Match Reports For Saturday 5th March Season 2004 - 2005

Mens 1st XI

Staines travelled to snowy Sevenoaks on saturday facing a tough game against a side looking for promotion.

After good preparation for the game Staines took to the field with great confidence and looked to attack the home sides defence, Sevenoaks remained strong though and had a number of attacks of their own, pressurizing the Staines back four.
Soon Sevenoaks took the lead when a mistake in the Staines rearguard led to a simple chance for the Sevenoaks centre forward. Again Staines were playing well only to be let down by simple mistakes and this was compounded when another error let Sevenoaks in again. Not letting their heads drop Staines strived for the breakthrough and finally it came when John Stannard converted the rebound from a penalty corner. At 2-1 Staines looked to be in with a chance, but some basic errors and clinical finishing throughout the second half led to a heavy loss - 7-1!!!
Despite the scoreline, Staines did in fact play some decent hockey at times but were shown how to finish by Sevenoaks who were desperately trying to improve their goal difference in the top of the table battle with Brighton.
This disappointing scoreline leaves Staines only just clear of the relegation zone and with the visit of bottom of the table Bournemouth this saturday three points are vital to secure safety for next season.

Mens 2nd XI

This was a big game and it demanded a big performance as the PTOTY took on fellow promotion contenders Epsom in a top of the table clash to (almost) decide who gets promoted this season. I say 'almost' because despite our performance and excellent 3-1 victory over Epsom, our fate is still in their hands as we need them to slip up and us to win our remaining games in order to gain promotion. But if nothing else, Saturday's victory, which could have been far more convincing, exacted revenge for sloppily dropped points earlier in the season and was proof that on our day we are more than a match for any team in this league.

Without Coach Duncan to provide words of inspiration, it fell to Skipper Watson and stalwart JD to fire us up for this game. But it was a strangely calm and focussed PTOTY that took to the field, and this showed as PTOTY played 20 minutes of sublime hockey to put us 3-0 in no time. Ably controlled at the back by Sweeper Evans, and orchestrated by centre half Matty Truman, Staines applied almost constant pressure on the Epsom defence from the off. The opening goal came from swift passing out of defence by Anton & Andy E, who release Griggs on the right, who in turn found a killer pass to centre forward Lee Atkinson for his 678th goal of the season. A fine opener indeed, but nothing compared to his second.

Goal number 689 came courtesy of a truly great pass. True, Lee had instructed Shane where to put it and still had plenty to do when the ball arrived, but the pace and precision of Shane's pass was sublime. Even so, from where I was standing, seeing Lee spin his defender and deflect the ball from Top D past a stranded keeper was a work of art. Still didn't win him MOM though. But then he didn't have stupid hair.

2-0 up and the pressure continued. PTOTY's 3rd came courtesy of a very well worked short corner between JD and the boy Truman. Out by Skipper Watson, stopped by Griggs, and fired outside the far post by JD. Truman swept in from close range and PTOTY took a deserved 3-0 lead. The half was only spoiled by a late conciliation goal by Epsom from a sloppy short corner. But Epsom were full of running and deserved a goal for their efforts, so 3-1 at half time was a fair scoreline.

Half time was very much 'more of the same' but as it turned out there was no additional scores in this match. There was plenty of possession and chances for both sides, and Epsom probably edged it on effort. Both teams in fact had glaring misses, but those aside it remained very tight for the rest of the game. Despite this, Staines never looked like losing their half-time advantage and thanks to great defensive displays from Anton, Jerry and Andy, ran out reasonably comfortable 3-1 winners. I can't possibly sign off without mentioning the miss that earned Matty Truman his DOD votes. Griggs put Mr Truman through with just a minute to go and only the keeper to beat. He drew the keeper out, waited for him to log and then calmly launched the ball 400ft over the goal, over the house, over the pub and over the motorway. The miss was greeted with gasps of shock from the crowd and howls of laughter from Skipper Watson. No DOD for him this week.

Other notable events include Barry Thomas calmly displaying his displeasure at not being passed the ball by lobbing his stick off the pitch and connecting beautifully with the crossbar of one of the goals. Didn't see it personally but I hear it was comedy genius. Andy Evans also had a spell on the side for his footwork in the middle of the pitch, but for those 10 mins Staines played very well so no DOD votes for the sweeper.

So 3-1 it finished and the pressure is on Epsom to now win their remaining games to secure promotion. If I was a betting man, I'd have to give it to Epsom. But Staines can be proud of how we took on and defeated the team that will probably pip us to promotion, whilst at the same time reflecting on points sloppily dropped against lower teams.

