Match Reports For Saturday 8th January Season 2004 - 2005

Mens 1st XI

Staines resumed their league programme after the Christmas break by taking on a strong Chichester side, who they had beaten in the first game of the season. The game saw a sluggish start by Staines and the away side seemed far more fired up and determind to win the fifty -fifty challenges. This immediately put pressure on Staines and added into this, Staines just could not hold onto the ball. Everytime the ball was won it was turned over to Chichester far too easily and from this initial period of domination Chichester took a 2-0 lead.

Having gone 2-0 down Staines began to play a bit of hockey and a couple of chances were created but were not finished off - Mark Hampton and Geraint Hughes going close. The second half was a bit better for Staines with a number of passing moves being strung together and the pressure being applied to the Chichester defence. This continued for most of the second period with Chichester breaking quickly from the pressure a few times to get in shots at the Staines goal and finally one of these went in after a fast break. Staines did not allow their heads to drop and kept on going trying to find a goal to put the spark back into their game and finally it came when James Chapman fired in a penalty corner above the 'keeper's head. This brought the score to 3-1 but unfortunately there was not enough time for Staines to make a comeback.

Next weekend Staines are away to Maidenhead in what is usually a tough game and on sunday they take on Southgate in the Middlesex cup.

Mens 2nd XI

The PTOTY took to the pitch in confident mood on Saturday, after turning the year just one place off the top of the league and determined to correct a few mistakes made in the first half of the season. Eastcote 2's is a tough away game, but Coach Duncan and Skipper Watson took a strong team to face our neighbours and following a decent warm up, Staines picked up from last year with 3 points from a hard fought game.

Staines started very well and Eastcote were on the back foot for large parts of the first half. But the attack of Bazza, Lee and JD were showing signs off Xmas excess as the early exchanges were largely off target. JD game close early on with a strong mid-range strike with only the keeper to beat. As it happens, the closest he came to a decent result was almost decapitating Bazza as he fizzed the ball well wide. But the pressure from Staines, ably masterminded by the midfield trio of Hart, Griggs and Graham, saw a string of short corners and eventually a sniff of a chance for Baz Thomas, which he superbly put away at the near post. 1-0 at half time was closer than we preferred, but good enough after such a long lay off. Eastcote were dangerous on the break and caught us napping more than once, so Coach Duncan's half-time chat was one of cautious optimism.

The start of the second half saw Staines slip into the kind of form not seen at all this season. We weren't just bad, we were truly awful. We couldn't string 2 passes together, we forgot how to tackle, we tried every trick in our armoury to let Eastcote back into the game. So it's testament to Coach Duncan that on witnessing this debacle, he made some adjustments in midfield, gave our defence a hard time and energised our attack to wake us up and go on to secure the game.

After Skipper Watson failed to pick a superbly executed aerial pass by Griggs (it was like a giraffe asking a mouse to keep up, bless him...), Staines were able to press the resulting 16-yard hit. The Eastcote centre-half fell asleep, allowing Griggs to intercept the intended pass and drive towards their baseline, before drilling the ball across the face of the goal, only to see Lee finish first time from a yard and with some considerable style. PTOTY goal of the year contender for sure. This goal gave us a cushion, which it turned out we needed as Eastcote applied pressure and got back into the game with a neatly finished goal midway through the second half.

Our form improved late on, but Staines were nervous in defence, with Bolton, Father Jerry and Shane saving us with last ditch tackles on more than one occasion. Honourable mention also to Anton, who despite his green card, was having a blinder and looked great moving forward supporting the Stickmeister.
So it was with great relief that Staines saw JD break free of his marker on the left late on, before picking out Skipper Watson alone in the D with just the keeper to beat and almost certain to score. But the Skipper is a team player and not one to grab the glory from his hard working and dedicated players. In fact he's gone as far as deliberately not scoring at all this season in case he offends any of his team. What a guy. So from the sideline it may have looked like he completely missed JD's pass, which let the ball through to Griggs, who calmly slotted/duffed the ball pass the onrushing keeper to secure the game for Staines. But we know better.

So 3-1 it finished, which slightly flatters Staines as Eastcote came close to nicking all three points more than once, so thanks to Roy et al for an excellent display. But we did our job, we scored a few and our fitness was good(ish) so it is with confidence that we tackle the remainder of the season.

