Match Reports For Saturday 26th November Season 2005 - 2006
Mens 1st XI
Mens 2nd XI
PTOTY's Jekyll & Hyde season continued this weekend with a welcome return
to form and a resounding 5-0 win, following last weeks resounding 5-0 loss.
Something odd is definitely at work in the cosmos, with Woking and Sevenoaks
both losing at the weekend and Wayfarers going top (and the Ladies sticking
ELEVEN past Harrow!). But with PTOTY's victory and Woking/Sevenoaks dropping
points, there is still everything to play for. That is of course until next
week when we'll play like Muppets again.
PTOTY welcomed back Matty Truman and Mark Hampton to the team, but with Griggsy
dropping out with Man Flu and Bolton sunning himself in Budapest, a re-shuffle
from Robbie saw PTOTY take up unusual positions on the pitch, and 5-0 speaks
volume for how well the team played.
PTOTY were under the kosh for the opening 10 minutes and it looked like Dr Jekyll
would be putting in an appearance again this week, but the addition of Messers
Hampton and Truman brought added composure to the team and it wasn't long before
Staines took the lead. An excellent move involving the entire midfield and forward
line saw Barry pop up in front of the goal and slip to Lee for a simple tap
in. 1-0 and PTOTY in the ascendancy. A similar move just before halftime saw
JD slip the ball to an unmarked Truman, who slotted home calmly from top-D to
give PTOTY a 2-0 lead going into halftime.
Second half saw PTOTY go into overdrive and for the first time in weeks looked
confident going forward. 3 second half goals from Barry, Lee (his 2nd) and rounded
off by JD saw PTOTY claim a comfortable 5-0 victory. But this game wasn't all
about the forwards, with Jerry putting in a masterful defence display, and Mark
L showing again that he's more than comfortable playing in the PTOTY goldfish
bowl. He's showing real PTOTY potential.
This was a much needed 3 points and keeps in touch with the leading pack, particularly
with them dropping points. We're only 6 points off top and with Woking away
next week, there's everything to play for. We need our key players back, in
form and healthy, but 3 points next week will see us right back in the hunt.
Voting and fines was sadly lacking this week, so it's pick a name from the hat
time again.
Barry, Mark L, Truman and Jerry all had great games and all deserve a mention,
but as much as it hurts to say it, JD set up most of the goals and scored one
himself so sneaks it ahead of Mark L. Plus he had a comedy moan at Barry for
getting in his way, so a well deserved MOM.
As for DOD, in an effort to maintain some kind of consistency in a season that
is up and down quicker than Dougy's boxers, it goes to Skipper Watson. No reason,
he's just taking one for the team. I have the power.
Quick plug - if you've missed any of our previous match reports, they can be
found at http://www.ptoty.com . Porn free since November 2005.
Woking away next week. Check back for details on a KEY match...
Mens 3rd XI
Mens 4th XI
Mens 5th XI
After last weeks stunning report I know you are all dying to here all about our latest encounter.
With a call early in the week letting us know that the opo were short (only 7) things looked great. Then a call on Friday (they had 9). Come the day cometh the team – Guildford with 11 shiny brand new men of steel ready to put us to the test.
Every one used a stick with the bent bit at the bottom – where all bent bits should be of course.
A round white thing was put in the middle of the pitch just as per the previous match - but this time Laz was ushered off the pitch before the tooter tooted.
Class birdy tooting today from our one and only CJ. You don’t get to where I am today….. Lovely top, goes with the eyes!
One of the lads did comment about the bottom …… black does not go with cerise! But in reality cerise is soooooo not in this year.
The game started, as most games do, and commenced in an upwardly and downwardly fashion. Fun time had a few moments of extraordinary feets of skill with his Lady in waiting (all afternoon) pleased to hear that once again his sheets were spared the staines of discontent and the bling twins ran all over the place like a couple of incontinent one legged kangaroos (lots of action but sometimes not quite the right direction).
Gordy must have brought his horse with him this week along with a banjo and a very large barn door - had a mare and couldn’t hit a pot of toffee with a spiked granny smith! Must have been the time spent with Petchy and a pritt stick at training.
First half saw us run in 1-0 up after an awesome 700 yard run from Stringy Ham followed by a par three chip short into the top left hand bottom bunker. Gooooooooooooooooooooooalaaaaaaaaaaaaah
But boy did the boys in the maroon’ish dark dirty red coloured shirts make us work for it. Guildford did not come with the second cousin, first removed, brushed off after a night in busking in the blind school of one legged tuba players – ooooh no! They were up for it! No, really they were. Their league position and soces so far do them little justice (I believe that cousin played for then a couple of weeks ago).
