Match Reports For Saturday 3rd December Season 2005 - 2006

Mens 1st XI

v. Maidenhead

Staines' first game of the weekend was at home to Maidenhead who were languishing near the bottom of the league but were a better side than their position suggested.

Staines as usual started badly and it took Maidenhead taking the lead from a deflected cross to really wake Staines from their slumber. From this moment Staines wrestled control of the game and shortly after James Chapman fired in a penalty corner to make it 1-1. The game continued with Staines in control and Maidenhead attacking sporadically on the break, although they were dealt with fairly comfortably by the Staines defence. Before the half time interval Staines made it 2-1 through a stroke by Chapman, nicely executed after Rich Cardigan had been impeded in the circle.

The second half continued in the same vein as the first with Staines having the majority of the game and Maidenhead attacking on the break. Goals from Rich Cardigan and a great deflection from Andy Evans sealed the game for Staines before a consolation goal was scored from one of Maidenhead's penalty corners.
The final score of 4-2 summed up Staines' superiority on the day but they will need to tighten up at the back and convert more of the chances they created if they are to properly compete with the top sides in the league.

v. Barnes

On sunday Staines faced a tough day of hockey with Barnes first up in a re-arranged league game. Staines started brightly and put the visitors under pressure but again Staines were the first to concede. At this point passes were going a bit astray and it took a huge effort to right this and start playing good hockey again. Soon the pressure Staines were building told and James Chapman converted a penalty corner to equalise. From then on Staines had the majority of the play and possesion and through the first half and then the second they regularly converted from penalty corners - James Chapman proving Barnes' undoing with four goals. Stuart Hall added another to make the game totally safe, again from a penalty corner, deflecting in John Stannard's strike.
So, a good weekend for Staines in the league as 6 points were earned and this puts them right back in touch with the leagues top sides.

v. Banbury (HA Trophy)

Straight after the Barnes game Staines took on Banbury in the Trophy and lost 5-4. Staines were very tired after their exertions in the morning and proceeded to gift the visitors four goals with woeful passing in defence.

Tired legs led to most of these errors, but four goals were scored - I can't remember who by as I was so tired my memory has wiped most of the game..... I know Stuey Hall must have played well as he wouldn't shut up about how great he was, even though he was injured. Obviously he didn't run around as much as everyone else who could hardly speak we were so tired, especially Larry and Arnie who played every minute of all 3 games!!!!!!

Sid, Andy and Liam must hang their heads in shame as it was their passing which gifted goals (We can't all be John Stannard!!)........... although Sid was really unlucky with his and also his sending off which in my opinion was really unfair!!

Anyway... We lost and Banbury played pretty well. We are out of the Trophy!!!!!!!!

Mens 2nd XI

Words can't describe our 9-0 thumping at the hands of Woking. Well pants could be one. Embarrassing could be another. Sorry probably sums it up. But the end of PTOTY as we know it....?

Not quite. Yes we were hammered. But Woking were on fire. It was one of those occasions where the planets all line up and everything you touch turns to gold. PTOTY were just on the receiving end of it, and should it have been the other way around, we'd been shouting from the rooftops. But it wasn't, and we're not. We're all sulking.

Can't really tell you much about the game. 3-0 down at half time and still in with a sniff. 6 second-half goals condemned us to the heaviest loss ever, and many of the team spoke as if this would be their last appearance for the club. It was that bad. Apart from our inability to stop, pass, shoot, run or tackle, we played great. And the on-pitch bitching reached a new level. But after some stirring words from our Skipper, PTOTY will carry on and attempt to rediscover the form and level of play that saw us narrowly miss out on promotion last year.

It's a big double-header this weekend with MK on Saturday in the league and BBHC on Sunday in the cup. The perfect opportunity to put the Woking experience behind us and go into the New Year with something to aim for.

Final word must go to Woking. They played great, were gracious in victory and hats off to them for not rubbing it in afterwards in the bar. Looking forward to the re-match.

