Week 29

Cometh the hour cometh the Man……..well Duncan at any rate accompanied by his team! After last week’s debacle at Feltham, it was a sombre training session on Wednesday. Coach Grumpy worked us hard, but there was a hint of a smile by the end of the proceedings.

3 league games to go we’re at the top of the Premier Division, and Coach Duncan expects (no pressure then) us to be promoted. This week it was Mill Hill at home, minus Cap’n Lou away on business, Suki not available, and Suzi whom we have generously donated to the 1st XI promotion cause. We drew with MH earlier in the season having not played well, and really needed the points.

Into the changing room for the customary team talk. First things first, we welcome back Yvonne and Lizzie, and welcome Anika (that’s pronounced Aneeeeeeeeeeka ladies, let’s see if we can’t master that by the end of the day). There’s the usual round of raucous behaviour, and this week the centre of attention is Ali, or rather her hair clips. Look sorry but I was in a rush and all I could find were my 12 year old’s pink and purple ones…I left the one’s with Ladybirds on at home, so be grateful. Next week I’ll tie my hair up and then you really will have something to laugh about!!!!

Ema was nursing an injured thigh or is that bottom injury ? However she was confident that strapping it in a very attractive blue bandage would solve the issue completely. Not sure she felt the same way when Baldy offered to hinder (sorry help) the application of said bandage.

Uh oh here comes Duncan shh everyone !!! There’s the customary whiteboard session from our Coach; there’s always a pen issue, and this week he’s using yellow. To be fair with all the lines on the board, it was becoming increasingly difficult to see what was going on, but there really was NO EXCUSE for the following question from Hels:

‘Dougie, would it be better with the lights off?’ Just because he’s using a yellow marker pen, doesn’t mean it’s going to glow in the dark. However inexplicably, Duncan turned the lights off without a moment’s hesitation, perhaps it’s a question he’s familiar with ??

Unsurprisingly having the lights off didn’t help, much hilarity all round and a unanimous Doris of the Day award for Fish. Worryingly she’s a teacher, blimey glad I’m not in her class !!

So out we go to take on Mill Hill. They are one of those sides that you can never be quite sure about. They always look a little disorganised, but tend to surprise you with goals from nowhere. We were really up for this game, everyone was working hard. Aneeeeeeeeeeeeka was making an impressive debut up front, being unlucky not to score. Baldy as always was terrorising the Mill Hill defence with her people skills and a bit of hockey skill as well!!!

Ema was outstanding at left back, must be that blue bandage. Ez was picking off the Mill Hill forwards one by one. You knew it was going to be a good day when Coach Duncan remarked on Ali’s skill at flicking a ball over a defender’s stick…OH MY GOD I’m not in the wrong place for once!!!! Only teasing coach honest!

Inexplicably we were 1-0 down at half time, Mill Hill having sneaked a cheeky goal. Coach Duncan was impressed with our performance, and convinced us that we could turn this game around.

From the off, this was a team that were not going to leave without 3 points from this game. There was something of a kerfuffle in the D, which resulted in us being awarded a P flick. Good decision Heather (not that I could see what was going on!!).

Up stepped Oli to equalise. I have to admit that I couldn’t watch, but I’ve no doubt it was an awesome shot, not least because it went in. Well done Oli. At this point. Mill Hill were heard to mutter and I quote ‘That’s the only consolation goal you’re going to get today’…Yeah right WHATEVER!!!!!!
That was the incentive we needed. So thank you but we’ll take another 4 consolation goals, a consolation win, and a consolation 3 points…..Oh and whilst we’re at it, we’ll take a consolation league win and promotion to South Div 3 if that’s ok with you!!!

To be fair, the game was hard but good natured. Oli’s flick opened the flood gates (I use the term loosely) for the Ladies 2s. I’ve got no idea how or when the goals were scored, but I do know that Ez (from open play) and Aneeeeeeeeka (on her debut) scored one apiece, and as usual not to be outdone Baldy scored 2. So by my reckoning that’s a 5-1 win to us. It was a hard game, but we all worked hard for it. Lizzie, Baldy and Aneeeeeeeeeeeka were fantastic up front. Mid field of Serena, Clare, Oli and Fish were tireless, and the defence of Yvonne, Ema, Ez, Ali and of course Tinks kept the Mill Hill forwards at bay.

Thanks to everyone who braved the cold to watch us, we really do appreciate you taking time out of your weekend. It soon became clear that the tension had mounted when we realised that Winchmore Hill & Enfield and Hampstead and Westminster had dropped points. There were frantic phone calls all round and to our delight Hendon also dropped points and it seemed that with two league games in hand, we had won the Middx Premier league and promotion to South Division 3A. OH MY GOD.

The drink started to flow. Baldy peaked about 4.30/5.00pm. Well done to everyone, what an outstanding achievement. More importantly our thanks must go to Coach Duncan, whose belief in us has been tested but never wavered, and to our illustrious Captain Lou. Man of the match this week went to Aneeeeeeeeeka and Doris of the Day to Helen ‘Would it be better with the lights off’ Fisher.

