Match Reports For Saturday 22nd January Season 2004 - 2005

Mens 1st XI

Staines had a mid table clash on saturday when they took on once mighty Slough in the south league. Slough, having been hammered 11-0 by Brighton the previous week, were looking to improve and Staines after a couple of weak results since Christmas were looking to get back to winning ways, and move themselves away from the bottom of the table.

After a colour clash, Slough having forgotten to bring their away shirts, they were forced to play in Staines' training bibs and maybe this gave them some luck as they proceeded to take an early lead in a lacklustre first twenty minutes. This poor display of hockey by both teams lasted until half time with Staines having gained an equaliser through Mark Hampton, Only for Slough to regain the lead through their dangerous centre forward.

The half time break was obviously wisely used by Staines as they re-arranged the side slightly and came out for the second period determind to improve.
Playing with much more control, Alistair Geddes began to get more involved in the game and got the ball moving from right to left and back again. This stretched the Slough defence and spaces began to appear. Staines' equaliser came from Stuart Hall after he cleverly deflected home a hard pass from John Stannard. After this Slough rarely got out of their own half and the goals came regularly for Staines.
The third was smashed home by skipper James Chapman after a typical bullocking run forward and this was soon followed by Jeremy Derrick's fine finish after he had rounded the last defender and goalie. At 4-2 up Staines continued to press looking for more goals and these soon came with Geraint Hughes storming forward from left back to crash the ball past the flat footed goalie from the top of the circle.
The pressure continued to be exerted on the Slough defence and Neil Toulson was unlucky not to increase the lead after a couple of fine mazy runs. The lead was increased soon after, when Liam Greene appeared in the circle to show the forwards how to do it with a flicked finish over the stranded 'keeper. This followed good work down the right by Hughes, Toulson and Hall and an outrageous dummy in the circle by Chapman.
This finished the scoring for Staines and they were happy to come away with a 6-2 win especially after their poor first half performance.

This saturday, Staines take on Gore Court down in Kent and will be looking to win to keep the distance between themselves and those sides at the bottom of the table.

Mens 2nd XI

The PTOTY enjoyed a day out at the seaside on Saturday as they ventured down south to visit Canterbury 3's. Following a tough but highly enjoyable encounter with Canterbury earlier this season, the PTOTY were looking forward to meeting up with one of the nicer teams we'll face this year - the perfect antidote to those nice lads from down the road...

The news of PTOTY's appearance at the Polo Farm had obviously spread far and wide, and autographs were exchanged before the game with groupies from Sevenoaks and beyond. Newcomers Andy E, Andy B and a slimline Matty T took their promotion well and signed the bras and jockstraps offered to them with the composure of seasoned PTOTY professionals. These boys will settle in just fine.

The game started off at a great pace, with both sides looking confident and playing well. Both teams like attacking hockey, and this showed in the opening exchanges. Staines and Canterbury traded short corners throughout the opening quarter, with Canterbury almost breaking the Staines goal with a particularly fierce drag flick, but newbie Andy B stood tall and keep them at bay throughout the first half. Up the other end, it was a welcome return for Matt T who at centre half, ably supported by Griggs and Watson, provided a number of opportunities for Barry, Andy and JD up front. It was Evans who came closest early on by rattling the cross bar from close range, following a mazy run past their defence, our attack, their goalkeeper and the Ump. Deserved a goal for sheer cockiness. But it was Matt Truman who took the lead for Staines following a quick freehit in the middle from Griggs. Truman collected the ball at top D, turned his player and re! verse struck past the keeper for a classy 1-0 to the PTOTY. Fines for showing off will be administered next Saturday.

A second closely followed as the midfield and attack linked well to give Andy Evans a chance on the left. Evans beat one, slipped square to Bazza, who calmly drew the keeper and slotted home for 2-0.

Half time was a jovial affair, with 'bitching' being the main topic of discussion. Seems we've lapsed into 1st-team-like moaning at ourselves, but a group hug and promises of beer after the game saw the PTOTY emerge as friends again and ready to seal the game.

