Match Reports For Saturday 15th January Season 2004 - 2005

Mens 1st XI

Mens 2nd XI

Mens 3rd XI

Mens 4th XI

Witney, last time we played Witney, we went to their nicely finished-but harsh HMP lookalike ground. We played like a gang of wallies that had been tied together by the shoelaces and had to be rescued by the Tart who, almost single handedly gained us a 3-3 draw. This week however, Tart was back with the 3's so we couldn't call on his goal scoring to rescue us this week. Chubby too, was unable to play as he was taking part in a Jerry Springer show entitled "Is God my father?" Good news was the return of Sidney Patel. Bad news was he was fat and fragile, so we had to bung him up front where he could do the least harm. Safety Vin had made the Fareham - Staines blat in his bright blue fanny magnet, managing a personal best of 6.2 parsecs. Setting a more sedate pace was the Amish Plumber, who's horse and trap made an interesting contrast to Mr Rowley's road going rally car.

And so to the game....

Due to the rotund nature of Mr Patel and the new recruits we had to chose from this week, we played the unlikely pairing of Taxi Laszlo and Dean in the middle of the park, ably supported by the running legs of Gloria and the Toad, young Dougie lined up at the front with Sid next to him and Vinny, Colin and Das Kapitan with the Plumber as a wheezing sweeper along the back line. We looked good and we were raring to go.

With the first whistle we locked horns with Witney and remained so for the first 20 minutes or so, they had their chances, mainly from short corner routines, which, whilst well executed, were slightly predictable as they were all drilled into the bottom corner, to my left. Fortunately the Plumber had his eye in and each and every attempt was stopped on the line or deflected round the post. You may ask what I was doing whilst this was going on, and my answer would be not to ask. Alex too got in on the act and turned a shot round the post that was half way up his stick. At the other end, Sid was laying balls off superbly for Little Dougie to chase, leaving him usually with a one on one situation with the keeper, one of these hit the post and another Doug managed to make it past the defender and keeper and find the back boards, but as Barry had already blown for an infringement on Witney's part, we were left with a P flick, but no natural choice for the flick-taker.

People looked at Dougie, but he made it clear that he really didn't want to take the penalty, so bizarrely, Sid stepped up, steadied himself and tucked in a very strong flick. 1-0 up and Staines got back to locking horns again. Our defence were playing superbly with Mr Nelhams sweeping very effectively and we took our lead into the break with us.

The restart saw Staines find new reserves of grit and determination as we dug ourselves in, ready to take everything that Witney could muster and throw at us. Laz was run ragged in the middle and so couldn't find the energy to offer verbal to anyone this week so instead, some Italian style gesticulation was the order of the day. Marking was at a premium this week and everyone knew exactly where to be and what to do, the team played exceptionally well together and in the odd occasion where we did break into their 25, we looked dangerous, even hitting the post courtesy of Gloria, who still hasn't scored this season. In the main part, we were camped in our own half but were spared Witney's usual short corner routine. What their pusher had failed to realize was that the mark where the shorts should be pushed from is a little, how can i put this, spongy these days. Well, short after short was plopped onto this boggy part of the Staines astro, and short after short came out only about 8 feet. Ah, the advantage of knowing the ins and outs of the home turf!

OK, so going by the Blue form of late, we usually manage to undo all the good work that we string together in the course of a 70 minute game in the last moments before the final whistle. So given that, it's not unreasonable to think that we would crumble again this week. The fact that we were in our own half for around 75% of the match, surely we couldn't resist this pressure for much longer. When the Umpire signally last minute, if was a case of making sure that everyone was behind the ball and as the game counted down it looked like we were going to keep a clean sheet for once! The game ended. Staines had won a narrow victory. Everybody had played their part in one of the 4th elevens best games this season.

MOM: This was a close contest between Dougie for his fantastic running and Amish Nelhams, but as the Man of the Match shirt has stitching in it and is not safety pinned together, it was just as well that Young Doug took the glory.