Mens 3rd XI

They say a week is a long time in sport (or was it politics?). It was very important for the team to put in a performance this week after the abominable performance seven days previously. High Wycombe, ranked 4th, would certainly be a stern test. But would the team do their capabilities justice? Sometime results don't seem make much sense and there have been plenty of those this season. With 8 teams within 5 points of each other this is a very tight league with no single team taking the initiative at the head of the table. And yet Staines has an odd habit of taking points from teams above them in the league, but slipping up against supposed weaker opposition. Well Staines did not take all three points - although they came very close to causing an upset - and at full time I think the team would have been very happy with the draw. Except of course they weren't. With 3 minutes left to play Staines were actually 3-2 ahead. An all-to familiar (and frequent!) kamikaze pass in the last moments of the game from the Staines defence let Wycombe in for the equalizer - and the points were shared. Staines took the lead early in the first half through a Jamal reverse stick at close range - it has to be said against the run of play. Although it must be noted that following what is now known as "Ashford-gate", the changes to the defensive formation proved to be very effective in soaking up the constant waves of High Wycombe attack. They held out for much of the first half until Wycombe drew level from a short corner and then went in front after a sweet reverse stick went through Andy Bromley's pads.

The second half saw Staines gain the upper hand and there seemed more control about their game. The pressure bore fruits when Tart collected the ball out wide to the right on the counter and dinked it inside skilfully for Captain Bill to outmuscle the only remaining defender and slot it home. Defensively Staines were solid and did not look like conceding until momentarily losing concentration and letting Wycombe draw level. Staines still pushed forward and went ahead once more through a deflected Arnould strike 10 minutes from time. That same person then provided Wycombe with an opportunity on a plate 3 minutes from time which they duly accepted. The points were shared but there was a significant improvement from previous games. Notable mentions should include Alpo for being solid once again in defence, Max for some moves out on the right hands side, Kingsley for nullifying their centre forward, Ross for having a much improved performance and Richie Hudson for some excellent 1/2s. New Boy Rich also had an excellent first game.
Great effort all round - lets see if they can keep it up.
MoM - Captain Bill
DoD - Friendly Fire Arnould

Mens 4th XI

Mens 5th XI

Spencer – the land of the sausage.

As the crow flies – a mere flapping distance but with Christmas traffic in full flow it was the time for one of Gordy’s “Early” meets. Yup we got there at just after 8:30 on the Friday morning for a 14:00 push back the day after. If we get any earlier well be at Spencer next week as well!

Did the trick though as after a chat about how jolly the day was going to be we tightened the straps on our knickerbockers and set forth on the expedition to the South pole (or somewhere near Earlsfield to the uninitiated)

Lots of choice on route this week, was it going to be the A4 the A3 the M25. Was Major Jim going to be involved in a near life or death zig zag experience and was the Wandsworth gyratory going to undo the best planning known to man? The intrepid explorers bravely took the opportunity to set forth on the A316!

Tail end Charlie was left behind to scoop up stragglers and await a fair maiden (not so fair when on stick tackles mind you!) from our ladies 3’s to toot for us. After a visit to the pink room, which I have been told is compulsory post umpiring whether wished for or not, and a hot sausage in her hand we waved farewell to the shores of Stainesville and rumbled off on the land of Spencer.

After many lefts and rights and quite a few straight aheads we arrived and began dusting off the grass skills. There was already talk of how many sausages had been spotted on each plate of the previous opo (the number of four perhaps but this could only be imagined at this point).

The games commenced with lots of slipping and a sliding and many fruitless swipes.

We spent most of the first half getting used to this new surface. Spencer, a nice bunch of blokes with more angles than a Legionnaires bed sheet were obviously used to the bumpy surface and they proceeded to test our defence.

Just as we felt that grass could be the thing of the future there was talk of the large quantities of mashed potatoes also spotted caressing the sausages (number of four!) amids lashings of hot fresh beans. Mmmmmm Nice a shot from the 25 flashed into the blue D, nicked a stick and sped past FTF! 1-0 down!

A quick peep of the tooter and it was half time.

Not the place we were used to, 1-0 down whilst tickling the 12 pack.

What a second half. With Bambi skating around like a (well rather like Bambi on ice) and Big Chris’s multiple studded boots just not up to the job we all had a top time.

Both sides ran around like demented fools chasing the little white thing. But for the blue army there was no equalling goal.

Our closest in the second half was when Windy Miller got on the end of an “on me ed son!” only to lash it of the pad of the Opo Sumo. So close but no panamas.

Our man on fire throughout the game was our GK, come defender, come midfield come…. actually apart from crossing the half line Fun time Frankie was seen everywhere on his side of the fence waving his magic wand in a ball swatting type fashion. Laugh I almost had FN kittens.

JP (opo top scorer) had the ball swatted away by FTF and Don K so many times he must have thought that he should go and sit on the side – there were no more goals to be had this day.

Other mentions of the day:

Don K ran back so far he found himself in Richmond

Pie man – love those sausages.

