Match Reports For Saturday 4th December Season 2004 - 2005

Mens 1st XI

Staines travelled to Bournemouth looking to put last weekends result against Sevenoaks out of their minds and this was achieved with a 3-1 win.

The first half of the game Staines were unstoppable. The defence were strong, the midfield were working hard and up front they were full of running. Some lovely interchanging of passes led to the ball being worked into the front two and some lovely skill led to chances being created regularly.

The first goal came from a penalty corner which skipper James Chapman fired past the hapless goalkeeper, this was soon followed up by another great corner strike by John Stannard and Staines were 2-0 up. With Staines well on top Bournemouth were really under pressure and it was not long before they conceded again. Chapman scored his second and Staines' third with a forceful run into the circle and a quick one-two with Jeremy Derrick before he cooly slid the ball past the oncoming goalie. Chances continued to come but were unfortunately were not taken. Most notably when Stuart Hall had a golden opportunity to score but was denied by a last gasp clearance by a Bournemouth defender. Just before half time Bournemouth broke out from their own half and with Staines caught upfield were allowed enough space for a forward to slot the ball past Andy Green in the Staines goal.

This was the end of the scoring in the game and the game degenerated from a Staines point of view as they allowed Bournemouth back into the game during the second half. But, luckily for Staines, Bournemouth could not get the ball in the back of the net.

Sunday EH Trophy v Norwich Union

On Sunday Staines took on Norwich Union in the Harrod's Trophy and ran out comfortable winners. With three or four regulars missing it was a potential banana skin for Staines but goals from Jeremy Derrick and James Hall, in the
first twenty minutes, put Staines in control. Despite a number of missed chances in the second half skipper James Chapman rounded off the win with a good finish into the top corner for a 3-0 win.

Mens 2nd XI

It was a 1st versus 3rd clash at Staines on Saturday at The Pertottie took on Sevenoaks in our final home league game of 2004.

The past couple of weeks have been tough, mainly thanks to Staines putting themselves under pressure rather than the Oppo, so it was refreshing to come up against a tough team who looked capable. Sevenoaks are certainly that, but Staines again will be disappointed with the final result of 2-2 and will consider this 2 points dropped rather than 1 gained. Sevenoaks probably feel the same, but they certainly seemed happier with a point away from home than Skipper Watson, who doesn't take anything other than victory very well.

In typical fashion the game started at Staines' preferred pace - fast, with all out attack. And it wasn't long before slick passing between the midfield trio of Watson, Griggs and Hart saw JD released on the right, and a very tidy finish from PTOTY wannabee Adam Hart putting Staines up within minutes. Funniest comment of the day for me was the Sevenoaks centre half, clearly wanting to demonstrate that he could read, by reciting your humble narrator's previous match report, seconds after we'd scored. It went something like this, "Don't worry boys, Staines will lose their heads, we've all read their website". Harsh words indeed. Did you come up with that all by yourself? But the joke's on you my friend - myself and Jerry are the only two who can read! And who got the only yellow of the game....?

Anyway, Jerry, what happened next was this. Sevenoaks reacted well to the Staines goal, and although look ropey at the back, they looked good in attack. They hit us well on the break more than once, and their skillful centre forward gave our centre backs a tough game. Can't remember if it was He With White Stick who actually scored their reply, but he certainly had something to do with it. 1-1 at half time was a fair reflection of the match.

Half time was an honest affair. Dougy told us we were crap. We told him not to be so mean, and that it wouldn't hurt to be hugged once in a while. Dougy then told us that we were crap, but he loved us, so we all felt better. But we came out in the second half without the 'fizz' of the first, and promptly conceded a very poor second goal. Shane decided we were cruising, and to spice things up passed to He With White Stick on three separate occasions. The first one took him by surprise and he lashed it wide. The second, Roy pulled off a great save. The third took White Stick around the keeper, before slipping neatly to an unguarded player for a simple tap in. 2-1.

At least this woke us up, and despite the occasional dangerous breakaway, Staines set up camp in the oppos D. Both Hart and Griggs were enjoying space and time on the ball out on the flanks. Both had decent chances to score, and both flapped at them when passing was perhaps a better option. At least they got there though boys...

The game was getting tense as Staines tried desperately to secure an equaliser. Countless short corners were awarded but Shane, Jerry and Lee were misfiring. We had a couple stopped on the line and you could sense we were getting frustrated. But with 10 to go, Humpreysises released Watson in the middle, who drew the defender and released Griggs for a wobble on the right. He hit the by line, cut back and dropped it to JD, who reversed-wafted it under the keeper for 2-2. Not the prettiest goal, but the fancy stuff wasn't working so it was back to basics.