Following our win on Saturday there was the opportunity to enjoy the games night at the club. Now call me old fashioned, but I thought it was a family games night. However for those of a nervous disposition I suggest you look away NOW. I am led to believe that at least 2 of the ladies 2s featured on Saturday night. Those of you who have known Tinks for a while will be unsurprised to learn that a ball and string game resulted in her being tied up with at least 3 balls and her jeans around her ankles!!!! Not a sight for the faint hearted.

A slightly more worrying scenario is that of Oli being rugby tackled by Roy in his boxer shorts. The result for Oli was a particularly fetching bruise which could have been mistaken for target practise, had she stood still for long enough.

Ok hands up all of you with a hangover. Tinks, Oli, Baldy, Fish and Ali don’t even bother to put your hands up, I can tell by your general demeanour that you are all well past your sell by date. As Coach Duncan put it succinctly a cup final place is a bonus this weekend.

Hands up for the second time, having seen that Eastcote had got a full 1st X1, those of us who wish we’d never agreed to play today. Great that’s all of us then !!

For the game that followed you had to be there to appreciate how hard and more importantly how well we played on Sunday. It was a mixed 1s & 2s game but with mostly 2s players. OH MY GOD it was hard work, but we had nothing to lose. Ema was totally awesome at left back. Duncan said it was the best he’d ever seen her play. Everyone who played gave it everything. Eastcote scored first and there was a moment when you could have been forgiven for thinking that the game was over.

Let me tell you now NEVER write off a Staines Ladies hockey team. We pulled it back to 1-1, then we made it 2-1 and then 3-1. Eastcote were SOOOOOOOO not prepared for this. They came back at us and after some argy bargy, pulled it back to 3-2, but time ran out.

I was going to write about the general debauchery of Saturday evening in what was supposed to be a family friendly games night organised by the SHCG4's (well, Captain Caro and Kath B) and the mens 4's (or Phil-lets-see-how-many-people-I-can-get-to-take-their-clothes-off-Lazlo). But if you were there you probably don't need to be reminded about some of the sights on offer, and if you weren't...well you were probably lucky....

Earlier in the day we did play hockey and it was Saturday thanks to a goal fest from the SHC Glorious 4's forward line - all done in a very sharing sort of way. One goal each for Kate, Julie P, Juliet and Lindsey. Some good defensive work meant no goals for Mill Hill who took the defeat in good spirits and this was one of the nicest tempered games we've played this season.

We have 34 points and two games to play - at the moment we're in third place behind Southgate and league leaders Hampstead and Westminster (we cant beat them).

If we beat BA next week we'll have 37 points. We then need to beat or draw with H&W to definitely come second. Or, if we lose to H&W we will need to have scored a lot of goals from the BA game to equal or better the goal difference between us and Southgate to put ourselves in second spot.

Nice and early Staines Ladies 5s turned up to a warm clubhouse. An aerobic warm up was wanted in the hall of the club house, but five minutes later looking out the window only to find the opposition warming up already. PHC Chiswick are seventh in the league, and we are fourth with a game in hand we had the chance of being third. Most of us knew that this game wouldn’t be too hard.

As we started the game Clever Heather Howell realised we only 10 players on the pitch, we were missing a right half. As Carole and Ali were on the sideline, along with dedicated supporters, and injury prone Maggie (broken thumb) and Millie (groin strain), Carole was on the pitch in a flash. So the space was filled, the ball was being hauled back and fourth, and so were the players. There was silence on the pitch until Ms. Motivator took her toll and started to shout. The first goal was due when Staines got their first short corner, and was converted by Emma Crawley, assisted by Ali Ford, which their keeper intended to kick, but missed. Heather Howell then distributed the ball from defence well and Hazel helped as Chiswick came back stronger. Anna played extremely well for her first match by giving some good crosses. Half way through the first half another goal was scored by Ali, assisted by Emma. Soon after that Charlotte Ellison took the third goal very well, assisted by Emma, it helped as she was being filmed! Minutes before half time Chiswick managed to pull out a goal from nowhere, and Heather got hit on the chest from a free hit, a good nominee for Doris.

Back on the pitch Charlotte Edney and Sam worked hard down the line and Carolyn Stuck with their centre forward brilliantly. Then Staines were court on the run and Chiswick gained a goal. Staines heads went up as more goals were to come. Penny did some excellent tricks and cleared the ball, as Chiswick were trying to catch up. After a number of short corners, Emma converted another assisted by Ali. In a desperate attempt to score a goal Ali was determined to strike the ball, but unfortunately ended up on the floor. Wow we had a choice for Doris! Eventually Ali scored her second goal assisted by Emma. This finished off the game nicely with a comfy 5-2. Well played everyone, a nice finish to the league at the end of the season.

Goals scorers were Emma Crawley 2, Alison Ford 2 and Charlotte Ellison 1 with assists from Emma Crawley and Alison Ford. Debut outing by newcomer Anna Grippenst.

MOM was Emma Crawley

DOD was Alison Ford

They finished 3rd in the league which is an excellent performance for their first season in this league - WELL DONE TEAM !!!!

OH MY GOD..We’ve won the league