Major Jim - get in the queue.

To be honest I would have loved a draw but to have had such a laugh playing real old fashioned end to end stuff I think we all came away with a smile and thoughts of JUST WAIT TILL WE GET YOU ON THE ASTRO!!!!!!!!!

DOD Well there was quite a few who got a mention. Benny Bling got away quietly as no-one remembered that he was 25 mins late earlier in the day.

Big Chris and his boots of many studs got a note or two, Major Jim came close to stealing the show after two hours on the phone and ordering fresh mash when one pile just wouldn’t do but the winner of this weeks Wayne Kerr Trophy was Smart Bambi for his magical performance on ice (so moving and realistic I could almost smell the cordite in the air).

For MOM this week there were a few entrants but (apart from trying to gather some DOD slips for being over the 25 and on his arse a few times) Fun Time Frankie took the honours. It was his Goal Keeping day of excellence! His clearance from outside the D straight to their winger followed by an amazing charge back to clear the ball off the line in the first half will go down as one of my moments of the season.

We have a week off this week before I work out if I want to arrange a friendly for next week so I’m afraid that my ramblings may be missing for a few weeks.

There is, however, a challenge on the horizon as the 4’s seem to have laid down the gauntlet for a January post Christmas dust down.

If I don’t see you before please feel free to have a good one when it comes and the team’s regards go to Luke O’Zade – a casualty in the second half. Get well soon.

Four sausages each!!! Danny Boy are you listening… FOUR.

Mens 6th XI

Mens 7th XI

Mens Centurions

Ladies 1st XI

Ladies 2nd XI

Ladies 3rd XI

The ladies 3rd XI stuck with the same system as last week and were able to frustrate Southgate with the press in the first half – Ju "Rocky" Porter in particular was spoken to by the umpire along with her Southgate player!! Go on Ju, Ju! Despite constant attacking efforts we weren't fruitful in the Southgate D. We were working really hard.

It was nil nil at half time and both teams were raring to go. There were a few positional changes which were unusual to say the least but seemed to work well. We finally were able to get into their D, Ju crossed it to Little Lauren Fear who was able to slot it past the Southgate keeper. Staines were on the scoresheet at last and the relief showed. We continued to work hard but were beaten on the break by Southgate. Twice.

Staines lost the game despite continuing to work hard and fast. Man of the Match went to Yvonne Gayle and Doris didn't go to Jo for a change – Rocky Porter was awarded it for a change!! Good luck Sid ;-)

Ladies 4th XI

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside…….

Well there wasn’t any sea but there was plenty of sand. There should be an England Hockey Association blue flag award for, if not the cleanest, then the sandiest astro in each league – this one at Cranford would win! We were going to stop half way round our warm up run and make sand castles but Wendy was back in full force this week and we would have got Disapproving Looks so we carried on with the gruelling session like the good girls we are.

The game was one of those ones where you simply had to be there. Not one of our prettiest but had the desired result (a 4-2 win).

Speaking of sand, in ancient times the Egyptians used to believe that their Pharaohs made the sun come up each morning. In much the same way, Saturday can only be so called if we win. So that the day before was Friday and so that the day that follows is Sunday, so must the cry of IS IT SATURDAY be answered with a resounding YES by the end of the game. Because if we don’t win then it isn’t Saturday, which means everything would drop into chaos and confusion resulting in world destruction. Truly, it is a heavy burden for a hockey team to bear but Captain Caro’s team are never found wanting when they have a job to do, no matter how much the opposition might shoulder barge them/break their knuckles (get better soon Fe!x) in the course of their duty.

Our first goal came from a short corner, the second from a lovely poach by Lindsey in the D who relieved one of their players of the ball and dropped it in the back of the net before they realised what had happened. Third goal was from Kerry after a goal mouth scramble and I don’t remember the fourth but sure it was fabulous as always. Oh, BA apparently scored two at some point as well …..details details….

Man of Match – Dave. First for coming to the club to bring Captain Caro her (once again) forgotten shin pads and then coming to Cranford to bring spare white shirts to those few who came unprepared…..tut tut…. and also for his lovely first aid skills with poor Fe!

Doris of Day – Captain Caro herself for forgetting shin pads AGAIN and her file

Girl Guide of Day – Julie P – always be prepared yes, and I’m not denying we didn’t need one to fix Karen’s goal keeping apparel, but why does she carry a screwdriver in her kit bag?????? Answers on a postcard from the beach please….