With 10 to go and back to 2-2, there only looked like one winner to this game. Staines pushed hard for the winning goal, and came desperately close a couple of times, but their keeper was having a good afternoon. And Sticky can't lift the ball over a keeper's stick into an open goal. So although the crowd got an entertaining match, in ultimately ended in a draw that both teams will probably not be satisfied with.

Not too many crossed words and only 1 card, so all in all an enjoyable game. Both teams played well and we look forward to the return match in Kent.

Post match honours was a prolonger affair, with the Mill Hill umpire staying for a few, getting stuck in with fines, and eventually swaying his way home looking slightly worse for wear. Top Bloke. Seemed a bit put off though when we set fire to Barry.

Both MOM and DOD were very even and put to the vote. MOM was between Griggs (Hoars Draws) and Keeper Roy (Ferret), with Roy winning by a thumb, then surprising us all with a 4.3 second pint. Ollie told us he practices at home...

DOD was between Shane (passing to the Oppo) and JD (waftiness). Despite voting for himself, Shane managed to convince the Jury that he was innocent and was JD who took on Roy and lost.

Honourable mentions to the Mill Hill umpire for running to the toilet when told he only had 30 seconds. And to the Mad Monk's tracksuit bottoms - may they Rest in Peace.

Henley next week away. 10-0, 3 points and regain top of the league please.

Mens 3rd XI

Mens 4th XI

Ah, Saturday again! Facing West Hampstead at home was a welcome break from some of the travelling of the last two weeks, but the fixtures fairy is still against us as this was a 4 o’clock start and next week, a 9am meet for a jaunt up to Oxford. Bugger.

Gnasher was out having his legs laminated in a vain attempt to get them strong enough to support his body for 70 minute stretches and Barney was back along with Mr Sidney Patel. A guest appearance too from Mr Safety and the team looked back to normal or at least as normal as it gets!

Starting well, Staines held West Hampstead in a very evenly matched first half, we had chances in the first couple of minutes which saw Deano finding the Tart at top D, who nutmegged the defender and ran past the keeper in what looked like a classic Monkey goal. Sadly, he left the angle too tight to find the net. A little while later, Mr Barnwell slotted the ball across the Hampstead goal, but the charging Gloria only managed to make bodily contact with the back of the net as the ball whistled past.

Finally we got our break as Deano majestically spanked the ball through the sea of legs and into the Visitors goal from a short corner. Dare I say it? Oh, go on, we were playing well… and then we didn’t. Only for a few moments mind, a short lapse of marking saw W.H. stream though our back line and their striker converted their only chance on goal.

Honours even, we settled down to a tad more Hampstead pressure which saw Sidney, get turned by the Hampstead midfielder, once, twice, three times, by this time, he was in the D and getting ready to shoot, turned Sid one more time and… CHOP! Sid exchanged hockey stick for woodsman’s axe and neatly severed the attackers contact with his own stick. Of course, Alistair was having none of this and promptly awarded the P-flick, which was duly scored whilst the rest of our team untangled poor Sidney from the knotty mess, the oppo had left him in.

And so, the first half passed me by. My personal tally of touches of the ball standing at a big, fat zero!

I don’t remember the team talk, I know there was some mystical chanting, consultation of the ancient runes and group hugs, but that’s about it. The fact is though, is that whatever was said or done in the break worked, as the second half was a fantastic display by Staines

Agreeing generally that we needed to score some goals in order to win this game, we set upon the task in hand and pushed West Hampstead all the way back into their own 25. Some excellent marking up front and in midfield meant that we could command the game from their half of the pitch and when Tart intercepted a slack defensive pass, he was rewarded with a free hit at goal that sailed in past the oncoming keeper.

With the game now level, the Blue Army swarmed forward and even though Gloria miscontrolled a Tart cross, Lady luck intervened and guided the ball to the waiting Barney, who slapped home from all of 1 yard. 10 minutes later and a Mr Safety pushed out Short was controlled by the Tart, who then pinged it into the goal for a very well deserved 4-2 score line.

Now, having an average age of about 68 years apiece, us old blue boys get tired in the afternoons and unfortunately we were caught reaching for the Sanatogens when West Hampstead scored with 5 minutes on the clock. A spate of frantic defending and a last minute W.H. far corner miss saw us escape with 3 points this week.