Second half started after a quick tickle of 12 pack with great play from both sides.
Pie man, back after a couple of weeks in the upper echelons of the club, strutted his pie munching upper level all over the place even putting on a wobble show for us lesser beings in the 5’s. Unbelievable stick work just when it counted - Di has an empty washing machine to thank you for.
Long John Shiver turned up with Major Jim to cheer us on only to have her trusty extra leg chopped cruelly from beneath her as Gordy’s howitzer misfired to the right.
Time and time again the game tipped from end to end (in fact very similar to the ball bearing tipping game you used to get at the beach – you know - the one with the pins on the piece of wood and the two handles that you had to tilt the surface to move the ball around a maze type thing without dropping it through a hole or two?) anyway it went end to end.
After a great piece of end to ending the boys in blue got the chance they truly deserved. With CJ’s hand raised to the clouds like a bright pink statue of liberty it was the big G’s chance to shine. If only he’d brought the brasso and a duster. P-slash more like – kept a couple of lads from the Wayne Kerr trophy though – they’ll be pleased
Off we jolly well trotted with our dark reddish jersey’d foes putting on more pressure than a conker in an airtight jar connected to a bicycle pump. But the blue boys kept to the task and retaliated with a good bit of bike pumping themselves. It was after several minutes of the aforementioned pump being pumped very hard that Chrissy bling got on the end of a good lashing from 12 pack to slot one in with the opo Sumo left stranded in the land that no-one owns.
Goooooooooooooooooalaaaaaaaah.
You could hear the air escaping and the conker returning to its true form.
Couple of minutes later and it was time for tiffin.
2-0 up to the boys in blue – result - hard fought for but (I think) just about deserved.
With the ladies filling the hall with festive cheer and a very large rabbit we set to the task of emptying the plates of (yes you’ve got it) sausage chips and beans. Oh Danny boy the pies, the pies are ca-alling.
DOD - A close run thing with the spread going far and wide – some wider than others – but the proud trophy holder is the banjo player himself – Big G.
MOM – It could only be one – yup after an awesome display 12 pack got the call.
Next week we are of to the top of the table clash with Spencer on GRASS
Mens 6th XI
Mens 7th XI
Mens Centurions
Ladies 1st XI
A "Seamie Oliver" Special
Pot-roasted Rabbit with Harrow Stuffing
Rabbit has a subtle and pleasant taste and it's a good carrier of pints. People
tend to associate rabbit with stews, pies and the 4th XI but in this recipe
it takes a whole new life of its own.
Serves the Ladies 1st XI
1 rabbit
1 lemon
salt and a couple of tequilas (alternatively Ace's Absinthe)
1 heaped tablespoon of commitment
1 heaped tablespoon of awesome hockey
1 tablespoon of sleet and rain
1 small and 1 big knob of umpires
12 Staines Ladies
1 goal from Harrow
1 large glass of champagne (and the rest!!)
For this you'll need a pitch or nearby field of sheep that will encourage the
Staines Ladies to pulverise the opposition. The rabbit should be made to play
hockey and send a good luck text - your butcher could do this for you.
Peel the Harrow defence with the forwards (just to reduce the fragant yellow
shirts into tears) and slice 5 goals past them. An alternative could be to keep
Snatch of the Match Bambi running everywhere up front or add a bit of Hine and
Chandler. Squeeze a little more pressure but allow Harrow to get one goal (it
is nearly Christmas after all and it was funny to watch Twinkle Toes head-butt
the post). Add a winter storm and horizontal rain. Be careful to not lose contact
lens at this stage of the recipe. Finish the first half of the season by sharing
goals generously with Mellie, Jo Ive, Kaviar and Bambi plus some fine assists
from Young Alex, Other Alex, KK, Struds and Sue and roll them in victory and
(party) thyme. Sometimes this part of the dish is best served cold.