Didn't bloody work though as Canterbury upped their game, and Staines fell foul to their favourite pastime of falling out with the Umpire. This guy took a real disliking to us, but as always, we concentrated our energy on abusing him rather than playing the game. Naughty PTOTY. Canterbury slotted home two neat short-corners, with newbie Andy B having little chance on either. But the chances still came our way, with Barry and Andy in particular shining up front. At 2-2 it seemed the game was heading for a draw - probably a fair result - but following some terrific stick work by Evans in the oppos D, a succession of short corners were awarded to Staines. The first couple went to plan, but bodyparts kept getting in the way. So a great call of 'number 3' by JD, followed by a quick refresher course on what number 3 meant, saw Watson and Griggs combine to let JD (or was it Shane - soz, can't remember) inject the ball past the far post, only to se! e Truman deflect the ball perfectly past the keeper and effectively seal the game for the PTOTY.

So Staines escaped Canterbury after a tough game with all 3 points. The Oppo were gracious in defeat, and promised to come watch us next year when we take on their Pilgrims. Don't count your chickens boys, still plenty of time for us to balls up promotion! But kind words nonetheless.

MOM & DOD was a messy affair following schoolboy lager pouring by Griggs.

EVERY player on the team got a vote....except Anton, who received a yellow card for looking meanly at the Umpire. Poor guy. It's like when the fat kid at school gets picked last. Honourable mentions go to Barry's Mum who came to watch, and the Sevenoaks goalie who recognised the PTOTY from the website. But it was young keeper Andy B who took the vote in his first PTOTY game for excellence in the face of some interesting defending. Classy.

DOD was closer, with Anton (yellow card), Barry (Mum) and JD (lack of beard) all getting deserved votes. But it was Skipper Watson who took the honours for the 39th time this season. Too much talking to the Umpire was the official excuse. He declined his pint, so we'll get him next week. Probably wise and youngster Andy sunk (without being asked) in under 2 seconds.

Gore Court at home next week. Should be fun.

Mens 3rd XI

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

Mens 6th XI

Welcome back everyone ... your roving reporter is back to bring you the exciting news from the colts development section, commonly known as the 6th XI.

With too many work committments before Xmas I never got time to record the progress of our youngsters, but now as my contract in the City has expired after nigh on 7 years I seem to have a bit more free time !

Back in November we had slipped to one place above the relegation places after four successive defeats, although three of those were against the top 3 teams. However since then we had won 3 consecutive league games to put ourselves in mid-table. This week we were up against Abingdon who were level on points with us at the start of the game, and had thrashed us 7-4 in a pre-season friendly and sneaked a 3-2 win against us in the league game, so we were looking for revenge. This week we were short of adults with Bob and Nick away, and Greg and Mark both with medium term injuries. Fortunately both Jack and James wre available so we could field 4 adults and 9 colts today, with Ashley and Terrence making their debuts.

We started brightly with some nice link up play, but then some sloppy marking allowed Abingdon to break from their own half a give their forward a chance to smash the ball into the far corner - Rats 0-1

Slowly but surely we pegged them back into their half and then from a loose ball into our half Gordon picked up possession and smashed the ball up to the Ginger Assassin who controlled the ball on the oppo 25, and being unmarked strolled into the D and flipped the ball wide of the keeper and into the corner of the goal. 1-1. Now that is more like it.

Chris and Ben were using their pace and skills to bamboozle the defenders, and some lovely flowing hockey almost brought us our just rewards, but some excellent dogged defending kept us out. You've got to give Abingdon lots of credit because under intense pressure they didn't conceed a single short corner in the first half.

The visitors made some threatening breaks but these were snuffed out by the precision tackling of little James and Terrence. With Gordon sweeping we always had a get-out-of -jail card ready to play. Jack and Martin were now getting more freedom in midfield and were pushing up into the visitors 25. Ashley came on for his debut for us, and made some excellent runs.