MOM was a close one with Lee & Andy E both receiving votes for quality all over the pitch. But the lion's share went (finally) to Anton for a composed and at times inspired performance at right back. And for PTOTY / POTTY hair. Quality.

DOD was a two horse race between Thomas (Toys/Pram) and Truman (THAT miss). Truman edged it by one vote. That one vote being his own, after confidently voting for himself, thinking no-one would follow suit. Oops.

So 2 games remaining. One tough, one not so tough. 6 points still required so nothing's changed on that front. Must win.

Mens 3rd XI

It's a cold, bright Saturday morning its 8.15 and yes the 3's have managed to meet at this ungodly hour for a hockey match! Well most of us. Mr Roper had to be roused from his bed having thought it was 9.15!!!
We knew West Hampstead was going to be tough but we set our stall out early on with some excellent passing hockey out and round using all the players. We just couldn't quite put the final ball into the D. As the first half progressed, Andre scored his first from a short that looped over the 'keeper and dropped onto the backboard, they scored from their first short corner and Andre bagged 2 more making 3-1 at half time. Meanwhile in his own private battle, Taxi Laszlo was doing his best to wind up their entire backline single handedly!!

Some choice words from Scouse at half time helped us get over the news that Pathfinder Mik was injured and couldn't play on. This meant we set out in the second half to continue what we saw as the good work from the first.

Unfortunately West Hampstead had different ideas and so did the frame of their goal. Again the hockey was of excellent quality with the ball being passed rapidly around the pitch by both sides. Chances were at a premium, with WH taking theirs and us missing ours. Jezza hit the post twice and had a point blank effort saved by the keeper, Matt had one deflected wide and Andre put shorts both sides of the goal. WH on the other hand scored 2 out of 3 shorts and got another deflected goal. But the drama wasn't over yet. With minutes to go, Clive found Jezza in the D and as he went to strike the WH centre back unceremoniously dumped to the ground. "Flick surely," shouted Staines, but no, only a short was awarded.

Staines 3 West Hampstead 4

An unfortunate end to a great game, West Hampstead are a nice bunch and the teas were awesome. Sausages, Beans and Chips, Rob was in Heaven and that was before he asked the barmaid to bend over to get him a packet of crisps!!

Team: Rob, Alpo, Clive, Stu, Alex, Kingsley (capt), Mik, Bill, Andre, Matt, Phil, Jezza

Mens 4th XI

We were in good spirits going in to this game following last week's narrow victory that had lifted us back to 4th place in the league. We were blessed with a surfeit of players and the regulars welcomed back a host of blasts from the past. Tart returned from the 3's because he can't get out of bed in the morning and Uncle Fester had got over his back problem and had finally finished decorating! The biggest shock of all, however, was a first appearance of the season for the new slimline Mark Langdon. We all wished him a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year and then gave him the bumps to celebrate his birthday last May!

For the first time this season we had Seamus in the squad (13 players this week instead of the customary 10 ½) for 2 games on the trot and with Marcus, the man mountain from Germany between the sticks we really felt rather confident. The only notable absentee was the skipper, who had turned traitor this week to play an early game for the 3's. Needless to say they lost! He half made up for deserting us by standing on the touchline for the whole game wearing everything he could lay his hands on.

Porno Hudson was punished for being late by being left out of the starting line up. He was accompanied by Pace O'Brien who was looking a bit distracted following Mrs O'B's broken hip suffered as a result of Deano's penchant for Gymnastics in the bedroom!

The game got underway and we looked pretty good. Mark, in particular, appeared to want to remind us all what we had been missing up front this season. We forced a series of short corners but completely failed to test their keeper from a single one.

Fortunately for us, their defending was about as good as our penalty corner routine and after Gloria was bundled over whilst attempting to scoop the ball over the line from 3 inches out, Edward blew for a p-flick. Up stepped Seamus, the keeper didn't move, 1-0 to us.

The subs rolled on and off and as they did so, we lost on our grip on the game completely. Can't remember how it happened but before we knew it Aylesbury had scored and we were back where we started.

We continued to look the more likely team to score but our play lacked the cohesion and fluency of the first 15 mins as the personnel on the pitch kept changing. We received the perfect boost just before half time, however, as another bit of crude defending was spotted by Edward and we were awarded our second p-flick of the game. I don't know, you wait in vain for weeks on end for a p-flick……….

