Match Reports For Saturday 19th November Season 2005 - 2006

Mens 1st XI

Mens 2nd XI

Mens 3rd XI

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

Please find a coded version of the 5’s team report. Most names have been removed to ensure the anonymity of the innocent.

G

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Blah blah blah Bank of England blah blah blah Woking. Blah balh blah fog and blah blah early.

Blah blah blah blah Smarty blah blah Major Jim’s underpants Blah ha ha ha!

Blah blah 2’s?

Blah blah captain Blah!

Blah blah blah blah blah?????

Blah pheeeeeeep!

Blah blah Blaaaah ….. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Blah blah 1-0

Blah. Blah in the air blah blah corner post! Blahdy L ! Ha ha ha ha!

Blash Bash blah blaaaah…………Blaaaaaaaaaaah! 2-0 Blahtastic.

Blah bablah blaaaaaaah BLAH! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah 3-0 Blandabidosy!

Blah blah Windy blah double six blah blaaaaaah! 4-0 Blaaaaaah!

Blah blah blah half time Blaaaaaaaaaaah blah blah 4-0!!!!!!!!

Blah team talk - BLAH BLAH BLAAAAAH BLAH BLAH BLAH 2’s!

Blah?

Blah blah blah very sore finger! Bladhi blah 2’s

Blah! Blah blaaaah blah Woking blah blah post! Blaaah Fun time Blah!

Blah blah blah…… Blah Blahming lights went out!

Nice teas!

DOD:

Blah blah hand in pockets?!?!?! Blaaaaaaaady blaaaah!

Blah – Chappers!

MOM

Blah blah Clean sheets? BLAAAAAAAH Funtime Frankie! BLAAAAAAH!

Blah blah 4-0 and blah blah blah Guildford next blah!

Anyone fancy laying another patio?

Blah

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

STAINES LADIES 2 - 1 Woking

This report is dedicated to our super defender Jo Strudley.

J is for "Just who is that man? Is he a pervert?"
O is for Opposition - big, strong and hairy
S is for Stacey and her magical "goal"
T is for Top Shop clothing of Jose "Duncan" Mourinho
R is for Run like the blazes girls. We need to win!!!
U is for Utterly crap umpire with no hair
D is for Doris and Chandler's subtle burp
L is for Leaping Snatch Mags and her tremendous save
E is for Elation. It's time for a pint
Y is for Yes, Jo! At last a mention in the paper....come on the defence!

or

The top two teams came head-to-head at Worple Road on Saturday and produced the sort of game its billing deserved.No quater was given by either team and at some times the hockey was of the highest quality.It was an evenly contested opening 15 minutes with both sides creating chances but it was the visitors who looked to have given themselves the best opportunity to take the lead when they were awarded a penalty stroke.However once again Staines 'keeper Maggie Owens was equal to the task as she dived to save Donna Cox's flick.Ros Suter then went close,producing a fine save from the Woking 'keeper.It remained goalless at half time thanks mainly to the defending of Ruth Hine and Jo Strudley who consistently thwarted the visitors attack.

The 2nd half saw Staines midfield take the initiative as Kerry Maskery and Sue O'Connell began to dominate.Mel Martell and Kate McClean were making full use of the space created on the right hand side as the visitors were put firmly on the back foot.However,as so often can happen,it was Woking who took the lead against the run of play inside 10 minutes but this inspired the home side further.With their 2nd penalty corner of the half Staines were level,but not without controversy as Alex Stacey's shot was adjudged to have crossed the line despite the protests of the Woking defence.With 12 minutes remaining Staines went ahead when it was they who had a shot illegally stopped on the goal line and Ruth Hine calmly finished from the penalty spot.Woking's last chance came from a penalty corner but Staines were indebted to Jo Strudley once again as she deflected the shot wide of the post.

This win opens a 6 point gap at the top of the table for Staines,although fourth placed Epsom could get within 3 points if they win their game in hand.This week Staines travel to long time rivals Harrow,who would be only too happy to inflict a first League defeat on the League leaders.

