Match Reports For Saturday 1st October Season 2005 - 2006

Mens 1st XI

Sunday HA Cup Round 2 - Staines V's Lewes
Scorers - Stuart Hall, Paul Arnott, James Chapman, Rich Cardigan

Following a disappointing start to the 2005 league programme the Men's 1st X1 redeemed themselves with a convincing 4-1 victory against Lewes on Sunday.

The complimentary tea and coffee never materialised at Lewes's club house, so Clive loaded the boys up with Lucozade (must have been pay day Bolty) before heading off to the ladies changing room to prepare - how different this female sanctuary must have looked 24 hours earlier, and the boys stopped for a while to ponder. Fu gave an inspirational team talk and we headed out to the pitch with our game heads firmly on.

The game did not start fantastically, and Staines found themselves 1-0 down following a defensive error. This was somewhat against the run of play, as Staines had dominated from the opening whistle. It was not long before the blues drew level following a well-worked short corner that Stuart Hall converted. The lead was then extended further as Paul Arnott converted from short range and James Chapman made it three before half time from another penalty corner.

Lewes started the second half strongly and Staines did well to absorb their pressure before once again starting to dominate. Rich Cardigan made it 4-1 following a quick break away, and Staines could have made the win more convincing if they had taken all their opportunities. Lewes, could only muster a couple of yellow cards and a reasonable tea, roll on next week……………

Mens 2nd XI

I'll keep it short because I didn't play and so have to make it all up. Apologies to loyal PTOTY fans for the absence of reports recently, but my dumbass friend decided to get married on the opening game of the season, so I wasn't around. Lobbied hard to get her to change it, but she selfishly refused. And nobody else in the 2's can spele.

PTOTY played host to our friends & neighbours Ashford for the opening game of a soon to be triumphant season. Apparently it was a reasonably friendly affair, with Staines running out comfortable 3-0 winners. Rumour has it that Ashford weren't up to their usual standard, and it could/should have been a much heavier victory, but that's life. I think Bazza the Mad Monk grabbed a couple, and Ladies Man (very popular with the 4's) LeeRoy probably snuck the other. Skipper Watson was reasonably happy with the result, but was heard to bitch that it should have been 8-0, but at least we kept a clean sheet, which if you recall from last season was our downfall. But the goals keep coming, and if we keep scoring more than the other side, I reckon we've got a chance.

Dunno who got MOM and DOD, so I get to choose.

MOM. Royston. Short but loveable.

DOD. Watson. Who else.

Mens 3rd XI

Hurrah! first league match of the season. Bring it on. I had been thoroughly bored throughout the summer realising that the weekend actually has 2 days in it and was not just Sunday. Thank god hockey was back. A new season brought out a new look team yet again. The Housewife's favourite now throughly under the thumb has gone into retireemnt so we called upon the skills of Andy Bromley to be keeper. A couple of new players in Ian and Ross have bolstered us so we set about demolishing Oxford at home. Pace O'Brien and Tart had spent the summer 'working on their fitness' and were duly recalled. Seamus had decided on a testimonial and Alpo had filled his stomach licking furballs and came out to stretch in the sun.

First glances and some of the oldies in our side gulped as they have kids fast approaching the age of the opposition. Tart swore blind that some of their voices broke during the match and came over all paternal. To cut a long story short we went three nil up even though they were twice as fast as they were. Experience and a never say die attitude mean't we dominated for long spells and let them have the ball when we needed a breather. Two silly short corners given away that they belted in resulted in two goals to them, but we stood firm and triumphed. Pace O'Brien somewhat nearer the second effort than the first. I can't remember all the goals except that tart and the Chubster scored and the notcutts sniper had a reappearance. Seamus aerialed the ball around like ping pong and had a tantrum at their whippersnappers, their ump and just about everything else.

Man of the match was debutant Ian who put in some solid tackles and sent a few spotty oiks flying with some timely tackles and efficient use of 'big leg' (see Phil Lazslo for an explanation, namely having a big arse). Dick of the day was for the chubster, just because.

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

Hey ho and away we go.

Mens 5’s won 7-1 against a green clathed Sunbury side.

Green baaaad Blue goooooood – so much for the discussion with the umpires. Great blowing from Linda but would you expect anything else!

Look forward to our next umpire blowing for us next week. And thanks so much to the big C for spanking my bottom until I rang Linda to beg (with a pretty pretty please can you come and blow for us) late on a Friday’s afterevening.

The sun was shining the air was clean and crisp and great fun was had by all.

We ran around for a lot of the time and had to rest for some of it. Then we ran and rested through the rest of the running.

Sunbury ran and rested very similar to the running and resting that we did but their keeper had to do a bit more bending down than ours!

At the end of the game we all did the handshaking and cheering bit and remarked on how pleasant the weather was as it was still clear and crisp.

Scorers:

Martin Jackson 1

Chris Nolan 2

Jonathon Gilkes 2

Gordon Scott 2

One of there chaps made our goal keeper bloke bend over but I didn’t get his name.

Tea’s we very palatable with good use of Daniels new deep fat fryer. Ah the smell of hot fat in the morning.