Shay lined it up, the keeper went the right way for the earlier one, but Seamus sent it the other way this time and we went into the break 2-1 up. Half time team talk went something like this. "We are much better than they are. We should be able to get 5 or 6 here." Etc etc. Porno felt we ought to be able to win 5 or 6 nil. Most of us felt that unlikely given that Aylesbury had already scored 1 goal, but Mr H stuck to his guns and re-took the field in the firm belief that our defence was so strong that we would concede no more than -1 goals in the 2nd half!

Approximately 20 seconds after the re-start our predictions of a goal fest looked about as likely as Deano getting his leg over again this year as one ofthe oppo's spotty teenagers walked unchallenged into our D and placed the ball just inside the far post. Where were you Marcus? We were just testing to see how good you are!!

That might have daunted a team with a lesser team spirit, but from there on in it was all Staines. We finally realised that their keeeper was a) about 8 ¾ b) about 4'6" tall and c) not really very good! I can't remember the order they came in, but Tart and Porno managed 2 goals apiece in the second half sealing a comfortable (eventually!) win.

Edward took pity on them at 5-2 and awarded them a p-flick that Marcus saved with ease. We even let their centre forward have about 3 goes without intervention at one stage, but Marcus's giant feet kept it out as all the while Tart screamed from the half way line "Is anyone going to help him then?!"

No doubt we'll be scratching around for 11 players next week. Especially as we are away at West Hampstead at 1600. Having 13 players, and every single one being worthy of their place was great, if a little disruptive at times. We must try it again some time!

MoM: Tough call. 2 goals apiece from Tart, Shay & Porno put them in with a shout. Mark did everything but score and got 4 votes as did the giant keeper from Hamburg who had a great debut. Mark edged it as Marcus received 1 DoD vote for conceding 2 goals!

DoD: Several candidates. Deano for generally being off the pace (geddit!), Sid for still not having returned the MoM and DoD shirts, The Toad & Gloria, both for horrendous air shots and Porno Hudson for ourageous jug avoidance at the back stick. He even fell over in an attempt to make it look convincing! Action Man took the honours for about the 12 time this season for conceding the p-flick and missing an open goal from point blank range. He just makes it too easy!!

Mens 5th XI

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

TOP OF THE LEAGUE!!!

(for 24 hours...)

On March 5th, the Ladies first team took on a Teddington side battling against relegation from South League 2, knowing that nothing less than a win was good enough in the quest for promotion.

The depleted squad of twelve went into the match bolstered with the good news that Coach Shay had gained his Level Three Coaching award, but tempered by the continuing sight of Kaptain Kate’s ‘shattered’ right thumb.

Scoring early, and first, has been a frighteningly regular occurence recently, and happened again on Saturday, with Ellie, before picking up the team’s first set of flesh-marking dimples, popped up in the D to put the ball in the net despite the despairing touch of the Teddington defence.

That apart, the first half performance was fairly dreadful, capped by a Teddington equaliser on stroke of half time – the last play of the first half.

A deserved ‘rocket-up-your-a**e’ speech from Shay at half time seemed to immediately result in the desired effect. Right from the re-start, Staines looked a different side. The basics reappeared, pace was stepped up, and up popped Alex to apply the finishing touch, not once, not twice, but three times, to put the side 4-1.

The small squad faced a blow when Jane, following Ellie’s example, took one for the team (more dimples, this time very painful on the elbow), but despite the loss, the team re-organised, and, coutesy of a Mellie PF, following some expert, if illegal, ball-juggling by the Teddington ‘keeper, Staines went 5-1 up and out of sight.

A final goal from Mel, this time a short corner bullet, made it six, and three points in the bag for the ladies in blue, while the ladies in brown and pink (why??) remain stuck in the bottom two.

Back in the clubhouse, news filtered through that Purley had lost 1-0 to Tulse Hill and Dulwich, meaning Staines went back to the top of the League for the first time since December. After much excitement, many difficult mathematical calculations ensued for the teachers (I taught Peter Crouch his GCSE’s you know?) to ascertain the best result for the Purley v Sunbury game the following day.

In the end, Purley won 5-3 on Sunday, and went back to the top, but the ladies have their fate firmly in their own hands, five points clear of Sunbury in third, and one point behind Purley, the leaders, with four games to play, including Purley in the last game of the season.

Bring it on.

Man of the Match?

Great ‘keeping by Mags when all around her was going awry kept the girls in it at crucial stages and, in front of her, Jo Struds was also nominated for a solid performance at left back. Mel’s PF and short corner strike put her in the mix, but comeback queen (?) Alex won by a street for putting away her chances when others didn’t and running out the hat-trick hero.

