passing onto Michelle and Tanya in midfield. However, hits into the D just could not be picked up quick enough for Kerry or Aimee to have a good shot on goal. A solid clearance by Ashford resulted in a through ball to their centre forward and her cross in the D found the left wing who placed a shot that rolled over the line 1-1.

Straight back on the attack with Vikkie and Helen's great passing up the line kept up the service for Ellie's strong crosses on the right but unfortunately it was not meant to be our day as another break by Ashford allowed a strong attack. The defence re-grouped but the strike was on target and too hard to stop in time …1-2. 9

Overall a really good match and enjoyed by both teams, can't win them all as where woud be the challenge for us!!

MOM - Ellie for the great goal and Karen for making some fantastic saves to keep us in the game.

DOD - Vikkie for remembering to buy the oranges (even if only an hour beforehand) but then leaving them in the clubhouse!

Also thanks to Kath for coming along to support, your encouragement certainly kept us going, especially in the 2nd half.