MOM was between the boy Anton and the boy Griggs, but Griggs grabbed it for some decent tricky stuff, assists and his goal. Shame it's always the goal scorers who get the glory though as Anton played great. Next time mate. Honourable mention to Sticky who stood in to sink the MOM pint. Got beat by a teenager though. Doh.

DOD was a close affair, so close in fact that I can't remember who got it. Which means I get fined and a fair few votes next week for poor memory. So if that's the case, I may as well go out with a bang. DOD goes to JD for having a silly beard and for being 40.

A*****d next week at home. Be there.

Mens 3rd XI

Mens 4th XI

And so, into another year we plunge. The Men’s IV’s, a team that was descended from the Staines Men’s 3’s. A team that used to be called the 4’s some time ago, before they reached the heady heights of the 3’s and before that, when we were under the cruel, tyrannical dictatorship that was Tufty Taverner and his 5th Eleven. At least 6 of the usual faces in the 4’s all graduated together from the days when the line up would include the likes of Gizz, Andy Morrison, Skippy, Adam Lovejoy and Doc, all sadly doing something else on Saturdays.

These days, the core of the old school are playing for the 4th eleven, having slumped down the teams for reasons as diverse and complex and the team members themselves and it is this team, dear children that this is the tale of. A tale of courage, determination and uselessness on such a scale, it will make your hair curl…

Far, far away, not so long ago, the Staines Men’s 4th Eleven, grossly swollen with Christmas pudding, faced High Wycombe in a 4th place (Staines) versus last place (High Wycombe) league battle. We were short a few regulars with Barney, Gnasher, Sidney and Richard all away or injured. Tart was elevated back into the 3’s this week to aid them in their own league struggle, so we witnessed the magnificent sight of Taxi Laszlo and Chubby Jezza instead. This weeks Youth was in the shape of Matt and Doug and Seth Efriken Chris, all willing to gallop about for us, fetch us our slippers, a blanket for our knees and then as soon as our back were turned, rifle though our under-the-bed Peak Freans biscuit tin full of pension money, whilst pretending to “read the meter Mister.”

And so it began, the game started and both teams looking decidedly sluggish, not aided by the amount of sand that had been tipped onto the Cressex Astro. 5 minutes in and we were looking good, we linked well and won ourselves a short corner that Dean tonked into the corner of the goal. Another 5 minutes, we still looked good, but couldn’t get the ball in the net. High Wycombe, on the other had, could. Twice in fact. They didn’t look that good to be honest, and Taxi Laz was doing some excellent things as sweeper, but we had trouble clearing our lines and keeping possession in midfield. Gloria switched from Right back with Deano, which left us with Alex, Colin Phil and Dean along the back line. Wycombe weren’t pushing forward in great numbers though, but occasionally found small holes in the defence and bloody great big ones in our Heroic goalkeeper.

Seth Efriken Chris went lame up front, meaning that he was going to be an easy kill for the Lions and Hyenas, Mongoose or anything else that could outpace a tortoise.

Into the break and the team talk was a calming affair, we weren’t ruffled, we could do better and immediately proved this by drawing level when the virtually static Chris converted one of Jezza’s blistering runs at the D.

Right then, now we are level, let’s get the lead shall we? Erm, no. 2 more Wycombe goals resulted in Phil Laszlo marching up the pitch full of rage and spanking the goal mouth scrambled ball home from very close range. There, that’s how you do it.

This seemed to help Staines no end and we actually started playing like a proper team. We piled on the pressure and Jezza made a linking pass that nobody thought the Toad was ever going to get hold of, least of all the goalie and defender, who between them, couldn’t stop him getting a slight touch on the ball in the D to trickle it past both of them and into the waiting goal.

So 4-4 and about 10 minutes to go, Laz had been having a quiet conversation with the High Wycombe Umpire for pretty much most of the game, which netted him a green card. And so, Phil does, what Phil does best and keeps the verbal going till he gets to the verge of the next colour card, then calms down a bit, then off he goes again. Sometimes he overcooks it and spends some time with his thoughts by the corner flag, this time, thankfully, he managed to stay with us.