A really good show, with Hudson grinding away in the middle, Deano had lots of time and space too, Colin, Sid, Alex all playing very well and Tart and Barney spreading havoc up front which helped in the West Hampstead collapse. I think though, the biggest difference is that it seems like Lady Luck has taken a new interest in the Staines IV’s, which hopefully should last as long as we can keep her locked in the boiler room.

MOM: Split decision today between Tart and The Sherminator. Tart losing out as the Umpire cast his vote Alex’s way for a shining example of defending and attacking. All in the same day.

DOD: Poor, Poor Sidney. He actually had a very good game, but alas the Penalty sank him without trace.

So, off to Oxford next Saturday the journey begins with a 9am meet at sunny Staines. Add to this, my works Xmas party on Friday night and we may see the return of the Tactical Chunder™.

Mens 5th XI

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

BUGGER!

Ladies 2nd XI

Last week we managed to prove that we have 'bouncebackability' (is that a real word?). Coach Duncan uses it frequently so who are we to question his words of wisdom. This week it was a local derby with Sunbury, and we needed to win.

We were all at Staines by 9ish looking bright eyed and bushy tailed well sort of, although Baldie admitted to being all over the place as she'd been across the Atlantic twice that week. Captain Forgetful Lou arrived this week minus her shin pads. She reckons she has Gremlins in her house. Are you sure it's nothing to do with Colin after all he does play for Sunbury ? Lou mentioned that she and Suki had passed their Level 1 umpiring theory test. This came in handy for Suki later in the game. In fact all the Staines Ladies had passed, with Kath getting over 90% apparently without any revision…at least that's what she claims. Well done to everyone.

So down to the team talk, we made defensive errors last week and were far to keen at diving in when tackling. Do it this week or, and I quote, 'You'll be off the pitch'. Coach Duncan demonstrated where we should be with nicely colour co-ordinated cones….we like a bit of that in the Ladies 2s.

With no Fish this week, Coach Duncan was looking for someone to take the warm up or he would do it, cue Ju and Oli to volunteer - well done girls. So warmed up and ready to go we prepared to take on the enemy.

I've come to the conclusion that we are not good first thing in the morning or when playing away from home. I can't actually remember the phrase coach Duncan used during the half time talk, but 'dire' will probably suffice. Sunbury were tough from the off and for the first 20 mins we were rubbish, apparently forgetting everything Duncan has taught us so far. Whilst we were off with the pixies, Sunbury put a cheeky goal past Abi, and we were 1-0 down. We were on the back foot with Sunbury piling the pressure on. It was at this point that Suki wanted to test out one of those rules she'd learnt for her level 1 umpiring. Always worth a try, but perhaps not when Alistair is our umpire. The ball was lifted, and in a moment of madness she controlled it stick above head. The whistle went, Alistair reached into his pocket, produced a yellow card, and Suki trudged off the pitch. Good job she learnt those rules, coz at least she knew where to stand whilst off the park.

So now we were down to 10, but we took the game to Sunbury, and it wasn't long before Baldie got a much needed goal. Huge sighs all round 1-1. This was what we needed, Suki was allowed back on the park and we started to play like a team. The short passes were working, getting the ball up into the Sunbury D, short corners were being awarded, but we weren't scoring. But Sunbury weren't scoring from their corners either. Suzi, running 1 this week, selflessly blocked a lifted ball just above the knee. She went down like a dying swan clutching her leg. Eventually she limped off to recover. Still she stopped Sunbury scoring which was the main thing.

So there we were putting the moves together in the Sunbury D when up popped Helen White with a reverse stick swipe into the goal. She's been itching to do that for weeks. 2-1 to Staines, come on the Blues. Time for a half time talk.

Coach Duncan arrived to say that he was unimpressed and feeling only marginally better than he had at the end of our game last week. Think it's safe to say he wasn't a happy bunny. He told us that Sunbury would come at us hard, and we had to be sure we got the ball at whatever cost. He didn't care if we got carded as long as we stopped Sunbury.

So second half and yes Sunbury came at us hard, but having absorbed Coach Duncan's words of wisdom, we started to work the ball together as a team, with short passing and loads of encouragement. We were getting the short corners, each time Coach called for a strike, and Ez would arrive at the top of the D apologising profusely because no-one else was getting a go at striking. Captain Lou said 'Stop apologising, go for the bottom right hand corner'. Wise words from our Captain, and the ball smacked the backboard 3-1 to Staines-we aim to please when our Captain speaks.

So now we had to hang onto that lead and not let Sunbury back in. We remembered Coach Duncan telling us to stop them at all costs. Ali and a Sunbury forward were charging down the sideline, remember to stop them, a somewhat misjudged tackle resulted in a green card for Ali, but hey at least it stopped Sunbury.