Heat the 12 ladies up in a hot shower, add the rabbit, Becks, cider and champagne,
and drink them fast for about 85 minutes or until the rabbit has sung a carol;
about half-way through this process, add Secret Santa, a small knob of Christmas
cheer and the Santa hats (this should make the ladies "tinker spirit"
kick in). Wrap together 2 hockey players with a strip of white cloth and make
them hobble about for a while. Add the DJ (eventually!!!) and dance for another
3 hours. Add Mags and Luce, who should sizzle nicely (and then leave suddenly....are
we still going to Krakow???) and the Ladies 2nd XI Stawpedo team. Finish this
all in the clubhouse at about 11.30pm. Remove from the clubhouse, add a long
walk home to Lord and Lady Hall's, via a church and a hedge, for the toast special
and sloosh it all around a bit. Then allow a big pussy to rest for a couple
of minutes - the alcohol should create a 'lovely' hangover that any top of the
league (We are top of the league!!!!) girlie would be proud of.
Serve with the help of great mates, my mum's quilt, a Strudder's Sunday Special,
Tink's parking, the promise of more rabbit antics and a vegetative state on
a Sunday night.
Enjoy.
or
Harrow 1 - 11 STAINES LADIES 1st XI
At the end of last season,and to make matters worse in the Middlesex Cup Final,Harrow inflicted an embarrassing 6-2 defeat on Staines,their largest defeat for several years.Saturday proved that revenge is a dish best served cold as the bitter weather conditions only heaped the misery onto Harrow.
Staines began at lightning pace and their desire to win was evident from the very start.They took the lead inside 4 minutes through a clever Ros Suter goal and she added her second 10 minutes later following up an Alex Stacey shot.Mel Martell then drilled home a penalty corner and Jo Ive then finished another corner routine.Sue O'Connell and Kerry Maskery were pulling the strings in midfield and all around were responding in harmony.Suter was then cruelly upended as she went for goal and Ruth Hine scored the resulting penalty stroke for the visitors fifth.Despite Harrow pulling one back on the 25th minute,Kate McClean and Jo Strudley never looked in danger at the back and this gave them the chance to offer support in midfield and allowing the rout to continue.Suter scored another 2 inside the final 3 minutes of the half to leave Staines a 7-1 half time lead with points firmly in the bag.It was a surreal half time talk with everyone pinching themselves after the opening 35 minutes.
It was then that the heavens opened and the clouds darkened.The weather was now the only danger in Staines not picking up their points as the rain became heavier.Sarah Chandler was not perturbed however as she struck twice inside 15 minutes.Alex Teasdale then went close with a spectacular reverse stick shot,just missing out on the goal her performance richly deserved.Kate McClean then set up Maskery to finish to take the score into double figures and with only minutes remaining Jo Ive tapped home for her second to culminate an incredible scoreline for Staines.It was also a performance which justified such an impressive scoreline as the passing and movement has never been better.Coach Seamus O'Connell described it as the most complete performance in his tenure and it has left them 6 points clear of the chasing pack.Rover Oxford and Epsom are in joint second although Epsom have a game in hand.With the League now finished until the end of January,Staines will have a minimum of a 3 point lead,it's been an exceptional feat in their first season in the South Premier Division 1 to be where they are at the half way stage.
Sunday ; Staines girls Under 14's notched up their first victory of the season as they beat Reading 2-1,Millie Nowicka scoring both goals following up strikes from Emma Crawley.'Keeper Gemma Nannery and defender Charlotte Edney both had notable performances in the victory.
Ladies 2nd XI
Ladies 3rd XI
Amersham and Chalfont 2 - Staines 2
As usual, the journey seemed to be eventful - navigating country lanes whilst
muttering "I'm sure it was that turning we just passed..." We eventually
made it to possibly the coldest game of the year so far! We adopted an ever
so slightly different system which gave us more support at the back than previously.
As you might expect, everyone in the team worked really hard in pushing forward
using our substitute efficiently and making sure that no-one was too tired!!
Some great running from Lizzie weaving in and out of Amersham and Chalfont's
defence created a smashing goal by Juliet who was in the right place at the
right time at just over 12 minutes gone! Brillant - just what we needed to keep
us going!
Burkie, Ingrid, Louby and Yvonne showed solidarity at the back - which meant
that we didn't let Amersham score in the first half! I have to say that Chantell
pulled off some cracking saves too which ensured a clean sheet for the first
half - go girl!! The midfield of Linda, Lauren, Debs, Jeanette and Jo (not all
at the same time I hasten to add - that would be pure craziness having 12 players
on the pitch!) worked tirelessly and tenaciously to get the ball into Amersham's
attacking area with Linda especially working hard going up and coming back.