And now the good bit. Jezza scored a goal, but no-one knows exactly how. It looked good to me and it certainly looked good to the Umpire and it looked fantastic to Jeremy as he stood in the Wycombe D, arms aloft, in a sort of star shape. Whilst small children came and worshipped, a beam of light illuminated him and God himself deemed it necessary to raise our Chubby hero 12 feet into the air, whilst Wurlitzer organs appeared out of the floor behind the goal, Jeremy, now in a state of goal scoring grace, began to revolve slowly in the air, the organs played, Trumpeters played a fanfare, a troupe of dancers appeared and God leaned down from the clouds and embraced him whispering the words “My Son” in his shell-like. Of course, none of the other members of the team could see or hear this, oh no, this display was just for Jeremy.

Quickly the game was restarted and soon the seconds ticked away till Wycombe won a final short corner. The whistle was blown and all we had to do was keep it out for an underserved win.

Ho hum. Perhaps next week then eh chaps?

5-5

A bizarre game this week that ended fairly I think. And at least some good has come of it, as High Wycombe have lifted them selves off the bottom of the league, albeit by 1 point!

MOM: Phil Laszlo. He’s gobby, but he’s good.

DOD: I could have taken this easily as I was big pants, but Jeremy clinches the blouse this week for a poor showing in the middle despite setting up and scoring the odd goal here and there!

Next week, home at Staines against Witney. Staines, how I’ve missed you!

Mens 5th XI

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Ladies 2nd XI

Dear Diary

Wed 5 Jan: OUCH..First training session after Christmas. B******ing from Coaches Shay & Duncan for over indulging in the old Christmas cheer. Lots of running involved, Coach Duncan has adopted a sadistic streak, even Ali is suffering - there is a God after all !!!!

Thurs 6 Jan: Legs aching this morning, and having trouble walking. Captain Lou suffering jet lag as a result of overnight flight from Vancouver. Ali fretting over lack of goal keeper, anyone able to stand is an option this week. Captain Jeanette saves the day by securing Julie P for us. Mental note to diary, major thanks to Jeanette for assistance with said dilemma, and Julie for stepping into the breach.

Fri 7 Jan: Vice Captain Ali has by some small miracle managed to sort the team for Saturday, so Captain Lou can snooze at her desk all day. Coach Duncan giving team talk at 10.30 on Saturday…DON'T BE LATE.

Sat 8 Jan 10.30am: In changing room with Duncan, brace yourselves girls. All team assembled Ali breathes huge sigh of relief. Coach Duncan delivers his words of wisdom and then departs with the men's 2s. After all this, he's still 2 timing us !

Sat 8 Jan 11.00am: Gentle warm up in process, lots of heavy breathing and general comments of 'Why is this so painful?'. Coach Duncan had suggested that we should treat our bodies as temples over the Christmas period and not over indulge. NO alcohol passed our lips Coach HONEST…what a wonderful invention the intravenous drip is !!!

Sat 8 Jan 11.15am: Wycombe seem to have 3 of their players stuck on the M3, still being full of Christmas cheer we lend them Helen White on the understanding that she doesn't score! No pressure Hels.

Sat 8 Jan 11.30am: Game under way.

Sat 8 Jan 11.30 - 1.00pm: Good team performance even though Wycombe were short of players. Notable diary points:

1 Baldie scored a hatrick.
2 Where's the Jug Baldie?
3 Lizzie scored but was denied the glory by a member of her own team
4 Baldie not wanting to share goals this week, fouled a Wycombe player at the top of the D, and got Lizzy's goal disallowed. Baldie, it's not Lizzy's fault you haven't got a shower, don't take it out on her.
5 Fish leaving shin pads at home, and having to make a frantic phone call to John to save the day.
6 Ez's reply of 'Let's see where it goes this time and we'll take it from there' to the question 'What's the plan for this short corner?' whilst Captain Lou was hitting out at short corners
7 Ali having a blonde moment in defence leaving Helen White, playing for Wycombe, on her own with an open goal and a chance of glory
8 Hels missing said open goal.
9 Excellent saves from Julie P
10 Baldie's goal scoring stick snapping in two
11 Captain Lou slipping over and still trying to swipe at the ball
12 Winning 3-2 and brushing away the cobwebs.

Next week sees us return to league matches with an away game to West Hampstead.

Ladies 3rd XI

Ladies 4th XI