Sunbury earnt several short corners, threatening to score. Each time however we managed to keep them out, even though their striker was lifting the ball somewhat recklessly at the defence without being blown for lifting. On their last attempt at scoring Yvonne was heard to say if necessary she'd head the ball out. Thankfully her head wasn't required but we kept the ball out.

For the last few minutes of the game, we played the ball amongst ourselves around the back, toying with Sunbury's emotions. They could do nothing and the final score was 3-1 to us.

Coach Duncan said he was convinced we put him through that stress each week on purpose, but as Baldie pointed out 'Stress is good for your sex life'. Ultimately however he was pleased with us, and even more so come Monday morning when all the results were in and we were joint top with Harrow on points.

So Harrow at home next week, come on ladies let's exact our revenge and go into Christmas 3 points clear.

Ladies 3rd XI

The time - 10.30am (well for everyone except CJ that is, who turned up an hour early, i'm told this was all part of her game plan!), venue - The Fortress, and the mighty 3's arrived ready to win on our home turf!! Had a bit of a chat in the bar before hand and was then treated to a warm up by Matt, who, can Ijust say, went a very fetching red colour when it was mentioned about doing aerobics on a cruise ship (!), however he warmed us up brilliantly, whilst Tim threw peanuts at us! Thanks boys.

The game was a fantastic display of hockey incorportating everything we learnt at training, passing the ball around the back and having the confidence when it mattered most, I'm told, Tim told everyone on the sideline that would listen, "I taught them that!". Within a few minutes a short was given and with the Student , otherwise known as Kate, scoring from a stop from Linda. Things were coming along nicely. A bit more bashing the ball around the park and 'I', 'cos apparently it's all about me) scored again from a great pass from Kerry. Kerry went on to claim a goal herself and things were coming along VERY nicely. Oh yeah Isuppose I should mention that Aces scored 1 in the first half but, whatever! After a team talk at half time, we were determined to keep up the the hockey we'd been playing. Unlucky for us Aces scored again, but with a lot of cheering on we were determined not to be defeated. There were some great passes from everyone on the team CJ and Vikki on the left and Tracey did some great passing down the right wing. Linda and Jeanette and Lou were battling bravely in midfield and the backs were doing great defensive work and well as being chatted up by the umpire (Kerry)! Staines needed to show what we were made of, so with some TEXTBOOK, (yes, i'm a student, i know) passing and great movement, Tracey slipped a short ball to Kate who ran down to line and crossed into to Julie P who dived in and scored, literally! (I reckon that final goal was a real crowd pleaser!) That's entertainment for you! The final score ended up 4-2, But i feel i should mention that yes it was 3-0 when Kath came off! A good result and a great team effort by everyone. Hampstead and Westminster -BRING IT ON!

Man of the Match - Kate, cue Wendy with "Bloody Students".
D*@k of the Day - CJ - I believe there were a number of reasons, a combination of falling over on the pitch and arriving an hour early!

Ladies 4th XI

The Glorious 4s (as we now refer to ourselves!! :) arrived at the Indian Gym with a 'super sized can of Whip *ss'.

'The can' was cracked open at approximately 5minutes into the game when Kerry crossed a quick pass to the right goal side where it was skilfully deflected off Janna's well positioned stick. (Talk about putting practice into play - thanks Adam & Tim for the handy tips we have clearly mastered! Hee hee!)
Well done to Janna's first goal EVER and a classic one at that.

It didn't stop there. We were all over the opposition like a bad rash. Before the half time whistle blew we were already 3-nil up. Second goal was scored when Ally attempted to take on the goalie but slipped a sneaky pass to Kerry - Back of the net! Third goal was all Ally's - no messing about. Just a good whack and wham bam, thank you very much, we'll have another.

At half time we ate oranges (thanks Kath) and gave praise to our great team playing. Everyone was in good spirits and couldn't wait to enter the second half.

Start of second half, within 30 seconds Elly had the ball and took the goalie by surprise. She walked passed her and casually pushed the ball over the line. She didn't even break a sweat - it was great to watch!! 4-0.

'The can' wasn't finished yet - Ally thought it would be a good idea to charge the goalie a couple more times and add 2 more points to the score board. (She's such a pro.)

6-0. The end.

Well done everyone - it was a thoroughly enjoyable and uplifting game! Go the Glorious 4's!

M.OM - Janna - Fabulous First Goal!
D.O.D - Ellie - missing open goal and her comments about being unable to score even in an open goal and then scoring!!!!