Did I mention that the teas were quite good. Deep fat fryer does smell a bit but hey that’s what you get with a deep fat fryer.

Anyway next week we are at home again and playing the first league game of the season.

The sausages well done to a tea this week so it will be interesting how Daniel puts the deep fat fryer to good use again next week.

Look forward to another stunning report from the 5’s Mens next week with lots of running and resting bound to be had by all.

P.S. the beans were slightly overdone

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Undercut Overhead
Scoring three
The Wombles of Wimbledon
Astro are we
Making good use of the chances we find
Chances that the opposition had left behind

Not far from The Anglers is the home of the Wombles.
Great Uncle Shaygaria, a master storyteller, was getting slightly emotional. This was because the previous litter distribution had been poor at times over the past few weeks and all the Head Honcho Womble wanted was a tip top, full of grit, run until you die, never give up, bleed blue for Staines performance.

It was going to be a difficult day ahead in Wimbledon as the Wombles left the burrow full of nerves. Madam Audlet, the burrow accordian player and aunty figure to the young Wombles, aided Katermory, the second in command and an excellent gadget maker, into a tricky/very difficult/almost impossible/who voted for me??? parking space. Jo-inoco, who loves two things in life - Becks and Lord Hall, was late as usual as she was busy chatting up the umpires.

After wise words of advice from Uncle Shaygaria in the October sun the Wombles were determined not to disappoint! The game was under way.

Madam Audlet got the show rolling with a beautiful lob over the park keeper's head. Good heavens above! The Wombles were in the lead and making the opposition look like trash. Mellington, the awfully shy Womble who is a keen inventor, tried her best to flick past the park keeper's right foot but unfortunately it was halted. Oh dear, oh dear. Next it was the turn of Tomsk Chandler, the athletic Womble - strong and sporty who loves the outdoors. She got an amazing deflection from a ball delivered by Roserney, the Womble who lives up the M40 in a tree house. It soared over the park keepers head again. Being a caring and sharing accordian player Madam Audlet didn't want Mellington to be the only Womble to miss a flick. She stood facing the park keeper and proceeded to put the ball so far left it was nearly back in the burrow. Meanwhile poor Staceney, usually a Womble who moves fast, was having a few problems with her furry feet and received a green card for stick abuse. Finally Bunjo, an excitable Womble who's bursting with clever ideas, wanted to be part of the action. She popped the ball in and made it 3-0 to the Wombles. The team had done it and Great Uncle Shaygaria was so delighted and proud. There were almost tears!

As the victorious Wombles gathered back in the burrow they decided that Madam Audlet should be awarded Snatch of the Match for outstanding work and Doris of the Day for cataract and memory issues. There had also been a message of congratulations sent from Elliegorm MacWomble, who was away visiting the Nepalese relatives.

However, the final words went to Great Uncle Shaygaria. "Dinner time young Wombles. It's bramble pudding for afters..delicious, delicious...except for the pips of course. Get in the teeth".

What a nice day to be out Wombling.


OR


Wimbledon 0 - 3 STAINES LADIES 1st XI

Having won the South Premier Division 1 title 3 times in the last 4 years,Wimbledon were always going to start as favourites against the Divisions newcomers. With several players having years of National League hockey behind them,Staines knew they would have to be somewhere near their best to come away with a point,yet alone 3.And near their best they were,stamping their authority from the start and going close twice in the opening 10 minutes through Ros Suter and Jo Ive. When the home side did push their visitors back into defending they found Ruth Hine in irrepresible form against her old club,constantly thwarting their forwards with tackle after tackle and being superbly assisted by skipper Kate McClean and Jo Strudley.

Staines eventually made their pressure count when Hine skillfully cajouled the keeper off her line only to leave her stranded as the ball sailed over her head. Their second came minutes before the interval, Suter's measured pass perfect for Sarah Chandler to angle her stick and deflect the ball over the 'keeper once again.

It was inevitable that the home side were going to have to throw more people into attack and put Staines on the back foot,however the introduction of League debutant Angela Gregory as an extra defender quickly stifled the 'Dons forwards as they struggled to penetrate the Staines area. After ten minutes of defending Staines then effectively killed the game off when Jo Ive hammered home her 3rd goal in 2 weeks and nearly scored 2 more in the closing minutes, Alex Teasdale and Alex Stacey just failing to increase the scoreline.

This win leaves Staines top of the Division on goal difference from Epsom who they play next Saturday, away at Epsom College. However Staines will be without midfield dynamo's Sue O'Connell and Claire Woods for the journey and it's been O'Connell's partnership with Kerry Maskery that first two victories have been built around leaving the Worple Road outfit another challenge to overcome as they strive to make an impact in this Division. Saturday's performance was their best in nearly 2 seasons and they will need to produce another this week against an Epsom side with several new faces, again with National League experience.

Ladies 2nd XI

Ladies 3rd XI

Our first league game of the season and what a way to start! After a brisk team warm up (once everyone had arrived…!), we were off - certain members of the team were warned by Captain Tucker that the umpires would not tolerate bad language or anything remotely dodgy! Doh! We were in the prized 1pm slot and primed to entertain!