Our next goal came in the second half with Jo striking a free hit from outside
of the D into Juliet who scrabbled with Lizzie finally getting the ball past
their keeper. Great work ladies! Amersham came back a lot stronger in the second
half - it was almost a different game and Staines worked hard to not allow them
to score but, inevitably they did. Chantell was up and down a lot quicker than
we have seen her before and managed to get a stick to some of their chances,
but it wasn't to be. We finished the game at 2 all, deserving a win but happy
to have gotten a draw against a strong opposition - who incidentally had some
lovely teas!
Man of the Match and Doris of the Day voting took place over fish n chips and
Irish stew. There is talk apparently of renaming Doris to Joey of the day..
charmed I'm sure!! As anticipated, Doris went to Jo for the following reasons
1) Rail safety facts 2) For having a sit down during the game 3) For pirouetting
during the game and 4) Just for being Jo. Lauren was a close contender with
her crazy attire and hat… where does she get her fashion sense from?! Onto
far more serious matters - Man of the Match went to Chantell for working brillantly
in goal. Other notable votes were for Lizzie - the tenacious terrior - Linda
and to Jo for "continually harrassing the other team".
Next week - an early start against Southgate! An important league game pushing
back at 10am at Faulkners - be there or be….. bored!!
Ladies 4th XI
11am – meet. 11.10 am – start warm up. 11.25 am – short corner dress rehearsal. 11.30 am – performance starts
OH NO IT DOESN’T!
At 11.30 the opposition had 8 players at Staines, none of which included a goalkeeper. The rest of their team were stuck in the Bermuda Triangle of Staines town centre. At least eight people were trying to shout directions down the phone to them, all advising different routes – we weren’t holding out much hope of a swift arrival and were wondering if we’d have to make them forfeit the game.
OH NO WE DIDN'T
They made it eventually. In the same kit as us. Enough white t-shirts were then found so it didn’t look like we had 22 players on the pitch – shame about the lack of numbers on the back, but we let that one go as it was getting on for 12 and having waited this long we were determined to have a game.
OH YES WE WERE!
So we did. Our first goal came in the first ten minutes, a beautifully worked job by the forwards which slammed into the backboard as the late-diving goalkeeper hit the ground. The second goal had its origins near our own D, with CJ taking the ball down the left wing before crossing it in for the forwards to do what they do best.
We weren’t untroubled in defence either, and had our share of defending long and short corners BOOOO HISSS with some typically cool calm and classy saves from Karen in goal. HOOORAY!
The third goal came just before half time (us again), and we headed to the intermission team talk. There were tears, there was laughter, there were oranges.
The second half followed much the same form as the first. We still couldn’t convert our short corner chances but did score two more goals. At one point, Kath WB decided to start panto season (for which I dedicate certain elements of this match report) and with a lack of forward options to pass to tried to create more room by ‘passing round the back’. Unfortunately, she failed to actually look first and with the rest of us screaming in our heads SHE’S BEHIND YOU she deftly passed the ball back towards our goal and onto the waiting stick of their forward. We could only sigh in relief as the other Kath, like an avenging fairy godmother, made a tackle and the ball went harmlessly off the back line securing a HAPPILY EVER AFTER 5-0 win for us and DOD for KathWB!
Goal scorers were the usual crowd of not-so-ugly sisters – Anika, Julie P, Michelle and Kerry all up for a bit of the action. MOM to CJ this week for a solid performance in midfield, though I suspect the amazing feat of getting through a game without falling over or injured was worth a vote on its own!
Is it Saturday?
OH YES IT IS!!!
Ladies 5th XI
Good game, good game; great result! An interesting blend of youth and age made up the unbeatable 5th XI team on Saturday 26th November at the Osterley pitch.
Goals scored by Heather Forster, Jude Renton, Emma Crawley and Carole Leslie - Assisted by Millie Nowicka, Carole Leslie and Jude Renton.
With Emma Crawley's disallowed goal the team began the second half 2 - nil up and an immediate third goal scored put the game beyond reach of the opposition with Staines strolling in with a 4 - 1 victory at full time.
A strained hamstring robbed Jude Renton of play during the first half despite her determination to play the second half, which was extinguished when she found she couldn't run! Doris of the day was awarded to Heather Howell for her continual persistence to hit the ball into her own feet.
Modesty prevents me (Sammy Munn) from describing just how well the man of the match played along with sterling performances from our youngest player Charlotte Edney at 13 years of age, Hazel Sloane with a goal saving effort which brings me to Sarah Pickerill, Pix, who once again filled the goal keeping position with flying colours.