The second Staines goal was superb in execution. Gordon picked up the loose ball on halfway, and as he drifted passed a couple of tackles Martin broke into space down the left wing, Gordon shelled the ball to Martin, one touch to control it, then a howitzer cross over the P-spot to the Ginger Assassin who first time lashed it over the keeper ... 2-1!

Half-Time: Excellent recovery from the shock of the first goal. The main thrust this week was to make sure that we kept our shape and tempo for the rest of the game, and make the oppo work for the ball. Mr Statistics then announced that as we were in the lead at half-time we would win the game - apparently since the 8-2 thrashing at Aylesbury in November we had won 5 and drawn 2 of the 7 second halves since - scoring 13 and letting in 4.

The second half was even more dominated by the home side and this time the ever more desperate defending of the visitors led to a flurry of short corners. Inevitably Gordon deposited a reverse flick past the flailing keeper after a bit of dribbling from side to side. 3-1.

Then after a goalmouth scramble a goal bound shot ricocheted off a defenders right foot and then his left foot - unluckily for him he was on the goal line so a flick was awarded. Gordon reversing as usual flicked it straight through the flapping arms of the keeper. 4-1.

With the temperature dropping and the drizzle feeling more like sleet we lost a bit of shape and the oppos captain took advantage by breaking though from 30 yds out to beat three defenders and score .. 4-2.

Little James was given a run out up front as Terrence kept his forward neatly in his pocket, no mean feat when the attacker was twice his size ! A couple more shots went wide, and Tim almost forced a couple of shots home but no more goals were forthcoming.

Full time: Won 4-2

Man of the match : Young Terrence on his debut for the 6th XI. To say he was proud was an understatement ... and his mom and dad were pretty chuffed too.
D*$? of the day: The Ginger Assassin - for hatrick avoidance !

So that 's 4 league wins in a row and a trip to Bicester next week (who are currently bottom) so hopefully another win - only problem being the 10:00 am push back - and an 08:00 meet time - so who knows how many players will manage to get up in time. Then is the crunch games against the top 2, Slough and OMT, but then again they are a 3rd XI and a 4th XI respectively.

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Ladies 2nd XI

Last week's game with the bare (not literally) 11 players had clearly taken it's toll on the Ladies 2s. Various injuries and illness reduced the team to about half for training, but that didn't stop Coach Duncan from running us ragged. In fact he positively delighted in it. I hope the Mens 2s are also on the receiving end of his wrath. If not questions will be asked because we're top of our league and they aren't (yet).

Coach Duncan and Captain Lou sweet talked Julie P into donning the pads for us this week. Thanks Julie. Saturday dawned bright and chilly. Some of us braved the cold to watch the Ladies 5s in their first game this season. They won 4-0 with a really good performance by the colts with the help or should that be hindrance of some of the more senior members of the Ladies section. The youngsters even allowed 1st team Captain Katie Kate (CKK) to score, and we've not heard the end of it since !!

Following that, there was the opportunity to watch both Coaches Shay and Duncan grace the astro with their superior skills and athletic prowess. At one point Coach Duncan seemed to be walking instead of running. Those of us in the 2s considered yelling 'Put the legs in Duncan' as he regularly does to us when we stroll around the park. But on reflection decided this was not a smart move, we didn't fancy starting as sub.

It's one extreme to the other with numbers in the 2s, last week we had eleven, this week we had 14. We assembled for the obligatory team talk, Coach Duncan arrived in the changing room, with a look that suggested he wasn't in a good mood. He began by welcoming the players from the 1s as only Coach Duncan can. It loses a lot in translation, you had to be there to appreciate it. As the team talk went on, it was clear that the pain of losing his game was easing and he mellowed into the Coach we have come to love and cherish, rather than the Agent of Satan he had been at the start.

So time to warm up, it's always a struggle. We'd only taken a couple of strides when Yvonne's knee gave out and she decided it wasn't worth risking. So down to 13 players and we've not even set foot on the pitch. Hope this isn't a sign of things to come. Down to the serious stuff, Eastcote this week, we've already beaten them 5-1 this season, but we can't sit back and take things for granted. Coach won't let us anyway, and he wants us to increase our goal difference.