Nevertheless, we were motivated by Burkie's demands that she wanted 2 goals in the first 15 - after an in-time "Blue Army" war cry and the ladies had started their season! Unfortunately Smithy must have been a bit confused by Burkie's requirements and promptly gave away not one but two short corners. After successful defending, we soon had it up the other end for some fantastic attacking play which Coach Sticky would no doubt have been proud of.

Kate scored the first goal of the match in typical "meep meep" style - slamming it home before Mill Hill's defence knew what hit them! Staines were well on their way to meeting the aforementioned target when Lauren "little legs" Fear - starring upfront - nudged in Juliet Porter's strike. Staines were working the press well, with everyone encouraging one another and telling them where they ought to be. The midfield worked hard throughout the game - Captain Tucker working a little hard then most at left back after Jo took a knock to the face.

Staines were unlucky with further shots hitting the post and generally going awry in Mill Hill's "D" and went into half time 2 nil up. We knew we were the dominant side, and we had to take greater advantage of these chances. Heads high we started the second half attacking into the blaring sunlight! Let's be grateful of that before winter's gloom sets in! Strong work at the top of the press by the forward line and Juju in particular meant that Staines were able to keep the ball in the opposition's half! More fantastic team work led to the third goal starting with the ball being cleared by the defence, passed to our Captain who then snowballed the ball across the midfield to Linda then Debs and onto Kate who passed to Ju! Great team effort!

For once, Kate decided not to injure one of her own players this week (Debs breathed a huge sigh of relief!) but one of Mill Hill's. In the midst of this, the umpire had signalled to play on and Staines (temporarily) profited from this by slotting another goal away. This is where the entertainment really begun….. the opposition weren't happy and began walking off the pitch in disgust and disappointment so it was up to our Captain to step up and attempt to amend the situation. After a big chat (!) it was agreed that the 4th goal wouldn't count to which Mill Hill were grateful and decided to play on after all. Staines were unlucky to have another goal disallowed after some beautiful play between Debs and Ju.

The game finished at 3-0 and Staines were pleased as punch to have won the first league game of the season! Player of the match was Juliet Porter whilst Doris of the day went to Jeanette "Zippit" Tucker for her chat! Go Jeanette! There were some other notable contenders for Doris - you know who you are!

Ladies 4th XI

Our first league game was served up at 10:30am - 11 players on the menu. What happened to our side order of 17subs?!?!?! So we opted for a slightly dynamic warm-up for starters instead!

The game started really well with everyone raring to go. It was cold and there were a couple of runny noses, bad coughs & hangovers but that didn't stop us. We dominated the first half of the game as the team blended well together.

Staines were awarded a penalty stroke when one of the opposition decided that the most effective way to stop the ball from crossing their goal line would be with their foot. Nice try, but our ref had his eagle eyes on and spotted the foul a mile away. Julie P was put on the spot, literally. As we crowded together Julie stared the keeper down, then 'push' - the keeper threw herself to the left while Julie's ball crossed the line in the right corner at slow motion pace (we've seen milk turn quicker!!) but it did the job and we were 1-0 up.

Spirits high, we battled on. Chiswick were stuck to us like white on rice but this was only working in our favour - we were awarded at least 4 shorties in less than 10mins. Julie P took the opportunity to whack a cracker of a shot from the top of the D to the back of the box - this was delivered with photo finish speed!!!

2-0 up!

After a huddle at half time, we braved the turf again - but things just seemed to fall apart! There wasn't much action upfront or at the back, it seemed there was a 40min free for all at the centre of the pitch! Even still, Chiswick couldn't get the game moving to their advantage. Staines remained the victors of the day and the proof was in the pudding!!

Michelle received the dubious honour of man of the match and Wendy, dick of the day for her slight disagreement with the umpire!

Ladies 5th XI

Well the first ever league match for the 5th XI and they did very well. Only went with 11 and they all got involved (not much choice really).

Eastcote started off with a 12 year old in goal which was handy for us, but there was disappointment at half time when they brought in a new model - a taller and more experienced version. Not for lack of trying, but we couldn't quite take advantage of the previous model. Talking of goalies, my thanks go to Sammy Munn for stepping in at the last moment to take on the goalie role for Staines - I think she scared the oppo somewhat as they couldn't get anything by her (also managed to scare her own team too in the process).

Well it was end to end play with Penny Mixter distributing the ball well to Lou Clark on the wing and Heather Forster in right midfield. Great efforts from new comers Claire Loftus and Lauren Tough. Good distribution from the Backs with Heather Howell tripping the light fantastic at the Back with Penny and Lauren. Heather F made a few good runs down the field and did some nice nifty lifted balls into the attacking circle (the non dangerous variety). Emma Crawley, Hazel Sloan and Millie Nowicka had a fantastic game and made some excellent 1-2's between them. Anika Bloomfield had her first run out for Staines and made some good forceful attacks on the Eastcote defence. At one time Staines had 5 short corners in a row with Anika battering the goalie with her fantastic strikes, but unfortunately didn't convert from them.

All in all an excellent all round effort - thanks to Alex Cumming for umpiring. An enjoyable game and a fair result and everyone went home tired.

MOM Anika Bloomfield