DOD: Votes were spread between Chubby for last weeks goal celebration (even though he wasn't there to defend himself), Sid for losing the Man of the Match shirt way back in December and Alex for getting involved in a common bar brawl. Sid won the blouse this week, and took it home so his wife could cut it into dusters.

Next week, it's a 9.45 meet at Staines to trek off to take on the mighty Phoenix out in Reading somewhere. Phoenix are currently second in the league, with Staines in fourth so it could be close.

Mens 5th XI

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Ladies 2nd XI

So if last week's game against Wycombe blew away the odd cobweb or two, then training on Wednesday got rid of any remnants, and jolted us back to reality. Coach Duncan was on a mission, I swear he's adopted an evil streak during the Christmas break either that or he's sold his soul to the devil. As long as the Men's 2s are receiving the same then that's ok. Any comments boys ??? There were lots of cones, lots of running and general fitness training. Anyone able to walk on Thursday clearly wasn't working hard enough on Wednesday! And yes I was struggling before you ask.

We drew our last league game before Christmas with Harrow, an outstanding performance leaving us joint top on points with them, but second on goal difference. Going into the New Year, we suddenly find ourselves clear at the top of the league, Harrow having been deducted points.

So first league game after Christmas and it's West Hampstead away. Abi (our fantastic keeper) announced on Wednesday that she's pregnant and won't be playing any more this season. Fantastic news Abi, we're all delighted for you, and wish you all the best. So the hunt for a keeper begins. It wasn't long before Lou and Duncan sweet talked Ruth into donning the pads for us. OK guys how much did that cost you?? Nothing?? Lou must have done all the talking then!!

Prior to the Christmas break we beat WH 1-0 at home, so now we faced the arduous trek up the North Circular to 'Toys R Us', that ground you can always see but can never get to. There was an element of concern throughout the team given that we are navigationally challenged. Hels W in particular was worried that Ali might never make it. However it's clear that Ali works better on her own since she arrived at 10.10am, 20 mins ahead of the scheduled team ETA of 10.30.

So all assembled and first challenge of the day is to find a suitable changing room for team talk, make-up etc. The toilet area is out of bounds on account of the odour, and the fact that the taps are bolted to the sinks. What sort of school is this ??? We wander aimlessly for a while, when Baldie spies what looks like a changing room. Turns out she's correct, but it's for the boys, bothered ?? no not us, let's go for it girls. Coach Duncan gives us 10 mins for girlie stuff, during that time Captain Lou's phone rings, frantic call from Suki 'Where are you all???'. Oops, in our desire to find a changing room, we forgot Suki was in the cloakroom, and just abandoned her!!!

So all ready and raring to go, Duncan is there giving us his firm but fair team talk. No subs this week girls, Fish is ill and Debs has a bad knee after skiing - if you will do these rough sports Debs. But we can do this, we deserve to be top of the league let's keep it like that and show WH why we're up there and they aren't !

Hels and Ali express concern about the oppo, this is definitely not the same team that we beat 1-0. They are all looking young and keen, and what's their warm up all about ? I've never seen anything like that before girls have you ?

Since the game against Harrow, we are a team who finally believes we can win this league. From the off we took the game to WH. It wasn't long before Lizzy picked up the ball in the D and crossed for Baldie to pick it up on the reverse and slot it past the WH keeper, 1-0 to Staines. From that point on there was a lull in the scoring. Staines had all of the play, we were up in the WH D constantly, but to be fair their keeper was good and kept WH in the game. We lost count of the number of short corners we earned, but couldn't convert. We all know what we are doing, sure we make to odd error, but our shots are on goal and they just won't go in. One day girls it's going to happen.

WH applied the pressure, but they reckoned without Staines Ladies 2s grit and determination to stop them from scoring. WH had supporters on the sideline barracking us, and the umpires. We had Coach Duncan and that's all we needed. We could hear him above everyone else, and we love him for that. Captain Lou exchanged obscenities with one of the WH supporters, and that's not like our captain at all. Shortly before half time, WH got a sneaky goal. They had a short corner, switched the routine, Ali saw the move too late, couldn't get there and was punished for her snail like pace. B******* and all that.