Ladies 2nd XI

Ladies 3rd XI

PHC Chiswick v Staines

Setting off in the early, misty hours of the morning for Wormwood Scrubs was an eye-opener for the ladies in more ways than one. Louby seemed intent on showing everyone in her car the sights of West London and managed to get there in the nick of time for ice breaking duties before 11.30 pushback at Linford Christie's stadium. Sadly the great man himself was unavailable to organise our warm up so we made do with some balls and sticks.

Push back - 11.32 all 11 players on the pitch and in position with Smithy subbing.

GOAL…..! Debbie Hampton scored a cracking goal from a short corner after 1 minute and 40 seconds! Woohoo! The "white army" were 1-0 ahead! Lots more forward play from the ladies and we were wondering when the next goal would be scored! Staines had a few chances and then….

GOAL…!! Unfortunately it was against Staines - caught out when Chiswick broke - what were we doing at 6 minutes and 40 seconds gone? Walking back to the half way line.

We managed to keep our heads up and were attacking once more with threatening short and long corners.

11.41 - the whistle blew. A hush fell over the pitch as the umpires and captains huddled and eventually the game was postponed at 1-1 due to the pitch being too icy and therefore too dangerous.

Sadly, Debbie's goal won't count in the grand scheme of things but she can be honorary woman of the match instead! Doris went to Jo (probably) for not even managing to get on the pitch and for a variety of other reasons too…..! It's difficult to single any player out for performance, as we didn't play long enough to get into the game. Next time………. Woohooohahaha!!

Ladies 4th XI

Is it Saturday? Well, I do believe it is, and after last week’s little blip the 4’s were back to winning ways – well, wouldn’t be Saturday otherwise.

A mad drive to Brent Cross for us this week, in true Wacky Racers style. Caroline’s monster truck leading the way with Michelle and Karen’s less turbo charged affairs struggling to keep up and vying for second place as Caro belted down the fast lane as if Dick Dastardly was on her tail. I half expected little spikes to come out of the wheels to disable anyone who got in her way but we settled for a bit of exciting lane changing round Staples corner instead – no-one in anything smaller than a bus was going to take on The Road Beast and Michelle and Karen bravely followed in the path it cleared!

We arrived in record time, made use of the oh-so-nice on site facilities (the taps were actually chained up so no-one could nick them!) and wandered out for a bit of a warm up. No Wendy this week so we weren’t our usual coordinated selves but we did shout things in her memory like ‘if it’s not hurting you’re not doing it properly’.

Determined to win, we made a good start, and got a short corner in the first ten minutes. The secret tactics worked, Julie P hit out to CJ who made a strike. Julie, running in, got her stick to it and made sure of the goal. One nil to us!

A great start but it left us with three quarters of a match to maintain the lead. Staines had the upper hand in the first half but the oppo came out with renewed determination in the second (and they had subs-we didn’t. The energy rations were definitely weighted in their favour!). We pulled back to a more defensive position and repelled a number of short corners, long corners and goal mouth scrambles. The two Kaths, Captain Caro and Fe were fabulous in defence whilst Anika, Michelle, Elly, Julie and Kerry worked hard at any attacking opportunity we had. Star of the day and MOM this week though went to Karen in goal for her last minute save of the day. DOD possibly goes to Anika for the amazing wind up to a strike which from the look of it should have been the hardest fastest strike of the day except for a small hand eye ball coordination problem resulting in a miss-hit that propelled the ball all of half a meter…..

Final score was a hard fought and well deserved one nil to us. It was back to the club house (lovely to see P, Sticky and little Luke all looking well – congrats to parents and welcome to Luke x) with constant calls of ‘is it Saturday?’ ‘IS IT SATURDAY?!’ and we settled down for a celebratory drink – though I’m not sure whether we were celebrating the win or the fact that we and the cars survived the journey. Home game for us next week, phew!