DOD?

Votes for Sue (please-umpire-forget-the-advantage-rule-and-blow-the-whistle-so-I-don’t-have-the-opportunity-to-spectacularly-shoot-and-miss-an-open-goal), Mel, and Roz made it competitive, but DOD by the narrow margin of one, was Irish Ruth for setting up what she thought was the goal of the game for Roz. The goal ruled out, Ruth proceeded to rant at the umpire for the decision not realising that she had actually managed to deflect the ball into Roz’s path with completely the wrong side of her stick.

All Oli’s fault. It was her spare stick. Mind of its own.

Ladies 2nd XI

With no game for two weeks, Coach Duncan was understandably insistent that we attend training. Despite those of us able to do some fitness training, our 'match sharpness' would have gone off according to Coach Duncan - is he trying to tell us we've gone mouldy ?. He did try to arrange a couple of games for us, he likes to spoil us, but to no avail. However not one to take a challenge lying down, he mailed us all with the great news that he'd arranged a game against the 1's at training…………you could almost hear the groans as the e-mail was opened.

How chuffing cold was it at training ? I'm sure there's a health and safety issue about the optimal temperature at which it is unsafe to train…………….and Wednesday exceeded that, it was sub-zero at least. Still Coaches Shay and Duncan were unforgiving and devised training so that we could run to keep warm! A hot drink and feet up by the fire would have been just as beneficial. But as we are reminded by our illustrious Coach, 'We have a league to win'. There was a slight issue over how many players we had for Saturday, between us we couldn't count to 11 (that's what hypothermia does for you!!!!). Coach Duncan prepared us for the training game with the words, 'This game will be at a much faster pace than you are used to', oh joy, a couple of us decided to remove one layer of clothing so as not to be weighed down. We equipped ourselves well, held the 1s to a 0-0 draw, and all limped off home for a warm bath.

This week it was Hounslow & Ealing away, with only three leagues games left and a point separating us from Harrow, we just need to win our remaining games to secure promotion……no pressure then. Coach Duncan had issued his '1.30pm meet for 2.30 start and "Don't be late" warning, because we had a lot to get through apparently. Having fought our way through the Twickenham traffic and assorted road works, we assembled in a stifling hot changing room, where we removed various layers and listened to Coach's words of wisdom. The Word of the day was 'Unit'. We must do everything today as a unit according to Coach Duncan. So off we trot to the pitch, ever mindful of the Unit thing, making sure we arrive together, all that is except Suzi who was in her own sub unit sorting out a sock situation.

Warm-up time and Fish has got us jogging twice round the park, side stepping, sprints and everything, we are finally permitted a Unit rest in the corner. As we stretch assorted muscles leaning on the fence, the boys playing Rugby next door seem to think we are watching them, 'Sorry boys don't flatter yourselves, we are way out of your league'

Notable diary points:

1: We won 7-1
2: Baldy and Jo both got a hat trick. Now I'm not one to comment, but between you you've got 5 hat tricks, and I've yet to see a Jug. End of season drinks are on you girls.
3: Captain Fantastic Lou was first to arrive at the H&E ground- this has never happened before
4: Debs having to sort out Baldy's hamstring - none of us knew Baldy was that supple - good 'Unit' working girls
5: Fish playing 'the best I've ever seen' as Duncan put it
6: Being caught out in defence by a stray HE player, and being saved by the Whistle. That's a lesson learnt according to our Coach, never stop.
7: Great saves as always from Julie in goal during the second half, she only touched the ball a couple of times in the first half. Well done defence.
8: Coach's advice to Lou for a short corner routine resulting in a cracking strike and subsequent goal for our illustrious captain.
9: Ez heading the ball and claiming to be OK despite a huge lump appearing on her forehead, v attractive. No you can't go off we haven't got any subs.
10: Baldy passing the ball in the D and tripping over her own feet with no-one around her.
11: Ali having yet another youthful forward with wicked stick skills to contend with. Still she needs the exercise !
12: Good defence work again from Yvonne
13: Suki, Suzi, Lou and Fish all working hard again in the mid-field. Good job the end of the season is in sight, they all need a rest.
14: Debs guesting at right wing for us this week and putting in some cracking crosses.
15: Somewhat inexplicably we contrived to let H&E have a last minute goal, by dribbling along our own back line and passing them the ball to reverse stick sweep into the goal. What were we thinking girls ?
16: Excellent work as a Unit girls, and a well deserved win. Coach Duncan appears pleased if cold.