Half time and it was 1-1, not what we planned and to be fair didn't reflect the pressure the forwards were putting on the WH keeper. Coach Duncan arrived in the D and told us that if we kept playing the way we did, we would win the game, but we had to keep going 150% girls at least, we can't let this go now.

The second half saw us keep the pressure on WH, and they were beginning to get riled. Frustration was starting to show. Suki and one of their players were having a battle. Suki came out on top every time, it's those gadget arms of hers. In fact I think we'll call her Inspector Gadget from now on, it seems apt. Everyone was working hard. Lou, Suki, Suzi and Oli were holding the mid field, picking off everything WH thought they could get away with. The forwards, Baldie, Lizzy and Hels were picking up some amazing balls and making some excellent runs, but were not being rewarded for their efforts. That was until Baldie slotted in our second goal. That's 5 goals in two weeks Baldie, any time you want to let the other forwards score you just let them know.

You could sense the frustration in the WH camp they were 2-1 down and didn't want to lose. The defence of Eryl, Yvonne, Ali and Ruth, kept WH at bay, but not without some pain. Ever mindful of Coach Duncan's advice 'I don't mind if you get injured just make sure they don't score', this week it was Ali's turn to endorse that. WH had the ball in the D and struck it from point blank range, thankfully Ali's foot blocked it, major league pain for Ali but WH danger averted. In the dying minutes of the game WH threatened, but you could sense the resolve of Staines that they were not going to let this go. WH got a short corner, Ali remembered her previous mistake, WH slipped the ball, Ali didn't hesitate she was there, WH struck the ball and hit her on the foot AGAIN. Whilst she was on the floor in pain, Ez and Yvonne sorted things out and cleared the ball, picking up a couple of knocks themselves. See the Ladies 2s will endure anything to keep the ball out of our goal and please Coach Duncan.

Final whistle and 2-1 to Staines. We deserved the win, we battled hard and never gave up. WH were a strong team, but on the day we rose to the challenge and dealt with it accordingly. Coach Duncan was pleased (I think). We were all exhausted, and we seemed to have developed a team limp. Special mention must go to Ruth Crawford who valiantly stepped into the role of Keeper for the 2s, and made some excellent saves. Thanks Ruth we owe you loads of beers.

Next week it's Eastcote at home, so Ladies as Fish would say 'Let's have it'.

Ladies 3rd XI

With our team stuck down by illness, and our sick (and very nervous) Captain on the sidelines, we still gave Winchmore Hill a great game. With no Wendy to give us our marine style warm up, we took a stroll over to the pitch ready and raring to go for one o'clock. Within the first few minutes of the game, Winchmore Hill scored but it wasn't long before Staines had equalised with a goal from Jo Ives. However things took a turn for the worse when Winchmore scored again, But Staines were not prepared to be beaten and definitely not on our home turf. So it was Kate O'Kane who scored putting Staines in the lead 2-1. This not only showed the opposition what we were made of, but also put at ease, very anxious Captain Jeanette on the sidelines.

Half time team talk over and with some helpful advice from Tart, Staines came back into the game even more determined to win. There was a lot of bashing the ball about on both sides and Staines desperately wanted to score again and finally the opportunity came in the form of a short corner. The Captain was a bundle of nerves, Sticky was shouting and the crowd were cheering us on, hit out by Julie P and with a straight strike from Kate O'Kane the goal came. It was definitely one for the team, well deserved, Adam was cheering and Tim would of been proud!

Overall, it was a fantastic team effort with everybody playing an important role in a great game which was apparently great to watch! As for next week?! BRING IT ON!

Man of the Match - Kate O'Kane
D@*k of the day - Julie Purbrick - she got my vote for her great acrobatic skills!

Ladies 4th XI