We started quite well, but it wasn't hugely convincing, it seems to take us a while to warm up. But it wasn't long before we were into the swing of it. Inspector Gadget Suki was there, intercepting balls that the rest of us would lunge at and miss, Baldie and Lizzy terrorising the Eastcote defence and earning countless short corners. I will gloss over the short corner thing, we have issues with them, it's best not to take it any further.

Coach Duncan decided to make a few tactical changes to shake things up. So on came Alex and Chandler. This was Chandler's first game since before Christmas, and it was a welcome return for Alex having been out for ages through injury. Most of us mortals manage to lose a bit of skill & speed with just a couple of weeks out through injury, but not Alex. She can have almost two seasons out and STILL manage to weave her way through countless Eastcote players. Can't score though Alex, there is a god after all.

With the mid field of Suzi, Fish and Captain Lou working like pack horses (that's merely a metaphor you understand) it wasn't long before we earnt yet another short corner. Ez struck, the damn keeper was there again, but this time Oli pounced (well sort of). Anyway she flicked it over the keeper, first blood to Staines. Err Oli I'm sensing déjà vu here, didn't you do exactly the same thing the last time you scored, and wasn't that against Eastcote? I think it's time to extend your repertoire.

CKK was cheering drunkenly from the side. Thanks CKK, but we all know now that you scored for the 5s (hands up anyone who doesn't ), it's not necessary to keep going over it AGAIN, trust me on this. So 1-0 up, and Eastcote start to make some breaks, but the defence of Ali, Claire Ez and especially Julie who made some great saves, managed to keep Eastcote out. Half time whistle goes thankfully. CKK is there yelling 'You're playing really well Staines' in between shouts of 'Where's my pint'.

Brace yourselves girls Coach Duncan is on his way. I can sense a bit of a dressing down coming on, you can just tell by the way he walks. 'I have to disagree with Kate girls I don't think you are playing well', harsh but fair, we should have been about 6-0 up by half time. Instructions were that this was a chance to increase the goal difference, we could either go out there and settle for 1-0 or we could go out there and sort it out. Faced with that sort of ultimatum what's a girl to do ????

Second half under way, and it's all coming together (except the short corner thing). Julie P made even more excellent saves, while Oli was distributing the ball well everywhere except to the right. Go on be a mate pass it to me next week, I've mentioned how well you are playing, your goal and everything. OK then I'll pay you if that helps !!!

Still the goals wouldn't come. Baldie was giving it everything she could up front, Lizzy was picking up the ball and running it into the D only to be denied by the keeper, Alex was taking on everything in her way. At this point I have to mention that Alex did an amazing run from about the half way line into the D and then missed an open goal. Duncan's opinion was 'Alex you plonker'. I'm sure he meant it in a caring way though.

Having 13 players this week was a godsend. Coach Duncan used the subs to their full extent. It was great watching the last 20 mins or so of the game. Suki and Suzi did some brilliant one twos down the left (sorry but I'm only going to mention it once girls, doesn't matter how many times you did it). Finally we got another goal, courtesy of Baldie who launched herself at a cross from Alex, and managed to get herself and the ball into the goal. I dare anyone to question her level of commitment.

Final whistle and the score remained 2-0 to Staines. Yes we should have thrashed them about 8-0 but hey we got 3 points and are still top of the league. You on top yet Mens 2s??? No I didn't think so, any time you want to take advice from us, just call Captain Lou or Vice Ali, we would be more than happy to show you how it's done.

In the bar after we didn't do Man of the Match or Dick of the Day. But my vote for DoD would have to go to Julie P, who despite playing brilliantly managed to fall flat on her face in front of all of us just as Coach Duncan was thanking her for playing. I've also discovered why Coach Duncan has been a bit severe with this team talks and training. It appears that he has been detoxing since Jan 1st and hasn't been drinking. Can you stop that now please Coach, you look great, we all love you, and it's not funny anymore.