Thanks to our supporters Ross and Walshy. So back to the club via a pub, where we find it's been a winning day for the Ladies Section. 1's, 2's and 3's all winning comfortably and the Ladies 4s drawing their match. Captain Katie Kate has been toasting everyone, alcohol numbs the pain of a shattered thumb apparently.

Next week it's Hampstead and Westminster at home. All support welcome, it's a 10am push back, so if you don't fancy the early start, please feel free to join us as half time. Harrow lost last Sat which puts us clear at the top of the Div. If we beat H&W we will be promoted. Bring some tissues for Coach Duncan there could be tears.

Ladies 3rd XI

After weeks and weeks of 10am games, the ladies 3rd XI finally had a lie in this Saturday, hooray!!!! Apart from Skids and Burkie who umpired, well done ladies!! Sunbury were the opponents for this week and a win needed, with lots of
goals to finish in the fourth place Captain Jeanette wished for. Before we
had even set off though Lou experienced bra problems again, me thinks she needs a bigger bra and Wendy had accosted a male visitor, her excuse being she thought he was someone else!

Once at Sunbury, there was just a tad of concern by the big yellow posters all round the astro saying "due to health and safety risks, this astro is now temporarily closed! Hmmmm, and with no sign of an opposition we had thought we were at the wrong place. All the concerns subsided once we found the nice warm changing room though. I have to say well done to Student Kate, who after suggesting it was closed for foot and mouth ran round the school to find someone to put our minds at rest that the astro is fine to play on!

Just as the snow began to fall, Wendy took us outside for a warm up. Just
before the start, Captain Jeanette again stressed that we needed to score lots of goals to get our goal difference up. Proving that she doesn't have to ask twice, the first goal game a few minutes into the game. Kate won a long corner, and spying Juliet loitering in the D, smacked the ball across into the D for Juliet to put in the goal. 1 - 0 up!! It wasn't long before Kate made it 2 - 0 after a cracking goal, showing her natural chip and pin style that the rest of us all need more practise to achieve!

After about 10 long corners Jeanette and Juliet were getting quite bored and thank god that Lauren making a superb debut at CF, picked up a ball from Jeanette at the top of the D and swept it into the goal, lovely!! After hitting the post and 2 near misses, Juliet finally got her second the end of the half, from a lovely strike towards goal by Jeanette. So the half
finished 4 - 0. The game itself was great and completely dominated by
Staines, all the drama it seemed was happening off the pitch and the Sunbury were kind enough to delay the start of the second half whilst Burkie tried to sort out Paige and her friend who had just locked themselves out of the car with the keys still in it!!

The second half was very much like the first, lots of great play from the Staines ladies. The 5th goal came from a "combi" short corner, new hockey terminology from our Captain! A call for routine No. 2 was made, but the ball was actually slipped to Jeanette for routine 3, who passed it back to Kate, who in turn passed the ball to Clare, (which was the original plan), who was ready on the right hand post to score goal 5! Without knowing it , routine No 6 had just been added to the repitwar of short corner tactics. Well done Clare on your first goal for the 3's!!!

There were more shots on goals coming from all directions but the keeper made some great saves to deny Staines more goals, until Lou drove the ball from the defence to the 25 line for Linda to pick up and hit home from the top of the D. 6 - 0 up. Juliet feeling tired having to keep up with Lauren and Kate on the forward line, who's age added together was almost the same as her own, found renewed energy and scored the last 2 goals, 1 from one of Kate's torpedo crosses and the other just before the end of the match, from a ball slipped left from Linda which Juliet smashed home from the top of the D to finish the game 8 - 0. Top win, top game, well done Girls!!! That leaves us 5th, 2 more matches to hit the 4th place spot!!

MOM - Juliet

DOD - Burkie for the car incident!

Ladies 4th XI

Staines started poorly and it looked as though they were in for a torrid 80 minutes. West Hampstead moved the ball around the field with great speed and purpose. They dominated the game and took the lead after 20 minutes. The home side re-grouped and started to show more confidence on the ball. Michelle won possession for Staines again and again in the mid field and was vital to a Staines fight back. They equalized through Carole and went into half time at 1-1.
The second half saw Staines dominating the contest. Most of the game was being played in the West Hampstead half of the field and the visitors were making mistakes under the pressure. Carole got her second of the match taking Staines into the lead. But West Hampstead refused to finish the game empty handed. They came back at Staines and battled hard to force a second goal.
It was an all round good contest and Staines proved they deserve to be up there with the best teams in the league.
Staines 2 - 2 West Hampstead