Thanks to everyone who supported us, to Alex, Chandler, Claire and Julie for helping us out, and to Shay for umpiring. Special mention to Yvonne for staying to cheer us on despite her injury. Finally, apologies for the delay in writing the report, Yvonne has complained that I'm slacking. My excuses of History and French projects and work have fallen on deaf ears. Yes Yvonne I do get a lunch break but I'm not fly paper for freaks, and I do have friends to meet. I guess it's a 5 out of 10 could do better this week.

Next week it's NPL away.

Ladies 3rd XI

It was an early start for the ladies 3rd XI, but with remarkably few hang overs we set on our way to North London, determined to keep up the winning streak. With everyone armed with directions which Juliet admitted to compiling after 2 glasses of wine, whilst watching Celebrity Big Brother, it was amazing that everyone managed to arrive and not get lost, although she did get the last road name wrong and shouldn't have really seeing as it was called "Porter's Way". Surprising really that it only warranted one dick of the day vote, Claire Moscrop took that award hands down, but more about that later...... So, nearly there and Kath was determined to get a coffee, so we ended up in McDonalds, with Kath reminding Juliet that she was in the 3's now and to stop worrying about getting to the ground on time.
The game couldn't have started any better, Staines dominated the pitch and passed the ball around and deservedly after only 5 minutes went 1 - 0 up, after Juliet scored off a fantastic cross from Kate, who had driven the ball down the right wing from half way, beating several players. Staines didn't let up the pressure and soon went 2 - 0 again after the ball was worked out of the Staines defence by Ingrid, who passed the ball to Skids, who passed the ball to Debs to finally release the ball quickly to Kate who took the ball into the D to smash it home.
The defence of Chantelle, Burkie, Ingrid, Lou (who had a fantastic game, even though she had serious jet lag, after only just arriving back from Hong
Kong) and Clare held off the breaks by Mill Hill with ease, which involved a line clearance by Burkie and a great save by Chantelle.
At half time, with Burkie now with 3 knee caps the team talk by captain Jeanette was to keep playing exactly the same way but with more goals if possible. A couple of changes at half time, which included seperating Claire M and Juliet, as they were apparently passing too much to each other, set off to finish winning the game.
Staines were unlucky not to get another few early goals after great chances from Jo Ive, only to be denied by the keeper, but another goal did eventually come after the ball was worked well around the midfield by Jeanette, Linda, Debs out to Claire M who drove the ball into the D, crossed the ball to Jo Ive who's shot rebounded off the keeper for Juliet to slot home her 2nd goal and Staines 3rd.
With all the play in Mill Hill's half, Staines didn't let off the pressure, setting up the press well leaving Mill Hill frustrated. Kate and Claire worked the ball well down the right in the second half and with the ball going off for a long corner, Claire stepped up to take it. With all the effort and strength Claire had she swipped the ball, except she completely missed it, but actually looked around to check whether anyone had seen her tremendous air strike, of course we had! Once Claire had actually stopped laughing she did finally connect with the ball.
With 3 points in the bag, and no offer of teas, the team headed to McDonalds to celebrate their win, the only disappoinment for Kath was the 1 one get 1 free offer had ended and she'd just offered to buy the rest of the car lunch! Thanks Kath :-)
All in all a great team performance by everyone, and some lovely hockey. Next week we take on Ashford 2's who are top of the league, but after 2 great wins confidence should be high, so it's all to play for.
MOM - Juliet
DOD - Claire M

Ladies 4th XI

On Saturday the Glorious 4s played the Teddington *Robots.
They were programmed to beat us 2-0.
Unfortunately, they suffered no system failure.

*Robots -Not human, void of emotion, immune to pain. A mechanical device that sometimes resembles a human and is capable of performing a variety of often complex human tasks on command or by being programmed in advance.

Ladies 5th XI

By all accounts the girls enjoyed their first run out ably supported by a handful of 1's/2's/3's and won in the process!